Tales Of Stupidity
by Luna-Starr
Summary: A TOS parody. Kratos will always be better than you, Colette is a dumb blonde, Lloyd has the attention span of a gram cracker, Raine will carbon date anything and everything and poor Genis is the last of the sane.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Luna: I'm finally back, and all my time and energy is going to be put into this super long parody of TOS. If you have no sense of humor and get all upset about 'character bashing' turn back NOW. Noone is safe in this fic…noone. And my style of writing in parodies is less on detail and more on dialouge and wit; because if your reading this I'm assuming you've played the game. Of course there's spoilers since I plan on doing the WHOLE game. Now read and review, kitties!  
Chapter 1: It all began with a shiny light…

" Lloyd Irving, wake up!" barked a voice, " Lloyd!"  
An eraser was thrown square in said person's face.

" GAHHH! THE CHALK! IT BLINDS MEEE! I'll sue you! SUE!" hollered Lloyd, in a panic.

Raine ignored this and muttered, "…Teaching just isn't worth in anymore…"  
"Huh?…Oh? Is class over, Professor?" asked Lloyd, lightening up.

"…No. Genis, you answer the question." commanded Raine, shaking her head.

" Just because I'm your brother, doesn't mean you always have to pick me for everything." whined Genis.

" You'll answer the question and you'll LIKE it," said Raine, eyes flashing.

Genis stood up, like a deer in head lights and recited in a monotone, flat voice, " Mithos THE Hero brought about the Ancient Khlaran War at the Holy Ground of Khalran and stuff."

Lloyd raised his hand, dropping the 2 buckets he was carrying in some form of corporal punishment; as Raine blanched upon seeing his hand.

" Yes, Lloyd?" she asked, fearing the question.

" Why is Mithos THE Hero? Wouldn't he be 'a' hero?" questioned Lloyd, " That's incorrect English. Like if I were to say you were THE bitch instead of 'a' bitch. Or if I said Spot is THE dog instead of 'a' dog-"

" Alright! We get it!" snapped Raine, annoyed that the class dumbass had one uped her, " That's just his title…God…I mean, Goddess."

" Oh yeah, and Raine; why is the sky blue? Why's life unfair? Why are the Desians still around to make people suffer? How come Genis's hair is long and spikey enough to impale someone? What's the meaning to existence-" began Lloyd, like every other day.

Raine officially hated being a teacher. She shot another eraser at his head, and Lloyd screamed.

" We covered all that yesterday," said Raine, her urge to kill growing like America's statistics of fat people.

" Even the meaning of life?"  
Raine chose to ignore him, it was easier that way.

" Anyway, today is the day of Prophecy. Chosen one, Colette; fill us in." said Raine.

"…Day of…Pro…Prope-phy?" asked Colette, dumbly.

Raine sighed.

" When the shiny thing appears, you go to it and jounry to become an angel and eventually die." she said, dryly.

Everyone stared at her in complete horror. Luckily, a shiny light filled the room; distracting everyone and covering Raine's ass.

" Wow! Shiny!" cried Colette, as her conversation with Raine went out the window.

" Ah, time for the oracle. Excuse me, I have to carbon date the shiny thing and whatever else I can find back to the Ancient Khlarn War," said Raine, grinning, "You all sit here and study!"

Raine ran off, uncommonly giddy to finding the shiny 'artifact'.

Bored, Lloyd decided to annoy his 'elf' friend w/ the abnormal hair; Genis. Elf, ha, that's funny. And no I did not just give away some of the plot…

" Hey, Genis, do you know what that shiny oracle thing was?" asked Lloyd.

" Raine says it was a Cruxis Crystal…Meh she's not gonna be back for awhile…" replied Genis.

Already ditching Genis like a mole infected with a rare skin disease, Lloyd grew bored again. He walked over to Colette, whose head was half way out the window.

" It was…so…shiny." she drawled, drooling.

Lloyd, although dumb and with an attention span and patience of a gram cracker; knew when to back away. Deciding to blow the Popsicle stand known as school, Lloyd commenced to walk to the exit.

" What are you doing!" shierked Genis, racing over in a frenzy, " If you leave, I'll be left with THAT-"

He pointed to a drooling Colette with a lopsided grin on her face. She waved like a retarded chipmunk to Lloyd and her dumb grin grew wider.

" Yeah, but I'm bored. And I wanna move the plot along." whined Lloyd.

" In that case…Okay!" said Genis, nodding.

" Colette, wanna come with us and ditch class/advance the plot?" asked Lloyd.

" Huh? Shiny?"  
" Sure, we'll see that too."

" Okay!"

But before the 3 some left, Lloyd stopped dead in his tracks to see a human imprint in the wall.

" How'd this Colette shaped hole get here?" asked Lloyd, oblivious.

" Well…I was mopping…and then this wall jumped out at me…" began Colette.

" So you were mopping and fell head first into a wall. Well, that makes sense." said Genis, rolling his eyes.

Suddenly, a text box appeared and in it were the words ' COLETTE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' DUMB BLONDE'.

Puzzled, Lloyd ran outside flanked by Dwindle Dee and Dwindle Dum.

" Its quiet," announced Lloyd, " Too quiet..."

" Can you get anymore cliched?" asked Genis, sighing.

" Colette!" cried a blonde man.

" Frank?"

" Daddy!" shouted Colette.

" I'm so glad your safe, so now you can go to the Temple where the Desians are and certain peril as I, your Father; stays home to watch his soaps," said Frank, smiling.

" Wait, we'll go too!" said Lloyd.

" Nah, Colette and her onion ring like weapons can take a punch or two," he said.

Colette looked nervous just then.

" But…Genis and I need an excuse to get out of school! So we're exploiting Colette as our friend the Chosen," explained Lloyd.

" Well…in that case…" said Frank, " All right. All My Children is coming on now, anyway."

With that, Colette's less then manly father took off; giving a whole knew meaning to the word 'house wife'. Or 'House Husband'.

That's when a floating skull attacked.

" Eww…" said Genis.

" It's a monster!" cried Colette.

" Let's kick its ass!" said Lloyd.

" It's a monster!"

" Are you on a loop…?"

Suddenly, the screen shattered and it attacked. A zombie. Or rather it stood there stupidly as Lloyd bashed it with his wooden swords and Colette w/ her charkms. Genis even helped by using fireballs. Okay, not really help so much as targeting the wrong thing and giving Lloyd 3rd degree burns.

" YAGHHHHH!" he screamed.

" Oops…" said Genis.

GENIS OBTAINED THE TITLE OF " CAN'T HIT THE BROADSIDE OF A BARN."  
Colette stared at him on fire, " Shiny fire…"

Lloyd threw himself on some bushes as Genis screamed " Stop, drop and roll!"

And roll Lloyd did. Right into another floating skull.

They fought a ghost and a zombie, both which just sorta stood there as Lloyd continuously shouted " Demon Fang!"  
" hehe…Ray Thrust!" shouted Colette.

The zombie and ghost died easily as Lloyd said " That was easy!"

" Lloyd, your amazing! Killing monsters with wooden swords instead of steel because your poor!" commented Colette, cheerily.

" Thanks…? But without this nifty stone in my hand, I'd be useless." said Lloyd.

" Yup!" Colette agreed.

" Your not helping…"

" At least he has good sword skills," piped in Genis.

" Hey! What is today national abuse Lloyd day and noone told me!" asked Lloyd, hurt.

They hurried to the Martel Temple, as a shiny light emitted from the Temple's roof.

" Wow, looks like Colette really is the Chosen," mused Genis, " The world is screwed."

" Hey, that's not very nice!" said Lloyd, defending the dumb blond, " Colette is gonna save the world, isn't that right; Colette?"  
" That light is really shiny…" said Colette, in her own little world.

"…Guess the world really is screwed…" said Lloyd, sighing.

That's when a Pastor fell down the million steps leading to the Temple.

" Chosen one…there's a commontion up there…The Desians attacked…" he said, coughing up blood.

" …Eww…" said Genis.

" I know…I have to receive the oracle…" said Colette, oddly serious.

" I'm sorry…that I was just a pointless…back ground character…for 5 seconds…" he said, speaking his last.

" Pastor?"  
" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

" He's gone," said Lloyd, blinking.

And he literally was. The Pastor's body vanished into thin air, probably going to the same place that all those missing socks go to…

" Wow…plot hole." said Genis.

" You guys wait here as I go in over my head into certain doom." said Colette, a dumb smile still on her equally dumb face.

" Alright…" said Lloyd.

" Lloyd, what the hell? She can't even tie her own shoes right and you expect her ro receive the oracle and live?" barked Genis.

True, Colette did wear laceless boots. And she was a dumb blonde.

They scaled up the stairs to find the gangle of Desians on top.

" Where's the Chosen, old hag?" demanded. Botta.

Phiardra, Colette's 'old hag granny'; pulled out a submachine gun.

" Who the fk you calling hag!"  
" Granny?" asked Colette, wide-eyed.

" Run Colette! I'll take care of the spikey haired ho!" she shouted.

" What the…" asked Genis, " The plot holes…BURN!"

The Desians attacked and Lloyd and co. killed them with a smile on their faces and a song in their hearts.

Until obese S&M man came at them.

Unable to hit something with so much bondage in fear of contracting an STD; Lloyd was cowering in the corner.

" Man, this guy's fat!" cried Lloyd.

" And kinky!" added Colette.

"…Eww…" was all Genis said.

" Ahaha! Fear my bondage!" screamed S&M man.

He swung his mace at them when a metro sexual swordsman deflected it with his sword.

" Who are you?" asked Lloyd.

" Get out of the way," said ?

They fought the fat man again, thanks to ? And his amazing skills that ripped off of Lloyd.

" Ack, its you! First a homicidal granny and now…dammnit, retreat!" cried Botta.

Retreat they did, as Granny said, " Thank you for saving the Chosen!"

" So this dumbass is the next sacri- I mean, this girl is the next Chosen?" he asked.

" Yes! The oracle! I have to receive it!" said Colette, suddenly frantic.

" Then I'll save Colette since she's dumb and blonde!" offered Lloyd.

" Lloyd? Just you and her? I'm afraid she'll take advantage of you…" said Granny, trailing off.

" Huh?" asked Genis, eyes widening.

" Your name is Lloyd?" asked ?  
" Yeah, but who are you to ask for my name? Its not like you're a magical swordsman who's 10 times better than me or anything." said Lloyd.

" I'm Kratos, I kill for money. I'll kill every single one of you, if money was involved," said Kratos, twitching a little, " As long as you give me money…"

Genis was still on Granny's last statement of Colette 'taking advantage of Lloyd.'

" I'm going too!" said Lloyd.

" You'll just get in the way," said Kratos, condensing, " So go home and be a good little boy."

" What did you say! I'm pretty big, thank you very much!"  
Colette giggled at that, and Genis was scarred for life.

" Did I not make myself clear? You're a burden, go home!"  
" Mr. Kratos?" asked Colette, " I want Lloyd to come along…I get bored and don't have any eye candy to stare at when he's not around. Besides, his ass curves in the most nicest way when he does 'Sonic Thrust'-"

Everyone stared at her in horror and disgust.

"…Okay then…" said Kratos, "…Let's go."

Kratos hurried on into the Martel Temple, followed by a disturbed Genis and then by Lloyd and Colette.

" Thanks for back there, Colette," said Lloyd, grinning; ignoring her earlier comments; for he was dumb.

" It's the truth!" she said, grinning as usual.

They made it into the lobby like area of the Chruch, where Kratos said, " Lloyd are your sword skills self taught?"  
"…Its that obvious?"

" Quite," said Kratos, and handed him a book entitled "Swordsman skills for Dummies."

" You think you know everything, don't you!" asked Lloyd, annoyed; as Kratos walked off, cooly.

KRATOS OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'CONDENSING ASSHOLE'!

Luna: That's it for Chapter 1. I'll be updating once a week, twice tops; it's a long game and even longer chapters. The more reviews the more quicker it will be. Review! Chapter 2: Fire Hazard Ring!


	2. Fire Hazard Ring!

Disclaimer: Owning natta.

Luna: YAY! REVIEWS:: glomps reviewers! Glad you guys liked it! By the way, this whole fic is getting co-written by my friend, Kat. Here's Chapter 2!

Chapter 2: Fire Hazard Ring!

Lloyd grumbled about Kratos under his breath and ran upstairs to the warphole.

" Look! I found the warp hole! Go Lloyd! Go Lloyd!-" sang Lloyd as he began his victory jig.

" There's a barrier blocking us from there, this is no time for celebration," said Kratos, blankly.

" The Sorcerer's Ring should open it!" piped up Colette.

" Really? Where is it?" asked Lloyd, happy that he may just be able to one up Kratos.

" I don't know…I'm sorry…" said Colette, looking down.

" Well, Colette's resourceful, as usual," said Genis; rolling his eyes.

" Happy I can help!" she said, unaware that he was mocking her.

Lloyd and the gang decided it was best to go in the opposite direction for now, where they encountered the multiple horrors in the form of floating skulls, worms, and slugs. Funny thing was, when Lloyd went into battle, his enemies were neither. They were zombies, ghosts, spiders and the occasional evil jello. Jello. It's alive.

" Random battle!" cried Genis, as they went head first into a slug.

" Demon Fang!" cried Lloyd, attacking a zombie.

" Demon Fang!" cried Kratos, attacking the same monster.

" Dude! You took my techinque!" said Lloyd outraged.

" Actually…I've been around for over 4,000 years, so you took that move from me." said Kratos, crisply.

The battle seemed to freeze just then. Lloyd just stood there, mouth agape and Genis stopped his puny spell of FireBalls; in shock. Colette was, of course; unaffected.

" Uh…First Aid!" cried Kratos, " Look! Another random zombie!"

" What? Where?" asked Lloyd, head whipping around to find said monster.

Lloyd found and successfully killed the zombie, his attention span unable to contain the prior information of Krato's age. Genis was the only one with half a brain, so he was still staring.

" How are you…4,000 years old? You must have a hell of a lot of grandkids…" said Genis, staring at him hard to burn a hole through his forehead.

Kratos slipped him 200 Gald.

" What are you talking about?" he asked, innocently.

" I like Gald…" said Genis, successfully bribed.

Nothing evenful happened until Lloyd went down the stairs onto a platform with square cut outs in the floor. I know, I'm so descriptive.

" Hey, that's the Sorcerer's Ring, right?" asked Lloyd, pointing to a floating ring on another platform some feet away.

" No, its your Momma," said Genis, sarcastically.

"…My Mom's dead." said Lloyd, " And my Dad's gone, he left us!"

At that point, Kratos shifted uncomfortably.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'BASTARD CHILD!'

Lloyd looked as if to cry about his lack of parentals, as Colette merrily skipped off.

" Look what I found!" she cried, pointing to a massive rock figure, " I'll name him Rocky and we'll be best friends forever!"  
She raced forward to give the big, demonic stoned man a hug, when Kratos yelled, " No! If you die, I'll end up having to resort back to male prostitution!"

So Kratos leapt into battle, sword a swinging; and Genis plus Lloyd followed simply because.

Lloyd attacked the golem, causing damage. The fact that wood could cause damage to stone was beyond me. Genis began to cast his wide variety of spells, as in; just Fire Ball. Kratos was condescending and kicked all ass. Colette began to burst into tears, for the 3 some had killed 'Rocky' and he formed into a stone cube.

" Rocky! NOOOOOOO!" she sobbed.

She tried to hug the stone cube one last time, but fell face first into it instead. Thus pushing it through the square cut out in the floor; bridging a gap.

A light bulb went off in Genis and Kratos head, and a toaster went off in Lloyd's. He liked toast.

" I get it…" said Genis, with the trade mark 'I know something you don't know' face.

Another golem appeared, and Lloyd said, " What…? Toast?"

" Oh! I understand!" said Colette, ditzy as ever, " We'll keep this Rocky as Rocky number 2! And like the movie, it'll be 10xs better than the first!"

Genis sweat dropped, as Kratos muttered, " If someone offered me money to kill you; I'd do it in a heartbeat."

" Let's fight this one and drop it below!" suggested Genis.

Another random battle ensured, where Lloyd used 'Demon Fang' and 'Sonic Thrust'. Kratos used…the exact same moves. Lloyd seriously thought about copyrighting his moves.

" Stop using my moves!" whined Lloyd, annoyed.

" We've been through this already…"

" Just name it something different! Like 'Gopher Fang' and 'Shadow Thrust'." said Lloyd, desperate.

"…No."  
So Lloyd did the only thing he could do. Rename his moves 'Gopher Fang' and 'Shadow Thrust'.

Long story short, Lloyd pushed 3 more Rocky corpses down to make a bridge to make a bridge to the Sorcerer's Stone, I mean; Ring.

" So this is the ring…" said Genis, " I heard it was an artifact…"

At the mention of the word 'artifact', Raine cackled manically in the distance.

" Oh! Oh! I wanna wear it! Pick me!" cried Lloyd, over excited.

"…Are you 17 or 7?" asked Genis, dully.

" Here, Lloyd!" said Colette, giving him the ring.

Except she accidentally shot a blast of fire from it.

" YARGHHHHH!" screamed Lloyd, a flame.  
" Stop! Drop! And roll!" cried Genis.

Lloyd obeyed as Kratos mumbled, " First Aid…and remember kids, arson is a crime punishable by federal law. And only you can prevent forest fires."  
Colette grinned sheepishly but her grin faded once Lloyd was no longer on fire.

" I'm…okay…" said Lloyd, blackened to a crisp.

And it was unanimous that Kratos should handle the Sorcerer's Ring.

They made it back to the lobby area where Kratos used the ring to kill the barrier. Kill it. Stop it. Terminate it. You get the picture.

" All it can do is shoot fire…?" asked Lloyd, " Bo-ring!"  
" …You really do have the attention span of a graham cracker," said Genis, dryly.

" Graham crackers don't have attention spans," pointed out Kratos.

" Exactly."  
They warped to the top floor, where Colette went up to the altar.

" They say the shiny thing was in my hand when I was born," commented Colette, " But then they took it away…"

At the mention of her saying that 'they' took it away, she compulsively twitched.

A light entered the room, and that's when a winged, robed blonde man descended.

" What is that?" asked Lloyd, in amazement.

" An angel, I would assume," said Kratos, " Of course, my assumption is 100 percent right, but this doesn't mean that I've done this 20 times before…No…"

The angel, Remiel, smiled at them all.

" Colette, Chosen of Mana, you must release all the seals to wake the Goddess-" he began.

" When do I get the shiny?" she interrupted.

" The Cruxis Crystal?" he asked, not appreciating the stupid question, " Uh…now, I guess."  
He threw the Cruxis Crystal at her, she being overjoyed.

" I wonder if Remiel is really Colette's father…?" asked Genis, suddenly.

" Are you just asking that cause their both blonde?" asked Lloyd.

" N-No!"  
" We at Cruxis bless this event, so we'll give you a large tower!" said Remiel, " And a new car!"

" Really?" asked Lloyd, brightening, " But…what's a car?"

" I don't know!" said Remiel, with the same enthusiasm, " Now offer your prayers at the ruin at the Desert. With each seal you release, we of Cruxis will grant you the power of the angels! For now, whenever you walk, the song 'Happy, happy, joy, joy,' will play in the background."

" Yes, Remiel…but are you my Daddy?" asked Colette.

Kratos, for some reason; looked VERY uncomfortable just then.

Remiel looked thoughtful and said, " Sure, why the hell not?"  
And Remiel took off.

" Wow…I can't believe Remiel's my Daddy…" said Colette, " Thanks guys! Come and chill at my house later!"

With that, Colette took a couple of steps and-

" HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!"  
" What the…?" asked Lloyd, eyes widening.

" Oh yay! My theme music!" said Colette, and jumped on the warp pad.

'Happy happy joy joy' continued to play until Colette finally left.

" I need my money for saving your asses multiple times," said Kratos, and warped off.

" Come on, Genis. We should go." said Lloyd.

And go they did. They made it almost, to the exit. Until they saw Raine, crouched on the ground.

" Amazing! This dust looks like it might have been stepped on by Mithos in the Ancient Khlaran War!" cried Raine, staring.

" Oh no…" said Genis, fearful.

Lloyd and Genis were about to run, but she turned around too soon.

" You! You should be at school studying!" cried Raine, aghast.

"…Uh-Oh…"

" GENIS! SPANKING TIME!" she hollered.

And with that, Genis was draped over her knee and spanked, hard.

Lloyd took that time to run off and leave Genis with his homicidal sister.

RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' CHILD ABUSER!'

Luna: Done! Reviewwww!


	3. Insert Witty Title Here

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing

Luna: My apologies for the late update, to make it up to all my fans; I've decided to make this SUPER long! Thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 3: Insert Witty Title Here

After Genis' ass was rendered black and blue, he joined Lloyd back in Iselia.

They got to Colette's house, where the Mayor, Kratos, Raine, Granny and Colette were.

" Then we shall entrust the protection of the chosen to a fly by night mercenary and a child abuser teacher," said The Mayor.

" I have no objections…unless you stop paying me," said Kratos, dully.

" Thank you so much for your help earlier!" piped up Colette, " I got a shiny!"  
Granny finally noticed their existence and said, " Here's a small token of my appreciation. And by small, I mean cheap and useless."

OBTAINED COLLECTER'S BOOK!  
"Uh…Thanks?" said Genis, blinking.

" Say, were you guys talking about world regeneration?" asked Lloyd, perking up.

" Yes."

" I wanna go, too! I need an excuse to get out of school because I'm a slacker!" said Lloyd, excited.

" If my abusive sister's going too, I want to go," whined Genis.

" No…you'll all get in the way," said Kratos cooly, " And probably become more flammable."  
At the mention of fire, Colette brightened.

" What?" asked Lloyd.

" The battles at the chapel are nothing-" he began.

" No! I meant, what did you say about me being more flammable?" asked Lloyd.

" Colette…is special in the head, you see…" said Granny.

" Oh."

Suddenly, Kratos' other statements sunk in.

" No! I want to come! Please!" cried Lloyd, " You don't know what its like in her class!"  
" Then wouldn't it make more sense to stay behind since Raine is coming with us?" asked Kratos, rolling his eyes in a 'My-God-Your-Such-A-Dumbass' way.

" Oh yeah…" he admitted, then remembered his desire to constantly prove Kratos wrong even when he was always right, " I mean, shutup!"

In a huff, Lloyd stalked out of the house, Genis at his heels. As usual.

" Please wait!" cried Colette, and threw open the door.

" Oh yeah!" cried Genis, suddenly, " I baked you cookies for your birthday with stupid smiley faces on them."

Colette's mouth watered at the mention of cookies, and Lloyd muttered 'cheap skate' under his breath.

Genis heard this and gave him the millionth death glare that day.

" So what did you get her?" he challenged.

Judging by the blank look on his friend's face, Genis assumed that Lloyd completely forgot.

" I…uh…cometomyhouselatersoIcangiveyouacrappyhomemadegiftIspent2secondson Bye!" he said, hastily.

He proceeded to run off in shame, as Genis begrudgingly followed.

Colette let out a dreamy sigh and said, " He's so thoughtful…"  
" Hey, Lloyd, can I come part of the way home with you?" asked Genis, when they got far enough away, " I have a friend I want to see."

" Friend? You mean, you have friends?" asked Lloyd, in shock.

Seeing the one millionth death glare, he quickly added, " I mean, outside the village?"  
" Yeah…I need to see her."

At the mention of 'her', he snickered.

" Is it your girlfriend, Genis?"

Genis looked terrified, then pissed.

" HELL NO!"

But to Lloyd that meant, " hell yes! But I'm not telling you!"  
The gruesome twosome made their way to the village gates, when Nameless Guard #1 screamed, " You! Lloyd! Get this creature out of here!"

It was Noishe, his massive, green, bunny hybrid-looking dog. And he was taking a massive, green, bunny-hybrid looking dump.

" Ewww…" said Genis, turning his nose in disgust.

Nameless Guard #2 pointed to the 'Curb Your Dog' sign.

" Dammnit…" mumbled Lloyd.

The 'curbing of the dog' took 20 minutes, 20 minutes in which Genis amused himself by casting Stone Blast on passersby's.

" Remember, don't go to the human ranch in the forest," said Nameless Guard #2...or was it one? Ah, who cares?  
" Okay!" said Lloyd, grinning as Genis blanched.

So he and Genis left, encountering random battles in the form of…jello? These monsters looked like cheap, jello versions of Heartless; which scared poor Lloyd to no end. But when one rammed into him, it was merely a demon bunny and its equally evil woodland breathen.

" Plot Hole number 2," said Genis, tallying up the plot holes so far.

Anyway, they entered Iselia forest and Noishe looked around then promptly ran the other way.

" Aw, come on, Noishe! I clean up after you and nearly get fine 200 Gald and you run out on me?" cried Lloyd.

Genis just shook his head.

They trekked through the forest, as Lloyd decided to pry Genis for answers.

" So what does she look like?" asked Lloyd, slyly.

"…Who?"

" Your girl- I mean, friend."

" Uh…She's old…"

Lloyd figured old meant his age to Genis, but then again he was the loser who was friends with a smart ass 14 year old and the town idiot.

Genis halted at the Desian Human Ranch.

" This is my stop," he declared.

" Wait…She's a prisoner? Wow, that's pretty kinky," said Lloyd.

"…Jackass…" said Genis, sighing.

He began walking when Lloyd cried, " Hey! I wanna meet her, too!"  
Genis lead him around the back where a gray-haired old woman met them.

" Marble!" he exclaimed, " Did you see the oracle?"

Lloyd, however, was disgusted.

" This is her? She's so…OLD! Gross!" he cried.

"…I see you've brought your friend," mused Marble, " Just as you described him. A jackass."  
" But…come on! She's a pedophile!" ranted Lloyd.

" Lloyd, we're not dating for Martel's sake! Geez…" he replied.

"…I saw the oracle, Genis. And it was so bright it burned my retinas. Now I'm blind."

" What?"

" Just kidding!" she replied, giggling.

Lloyd and Genis exchanged 'WTF!' looks.

Anyway, Lloyd became distracted by the shiny marble embedded in her hand.

" Hey, Marble, there's marble stuck in your hand!" he quipped, laughing.

Crickets chirped.

"…Uh…Anyway, its an Exsphere. An Exsphere without a Key Crest is dangerous and illegal; like the relationship you have with Genis," said Lloyd, attention span of a graham cracker making him forget Genis' denial. Or perhaps he did remember and just liked messing with him.

" How many times do I have to tell you?" cried Genis, " She isn't my girlfriend! God-I mean, Martel!"  
Ignoring this, he continued, " With no Key Crest, your screwed. I could carve a Key Crest charm, but I'd need a mount, ore and a sandwich. Man, I'm hungry…"  
" Lloyd! You have to do something!" screamed Genis.

" Not my woman-"  
" ARGHHH!"

" Fine, fine; I'll get Dad to help."

" That's why I like you, Lloyd," said Genis, " You easily bend to my will."

" Please, don't trouble yourself," interrupted Marble.

" Oh…Okay then," said Lloyd, shrugging.

" Hey! Old Hag!" screamed a Desian, " What are you doing over there?"  
" Oh no…Run away! Run away if you want to survive!" cried Marble.

" You've got to break free, oh oh oh!" continued Lloyd, musical ADD kicking in.

" Shutup, Lloyd!"  
" But who knows what'll happen if we run," said Lloyd, back to normal; whatever 'normal' was for him.

" I know that, but we're useless and stuff; so lets go!"

" Point taken."

They ran off. Again.

" What're you doing?" asked Desian #500.

She hid the spork behind her back that she had with her the entire time.

" I wasn't planning on tunneling out of here with a spork it that's what you were thinking…" said Marble, quickly.

" Someone's got an attitude! 30 lashes!" cried Desian #520.

" Yeah! Bondage and old ladies are fun!" declared Desian #500.

The other 2 Desians backed away, slowly.

" This doesn't look good…" said Lloyd, watching.

" But what can we do!" asked Genis.

Lloyd, who was a tad fed up with Pansy Boy said, " Maybe if you grew a pair, maybe I wouldn't have to do everything-"  
" HEY!"  
This greatly angered Genis, who said, " I got a plan! We get higher ground and see what's happening!"

So they found a convient cliff where Lloyd used his super jumping powers to get up there.

He witnessed Marble being whipped by the sadistic Desians, as Lloyd said, " We have to save her! Genis, attack them with magic here and I'll be the decoy!"

" But won't we get in trouble?"

" Some boyfriend you are. If I were Marble, I'd dump you right now."  
Genis didn't even attempt to fight it and just said, " Okay…Here's some cookies. Eat it and your sugar level will sky rocket, get a better chance of getting diabetes and colon cancer. But…it IS chocolately and somehow will magically heal you."

Genis stopped to consider what he said, mystified how cookies could heal internal bleeding and gaping chest wounds, so he mentally put it down as 'Plot Hole Number 3.'

Unable to argue with such logic, Lloyd stuffed his face as Genis cast Fireball on Marble's attackers.

" What the?" cried Desian 500, his pants lit aflame.

Lloyd jumped across the wall, as they screamed " GET HIM!"  
The Desians chased Lloyd as Genis stealthily snuck off. And what I mean by 'stealthily sneaking off' I mean Sam Fisher at age 70 with a broken hip and a walking cane. SO he tripped, drawing unnecessary attention to himself.

" Oh no…" said Lloyd, and went in reverse to save Genis.

He had to fight 2 cleverly titled 'Whip Master' Desians. No wonder why the game was rated T for teen…After a couple of 'Shadow' Thrusts' and 'Gopher Fangs' victory was his.

Lloyd kept running and lost them, somehow ending up back with Genis.

" I'm so sorry! They saw you and its all my fault!" cried Genis, actually upset.

"…Its okay. I killed the Desians who saw me in cold blood and the others didn't see me cause I had a paper bag over my head."

" Really?"  
" yeah, still on, too! Its invisible!"  
Genis sighed.

" Anyway, just do my homework for me," said Lloyd, still chipper despite killing 2 human beings. Half-Human beings…whatever.

" Sure…I'll go back to town now." said Genis, and left.

**Meanwhile…**

Up top a cliff was a blue-haired Desian with an eye-patch. Apparently, he was 'Pirate Desian Man'. He was surrounded by 2 less important Desians. And his name was actually ? Typical…

" Get the surveillance camera footage pf the intruder." he demanded, and the other 2 scampered off.

? Stared off into the distance.

" How'd a mere human survive a jump like that? And jump that high? Must be those Air Jordans…" he mused.

**Back to Musical ADD twin swordsman…**

Lloyd finally reached his house.

" Ah, welcome home, son." said Dirk, beaming.

" Say, Dad, can you make me a Key Crest? For my friend?" asked Lloyd, hopeful.

Dirk blinked.

" Who's this friend of yours?"  
" Uh…a mercenary. A traveling mercenary! He's a condensing asshole!"

"…If he really was condensing, his Exsphere would've had a Key Crest." said Dirk, bluntly, " "Did you meet this person at the ranch?"

" No…Maybe…Ah…Yeah…"  
" Did they see your Exsphere?"  
" No…Why do I have to hide it, again?"  
" Because it's special."  
" Like Colette?"  
" No! Special because your mom died protecting it when she was killed by Desians!"

"…WHAT?" hollered Lloyd, " You lied to me! Your not my Daddy! I'm gonna run away and join the circus!"  
Lloyd ran out of his house, confronted with Genis, the child abuser, Kratos and the ditz.

" Oh…you all heard that just now, huh?"  
" I'm sorry, Lloyd!" said Genis, remorseful, " If I wasn't so stupid, you wouldn't of even considered joining the freak show."

" Who said I was joining the freak show?" asked Lloyd.

" You said circus…so I…er, never mind."

" Lloyd, can I talk to you?" asked Colette, dumbly, " Alone?"  
" I don't know…can you?"  
" I'll wait at the bench!" she replied, totally missing the point of the joke.

She skipped off-

_Happy happy joy jo-_

She sat down.

Lloyd went straight to Kratos, and was surprised to find him at his mother's tombstone.

" Is this you mother, Anna?" he asked.

" Yeah…wait! How'd you know her name!"

" Because its on the tombstone!" he said, a little too quickly.

Kratos began to sweat as Lloyd shrugged it off.

" Is your Dad alive?"  
" I don't know. He ran off as Mom died slowly and painfully."  
" I see…"  
Bored with Kratos, Lloyd decided to annoy Raine.

" So your really leaving tomorrow?" he asked, hopeful.

" Yeah, why? Gonna miss me?" asked Raine.

" Psh, no. I was just wondering if I should go ahead with the 'Ding-Dong the Wicked Witch is AWOL' party." explained Lloyd.

He got a dusty eraser square in the kisser. Sulking, he moved on to Genis.

" Desians are half-elves, so are all half-elves bad?" asked Genis.

" Well, they killed my mom; so Duh! Why you asking?"

" N-No reason…"

Since he talked to everyone in the vicinity, he finally went to talk to an overexcited Colette; and steeled himself for a 'Heart To Heart' with her.

They went to the terrace-

H_appy happy joy joy! Happy, happy, joy, joy-_

He had a good mind to stab himself in the heart just then.

" I'm sorry that I didn't make your present in time…" said Lloyd, scratching his head.

" It's okay. Just give me a kiss! Or wish me a happy birthday…" she said.

In his head he screamed ' HELL NO! STUPIDITY COULD BE CONTAGIOUS!' so instead he said, " Look! Shiny stars!"  
" What? Where?" she cried, and looked to the sky, " Oh…Pretty…"  
Lloyd mentally gave himself a pat on the back for getting out of that one.

" So…I'm really the daughter of an angel…"said Colette, suddenly.

" So? It doesn't matter who your father is, your still you. AS in retarded. You just have 2 dads: One pansy wuss who watches soaps all day and an angel who thinks he's Bob Barker."

" Wow Lloyd, your right. Anyway, I have to go. We leave at noon tomorrow."

" Okay. See you tomorrow." said Lloyd and sighed in relief.

Now he had to make her a present…

Luna: Whew! Long…Anyway, Review! I will try to update as soon as possible in the next week!


	4. Dwarven Vow21: Find better Chapter Name

Disclaimer: I don't own TOS, that old soap opera _Days of Our Lives,_ Slinky, or any song lyrics/bands mentioned.

Luna: IM SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! AHHHH! Anyway, thanks for the reviews! And…here's Chapter 4!  
Chapter 4: Dwarven Vow #56: Find better chapter names

Lloyd awoke fresh and early the next morning, and found Dirk out by his mother's tombstone.

" Dad…about yesterday. I just…" he began.

" Here's the Key Crest you wanted," interrupted Dirk, " Just remember Dwarven Vow #32, always brush your teeth after every meal."  
" Dad! Thanks!" exclaimed Lloyd, but then gave him an odd look at the 2nd comment, "…What are you trying to say?"

Dirk ignored this and proclaimed, " Dwarven Vow #2, Never abandon someone in need. Unless they happen to be condescending assholes. And I'm just going along with the teachings."  
" Yay! I'm so glad my Dad's a Dwarven cultist!"

" Its not a cult!"

" But…you keep referring to that like it's the 10 commandments or something-"

" ARGH! Look, just take these things I've put together for you for your trip and leave!"

Lloyd grinned has he received 2 free Apple Gels, 500 Gald and a map.

" So this means I'm off the hook?" asked Lloyd.

" Yeah, but remember Dwarven Vow #24, bathe every day. No one likes people with bad hygiene."

Lloyd sighed. All Dirk was good for was spouting Dwarven Vows, a combination of useless facts turned into what Lloyd would like to call a 'cult'. _Well, who cares? _He thought_, I'm about to embark on an excuse to have an early summer vacation in the guise of being selfless and help save the world._

" I will. Wish me luck."  
" And Lloyd, don't ever forget Dwarven Vow #7-"

" Goodness and Love will always win…Right?"

" No. Remember that oatmeal is a main staple for a balanced diet."

" Uh…Yeah…Anyway, I got to run!" said Lloyd, already moving away from good old cultist Dirk.

He would've made it out of there, too; if he didn't bump into Genis.

" Huh? What are you doing here?" asked Lloyd.

" Lloyd, you're still here!" barked Genis.

" Great timing! Thanks to the cult teachings of the Dwarven Vows, I've successfully manipulated Dirk into making your girlfriend a Key Crest!" exclaimed Lloyd, happily.

"…Peachy. But you forgot about our special friend."

"Oh, yeah! About that, I decided to tag along!"  
" Are you retarded! Colette and the others left a long time ago!"  
Lloyd gave him a vague stare.

" Dur Dur!"  
Genis sighed an 'Oh-my-God-why-do-I-attract-all-the-retarded-ones' sigh.

" What?" asked Lloyd, finally registering in his head.

" I came looking for you because you stood us up!"  
" You've gotta be kidding me! Colette made it sound like I was picking her up on a date!"

" Lloyd, listen to Dwarven Vow #20," said Dirk, cryptically, " When in doubt, run around aimlessly and panic."

" At the Disco!" screamed Lloyd, unsure of why he screamed it.

Ah, the beauty of musical thurets.

" Yeah! Let's go!" cried Genis, too used to his friend's outbursts to care.

Lloyd and Genis ran off in record time and reached the village. Random-Villager-who-guards-entrance-with-oh-so-deadly-pitch-fork spotted them and said, " Lloyd, Phidra was looking for you."

" Oh. Okay." he said.

Lloyd and Genis raced to Colette's house, as Noishe stood behind. Noishe grinned at the pitch fork wielding guards, and proceeded to take a leak on the nearby flower beds. Noishe enjoyed sticking it to 'the man', so to speak.

Lloyd burst into the house and said, " Where's Colette! I need her as an excuse to-"  
" Yeah, we know, we know," said Phiadra, dismissively, " To get out of school."

" Yeah! So…did she confuse Am and Pm again?"

" Actually…no. In fact, she gave us this letter."

Lloyd grabbed it and it read:

Dear Lloyd

By the time you read this, I will be dead. O.O That's what you get for not returning my love! ; XD! Just kidding! I'm sorry for lying to you, but there will be much shinies on the journey. Shinies for me. ME. I don't need to share. Because sharing is caring, its not fun, I have 2 and you have 1, haha-

Lloyd skipped down 3 lines in which it restated the whole 'sharing is caring' rant. It continued:

And I need to save the world and stuff. Thank you for being a sexy tool to stare at! X And for your friendship and stuff.

Love, Love,

Colette

" What's this?" asked Lloyd.

" It's a letter," pointed out Genis.

" No! I mean, I never knew I was a tool!…Ewww. And it sounds morbid! Colette usually signs her name with 3 smiley faces, not 2!"

" You see," began Frank, " The Chosen is already-"  
He was cut off by a large explosion.

" Whoa!" cried Genis.

" What was that?" asked Lloyd, with and OMG! Expression pasted on his face.

" Well, we would help you but it just so happens that the season finale of Days of Our lives is on, so-" began Frank.

Lloyd knew better than to depend on Mr.Mom, and abruptly left.

Outside, Desians were torching many a houses. And mysterious, Patchy the Pirate, bad blue dye job Desian ever so casually strolled in; as if he did this 'torch the village' deal every day. There, Lloyd and Genis witnessed Random-Villager-who-guards-entrance-with-oh-so-deadly-pitch-fork cornered by 2 Desians.

" Lloyd, we have to help him!" insisted Genis.

" Why?"

Genis sent him Glare #30, and its only chapter 4, folks.

" I'm kidding…geez."

The 2 some dispatched of the Desians with ease.

" Oh, thank you! Since I'm a useless NPC, I'll give you this!" said Random-Villager-Who…ah, you know the rest.

RECEIVED APPLE GEL!  
" Come on, Lloyd, we have to save the rest of their useless asses!"  
" Yeah! And then we'll get more free stuff! Cause everyone loves a freeloader!"  
Yup. Just like everyone loves a Slinky.

Genis and Lloyd by-passed Genis' burning house on their gung-ho 'save the villagers' quest. And his house was burning. Brightly. Especially the roof.

" No! Our…house…" said Genis, in shock.

" Ah! The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! We don't need a water bucket let the motherf-" began Lloyd.

Genis continued his monologue, ignoring Lloyd.

" We finally found a home…where we could stop running…" he began, cryptically.

" Huh?"

" I mean, I don't have a deep, dark, mostly blantly obvious secret…"

" Oh. OMG YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" screamed Lloyd, a delayed reaction.

Sometimes, having stupid friends works in your benefit. Sometimes.

Anyway, they made it to the plaza where nameless Desians and townspeople gathered alike.

" Will the real Lloyd Irving please stand up?" asked one Desian.

" Yes, I'm the real Lloyd Irving and I will-" began Lloyd.

" How about no?" spat Genis, and slapped him; reverting Lloyd into angry mode.

" I've had it! Your attacking the town, again!"

" What are you talking about…?" asked Desian #234.

" Someone has been drinking the bong water," commented another.

" He speaks nonsense, ignore him," came Pirate Desian's voice, " I am Lord Forcytus, one of the 4 Desian Grand Cardinals. I'm a superior half elf who-"  
" Half elf?" asked Genis, dumbly.

" Do I stutter?" asked Pirate Desian, because that's funnier than spelling 'Forcytus'; and forgive my misspellings, " Lloyd, come with us. You have an Exsphere and you've violated the Non-Agression Treaty. I bring judgment upon you!"  
" You violated the treaty too!" cried Genis.

" Yeah! You made it hurt inside when you tried to kill Colette!" said Lloyd, failing to back him up.

" Us…kill the Chosen? Ahaha! Yeah, that wasn't us. It was _them."_ said one cryptic Desian.

" They?" asked Lloyd, " You mean, there's some suspicious 3rd party involved?"

" I have no need to expand myself, to continue the plot development. Your crime includes having contact with host body number 86490897-"

" I did not have any type of contact with her!" cried Lloyd, taking it the wrong way, " she was Genis' girl, not mine! I mean, older woman are hot, but come on now! That's just…ew!"  
Genis buried his face in his hands. He asked God, I mean, Martel, why?

" Are you dense! We told you not to go near the ranch!" cried the Mayor, looking as if to break down in tears in any second.

"-648904-" continued Pirate Desian.

"…I'm sorry."

"…34567-"

That's when a large thing hobbled up to them, a bad Cyclops ripoff with green skin and long arms.

" Eww…" stated Genis.

The monster attacked. Lloyd busted out with many a Gopher Fang and Shadow Thurst. Genis did Fire Ball and Stone blast. Oh. The Variety.

" Eww…I don't wanna touch it!" whined Genis.

" Shutup! Your long range! I actually have to touch it!" snapped Lloyd.

Long story short, they defeated it, easily. If you consider easily as in using all your Apple and Orange Gels and one Life Bottle. Anyway, Pirate Desian was talking about how he wanted Lloyd's Exsphere when the creature grabbed him from behind.

" Genis…Lloyd…Run away…" came a voice.

" Run away! Run away if you want to survive! You've got to break free, oh-oh ohh!" finished Lloyd, " Hey…that voice sounds familiar…and that episode I had was with-"  
" Marble?" exclaimed Genis.

" Genis…you were like a bratty grandson that I never had…Goodbye." said Marble, twitching.

And she went KABOOM!

" No. Wait. Protect Lord Forcytus," said one Desian, monotonously.

So the Desians surrounded him as he grumbled, " As long as you have that Exsphere, we'll stalk you til you die."  
Genis, on the other hand, was having a nervous breakdown.

" Marble! NO!" he shouted, falling to his knees.

The Mayor was eager as ever for a scape goat.

" Look what you done! This is your fault!" he screamed.

" I'm …sorry." he said, sheepishly.

" You think you can fix this with an 'I'm sorry'!"

" Seeing you cry, almost makes me feel like saying sorry!"  
The Mayor screamed.

" God damn trigger songs…" said the Mayor, " You must leave, do you understand? Your on the Desians black list! Your now exiled!"  
" What!"  
" That's not fair! Lloyd just tried to save Marble by putting dozens of other people at risk; and failing to save her anyway!" cried Genis.

" Well, now that you put it like that…" said Lloyd, sarcastically, " Some help you are."  
" Any involvement with the ranch is forbidden! Now, go!"  
" So its okay for others to suffer as your as your bad toupee ass is covered?" asked Genis, fuming.

The Mayor looked thoughtful for a moment, and then replied; " Yeah. Basically."  
" Psh. You humans are all the same…" he said, bitterly.

" Eh?" asked clueless Lloyd, " Anyway, this is my fault. We had to leave anyway, so we might as well go out with a bang!"  
Lloyd and Genis turned to leave as the townspeople began screaming at the them to leave, and waving the oh-so-deadly-pitch-forks. Figuring Frank and Phiadra were still watching the finale of Days Of our Lives, the 2 exiled criminals were off.

Before they left, Lloyd picked up the Exsphere Marble wore and said, " Hey, why don't you use it? It'll be a waste here. That's Marble's soul compressed into a tiny marble. Ha ha! Marble? Get it?"

Genis didn't laugh, but just glared at him again. And then put the Ex sphere on.

" I swear by those who have died, that I will protect Colette." said Lloyd, " Wow…"

" What?"

" My laid back reason to go on this jounry has suddenly turned angst filled." commented Lloyd.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'OMGF! ANGSTY!'

Luna: Its sorta shorter than the others, but I hoped you enjoy it! Review!


	5. Fortune Tellers like to screw with Lloyd

Disclaimer: I own nothing w/ a copyright.

Luna: Aren't you all so proud? I'm updating 2 days in a row! WOOT! Thank you all for the reviews! And by the way, if anyone wants to flame me again, bring it on. Just try to flame me on a valid point, and try not to be too immature about it; like cursing every other word. I really appreciate the reviewers who backed me up against said flamer, thanks a lot .

**Genis Addict:** That song I used was from Hawthrone Heights' new album; I forgot the song title though…;

Buckle up, kiddies, and keep all body parts in the ride!

Chapter 5: Fortune Tellers like screwing with Lloyd's life!

Lloyd and Genis traveled to Triet, encountering many battles along the way. Until Noishe stopped them, a letter in his mouth.

" Eh? What's this?" asked Lloyd.

" It's a letter," pointed out Genis, " Whoa…Déjà vu'."

Lloyd began reading it.

Dear Lloyd,

Did you check your map? It has the 700 most well known Dwarven Vows, along with instructions for the sacrilege rituals; all completely necessary for this trip. I remember when I first found you, you pansy. You'd cry all the time and could barely memorize 70 Dwarven Vows. Now, 14 years later, you've grown into a…decent…well, a half way decent swordsman; decent for someone who uses sticks of wood and calls them 'swords'. And remember Dwarven Vow #18, if it moves, kill it. If it doesn't move, kill it. If it pulsates, run. Then kill it.

Love,

Dad.

" Aww…Dad…" said Lloyd, sniveling, " He said I was half of a decent swordsman!"  
" You do realize that that wasn't exactly a compliment." said Genis, bored.

Lloyd ignored this, too happy to care. They reached the House of Salvation.

" You know, I don't think we're gonna find her just by running around," mused Lloyd.

" Yeah, let's try asking people," said Genis, walking over to a traveler, " Hey, have you seen the Chosen's group?"  
The traveler stared.

" He means, have you seen a ditzy blonde that has the song of 'Happy, happy Joy Joy' play whenever she walks?" restated Lloyd.

The traveler stared.

" Do you know that you can see the long range mode by examining the monuments on the field?" he asked, drooling a little.

Genis and Lloyd exchanged 'WTF?' looks.

" Uh…No."  
" Would you like an explanation!" screamed the traveler, suddenly.

" No…that's great and all…but we have to go…" said Genis, backing up with each word.

Lloyd had already hi-tailed it out of there. Apparently, they underestimated the amount of crazies in their world.

They trekked to the desert, where they fought scorpions and snakes half their size. Oh. The humanity.

" Man…its so hot." whined Lloyd, " Why the hell is it so hot!"  
"…Because it's a desert, Lloyd." said Genis, rolling his eyes, " Seriously, you see the sand and all and you expect it to be cold?"  
"…I…knew that." muttered Lloyd, " Oh! Look! We're here!" he cried, entering Triet.

Unforutnely, a group of Desians were huddled around together. One announced, " If any of you see a human called 'Lloyd Irving' that spouts musical lyrics and wears bright red with an Exsphere; please call us at '1-800-I-sell-out-my-own-for-money! That's right, 1-800-I-sell-out-my-own-for-money!"

" Dammnit!" whispered Lloyd, " They're here…"

Luckily, Noishe was there. So Lloyd and Genis hid behind the green, bunny dog hybrid thing. And for some reason, the Desians couldn't see them. I mean, Noishe was big, but not that big. Genis mentally put that down as 'Plot Hole' number 7.

" And look what I made!" Desian 575 piped up, " A Wanted Poster!"  
He pinned it up on the wall. It was a red stick figure with a handlebar mustache. The words 'WANTED, Lloyd Irving' was printed there in big, black letters.

" Great, # 575! The resemblance is uncanny!" exclaimed one.

" Genis…do I…really have a mustache?" asked Lloyd, picking at his upper lip.

"…No."

The Desians left, and Lloyd sighed in relief.

" Come on, we have to find Colette!" reminded Genis.

" You're saying that like we need her help, but we're supposed to find her to protect her!" said Lloyd, suddenly.

"…True. But what help can she really be? And stop thinking too deep, its scary."

Lloyd decided to explore the area some more, when a large, fat man called out, " Hey! You there! Can I have a moment of your time?"  
"…Sure!"  
" Give me a Beast Hide and I'll make it worth your while."  
He winked.

Lloyd ran.

He didn't get too far when he became distracted by 2 people dressed up as…cats.

"…You know, Halloween isn't for another 2 months." said Lloyd, blinking.

" We're not dressed up, meow!" said the blue one, " We're Katz!"

"…Uh…Right then."  
" Can we help you, meow? If you pay us Gald, we'll scout out the area and see if there's any treasure!"  
Lloyd stared, and then said, " So let me get this straight. You want me to pay money so you can look for treasure that I'm not even guaranteed to get; while I could look on my own for free."

The cats, excuse me, Katz; exchanged glances.

" Yeah, meow."

"…No."

The blue one grabbed Lloyd's arm and whispered, " Come on, we have mouths to feed at home. We need the commission. You think we like dressing like this?"

" No…we're sorry but we're on a mission," explained Lloyd, edging away.

" You're cheap!" hissed the 'Katz', ha, hissed…Katz…get it?

" I bet they think your name is cheap! I bet to them you look like sh-" sang Lloyd, oblivious again.

Genis spotted a weapon shop, where a little kid, about 6; was selling weapons. Genis made this into 'Plot Hole #8'. Lloyd drooled at the shiny swords, and promptly bought them.

" Wow, real swords!" said Lloyd, watching the light reflect off them, " They're so sexy!"

"…We have to find Colette-"  
" Okay! Geez, do you always have to rain on my parade?"

They kept walking, until they reached the Fortune Teller's tent.

" Excuse me, but do you know where the Chosen is?" asked Lloyd, as he popped his head in.

" Hmm…For 100 Gald, yes." she answered, poking the crystal ball.

" Hell no!" cried Lloyd, " Colette isn't worth that much! And to get this Gald, you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead, ninja grip!"

" Is your name Ms. Cleo?" asked Genis, suddenly.

" Uh…Who?"  
" Good enough for me."  
Genis plucked the Gald out of Lloyd's fingers and handed it to the fortune teller with ease.

" Ah! I see now! She's at the Triet Ruins, trying to release the seal!" cried the fortune teller, caressing her crystal ball.

" Wow! Your really psychic!" exclaimed Lloyd, " That's so cool!"  
" Of course. One of her traveling companions told me so."

Lloyd felt very let down.

Feeling slightly bad for conning them, she said, " I'll tell you free friendship fortunes!"  
" Okay!"  
" Now…focus on someone."  
Lloyd decided to focus on Genis. Sadly, the fortune teller had this rigged and in a specific order. First she had Colette, Genis, Raine and then Kratos. She assumed he had picked the 1st one off the list, as in Colette; and said, " This person is deeply in love with you! It's rare to find a love so obsessive as this one! Congrats!"  
Lloyd was in a state of shock, his eyes bulging out of his sockets. _Maybe she's wrong? She has to be…think of someone else, quick!_ he thought, frantically.

He focused on Raine.

" This person has a little faith in you. Keep trying, and you'll form a life long bond!"  
Lloyd felt sick. He focused on Kratos.

" This person…actually thinks your cool. Yay!"  
Finally, Lloyd thought of Colette.

" This person…has no faith in you at all. In fact, they can't stand you. AT all."  
Lloyd walked outside, his world upside down. Colette apparently despised him now, Raine liked him, and even Kratos liked him and worse of all: GENIS WAS IN LOVE W/ HIM!

" Hey…Lloyd are you okay?" asked Genis.

" I'm not okay. Trust me." he sang, and created space between him and Genis.

That's when the Desians saw him.

" There he is! Lloyd Irving!" shouted 575, " A spitting image of the WANTED poster!"  
"…Are you stupid? Lloyd doesn't have a mustache and he's not that thin, either!" cried Genis.

They surrounded them, anyway.

" So what if I'm Lloyd?" asked Lloyd, menacing.

" You have to come with us!"

" FIGHT ME!"

And fight they did. Genis attempted to give Lloyd a high five when they won, but he squealed and ran off. Right into a ball of electricity. The Desians surrounded them and took them into custody. They went to the Triet Base, where Genis decided to play the ' Cry-Like-A-Whiny-Confused-Kid-' act.

" Where am I? What's going on? MOMMY!" panicked Genis.

The 2 Desians stared.

" Alright, seeing as you're a fellow kinsman, we'll let you go," said one Desian.

Genis' eyes widened. _Is it that obvious? _he thought.

" Thank you mister!"

And he ran off.

**Meanwhile…**

Lloyd awoke in a cell, cold, alone and confused.

" Where the hell am I?" he asked, groggily, " I wonder if someone spiked the punch again?…"

His memory came flooding back as he cried, " Oh, snap! I'm totally stripped except for the Sorcerer's Ring!"

A Desian was pacing the floor outside his cell.

A grin spread and an idea formed. In swift motion, he shot a blast of fire at the guard, who screamed and ran around; getting crispy. Lloyd suddenly understood why Colette liked setting stuff on fire so much. It was damn…shiny.

That's when the gate opened. Apparently, lighting a guard on fire was somehow connected to flipping a switch to open the prison door. If Genis were here, he would christen this 'Plot Hole #9.'

Luna: Done! Review?


	6. Lloyd can cook In a parallel universe

Disclaimer: Owning nothing and loving it.

Luna: Yay reviews!

Chapter 6: Lloyd can cook. In a parallel dimesion.

Lloyd got out of his cell and took his stuff back from a nearby treasure chest.

That's when the alarm sounded and the Desians swarmed. He went to use 'Shadow Thrust', and was smacked by the 2nd Desian.

" Being alone is different," he whined, " I don't have anyone to back me up and its annoying!"  
Lloyd managed to finish them off with a few cuts, scrapes and bruises; but nothing a good old sandwich can't fix. But Lloyd was one of the worse cooks in the world. He could barely perfect simple motor skills, let alone make something edible.

" Dammnit, Genis…" he mumbled, " Now if I could only remember what he taught me about sandwiches…Okay, I have bread, tomato, meat and lettuce."  
Lloyd stared at said objects, and continued his 'thinking' out loud.

" Okay…Take the 2 slices of bread and insert a tomato…then lettuce…then meat."

Lloyd stared at the sandwich, as if daring it to move.

" But…I don't have an oven. I can't eat it as it is, its raw; and I'll get a parasite."  
Poor, stupid Lloyd.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'HOLY SH IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE MOVING?'

With a shrug, he tossed the sandwich and commenced sucking on an Apple Gel. He moved into the next room, where he spotted 2 Desians. Lloyd panicked, and jumped into a hole area.

" Hey Bob," said one Desian.

" Hey, Joe." answered Bob.

That's when 2 floating robots popped up. The 2 of them landed on blue platforms, where they were electrocuted; opening a door.

" Bob, why does Lord Yuan always have to do it the hard way? First we have the robots go on the platform at the same time, then electrocute them which then opens the door."

" Yeah, Joe. And if, per chance, someone was eavesdropping; they could totally breach our security."

" yeah, but what are the odds of that?"  
The 2, oblivious, dead head Desians walked off; laughing.

" Psh, that's too easy," said Lloyd, climbing back up.

He noticed a floating…thing, and the Sorcerer's Ring began to change.

" Look, the function of the Sorcerer's Ring changed!" announced Lloyd, " It seems to be shooting out electric balls…and who the hell am I talking to?"  
Lloyd managed to get both robots in place, and moved on to the next room. He fought many a Desian and whined about how his useless friends all decided not to save his ass; and then learned 'Sword Rain.' Which he renamed 'Sword Storm', cause he thought it sounded cooler and Kratos probably already had a move of the exact same name; anyway.

Finally, Lloyd found a room with 3 pillars and…a square purple thing in the ground. Lloyd stared at it.

" TIME PARADOX!" he hollered.

As soon as the hysteria passed over the 'mysterious purple box', Lloyd regained his composure and attacked the pillars with his amazing electric ball power. If I was immature, I would make an immature, perverted joke now. But I'll live the lie and pretend I'm mature…Anyway…

Lloyd rapidly shot the pillars until a door opened. He entered, and that's when a blue haired man appeared.

" You look just like him…Who are you, again?" he asked.

" You give me my name and I shall give you yours," said Lloyd, feeling extra cool for using such witty entrance lines.

"…Don't you mean it the other way around?" asked blue haired man, looking astounded by his stupidity.

"…Er…Shutup! My name is Lloyd Irving. You killed my mother. Prepare to die!" screamed Lloyd, drawing a sword.

Several Desians jumped in, and Botta who announced, " The Chosen is here!"  
" What! I can't let him see me!" cried Yuan, cause I'm sick of typing 'blue haired man', panicking.

" Uh…Colette's a girl." pointed out Lloyd, unaware that he wasn't referring to her.

" Next time we meet, your mine Lloyd," snarled Yuan.

"…Ewww…" responded Lloyd, as Yuan flew the coop.

Speaking of, Colette and her merry band of fools; and Kratos; jumped in.

" Your no match for me!" announced Botta, and the fight began.

Since Lloyd had actual weapons, instead of cheap, wooden 'swords'; the battle was a breeze. Also, Kratos was there; all the moral support that anyone can handle.

" You call that a Demon Fang?" asked an unimpressed Kratos, as Lloyd went in for the kill.

" No! I call it a Gopher Fang!" cried Lloyd, annoyed.

Or he'd say other confidence boosters such as, " Lloyd, Botta is over there. To the right. No! Your other right…"

They won the battle, the only real injury was in Lloyd's pride.

" I'm so happy you're okay, Lloyd!" cried Colette, glomping him.

" I…can't…breathe…" he wheezed.

Botta stared at them, whupped.

" Retreat! I underestimated your abilities…" he said, as he ran off.

" May I suggest we return to Triet?" suggested Kratos, " This place is dangerous…"

Lloyd's face had turned an nice, blueberry blue.

" Uh…Colette….your killing him…" pointed out Genis, and tugged her off him.

" But! But…Lloyd, I missed you so much!" she pouted.

" Leave. Now. Money." grumbled Kratos, impatient.

So they left the base, and waltzed into the heat of the desert.

They fought the horrors of snakes, and scorpions; until they arrived at the town of Triet.

Raine held up a shiny ball, and asked, " Is this an Exsphere?"  
" No. Its your face." stated Lloyd, annoyed.

She slapped him.

" May I suggest we stay at the Inn? And by 'suggest', I mean, tactfully manipulate you all into doing what I want. We had a long day…" said Kratos, meaningfully.

Genis stared at him, the only one who caught his slip up. Kratos rewarded him with more bribe money, and Genis happily pretended to be as stupid as his friends.

" I agree with Kratos, we should go to the Inn. And maybe Lloyd can share a room with me…" she said, attempting to be seductive.

But Lloyd wasn't paying attention.

" So, I can equip this?" asked Raine, dumbly.

" Not without a Key Crest-" began Lloyd.

Colette, annoyed that he seemed to be paying more attention to Raine than her; tugged on his arm and cried, " Come-"

" Break me down! Bury me! Bury me! I am finished with you!" sang Lloyd, compulsively.

Kratos sighed, and walked off to the Inn; cursing Martel for his fate.

"…" Colette stared and said, " I was going to say, 'Come, race me!' but…"

She began crying, and ran; as 'Happy Happy Joy Joy'; ruined this somewhat sad moment.

" Seriously Lloyd, stop listening to such hardcore stuff," said Genis, bored.

" Its not hard core! I don't even really know what I'm talking about! And she triggered it!" he complained.

He got to the Inn, and visited Raine in her room. She had a bunch of junk on the floor, and everyone was gathered around it. Except Colette. She was too busy crying.

" Wow, sis you sure brought a lot of junk…" observed Genis.

Raine's eyes flashed and she grabbed him into a head lock and hissed, " IT IS NOT JUNK, IT IS HISTORY! ARTIFACTS! THE VERY BREATH OF THE PAST ITSELF COMPOSED INTO ITEMS THAT IS WORTHY OF WORSHIP! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK AGAINST IT? BLASPHEMY!"

"…That's a Key Crest," said Lloyd, pointing.

" Oh? Really?" asked Raine, dropping Genis; her personality doing an entire 180.

" Yeah, give it to me and I'll make you one."  
" Really?"  
" No."

She slapped him.

" OKAY! JESUS! I MEAN, MARTEL!"  
**3 hours later…**

" Okay," said Lloyd, coming out of his room, " I made Mega Bitch her Exsphere…She better like it."

Lloyd entered her room, and handed it to her.

" Oh, Lloyd! This is amazing!" she gushed, grinning.

" Aw…it was nothing…" said Lloyd, thinking, ' _Man, are you bipolar as hell…'_

He walked over to a sleeping Genis…and carefully stuck his hand in warm water.

" That'll teach you to repeatedly hit me with your spells and claim it was an accident!" declared Lloyd, and cleverly sneaked off.

When he left the room, he spotted Kratos leaving the Inn.

" Hey…where is he going this time of night? Hm…I better cleverly and tactfully follow him!" decided Lloyd.

And by 'clever fully' and 'tactfully' we mean by when Lloyd fell down the stairs 2 seconds after the door shut behind Kratos.

A sudden, scary thought crossed his mind. What if Kratos had left…to get a 10 dollar whore? Lloyd shuddered, but decided that if that time came; he'd just black mail him. Then gouge his eyes out. But it wasn't as he had feared, because Kratos was near…Noishe?  
Lloyd approached him, and suddenly; Kratos' sword found its way to his neck.

" H-Hey! Its only me!" he squeaked, about to soil himself.

" I know. I heard you fall down the stairs. I decided to do this to give you a little scare." said Kratos, looking bored.

"…You're a real condescending asshole, you know?"  
" So my title says."

Awkward silence. Followed by awkward conversation.

" So…you like animals?" asked Lloyd.

" No. Not particularly." said Kratos.

" Cause Noishe seems to like you. He usually defects on people he doesn't like."  
" Heh. He hasn't changed much."  
"…What?"  
Kratos seemed to visibly sweat then shouted, " Lloyd! Your sword skills!"  
"…Suck?"  
"…I was going to say 'improved', but by my standards; yes. They still suck."

"…Thanks a lot."  
Kratos looked at his non-existent watch.

" Lloyd, grow strong. See you tomorrow."

And he walked back into the Inn.

"…Wow, he's bipolar, too. Wait…more like apathic. Wait…what does that mean again?" asked Lloyd, talking to himself again.

With a shrug, he too, walked back into the Inn. Right behind Kratos. Where a sword was placed right near Lloyd's jugular.

" The hell?" screamed Lloyd.

" Don't you ever learn?" sighed Kratos, " Stop following me. And if your going to do it, at least don't go directly behind me."

So Lloyd made sure Kratos was at least 10 feet away before Lloyd tried to go into his room.

The next day was bright and sunny and stupid. Genis had felt ashamed to pay 100 Gald in damages to the bed, seeing as he some how wet the bed; something he hadn't of done since he was 4. And for some odd reason, Lloyd seemed to know. Paranoia, perhaps. But Genis had the distant feeling his idiot friend had pulled a fast one on him last night. Which was fine, since he may 'accidentally' hit him with a Stone Blast in the heat of battle.

The band of idiots and Kratos trekked across the desert to the Triet Ruins. Colette was bouncy despite her breakdown yesterday, Kratos was condescending, and Raine was simply there. They entered battle, and Lloyd was knocked on the head with 'Stone Blast.'

" Genis, what the hell!" screamed Lloyd.

" Oh no! The sun got in my eyes!" cried Genis.

" Oh."  
And so, Lloyd bought it. Sadly.

They got to the Triet Ruins, where Kratos decided to tell the group of an exciting wonders of 'guarding'.

" You see, when you are attacked, you can 'guard' so you take no damage," said Kratos, importantly.

" Really? Tell us more!" said Colette, excited.

" That's all there is to tell." said Kratos, " And then there's a thing called 'Union Attack' where we fight together."

" Question! Why did you wait til now to tell us this?" asked Genis, curious.

" You see…you wouldn't be able to handle it if I told you sooner."

" Uh-huh…Plot Hole number 10!"  
" Colette, why don't you open the ruin by placing your hand on the oracle thing?" asked Raine.

" Okay!" chirped Colette.

And placed her hand on some pebbles. Instead of the pedestal.

Kratos decided that today was going to suck. A lot.

Luna: Done! Reviewww! And if anyone can guess what song I used this time, will get imaginary cookies! THANKS FOR THE REVIWEWSSS!


	7. The Fire Seal

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Luna: Late update…I'm sorry! Anyway, thanks for the reviews! I FEEL SO LOVED!…I know, I say this like, every chapter… . And by the way, the song I used last chapter was ' The Kill' by 30 Seconds to Mars. Ah…Jared Leto

Chapter 7: The Fire Seal

Raine sighed and pointed to the oracle stone. Then immediately flipped out on the rock blocking the entrance.

" Oh Martel! What a wonderful artifact! It was made during the Ancient Kharlan War, of polycorabonite! Which has the chemical composition of nitrogen, silicon, posstuim feldspar-" she rambled.

Everyone exchanged vacant glances. Except Colette. She was always vacant.

" Hey, why's everything always about the Ancient Kharlan War?" asked Lloyd, " Didn't we have any other wars in our history?"  
"…Guess not." replied Genis.

Raine had begun stroking the surface of the rock, a lopsided grin on her face.

"…The hell?" asked Kratos, " Is she always like this?"

Genis looked down, ashamed of his sister.

" Feel the smooth surface!" she exclaimed, a glint of insanity in her eyes, " Its wondrous! And so _smooth!"_

" I feel uncomfortable…" mumbled Lloyd.

RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' ARTIFACT MOLESTER!'

" Wait! This is the oracle stone! Colette, get your hands off those pebbles! And put your hand on this!" demanded Raine.

Kratos began to twitch, his tolerance running on low.

" Sure!"  
_Happy Happy Joy-_

Colette reached it and stuck her hand on it. And the entrance opened.

" Wait! No! Now I can't study the rock!" whined Raine, and fell to her knees.

" Hehe! I really am the Chosen!" cried Colette, " Yay!"

" Sherlock Homes right here, ladies and gentlemen…" muttered Genis.

" Okay! Let's go inside and stuff!" shouted Lloyd.

" About time…" gritted Kratos.

" But…the artifacts…" whispered Raine, eyes like saucers.

" We'll find others, come on…" cajoled Genis, cursing the fact that he wasn't an only child.

" Really?" she brightened.

" No."

But he dragged her along, anyway.

Inside the Ruins, there was 3 different entrances to go into an inner chasm with…lava and unlit torches. Lloyd hurried along to it, until he got into a couple of battles involving a Moltres rip-off from Poke'mon, and some very angry, hot, balls…That is NOT what I meant and you know it. But before Lloyd entered one of the passages, he came face to face with a treasure chest.

" Treasure! Cool!" cried Lloyd, and went to open it.

Except, when he did open it, it spouted teeth and attacked.

" What the heck!" asked Genis, wide-eyed.

"…This treasure is evil." said Raine, staring.

" But…shouldn't we get the treasure out of it, first?" asked Colette dumbly.

She walked over to the treasure chest, which was foaming at the mouth at this point; and stuck her hand in its mouth.

" NO! That's its mouth you dumbass!-" came Lloyd's late warning.

The treasure Chest, aka Mimic; latched on to her hand. Colette began to run in circles, screaming on the top of her lungs. Genis sat back and pulled out some popcorn.

" Now that's what I call entertainment!" he exclaimed.

"…Shouldn't we do something?" asked Lloyd.

" Yes, we should." agreed Raine.

She pulled out some Snow Caps, sat alongside her brother, and began eating and watching the spectacle.

Kratos, the only one with half a brain, and Lloyd; the only one with half a conscience; sprung into action. Kratos bashed it over the head, doing zero damage, and Lloyd stabbed the box. Causing a whooping total of zero damage.

Pissed that his charge was currently being devoured and will probably lower his amount of pay for her damages; Kratos did a super attack of 'Judgment'. Shiny feathers, lights and all. Mimic died.

Raine stared, mouth agape, along with everyone else. Casually, Kratos slipped Genis 300 Gald, and counted on the short attention spans of everyone else to forget what had happened. 10 minutes later, sure enough; they had forgotten.

So, Lloyd and company went into the lava area when Genis proclaimed, " Its getting hot in here-"

" So take off all your clothes!" screamed Lloyd.

" No! I refuse! I gave up that life a long time ago!" cried Kratos, twitching, " No more exotic dancing…"

" You mean stripping?" asked Raine.

" NO! EXOTIC DANCING!"  
Lloyd began laughing at Kratos' 'past job' until Kratos made a comment about how his sword skills will always be one-upped by an exotic dancer. Which pissed off Lloyd.

Colette, meanwhile, was listening to Lloyd. She seductively began to lift her shirt, when Genis screamed, " I'll pay you to keep it on!"  
He handed her the 300 bribe money Kratos gave him, and Colette stood fully clothed.

Anyway, Lloyd walked over to an unlit torch where Raine poked it and said, " Looks like a torch. Light it up."

"…What if it'll trigger a trap?" asked Lloyd.

" Please, Lloyd, I know what I'm doing."

" How do you know?" asked Lloyd, rebelling, " You could be wrong! Martel could be wrong! Colette could be turning into an angel in a huge conspiracy to resurrect some sicko's sister who died 4000 years ago! HOW DO YOU KNOW! THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME ITSELF MAY NOT EVEN EXIST!"

Somewhere, Mithos sneezed.

"…Right. Light the torches."

"…Fine."

Lloyd ran around the entire area, lighting all the torches so the floors would raise. Up until he got to the purple Warp Pad. He got on there, where the crowd became face to face with the altar. And where they were attacked by fiery tiger animals.

Ironically enough, while Lloyd was fighting; he obtained the attack called 'Tiger Blade.' Long story short, the band of retards managed to defeat the evil fire tigers; mostly thanks to Kratos and Genis' Aqua Edge.

" Chosen of Mana…" boomed Remiel, when they were finished, " Offer your prayers at the altar, and you may win this brand, new Dell computer!"  
" Yes, my lord," said Colette, unusually serious.

"…Lord? I thought he was her father, not her lord." said Lloyd, dumbly.

" Oh Goddesses Martel, give me strength!" cried Colette.

" Congratulations! You have now earned the power of the angels, ANGEL FEATHERS!" cried Remiel, in his announcer voice.

And with that, Colette sprouted pink and purple angel wings.

" COOL!" cried Genis, racing over to her.

" The transformation of an angel is going to hurt like a mother. Be strong and endure, cause it'll last one night. Your next trial is across the ocean. And that's all I'm going to tell you cause I'm cryptic." said Remiel, and disappeared.

Colette wasn't listening, she was too busy trying to stare at her shiny wings. And Genis hopped up and down in excitement as she fluttered the shiny wings.

" Geez, I thought Genis had more dignity than that…" said Lloyd, not joining their Idiot Group of Let's-Oggle-The-Wings.

Raine was too busy carbon-dating the walls. Kratos shook his head.

" We should go now…" He grumbled.

" Yeah. Come on guys!" Lloyd called to his other idiot friends, " We get it. The wings are shiny. Let's go."  
" Okay!" The 2 said in unison.

The company of idiots exited the Ruins, when Colette suddenly fell on her face.

" Colette!" cried Lloyd.

" I'm…okay." she said, and stood up, shakily.

" Are you sure? Your face is really white…" commented Genis.

" Yeah, that cause she be a cracker, yo!" cried Lloyd, lapsing into Ghetto.

" We got to get her into a doctor, her lips are turning purple," said Raine.

" I think its best not to move her." suggested Kratos.

" Why?" asked Lloyd, " You sure seem to know a lot about…stuff."  
Kratos began sweating, and said, quickly, " Remiel said it! Remember?"  
" Yeah…?"

" Okay, since whatever Kratos says is always right; lets set up camp here for tonight." said Raine, bored.

Camp was set up. And by 'camp being set up', I mean that there was a cheap fire in the middle of a random clearing. How monsters didn't ambush them is beyond me. Where they slept, since there was no tents; is also beyond me. Bored, Lloyd started a conversation with Kratos.

" How come you have a dwarf for a father?" asked Kratos, suddenly.

" The Desians killed my mom and fought my Dad…"  
" What happened to your Dad?" Kratos seemed a few shades whiter at this point.

" I guess they killed him…"

" The Desians really screwed you over…"

" Huh?"  
" They tore apart your family and chased you out of your village."  
" I guess so…"

" People are so…weak."  
" Yeah, people suck. But if we blame others for weakness, we'll never have peace or anything."  
"…That's true. Grow strong Lloyd."  
" Okay…but why are we having this conversation?"  
Kratos shrugged.

So Lloyd went over to harass Genis.

" How did you like the curry today?" asked Genis.

" It seemed to be missing something…" said Lloyd, knowingly.

" Really! You noticed?"  
" Yeah…It sucked. What, are you trying to say I'm stupid?"

" No! I'm just saying I'm surprised that you were able to make an intelligent observation…"

" Oh. Hey! That's the same thing!"  
" No!"

"…I thought the professor cooked it…"  
" It sucked that much?"  
Raine perked up at the sound of her name.

" Try my cooking sometime! I've made a spicy cake, hot icecream and-"  
" If you have a death wish, go ahead." warned Genis.

He was promptly smacked.

Lloyd shrugged, and went over to Raine.

" I wonder if Colette's bio-genetic structure is changing?" wondered Raine.

" Dur…" replied Lloyd, dumbly.

"…That means if she's changing into a different life form…"

" Well, I think that Colette is Colette. Even if she sprouts wings, has theme music when she walks and even if it rains rainbows when she sneezes. She'll always be our dumbass friend!"

"…I suppose so. But your simple and ruin everything!"  
He too, was smacked.

Sighing, Lloyd went to Colette. He noticed that she didn't even touch her crap curry.

" Are you okay? You didn't seem to be eating today…" he said.

" No! I'm okay…"  
" Are you…" he looked side to side and whispered, " Anorexic?"

" What? NO!" cried Colette, appalled of his stupidity.

" Oh…Here's you birthday present!" he thrusted a piece of bakery string with 3 beads laced on it; which was crappy and broken.

" Oh…I love it!" cried Colette, and grabbed it.

" But its broken!"  
" But you gave it to me! So I love it!" she exclaimed, and stroked it.

Lloyd was mildly disturbed.

" I'm going for a walk now!" She announced, happily putting the crappy 'necklace' around her wrist. Which fell off, because its broken.

" Want me to come?" asked Lloyd, since he had nothing better to do anyway.

"…No. I want to be alone."

" Erm…Okay."  
Colette left, all angst-filled and overjoyed at the same time; making her a candidate for bi-polarity.

" Haha! You got rejected!" sang Genis.

" Shutup! I don't even care about her like that! EWWW!" screamed Lloyd.

Colette stared out into the lake and moaned, " What's happening to me? Am I going through puberty again?"

The next morning, everyone woke up bright and early. Lloyd made a semi-smart suggestion to go shopping before trekking on the Ossa Trail. So they went back to Triet, where Genis got all exicted about the Inn; randomly.

" Come on! Let's go to the Inn!" he cried.

" Why? I mean, we're completely healed from sleeping a while ago…" said Lloyd.

"…I just realized that sleeping completely heals all wounds and illnesses…" said Genis, suddenly, " Plot Hole number 11!"  
" Genis, stop getting excited, you'll trip!" cried Raine.

" I will not!"  
Genis fell face first, 2 seconds later.

" You idiot! Never do that again! Now your hurt!"  
" But its not even bleeding!"  
" Shh! The sands will get into the wound, and infect your system. Then we'll have to cut off your leg from the knee down!"

"…I can't tell if Raine is caring and gentle or just a bitch." said Lloyd, suddenly.

" Shes caring and kind." said Colette, grinning stupidly.

"…What are you on?" asked Lloyd, angrily.

Colette smiled.

" I'm on Life!"

Since Genis annoyed them about the Inn, Lloyd went to the Inn so he would shutup. There, Lloyd came face to face with a vase. That exploded and turned into a man with a fork and a cape.

" WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Lloyd, and stabbed him.

" I am the Wonder Chef- AHHHHHHHH!" he hollered, and fell over; dead.

" You idiot! You killed him!" accused Genis.

" He jumped out at me! What did you expect me to do!"

Lloyd stared, horrified. Colette began poking his body with a stick. Kratos gracefully picked up the paper he was carrying.

" Apparently…we just got the recipe to Cabbage Rolls."

JACKED OFF THE RECIPE 'CABBAGE ROLLS' FROM A DEAD BODY!

They left, quickly; trying to draw little attention in fear of someone finding their…er…victim.

Luna: Done! Review!


	8. Yay for Side Quests!

Disclaimer: I own nothing with a copyright/

Luna: Sorry about the late update last time, it wouldn't let me upload…Anyway! Here's the next chapter!  
Chapter 8: Yay for side quests!

After the murder of the 'Wonder Chef', Lloyd and co. headed over to the Ossa Trail. That's when they came face to face with a girl in Japanese robes, a ninja…

" Which one of you is the Chosen?" she demanded.

Colette smiled, vacantly.

" That's you!" hissed Genis.

" Oh! Me! Me!" she cried, waving.

" Prepare to die!" screamed Ninja Girl.

" Oh. Okay!"

But Colette never did get to die. She, being a klutz, fell into a conviently placed switch right where the girl was standing. The floor fell, and so did the girl. Genis mentally marked this as 'Plot Hole Number 12', because what were the odds of that?  
" Oh no! Are you hurt?" cried Colette, into the mine shaft, " I'm sorry! Oh No…I hope she's okay!"  
"…You do realize she just tried to kill you, right?" asked Lloyd.

"…Yes."

" And you still want her to be alright?"  
Colette nodded, dumbly.

"…Damn, your stupid."  
Genis stared down the hole and said, " She should be alive. Because if Pi 3.14, and the force of gravity versus inertia-"  
Lloyd and Colette blankly stared.

"…She's alive." he finished, sighing.

" Oh! Okay! Come on guys, we have to hurry so we can become best friends!" she cried.

" SHE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOU, YOU DUMBASS!" shouted Lloyd, unable to contain himself, " AND IF YOU DIE, THEN I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL WITH THE ABUSIVE BITCH!"

Raine slapped him.

"…I guess the school came to me." he sighed, rubbing his raw cheek. Face cheek, that is.

" For once, Lloyd is right," came Kratos, the voice of reason, " She didn't seem to be much of a threat, but we should hurry. The footing is poor. The paths are narrow. I'm in desperate need of some alcohol to numb the pain of dealing with you people."

Everyone agreed, because this had become a dictorship; and Kratos was the almighty tyrant.

The path itself was pretty uneventful. Lloyd learned the fine art of 'Tempest' and fought many battles. After, they ate Cabbage Rolls; which were quite worth killing that guy in a hat for. At the end of the path, though; the Naruto rip-off was waiting.

" Oh! Hi!" cried Colette, all cheery, " I'm Colette! What's your name?"  
" Is she retarded? I've come here to KILL you, not have tea and cookies!" she replied.

Colette dejectly put away the tea kettle and cookies away.

" Yes. Very retarded." answered Genis.

" Prepare yourself!" cried the ninja, and ran at them.

This battle should've been really simple, except the fact that the Ninja used cards in battle. And that amused Lloyd and Genis to no end.

" Ahaha! Cards? That's you weapon? Come on, what? Are you going to send a Blue Eyes White Dragon at me?" mocked Lloyd, grinning.

" Oh no! Is that a 2 of Spades?" asked Genis, in mock horror, " WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
The Ninja looked as if to blow a fuse.

" Sh-shutup!" she cried, and attacked.

" Shut up when I'm talking to you!" sang Lloyd, unable to contain himself.

Unfortunately, for Lloyd and Genis, the cards were weapons; and they hurt. Soon, Lloyd had paper cuts all over his body, and he began whining for Kratos to heal him.

Colette was too busy trying to pour Ninja Girl some tea, who automatically shoved it away and screamed at her for being a retard. Genis and Kratos were about the only ones who actually fought this battle, Lloyd was too busy whining about the paper cuts and Colette too busy making friends. By sheer luck, they defeated her.

" Agh! I will hunt you down and kill you!" she cried, and sent out a smoke bomb as she escaped.

" Wait! We didn't get to exchange phone numbers so we can be bffls! Come back!" shouted Colette.

"…Can we let her kill Colette? Please?" asked Genis.

" No. I need money." said Kratos, firmly.

" But I thought regenerating the world was a good thing…why are people trying to kill us?" asked Lloyd, curiously, " Its not like this is a huge conspiracy or anything-"  
" There are those who reject salvation!" shouted Kratos, suddenly, " And we'll always have opposition."

Raine was the only one who seemed to notice how suspicious Kratos seemed to be, but was then distracted by some blades of grass. It could have had some contact with something historical. So, she carbon dated it.

They left the Ossa Trail to go to a hole in the wall fishing town called ' Izzold' to find the next seal. Across the water. Izzold was a poor, boring fishing town. Lloyd had been walking around, innocently enough; when the Wonder Chef jumped out at him again. Remembering the great recipe he got when he killed the last one, Lloyd stabbed this one, too.

GRAVE ROBBED A RECIPE TO 'RICE BALLS' OFF A CORPSE!  
Poor Lloyd didn't realize that he would of got the recipe even if he didn't off the psychotic Chef. Pushing his homicidal tendencies aside, Lloyd asked around to board a fishing ship to Palmacosta. But every fishing ship complained of dreaded ' sea monsters' and didn't want to take the troupe anywhere; except someone named Alfreed.

Except, Alfreed already left.

So Lloyd barraged into a girl named Lyla's house, yes, just barraged in; the door wasn't locked or anything; and they accepted the fact that Lloyd just came in like it was nothing. Genis wanted to put this as 'Plot Hole 13', but this was pure carelessness on their part; more than it was a 'Plot Hole.'

" Alfreed…How do I quell these feelings I have, Alfreed!" asked Lyla, to the air.

" You could always get your emotions removed. That's what I did." offered Kratos.

Everyone stared.

" That was a joke…"  
"…Kratos…has a sense of humor? DOOMSDAY IS UPON US!" cried Lloyd, in horror.

Lyla continued pissing and moaning about Alfreed, until Genis interfered.

" I heard he was sailing back to his home town," he offered.

Lyla's eyes lit up.

" Really?"

" Um…yeah. Right, Lloyd?"  
" Eh? Sure, whatever floats your boat."

" That's it! I'll write him a note and confess my undying love for him!" she cried, and ran out of the house.

"…Right. Did that have a purpose?" asked Lloyd.

" Of course it did. Now we've planted the seeds we must sow. To manipulate her. She'll be a puppet in our hands; us her puppet masters…" mused Genis, maliciously.

" Wow, you are a manipulative little brat…" exclaimed Lloyd.

Genis grinned, and they were off.

They made their way to the harbor, where Lyla was throwing a hissy fit at someone named Max to go on the boat. He wouldn't let her, since he was clearly in love with her and didn't want Alfreed to take her away. Even a blind man could see that. Except Lyla. She was a little slow. Not Colette slow, but slow enough.

" You!" she cried, pointing to Lloyd and friends, " Deliver this letter to Alfreed and I'll let you on the ship!"

" Okay…" agreed Lloyd.

" I'm so happy we're helping the cause of true love!" gushed Colette.

" Right…Whatever." said Lloyd, uninterested.

" Just like us!"

" WHAT?"

" What?" cried Max.

" JUST DO IT!" yelled Lyla.

So Max did, and let them on the ship. Where Raine got queasy from just standing on the boat, and vomited over the railing.

" God- I mean, Martel, I hate boats…" she mumbled.

" Alright, well, don't blame me if we get attacked by any sea monsters," said Max, begrudgingly.

" YAYYY! BOAT!" screamed Colette, and stuck her head over the railing much like a dog sticking his head out of a car.

Despite the constant warning of the impending doom of sea monsters, none attacked. Genis, once again, wanted this as the next Plot Hole. But it wasn't as much of a Plot Hole as it was an excuse to slack off.

They safely got to PalmaCosta, the BIGGEST city in the world. Pah. Anyway, Lloyd got off the boat, bought new weapons and some food, and kept walking. Until Colette fell face first into some other girl, breaking her Potion.

" Oh no! The Palma Potion we just received!" she cried.

" Oh no! I'm so sorry!" cried Colette, in horror.

One of the girl's friends, a spikey haired dude that thought he was 'too cool for school' grinned at her savagely.

" An apology isn't enough!" he cried.

" I'll get a replacement potion!" she said, hastily.

" A replacement potion? Like that'll fix it!"

" Shutup before I tear off your arm and beat you with it." came Raine's dead pan voice.

The other group shrinked back in terror.

" Don't even bother, Colette. Raine's like an attack dog." said Lloyd.

" But…I still broke it. I still need to get them another one." she said.

" Geez, your such a goody-two shoes," commented Lloyd, disgusted.

" Yes, you should get rid of your conscience. Like me." suggested Kratos.

Again, he was greeted with blank stares.

" Can no one take a joke these days?"

So they went into a store, where Desians were harassing a pony-tailed girl.

" I will never sell you a single gel!" she hollered.

" Why you-" began Desian 566.

" Chocolat, please-" said the other woman.

" But these are the monsters that took grandma!" she whined.

" Pah! We don't need no stinkin gels! Come on!" said the other Desian, and they left.

" Okay Mom! I'm going to work now!" she chirped, and left as if she didn't just endanger everyone in the store.

Genis decided he finally found Plot Hole Number 13; she was the store clerk so technically she was at work. And then she left…for work again? The hell?

" Uh…That's my hormonal teen age daughter. Ignore her and have a look around," said the other woman, ashamed.

" How much is a Palma Potion?" asked Lloyd.  
" 1,000 Gald."  
" WHAT?"  
" I'm sorry! This is my fault…" said Colette, sadly.

" Damn right it is!"

Colette looked as if to cry.

" If you need a job, I know someone who needs a waitress for the cafeteria," offered the woman.

" Okay! I'll do it! For the power of love!" she said, her personality doing a 180.

They trekked to the cafeteria, but at first were stopped by a very touching scene. A small boy was talking to someone named General Governer Dorr. Or just Dorr, cause like hell will I keep typing that out.

" Dorr, my Daddy's been taken for a long time…" he said, sadly.

" Don't worry! I won't stop until I've saved all the people at the ranch!" he answered.

" Really?"  
" Of course! So stay strong!" said Dorr.

" Wow, that Dorr sure is strong…" commented Lloyd.

" That's the biggest load of bullshit I ever heard," commented Genis.

" Genis!" cried Raine, " That's so negative! But probably 100 percent true. I've raised you well."  
After the ever so touching scene, they moved on to the school. Where Lloyd met yet another Wonder Chef.

" YOU JUST KEEP COMING BACK! LIKE THOSE REALLY CRAPPY HALLOWEEN MOVIES!" screamed Lloyd, and stabbed him.

OBTAINED THE RECIPE TO 'OMELETS' AFTER TAKING ANOTHER VICTIM!

Colette went to the cafeteria and automatically got accepted for the job. If only getting a job was that easy in the real world…Ahem, anyway…People shouted out orders at her and she messed it up. Badly.

" What were we thinking?" asked Genis, " Raine, you should've done it! Or someone with half a brain!"  
" Shutup, I believe in Colette!" cried Lloyd.

" That's a good one."

" I know, isn't it?"

After spilling, dropping and losing much of her already lost dignity; the employer felt bad for Colette and gave her a Palma Potion.

" Come back and work anytime!" He said, " Wait, I take that back. Please don't!" and shoved them out.

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' RETARD WAITRESS!'

" Now we can go face those people!" she chirped.

But just then, 2 nerdy looking boys came over to them.

" Hey, weren't you supposed to go to this school?" asked Lloyd, to Genis.

" Uh, yeah. I got a recommendation…" he said.

" Pah! You!" said one of the nerdy boys, " I refuse to believe someone so small could be smart!"

" Why?" asked Lloyd, " Your not exactly big…and besides! Genis can say his ABC's!"

"…Gee, Thanks Lloyd…" said Genis, sighing.

Lloyd grinned.

" Anytime!"  
" I challenge you to a Nerd off!" said Mighty, the nerdy boy.

" Well…"  
" Do it, Genis! Show this nerd your even nerdier than him!" encouraged Lloyd.

" Okay…"  
" Its on! Meet us in that classroom! I'll prepare the questions!" said the other nerd.

" I haven't studied much…" said Genis, ashamed.

" Don't worry, we'll take an empty classroom and do some training," said Raine, " and that means everyone else too! HIT THE BOOKS!"

" Dammnit, I just can't escape school! Or books!" whined Lloyd.

" I like books." said Colette, smiling.

" You like picture books…"

" Yup yup!"  
Lloyd shook his head. They went into the classroom where Lloyd was forced to answer the following:

1. Which of these goes 'Moo?'

A. Duck

B. Cat

C. Cow

D. Truck

" Erm…This is obviously D." said Lloyd, grinning.

2. What color is the sky?

A. Blue

B. Red

C. Green

D. Purple

Lloyd put down C.

3. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

A. 3

B. 4

C. 8

D. Your Mom

Lloyd put down D. Surprisingly, that was the correct answer.

"Alright, I think we're ready," said Raine, finally.

They entered the other classroom, where Mighty was.

" I've heard whats been going on," said The Dean, " And I prepared the questions. Now…lets begin!"  
After much testing, the results were in.

" Starting from last place is Lloyd Irving with 25!"

" Yay! Your highest yet, Lloyd!" encouraged Colette.

Everyone gave him the 'Oh God, I mean, Martel, you're a certified idiot.'

" Colette Brunel with 208-"

Lloyd's will to live shrunk, if Colette got higher than him…Damn.

" Kratos Aurion with 300-"

Kratos smiled. He was no idiot, like everyone else in the room. He hoped.

" Raine with 400-"  
" That's not fair!" screamed Lloyd, " Shes a fricking TEACHER!"

He was ignored.

" And…Genis and Mighty with the same score of 398!"

" What? Impossible!" cried Mighty, " I can't believe it! I take it back, Genis! Come stay with us and study!"  
"…I can't." said Genis, " I already promised Lloyd I'd stalk him to the end of time."

Lloyd grinned.

" Haha!"

GENIS OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'HONOR ROLL!'

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' I CAN KICK YOUR HONOR ROLL KID'S ASS!'

With those pointless side quests shelved, the gang returned to the actual quest of finding the seal.

Luna: Woo…Done! Review?


	9. Endless Backtracking

Disclaimer: Owning nothing.

Luna: Alrighty, next chapter…Once again, thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 9: Endless Backtracking!  
Lloyd and friends handed over the Palma Potion to the people who Colette wronged, and they begrudgingly left.

" I suggest we go to Governor General Dorr's place for the clues to the seal," suggested, rather, demanded Kratos.

" What a stupid name. Who can be a Governor and a General? Come on now…" commented Genis.

Listening to Kratos as much as a flock of sheep follow their Shepard, they entered Dorr's house. Place. Thing.

" Hello, may I inquire if your on a pilgrimage?" asked Dorr, pleasantly.

" Yes. She is the Chosen of Mana," said Raine, pointing, " And we requested to see Spiritua's book for clues regarding the seal."  
Dorr glared at them.

" Liar!" he cried.

" Liar! If we're keeping score-" Lloyd busted, but was socked in the stomach by Genis and cut off his singing.

" The Chosen's group was here 10 minutes ago and I gave them the Book Of Regeneration!" said Dorr, " How dare you defy that name! Seize them!"  
Suddenly, adrenaline pumping battle music played as the party was surrounded by guards. Colette bent down to pick up a nickel, when she lost her balance and fell. Low and behold, her wings popped out.

" Daddy, look at the shiny wings!" cried his daughter, Killa.

" I'm terribly sorry!" cried Dorr, realizing the error in his ways, " I didn't realize…We gave the book to imposters!"

" So…let me get this straight. You just hand out valuable artifacts that are over 100 years old to anyone claiming to be the Chosen?" asked Raine, twitching a little, " If I said I was the Queen of England, would you give me a crown? If I said I was Jesus- I mean, Martel, would you bow down and worship me? Seriously, how STUPID ARE YOU? THAT ARTIFACT COULD'VE BEEN DATED BACK TO THE ANCIENT KHALARN WAR! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

" Here she goes again…" said Genis, sighing.

Dorr shook his head, coming close to soiling himself.

" THAT MEANS I COULD'VE STROKED IT, CARBON DATED IT, CATALOGUED IT AND PUT IT SAFELY BEHIND GLASS!" she screeched, telling them every archeologist's wet dream.

Dorr shrunk back a little.

" I'm Neil…his assistant," said Neil, " And you have my deepest apologies-"

" LIKE THAT MATTERS!" she hollered, in a rampage.

" You don't even care about the seals, just getting the book back…" said Genis, bored.

He was slapped. Hard.

"…We should be going," said Kratos, a little scared despite his cool exterior, " We're wasting time. And time equals money."  
They left the traumatized Dorr and his equally stupid cohort, and that's when Lloyd announced, " They said they were going to sell it in Hakonsia Peak to some old guy. Shouldn't we just go there?"  
Genis stared blankly, and realized in the Chapter before this; that there was no mention of this 'Haknosia Peak.' In fact, he marked it down as ' Plot Hole 14', and then he wondered what the hell a chapter was.

" Wow, Lloyd's memory does exist!" said Genis, mock astonishment.

" Shutup!"  
They exited Palmacosta and traveled to Hakonisa Peak, where they engaged in battles involving many over sized lady bugs and the occasional mutant grasshopper. At Hakonisa Peak, they entered a tent filled with junk, or ' valuable artifacts, if you were Raine; where an old man with a red nose dwelled.

" Hey, do you have the Book Of Regeneration?" asked Genis.

" So what if I do?" spat the old man, " I don't like talking to little boys! And the Chosen herself parted with it so I could buy it."  
" Well, Colette's the Cho-" began Genis, but he was cut off by 5-fingers across the face.

" The Chosen's devout follower," finished Raine, quickly, " Shes her biggest fan and stalker."  
Colette had a large, stupid grin on her face, and that was all the old man needed for convincing. Of course, she always looked like that but…

" So we were wondering if we can see it…" she continued.

" Well, hot stuff, I would like to; but why should I?" asked the old man.

Raine recoiled at being hit on by the old man.

" Maybe you should seduce him?" whispered Lloyd.

She glared. " Like hell I will."  
" I like that Spiritua Statue…" he continued.

" Oh come on!" cried Genis, fed up, " It won't cost you anything to let us take a peek at it, you stingy old fart!"  
" Yes it will! Time! Now unless you have anything worth my time, I suggest you leave." barked the old man, " Except, maybe, hot stuff…"  
He winked at Raine.

She was the first one out.

A line of people were outside, and a random NPC said to Lloyd, " I wouldn't go back to Palma costa if I were you."  
" Huh? Why not?" asked Lloyd.

" Its being attacked by Desians!"  
"…Not again!"  
He and his friends left, quickly. After much bug exterminating, they reached Palmacosta. A group of people were watching that lady with the hormonal teenager in the shop on a stage, about to be lynched. Although the Desians were clearly out numbered by NPCs, no one did a thing.

" What? Where's Dorr and the Milita?" asked Lloyd.

" Their having a convient booze party as we speak," said a random NPC.

" Ohh…"

A red haired Desian with Jamaican dreds strolled over, when an NPC cried, " Oh no! Its Magnuis!"  
" That's Lord Magnuis to you!" he corrected, and promptly broke the guy's neck.

Desian 899 was reading from a sheet of paper, " Mr. Easter Bunny, you're on trial for coloring eggs in a time of famine-" he began.

" No, you idiot! That's the wrong paper!" hissed Magnuis.

" Oh!…Oops…That was last weeks lynching…Ahem," said 899, restarting, " You have refused to provide us with supplies. And although we've exceeded the death quota by 70 today, we'll kill you anyway cause Magnuis is a sick sadist!"

Magnuis gave him a thumbs up, and said, " Alright, hang her!"

Suddenly, Magnuis was hit with a single pebble by a small child. He growled and charged at him. Lloyd stopped him with a Gopher Fang. Magnuis threw a tantrum and shouted, " HANG HER ALREADY!"

Chocolat ran in and screamed, " NO! Mom! Do you really think Governor General Dorr will let you get away with this?"

" As a matter of fact, yes." he said, grinning evilly.

They almost did hang her, too, but Colette threw a charkam at the rope; severing it.

" Lloyd, what are you doing?" asked Raine, " Do you want this to be another Iselia?"  
" Its different!" cried Lloyd, " They don't have an non-aggression treaty with the Desians! Besides, we have the Chosen on our side!"

Colette was drooling, vacantly.

"…Nevermind."

" We're supposed to regenerate the world, not get involved in this!"  
" I agree with Lloyd," said Colette, serious, " What good are we if we ignore the suffering in front of us? If we can't save the people here, how are we to regenerate the world?"  
" Wow…Colette, that's pretty insightful." commented Lloyd.

" Naw, I'm just agreeing with you so you'll fall in love with me," she said, and winked.

He sighed.

" You're all insane…" Raine complained.

" I know. Wanting to save people's lives is nuts," said Lloyd, sarcastically.

" WHY IS EVERYONE INCOMPEANT! SOMEONE, ATTACK THEM!" cried Magnuis.

A Sorcerer Desian cooked up a spell, while Lloyd and Colette and Raine just stood there; stupidly. The Fireballs were about to hit them, when Genis casually walked in and used a Force Field to block it.

" Amateurs…" he said, walking off.

" Was that supposed to be cool?" asked Lloyd.

" Shutup! You ruined my moment!"  
" ATTACK!" cried Magnuis, in a frenzy.

" Run away, run away, I'll attack!" sang Lloyd.

Attack they did. Long story short, they defeated the Desians; and Maginus ran off like a scowly dog. But before that, Kratos got his licks in and slashed the dreadlock Desian and said, " Let's respect the wishes of the Chosen."  
At the mention of 'The Chosen', everyone perked up a bit.

" The Chosen? She came to save us?"

All the NPCs were suddenly overjoyed.

" The Chosen is our savior! WOOO!"

The group was ushered into Chocolat's house, where they thanked them for saving her mom.

" Thank you," said Chocolat's Mom.

" Yes, thank you for saving my Mom," said Chocolat.

" Aww…it was nothing," said Lloyd.

" Yes it was. We require a reward. Cash or check?" asked Kratos, greedy.

" Uh…Well, I have to go!" said Chocolat, suddenly, " There's going to be another trip to Asgard, cause I work in the Temple so-"

" After all this that's happened, people are going on trips?" asked Lloyd, appalled.

" Yes, it's times like these that people go to salvation. Or it could be because people have the same attention span as you, Lloyd." replied Kratos.

" Hey!…That makes sense though," added Lloyd, forgetting that he had been dissed. Again.

" Its not like I believe in Martel or anything…" continued Chocolat, as if the party really cared.

" Chocolat!" her mom chastised.

" HERETIC!" screamed Colette, pointing, " Burn the witch! BURN!"

Everyone backed away.

" Hee hee! I'm kidding! I believe there is a Martel, though."  
" Really?"  
" Yeah! Shes in each of us, like that tiny, green man in my head!"

"…Well, I can't believe in a Goddess that sleeps while we suffer," Chocolat challenged, ignoring Colette's last comment, " The Desians took Dad and Grandma…"  
" Yes…my Mother…Marble." said her Mom.

" OMG! THEY KNEW YOUR GIRLFRIEND, GENIS!" shouted Lloyd, shocked.

Genis was also shocked, but he had a brain. So he stuffed his fist in Lloyd's mouth to get him to shut up.

" What…?" asked Chocolat, confused.

" We should be going…Bye!" said Genis, taking off.

Chocolat decided that, with a Chosen like that; the world was screwed.

The group got as far as the House of Salvation when a guard stopped them.

" Dorr requests that you stop the journey to regeneration immediately," he said.

" Why?" asked Lloyd.

" Dorr is getting a military to invade the Human Ranch and wanted to recruit the Chosen and her group. And, also, that Chocolat girl was kidnapped."

" Oh no…her…" said Raine.

" But we left, like 10 minutes ago…!" said Lloyd.

"…What does that have to do with anything?" asked Genis, " What, we're suddenly his lap dogs? He's the idiot that gave away the Book Of Regeneration…"

" No! We have to save the people! We have to save everyone!" cried Colette, determined, " For the sake of love and shiny things, we HAVE to!"  
" Fine…"

So, they walked ALLLL the way back to where they came, and got into the Palmacosta Ranch. Human Ranch, that is.

Before they could do anything remotely damaging, though; Neil came out of the shrubbery.

" Neil? What are you doing? Playing hide and go seek?" asked Colette, intellect of a post.

" Shh…Listen, its about Dorr." said Neil, " There's not going to be any infiltrating of the Ranch."  
" What…?" asked Lloyd, puzzled.

"…He set us up." said Raine, bluntly, " Of all the cynical possibilities…"

" Yes…he's in cohorts with Magnuis and wanted to lure you here so they could capture you," he continued, " I'm sorry…"  
" I can't believe it! I was only kidding when I said his whole personality was bullshit!" cried Lloyd.

" Why would he do that?" asked Genis.

" We don't know…He's changed…Ever since his wife, Clara, fell ill…"

" But we can't leave Chocolat!" cried Colette.

" Yes we can. Come on, we need to see what Dorr has to say," said Kratos, " it's the most logical thing to do. Because I said it."  
" Hey! Do you think your tact? Carefully slipping how superior you think you are?" asked Genis, annoyed.

200 Gald, bribe money; was slipped into Genis' hands. He shutup.

" I agree with Kratos, since Dorr has to pay for being a simpleton that hands OUT VALUABLE ARTIFACTS LIKE ITS SOCKS!" proclaimed Raine, enraged, again.

" Okay…but we'll come back later?" asked Colette.

" Uh…sure…" lied Lloyd.

" What should I do?" asked Neil, nervous.

" Stay here. I don't think you want to see Dorr get his head smashed in- I mean, integrated…" said Kratos, quickly.

For the millionth time that day, they back tracked to Palmacosta.

Luna: I'm sorry if I spelt Magnuis' name wrong…I forgot how to spell it…Anyway, Review? And…I had to put that Taking Back Sunday song in here, it was in my head all day…LATER!


	10. Palma Costa Ranch Fun! part 1

Disclaimer: Owns Nothing.

Luna: I love you guys, thank you for your support : smiles: And by the way, Kusabi Makabe, there is a short cut for Palmacosta. When you have to keep back tracking, there's this girl : I think it's a girl: in a priest oufit standing around near the end of the exit of Palmacosta. She'll ask you to escort her to Hakaonsia Peak, and if you agree; you'll end up there automatically. If you agree halfway, you'll go to the House of Salvation. Anyway, here it is!

Chapter 10: Palma costa Ranch Fun! Part 1

Lloyd hurried back to Palmacosta, while Raine sharpen her staff so she could shove up Dorrs…nose. Yeah, that's it.

When they entered his house, though; it was empty.

" Looks like no one's here…" stated Lloyd.

" Wait, I hear voices!" proclaimed Colette.

"…I don't hear anything. Its probably the voices in your head again."  
" Or it could be coming from the basement," said Kratos, the only one with any smudge of logical in his head.

The group went down into the basement where they witnessed Dorr talking to a Desian, alongside his daughter, Killa.

" When will my wife…Clara…be healed?" he asked, frantic.

" Let's see…your behind your payments to Lord Magnuis," said Desian 344, " But I'm sure if you pay him more on your next payment, that he'll give you the meds."

" What am I supposed to do!" asked Dorr, angry, " How much more can I con the citizens? First with the taxes, the Church Of Martel, the other taxes and the jay walking tickets; there's no other way to squeeze cash out of it without them getting suspicious!"  
"…You can always try mugging." suggested 344.

Dorr stared.

" I have to be going! Bye!" he said, running off.

" Hey, what's this talk of bribery and conspiracy?" asked Lloyd, emerging from the shadows.

" YOU!" cried Dorr, taken aback.

" What's the matter, you look as if you've seen a ghost." quipped Lloyd.

" That line is so clichéd…" said Genis, rolling his eyes.

" Shut up! You ruined my moment!"  
" Well, you ruined mine!"  
" Ahem…anyway, what do you think your doing?" asked Lloyd, glaring, " You've betrayed the people of this city!"  
" So? I need help for Clara, I don't care about anything else!" shouted Dorr, " Don't you act all 'Holier than Thou' on me! Like you know justice!"  
" Justice! Pah! …What are we talking about?" asked Lloyd, suddenly confused.

" Is Clara being held hostage?" asked Colette, suddenly.

" Ahaha! No! If you want to see my wife, here she is!" he screamed, and pulled down the curtain of a prison cell.

There it was, another Cyclops like monster that was identical to Marble.

" Oh no!" cried Lloyd, " She's just like Marble!"  
" The previous Governor General was an idiot. He was killed by Desians and then they planted a demon seed in my wife as a warning," said Dorr, bitterly, " I don't have a choice!"  
" What's that smell? Smells like bull shit!" cried Lloyd, " If you really wanted to save her, you should've just took a leave of absence or whatever and found a cure! Instead, your exploiting everyone!"

" Is there anyway we can help?" asked Colette, " What if we get the medicine?"  
" Well…that solves everything." said Dorr, sarcastically.

" Absurd!" cried his daughter, and promptly stabbed him in the back.

" What the! How could you do that to your own Father?" asked Genis, wide-eyed.

" This interior being, my father? Don't make me laugh! Why would I have such a fool for a father?" she asked, evilly.

" Fool…of a father?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

" Do I stutter? Yes, I said 'Fool Of a Father!'" continued Killa, annoyed, " I was merely assigned here by Lord Proyma to observe the human cultivation plant. This fool was so busy looking for a cure that doesn't exist that he didn't even noticed his own daughter was dead!"  
" Unbelievable," said Raine, shaking her head, " First giving away valuable artifacts and then not noticing his own daughter died. This man was clearly a dumb ass."  
Killa jumped in for battle, changing into an malnourished purple thing with pig tails. Lloyd and company fought hard and long, and killed her sorry ass.

" Ahh…Well, I guess I'll just let this monster loose to kill you all," she gasped, her dying breath.

6 minutes passed as she made the crawl to the prison cell, and no one thought of moving there to squash her hand or stop her or something. Except Kratos. But he was lazy.

She opened the cell door, and disappeared. Genis quickly marked this as 'Plot Hole Number 15,' for a dead corpse had evaporated into the air like water.

Clara staggered out, all ugly and monster like.

" Deja vu…Will I have to kill another innocent?" asked Lloyd, to no one in particular.

" EWWWWWWWWW!" screamed Genis, upon seeing it up close.

" Clara, Stop!" cried Colette, in an odd; commanding voice.

" In the name of love! Before you break my heart!" finished Lloyd, inappropriately.

Clara stumped off, to kill unsuspected passersby. Nice work, everyone.

Dorr was still alive, breathing heavily on the floor.

" Your name…is Lloyd?" he asked.

"…Yeah."

" Your name sucks."  
Lloyd glared at him.

" Can I ask a favor?" asked Dorr, " Can you cure Clara…? When Killa comes back, I don't want her to be alone."  
" But, Killa's really de-" began Genis, but Raine slapped him.

Soon, social services will come and whisk the poor abused elven boy away. But for now…

" I can't do that," said Lloyd, " You said my name sucks!"  
"…Take this," said Dorr, producing a small card from God-er, Martel knows where, " And save Chocolat. That poor girl was bait to lure you there."  
" Why?" asked Genis, blinking, " Your acting as if we were best friends with her or something."  
Raine raised her hand a bit, and Genis flinched. Ah, sibling love. A beautiful thing, isn't it?

" Okay,…" said Lloyd, taking it.

" The passcode is 3341." he wheezed, " I' wish…I could save…Cla…"

And he croaked.

" I think its time we go," came Kratos' voice.

" What? How can you say that after all that's happened?" asked Lloyd, appalled.

" Simple. I move my lips and words come out."  
" Oh. Okay."  
" Now we need to infiltrate the Palma costa Ranch…" said Raine, " Everyone got it?"  
Everyone nodded.

The group headed out to Palmacosta Ranch. First, they spoke with Neil

" I don't want to know what happened to Neil…" he said, " I can tell by the looks on your faces."  
How he did, was beyond me. Kratos looked apathic, Lloyd looked over eager, Genis looked bored, Colette looked vacant and Raine looked monotonous.

" His final wishes were for us to save Chocolat," said Lloyd.

" Who?"  
" That annoying hormonal teenage girl named after desert."  
" Oh…her. Okay, please, let me come too."  
"Okay!"

Before they could enter, though; Lloyd had to put in a password.

" Now what was the code? 3343?" he pondered.

" No, it was 9999!" proclaimed Colette.

"…Idiots. It was 3341!" muttered Kratos.

" How do you know?" asked Lloyd, " Its almost as if you've been here before. Eh, Kratos?"  
In truth, he had, but that's not why.

" It's because I actually listen when people talk," sighed Kratos.

Grumbling, he tapped in the code. He was right. As usual.

They finally unlocked it and went into the hall. It was chock-full of Desians that liked their whips a little…too much. After defeating several, Lloyd came to the pedestal that changed the Sorcerers' Ring. Instead of shooting fire, it made the entire screen green.

" COOL! I have X-Ray vision!" shouted Lloyd, completely forgetting about dead Dorr and everyone else.

"…Its not X-Ray vision," said Raine, sighing, " it's a type of radar."  
" Ray…dar?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

"…Basically you can see things that you wouldn't normally see."  
" Like dead people?" asked Colette, jumping in the conversation.

" No, Colette. Not dead people." said Raine, wanting to die.

" Oh…I get it."  
Lloyd pressed it again, and the screen grew green. Colette gaped at the shiny things that suddenly appeared.

" YAY!" she screamed, and chased it down.

But when she touched it, it changed into a Orange Gel. She screamed.

" NO! My shiny…why!"  
Lloyd ignored her and went on the warp pad, indifferent. This led to a catwalk like area, that had 2 different doors on the right and left. Lloyd entered the one with the Desians. He clicked on his 'radar' and moved some blocks around til he could cross to the next area. Then lit up some pathways.

On one, Colette spotted something.

" Look! Shiny!"  
She flew up and grabbed the shiny, which disappeared and left nothing but a Red Card behind. She pouted, upset.

On another, there were Desians. And on the last, there was an odd, blocky machine.

" What's that?" asked Lloyd.

" It's a refresher…" said Raine, trying to move it, probably into her pocket; but it was nailed down, " Damn, its nailed down…"  
" What does it do?"  
" It completely heals wounds," she said, now taking a camera out and taking some snap shots, " I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE ONE IN REAL LIFE! IT COULD'VE BEEN USED IN THE ANCIENT KHLARAN WAR! AHAHAHA!"  
Bored, Lloyd approached it.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO? Demanded the box.

" Uh…Refresh."  
REFRESH?

"…yeah."  
REFRESH!

And all their wounds were healed. Except their mental ones.

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VISIT!

" Its pretty boring…" said Lloyd, losing interest.

He was slapped.

" BORING, WELL, LET ME TELL YOU-" cried Raine, launching into a 3 hour lecture on the importance of refreshers.

Colette, however, liked the machine very much.

She poked it.

REFRESH! It asked.

" Sure!"  
She was healed.

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VISIT!

" Okay!"

REFRESH?

" Yes!"  
I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VISIT.

Colette poked it again, harder.

REFRESH?

" Yes!"  
I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VISIT…

Less than a second later…

Re…fresh?  
" Uh-Huh!"  
I…look forward…to your next visit.

Once again, she poked it.

LOOK, YOU RETARDED FOOL, YOU'VE BEEN HEALED 5 TIMES ALREADY! YOU HAVE NO MORE WOUNDS! YOUR IN PERFECT HEALTH, EXCEPT FOR YOUR BRAIN! POKE ME AGAIN AND I'LL SELF-DESTRUCT!

Colette giggled.

She poked it.

RE Fbleep!ING FRESH!

" YES!"  
SELF DESTRUCTION WILL COMMENCE IN 5...

Raine stopped her lecture.

" What the…?  
4...

" Its gonna blow!" cried Genis, and ran.

3...

Lloyd got out of the way, and tugged Colette along.

" NO! IT CAN'T!" screamed Raine, horrified.

2...

Genis tugged his sister, who was bawling, out of the way.

1...

BOOM.

The explosion was small, but it was a explosion none the less. Raine ran to the smoldering pieces, fell to her knees and looked to the sky.

" Why? Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"  
After much console and death glares from Kratos, she was able to part with it; sobbing. Lloyd left this area and entered the next in which there were captives.

" Captives? Let's split up, gang!" suggested Lloyd.

" Let's not and say we did." suggested Kratos.

" He's right, I'll do it." said Neil.

He flipped the switch and opened the cells. Why that would've required splitting up is beyond me. One little boy threw Lloyd a key card.

" Here!" He said, " Some Desian's were treating this card important so I took it!"  
" Just like that?" asked Genis, contemplating if he should make this number 16.

Lloyd got the last key card and it was off to the warp pads. He used all 3 and ended up in another area. With lots of Desians and other platforms to choose from.

"…This is going to be fun…" said Lloyd, dryly.

" I know!" cried a chipper Colette.

Who grabbed a shiny and hurled them into another battle.

Luna: Okay, I won't be updating for a week or less…I'm sorry! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! LATER!


	11. Palma Costa Ranch Fun Part 2!

Disclaimer: OWNS NOTHING!

Luna: Sorry for the late update…and once again, I HEART MAH FANS!

Chapter 11: Palmacosta Ranch Fun 2/ Butterfinger Priests!

After the battle, Lloyd jumped on various warped pads until he saw Chocolat in between 2 Desians.

" Lloyd, look!" cried Genis.

" Huh?"  
" Chocolat!"

"…So?"  
" Yeah, I know. Want to go back now?"  
" No!" cried Colette, glaring, " We need to save her! For the sake of truth, justice, true love, shiny-"  
" Okay, shutup!" cried Lloyd, getting the point.

They entered the battle, and disposed of the Desians like used napkins.

" The Chosen one! Other people she hangs out with! Thank you!" cried Chocolat, grateful.

" Aw…it was nothing. If it wasn't for Colette, we'd of just left you here," said Lloyd, humbly.

Genis sighed at his stupidity.

" If you follow me this way, I'll show you to a room filled with magical looking screens," she said, ignoring Lloyd.

" MAGICAL SCREENS?" asked Colette, wide-eyed, " OKAY! LET'S GO!"

Chocolat moved on to another platform, and Lloyd followed.

It led to Magnuis' office, filled with shiny screens.

" Welcome, forsaken Chosen and her entourage of vermin…" came his voice out of nowhere.

" For…saken?" asked Kratos, for no apparent reason.

" Magunis! Show yourself!" demanded Lloyd.

Magunis did show himself. He was sitting in a floating Lazy-Boy, which hovered down to their level. A can of Heineken in his hand.

" Ah, Lloyd, are you prepared to die?" he asked, casually, " I know about your little plan of releasing the fitly, disgusting, lice ridden-"  
" Can you move it along? We're kind of pressed for time with the whole 'World Regeneration' thing," said Lloyd.

" Shut up! As I was saying, I know of you trying to release the vermin!" cried Magnuis.

On a surveillance screen, was Neil and the 'vermin' trying to leave. The doors promptly shut on them.

" HOW DID NEIL GET IN THERE?" asked Colette, in horror.

Before anyone could stop her, she started punching the screen, screaming, " We're coming for you, Neil! Don't worry!"

" You idiot…that's magitechology," said Kratos, condescending as ever, " It shows images from other areas. He's not physically in there…"  
" Hey! Get her away from there! That plasma screen cost me a lot of money!" whined Magnuis, " How the hell am I supposed to watch Direct TV if she ruins the machinery?"

" Colette…come over here…" said Lloyd, bored.

" Okay!"

_Happy happy joy-_

She stood still again.

" We're going to stop you!" cried Lloyd.

" Oh, and do a bang up job like you did in Iselia?" he mocked.

" That's…a low blow." grimaced Lloyd.

" Want me to release their Ex-spheres and recreate that? Just like that old hag! Just like Marble! HAHAHAHA!" cried Magnuis.

" What? Marble?" asked Chocolat, suddenly paying attention.

" Yes, dear old Marble was dating Genis and then killed by his best friend Lloyd!"

" Wait! It wasn't like that!" cried Genis, hastily, " We weren't dating, I swear!"

" No…" said Chocolat, suddenly angry, " You killed her!"  
The hormonal, overly dramatizing teenager ran off to 2 Desians.

" I rather die then be saved by Grandma's killer!" she shouted.

" No! Don't throw your life away even though I am!" cried Colette.

" Well, that's too bad," said Lloyd, shrugging.

" Don't you care!" asked Genis, " She thinks I dated her GRANDMA!"

The hero's priories were rather…screwed up.

Chocolat left, as Magnuis continued his manically laughter.

Suddenly, Desians surrounded them.

" We're surrounded!" cried Colette.

" By idiots…" finished Kratos.

Pointless Desians attacked, and the group wasted them with ease.

" Geez! If you want something done, do it yourself." said Magnuis, annoyed, " You guys are useless!"

With a sigh, he discarded his Heineken and got his fat ass off the Lazy-Boy.

The Boss Battle against Magnuis was sort of hard, and at the end of it, they had all run out of TP. So they all jumped on him, smacking away. Even Genis and his paddle ball. At the end of the fight, Magnuis fell down and asked, " How can I, a superior half elf lose to the likes of you?"  
" Again with this!" cried Genis, " Man, you guys got some complex…"  
" Cruxis has accepted Colette as the Chosen one." announced Kratos.

" Yeah!" agreed Lloyd, stupidly.

" Wait…then I was…deceived!" wheezed Magnuis, before breathing his last.

Genis blinked, and figured what Kratos said must've been a secret code word. If the need for money arose, he'd just black mail him again.

" What-" began Raine.

" What's it feel like to be a ghost? Louder now, louder now!" sang Lloyd.

" I was going to say ' What we should do now is blow up the Ranch,' but clearly; its become a sing a long," said Raine, sighing, " Lloyd, what songs are you singing anyway? I never even heard of them…"  
" Me either." realized Lloyd.

" Wait, blow up the ranch!" asked Genis, shocked.

" Yes…I have an appetite for destruction today," said Raine, grinning, " Oh, and it'll strike a blow to the Desians, of course."

Kratos made a mental note never to piss her off.

Raine tapped some keys and announced, " It'll self-destruct in 10 minutes. We should go."  
RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' HOMICIDAL DEMOLITION NUT!'

The gang left, and as they were, Neil stopped them.

" Wait…why are you all running?"  
Everyone kept moving. Except Colette, who stood there blankly for 2 minutes before saying, " Its going to explode."  
" WHAT!"  
They escaped, unscathed.

" Now we should go and actually return to the plot," suggested Kratos.

" Oh yeah…getting that Statue for that old geezer…right." commented Lloyd, " But before that, Neil, write a letter to Dirk in Iselia in my name asking for Key Crests. That way, the captives won't go Monster-Mash on us."  
" Are you sure he'll do it?" asked Neil.

" Of course. Cause of Dwarvern Vow number 78678: Always make Key Crests if its written in a letter with someone's name in it that begins with 'L'." recited Lloyd.

" That's rather…convient." stated Neil, " Okay."

With that large side quest completed, the gang went to the House of Salvation. They found 2 priests and Lloyd asked, " Hey, I know this is sorta brazen and stuff; but can we have the Spirtua Statue? Its not for personal gain, I swear to Martel!"  
The priests looked horrified as he took Martel's name in vain.

" Well…" said Priest one, " This isn't the actual Statue…"  
" WHAT!" asked Genis.

" What's the deal girl, your death is such a shame-" began Lloyd.

" Seriously, Lloyd. Do your musicals on some better starting words. Now your just embarrassing." said Genis, blandly.

"…Okay."

" So the statue's a fake?" asked Raine, " So I can't carbon date it?"  
" Yes, we got it from a Dwarf in Iselia…" he replied, " And…No."

" Dad?" asked Lloyd, surprised, " Just what kind of jobs were you taking…were they…illegal? I knew it! I knew he was making counterfeit, illegal items! How else did he afford those wooden swords for me?"  
He was ignored. As usual.

" That old bat will probably know the difference…" said Kratos, and all agreed, as usual.

" Then where did you lose it?" asked Lloyd.

" Thoda Geyser," he explained, " I was so moved by the boiling hot water erupting, that it slipped from my fingers."

" Butter fingers…" grumbled Lloyd.

" I like Butter fingers." announced Colette, speaking of the candy.

" Well, let's go to Thoda Geyser and get it ourselves!" he decided.

" Are you nuts? Geyser's are filled with boiling hot water!" cried Genis.

" So? We can seal it with magic, right?"  
" Oh yeah…"  
" But…to go there we need to get…on a boat," said Raine, face already queasy.

But their plan was set. They were off to Thoda Geyser. Lloyd stopped at the Dock, where he was forced to fork over 200 Gald for boats.

But when they went to see said 'boats', it was actually washtubs.

" They're…washtubs." he pointed out.

" Ewww…" remarked Genis, " Who knows what bathed in that…"

" Come on! Its looks fun!" cried Colette, over joyed, whose sense of fun was warped.

" No…Can't we do something else?" begged Raine.

" Oh, come on!" said Genis, and grabbed her hand, " There's gonna be the statue!"  
" AHHHH!" she screamed.

Everyone stared at her.

" Um…I was just about to say, 'Ahh! This is going to be fun!'" she lied, " Haha…Because riding the rapids in tiny bath tubs are my idea of fun…"  
" Mine too!" cried Colette.

" Professor Sage, are you afraid of water?" asked Lloyd, smiling.

" No!"  
" So you don't take baths?"  
" Lloyd! I am NOT afraid of water!"

He splashed her.

" AHHHHH!"

" Wow, you think she'll melt?"  
" You're an idiot, Lloyd." commented Kratos.

So they rode off in the bath tubs, and ended up at Thoda Geyser. They got to the lake area where the Spirtua Statue was in plain view.

" So all I have to do it stop it with my magic, right?" asked Genis.

" Yup."  
" Okay! ICICLE!" he cried.

Icicles formed.

" Lloyd, your very arrogant so watch yourself," Kratos advised.

" Yes, the boiling water will sear off your flesh if you fall in, you'll be burned beyond recognition," encouraged Raine, " So don't screw up."

Lloyd was beginning to have second thoughts about this, and decided to go ahead and do it before he completely chickened out.

" Alright, just follow my instructions and you'll be fine," said Genis, and Lloyd too position.

" Up!"  
Lloyd went up.

" Left!"  
Lloyd went right.

" OTHER LEFT, DUMBASS!"

He still went right.

" Okay, then, RIGHT!"

He went left.

" Right!"  
Left again.

" Up?"  
He went up and grabbed the statue.

" Wow Lloyd, your amazing!" declared Colette, and hugged him.

" Oh…Thanks."

She was still on him, and Lloyd's breathing was becoming labored.

" Now we can give that to that old geezer!" cried Genis.

" Or we can just make Colette put her hand on the oracle stone behind that sign." suggested Kratos.

Sure enough, there it was.

" Aw! I got this for nothing!" he whined.

" No…not for nothing," said Raine, already dusting it and looking at it through a magnifying glass.

Colette was still hanging on to him.

" Colette…can you let go?" he asked, feeling very uncomfortable.

" Nope."  
" Colette, open the path," commanded Kratos.

" Okay!"  
She did, and Lloyd was safe. For now.

A shiny path led to the cave entrance, and everyone walked up it.

Meanwhile, Sheena was reading some random sign and became aware of the Chosen.

" Wait! Stop!" she shouted.

Sheena almost caught up to them, but was stopped by Noishe. Who promptly began whizzing on the floor that she had to cross to get to Colette.

" Corrine!" she cried.

Corrine, a fuzzy, gerbil with several tails appeared.

" Why does this strange animal let its bladder go in front of us?" asked Corrine, confused.

"…Grr. I'll get you next time! And you large, green, bunny hybrid dog too!" she cried, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Inside the cave, Kratos announced to Lloyd, " Good. It seems she didn't get in here."  
" Huh? Who?" asked Lloyd.

" The assassin trying to kill Colette."  
" Oh, the Yugi-Oh girl? Was she here or something?"  
Kratos was ready to bash his head against a wall. He had such a thick skull…

" Yes. She was behind us."  
" Really?"  
" No."  
"…Your mean."  
" Yes really!" he cried, getting annoyed, " You have to be more aware of things!"  
" I-I was," stammered Lloyd, " I was just…thinking and stuff."

" You? Thinking? That's good…" mocked Kratos.

" Oh, like your so DAMN PERFECT!"  
" Yes. As a matter of fact…" then his eyes got hazy, " No…I made a grave mistake…I'm sorry."  
Kratos walked off, all cryptic like.

" And the award for bi-polarity goes to…" mumbled Lloyd, really confused.

They fought the likes of squid, starfish and octopus. Yes, starfish. Instead of merely stomping on their tiny bodies like normal people, they fought them and repeatly got owned. Lloyd had much to learn.

Lloyd got to a Sorcerer's Ring changer thing and the fire the ring normally shot turned into water.

" That's all…it does?" asked Lloyd, bored.  
" Since the Geyser is a prime source of water it must be reacting to the artisan well-" began Raine.

" It seems so…pathetic."  
"-who's permeability and porosity are reacting to the ring-"  
Lloyd was sick of lectures. Once again, school had followed him. So he fired a warning shot. In to her head.

And Raine ran around screaming, because she was wet.

Luna: Shorter chapter, I know. I wanted to update sooner so…yeah. The songs used today: Whats it feel like to be a Ghost?-Taking Back Sunday and Buried A Lie-Senses Fail. If you have any ideas or requests for songs, tell me and I'll see what I can do. Thanks for reading!


	12. The Water Seal

Disclaimer: Owning nothing.

Luna: Okay, this chapter is dedicated to Brandy Mallory and Death Of Summer and Birth Of Autumn's song requests. Thanks for the ideas! COOKIES FOR FANS! I did 'Dance Dance' and ' Tell Mick he just made my list of things to do for today', both by Fall Out Boy.

Chapter 12: The Water Seal

Lloyd successfully completed the Water Seal puzzles and hopped onto the warp pad. They approached the altar when Lloyd announced, " Its wet and icky…let's hurry up and get out of here."  
" We have to release the seal, first," said Kratos, condescending as ever.

" I…knew that…"  
" What the…its just like the fire seal!" shouted Genis, as the altar began to change; and creatures attacked.

Said creatures were horror in the forms of mermaids and a…fish thing that looked like a deformed mermaid. The type sailors feared seduction by. The group fought, defeated it, and Colette skipped to the altar to pray.

" Oh Goddess Martel, great protector and stuff…please grant me thy strength!" cried Colette, kneeling.

Remiel came down from the heavens, er, ceiling rather; and said, " Colette, Chosen of Regeneration…"  
Then switched to his announcer voice.

" CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING THIS FAR!" he shouted, " YOU HAVE NOW ACQUIRED THE ADDITIONAL ANGEL POWER OF A CHORUS OF ANGELS TO SING EVERY TIME THE SUN HITS YOUR FACE AT THE RIGHT ANGLE!"  
"…Father? Have I done something to displease you?" asked Colette, suddenly.

Remiel blinked then said, in his normal voice, " It matters not. The next seal lies in the far…area looking over a thing that's a thing. Hurry and become a true angel…my daughter."  
And he poofed.

" Wow, he was more vague than usual…" commented Lloyd.

For once, Colette had a thoughtful expression on her face, one may confuse as a face in deep thought. But 'deep thought' and 'Colette' in the same sentence was too much to conceive, so everyone simply ignored it. Like Lloyd. Or the fact that Kratos wasn't really a mercenary.

They walked outside the Water Seal, where Colette fell smack on her face.

" Colette! Are you okay?" asked Lloyd, wide eyed, " Taking a fall like that should've knocked some teeth out!"  
" I'm okay…I'm just sorry that I'm such a burden…" she mumbled.

" She's sick again, Professor!" cried Lloyd.

" Indeed. If this keeps happening, she's going to have a difficult path ahead of her. For now, I'm going to name this illness 'Angel Toxicious'" explained Raine, " And later, when she dies, I can dissect her body and study it."  
" Professor!" screamed Lloyd, in disbelief.

" I was kidding…" sure didn't look that way.

" Then we should set up camp here tonight," said Kratos, and everyone agreed.

Now kids, I beg of you to remember their location. The group of idiots and Kratos are located at Thoda Geyser, a small island. A small island with a geyser, with no other land or forest in sight. Then how, pray I ask, are they in a forest? They didn't cross the river…

Genis noticed all of this and decided that when Colette was sick they entered an alternate world of foresty camp sites. Nonetheless, he called this 'Plot Hole Number 16'.

" Let's light -" began Kratos.

" -That smoke for giving up on me!" sang Lloyd, " And one just cause they'll kill you sooner-"  
" A fire. Let's light a fire." said Kratos, glaring.

" Oh! Can we roast…marshmellows?" asked Colette, starry eyed.

" No…"

" Why?"  
" Can't you not taste anymore, anyway?"  
" Oh…yeah."  
Everyone stared. Bribe money was handed out all around.

Finally, the group was asleep, all except Kratos and Colette. Lloyd awoke, and then saw Colette gaping at the moon like a retard.

" Colette, you still up?" he asked, surprised.

" Um…Yeah," she said, looking guilty, " I couldn't sleep. Besides, Kratos is up."  
" Kratos doesn't count, he's on night watch to prove that he's better than everyone," explained Lloyd, " Well, you should try to get some rest and get better."

" Okay…" she agreed, and he walked off.

As Lloyd retreated, she whispered to herself:

_Dream some erotic, fantasy dreams of me, Lloyd._

Lloyd sneezed, then blinked.

When Lloyd exited Thoda Geyser completely, he sighed.

" What's the matter?" asked Kratos.

" Ah…its just…releasing the seals and all is getting sort of…" began Lloyd, struggling for the right words.

" …Boring?"  
" N-no!" he covered up, quickly, " I haven't forgotten all the people who died in Iselia or Palmacosta…"  
" Then you should think of your reason for being here in the first place."  
" Easy! To get early summer vacation!"

Kratos sighed, cursing himself for ever believing he could have an actual, intelligent conversation with Lloyd.

" But then Professor Sage came and ruined it all," he ranted, even though Kratos lost all interest.

The group passed through Hakonsia Peak and into Asgard, City Of Ruins.

Upon hearing 'ruins', Raine automatically took off in hot pursuit of it. Lloyd stood behind, exploring the town and its many shops. Until he entered a random house where some girl was mumbling about someone named Linar doing something stupid and found the Wonder Chef.

" I am the Mysterious Gourmet, the Wonder Chef!" he cried, and danced.

" Hey, I wonder what happens if we don't-" began Genis.

Lloyd stabbed him in the neck.

"…kill him," finished Genis, shaking his head.

" Its become a reflex now," said Lloyd, shrugging.

RECEIVED RECIPE FOR 'MEAT STEW' BECAUSE YOU'RE A SOCIOPATHIC KILLER!

They found Raine at the Summon Spirit of Wind dais, where she was caressing the large stone.

" Ah! Lloyd, state the history of this artifact!" shouted Raine.

" It has to do with the Ancient Kharlan War," he replied.

" NO! For once, your wrong about that!"  
" It had to do with the Baralcroft War and shields and…stuff," said Genis, quickly.

" Haven't you learned anything?"

" I know my ABC's!" declared Lloyd, " And my times tables! And…how to tie my shoes!"  
Kratos began a slow clap for him, to which all joined in. Except Raine, she was too busy fawning over the Balacroft thing.

" This has mana and-" she began, but the rest of her voice became that of Charlie Brown's teacher in the Charlie Brown show.

Bored, Lloyd walked around to harass everyone else.

" Her eyes are all lit up," observed Genis, " Why can't I be an only child, dammnit?"  
" She really loves ruins…" commented Kratos.

" You think?" asked Lloyd, rolling his eyes.

" …Or maybe something happened to her as a child…" he mused.

" How the hell do you get all that off of a artifact obsession? Come on, she's just a freak! Stop trying to be so deep!"  
" AHHHHHH!"

Everyone, except Raine, whipped around, trying to find the source of the sound.

" What the?"  
Kratos pointed to Colette.

" it's the chorus of angels singing, the sun's rays hit her on the right angle," he stated.

" More like chorus of angels dying…" said Genis, hands over his ears.

Colette smiled, dumbly.

Lloyd travled to the back of the ruin, where 2 guys were looking at an explosive.

" I don't know about this, Harley," said the one with glasses, Linar, " I mean, its an expensive artifact and we'll hurt the people of Asgard-"  
" Oh, so Aisha's supposed to die!" cried Harley, " Come on! We have to stop it!"

" But-" Linar began compulsively scratching his head.

" Professor, this guys are going to blow up the ruin!" tattle tailed Lloyd.

" WHATTTTTTTTT!" screamed Raine.

She went into ass-kicking mode, and began to drop kick Harley and Linar in the head.

" How dare you!" she cried, " This is a piece of history, dammnit! Its been around since before you existed! You can't even begin to comprehend-"

As she rose her hand in passion of her speech, she flipped the switch.

" Uh…Professor…"  
" SHUTUP! I'M TELLING THIS NO-GOOD, UNAPPRECIATIVE FOOLS THE IMPORTANCE OF HISTORY!"

" You flipped the switch."  
" I-…What?"  
The bomb began ticking away.

" Uh-oh…Does this have a disarm switch?" asked Lloyd.

" No! Why would it?" asked Harley, who was then bitch slapped by Raine.

" I'm a half elf," he stated, clutching his cheek.

" And? Would you like a medal?" asked Raine.

Lloyd sighed, " Guess I'll do it myself…"  
And he did, because Lloyd suddenly became 'Mac Gyver' within 5 seconds.

Just then, and old man on a walking stick and random NPCs appeared.

" It's the Mayor! Run!" cried Linar.

And run they did.

" We should follow them, they MUST BE FURTHER PUNISHED!" bellowed Raine.

"…Yeah, whatever." said Lloyd, following.

They found their house, where Linar and Harley were standing by Aisha.

" You again! Get out of here!" screamed Harley.

" No! Its my house, so I get to say it," demanded Aisha, " Get out!"

" NO! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY THEY WOULD COMMIT SUCH HEINOUS CRIMES AGAINST HISTORY!" bellowed Raine.

" …You see, Aisha was going to be sacrificed to the Summon Spirit of Wind…" said Linar, scratching his head. Again.

" Sacrificed?" asked Lloyd.

" You know…to be killed for some sort of higher power."  
" I know what it means!"  
" Oh…Well, anyway, the Summon Spirit of Wind came back demanding sacrifices and…" he scratched his head. Genis got the impression he had head lice.

" Guess this isn't the seal we want," said Genis, " But come on! How many seals of wind can there be?"  
" I'm sorry that my brother and his friend is an idiot," apologized Aisha, " Thank you for stopping them."  
" Now get out already!" cried Harley.

Recoiling, Lloyd left with the others. Raine, still on ruin rampage, ran back to the ruin. Where the Mayor blocked it.

" This area is off-limits," he said.

" But I'm a scholar! I request permission to study it."  
" Too bad. Another one like you already unleashed Pandora's Box. Now, leave."  
" But if I participate in the dance, will I get to get close to it?"  
" You just want to study it more," pointed out Lloyd, who was slapped.

" But…Raine, it'll be dangerous!" cried Genis.

" So? All's fair in love and ruins!"  
" Isn't it…love and war?"  
" No. Now shutup."  
They walked all the way back to Aisha's house, where Raine took her dancing gear and went back to the ruin. The dance consisted of placing the staff in various areas.

" Wow! The Professor can really dance-" began Colette, amazed.

" Dance, dance! We're falling apart to half time!" sang Lloyd, " Dance, dance! And these are the lives we love to live-"  
And he kept singing until a monster came out, demanding sacrifices.

" No! That's evil! BAD!" screamed Colette, in warning.

" You always fold just before you're found out-" sang Lloyd, oblivious, until Genis slapped him and joined the fight.

The evil wind thing was a pain to defeat, but with the shiny spell of 'Photon' thanks to Raine, it was easier. The slight draw back was it distracted Colette. Not that she was much of a help in the first place.

" Wow, Raine your amazing!" shouted Linar, furiously scratching his obviously lice-ridden skull.

" Heh! That opponent was hardly a challenge!" cried Raine, soaking it up, " And look! It left behind this Map of Balacroft!"  
" Let's go decipher it at my place!" suggested Linar.

And the two ran off, chatting about the joys of ruins.

The remaining group stayed in an Inn. After, Genis said, " Let's go! They should be done deciphering it by now."  
" Oh…So that's what the kids are calling it these days," smirked Lloyd.

" EW!" screamed Genis, " Dude, that's my SISTER!"  
Anyway, they entered Aisha's house, where Linar said, " Raine's amazing-"

And Lloyd, begin immature, laughed and Genis glared-

" We deciphered it!" Raine cried, " it's a map leading to where the Summon Spirit of Wind is! The thing we fought was sealed by it so…The Summon Spirit of Wind is where the next seal is!"  
" Score!" cried Lloyd.

" Lloyd?" asked Genis.

" Hm?"  
" If you ever say 'score' again, I'll have to kill you."  
" Oh…I did say it, huh? Okay. It's a deal."  
With a new destination in mind, the group headed to the next seal, as Linar called out the window, " Call me!"  
" Looks like she has another fan…" mused Lloyd.

" Yeah, she's quite the catch!" laughed Genis.

Raine slapped him.

" That's wrong and incestal, Genis!"

" But…I wasn't hitting on you, I was kidding!"

He was slapped again. Some where, a social service worker's senses tingled.

Luna: DONE! REVIEW? And I'll take more requests if ya like. And I know I kept misspelling 'Barlacroft'…AHHH!


	13. The Wind Seal

Disclaimer: Nope. Not owning.

Luna: …Slow update, my apologies…And I have no idea what songs are from the 'Sound Of Music'…( turns away, ashamed).  
Chapter 14: The Wind Seal

After much Genis abuse, the crew was off to find the Wind Seal. But first, they stopped off at a town called 'Luin', for supplies. There, Lloyd saw Sheena surrounded by little children.

" AH! Don't eat me!" she cried, " I'll be It again, okay?"  
" YAYYY!" the little children chorused, and ran around.

" Wow, you must be pretty nice and bored to hang out with kids half your age," commented Lloyd, " Like a…pedophile. Like Marble!"  
"…What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, annoyed, " Look, this doesn't solve anything! I still have to kill you!"

And with that, she disappeared. Again.

Onward they went, to the Wind Seal.

" Wow…look at that ruin!" cried Raine.

" NO. Not…again." sighed Genis.

" Hurry! Put the map on that!" she screamed.

Colette obeyed, and it turned into the oracle stone. She poked it, and it opened.

They entered the seal, and Colette screamed, " I hear wind!"  
" No…Really…"  
So they ran around, trying to avoid spikey traps, which Lloyd fell into every now and then. Kratos had to save his ass many a times and said, briskly, " I swear, every time-"

"-We touch I get this feeling!" screamed Lloyd.

Everyone stared. Colette began crying upon realizing that Lloyd was…fruity.

" No! Wait! Damn musical-" grumbled Lloyd.

Kratos walked on ahead, tactfully trying to avoid Lloyd. This went on until the Sorcerer's Ring changed.

" I wonder what it does now?" asked Lloyd, salivating at the idea of the different functions.

" Hmm…Well, I don't know. We're in a seal of _wind_, I can't possibly imagine what it does." said Genis, sarcastically.

Lloyd glared, and pressed it; creating a breeze of air.

"…I wonder what it does?" asked Colette, stupidly.

" It blows things." stated Lloyd.

All but Colette ( because she was stupid) and Kratos ( because he was slightly more mature) busted into hysterics over this, because they had the maturity of high school jocks.

Long story short, they whizzed into the room with the windmills.

" I suggest we go back and read the clues to find out which order to blow them," demanded Kratos.

Lloyd, through giggling fits managed, " I say we just keep blowing them until the door opens."  
Usually, everyone would follow Kratos. But Lloyd's idea was less organized, poorly planned but…a lot simpler. So, listening to Lloyd, they spent 3 hours trying different combinations.

They went up to the altar when Genis announced, " I sense…a lot of mana! Just like the other 2 seals! Is anyone else seeing a pattern?"  
The group was attacked by a wind thing. It hit them with feathers. A lot. They defeated it with a couple of mortal wounds and broken bones, but nothing a good old meat stew can't fix.

"Colette…My daughter…" said Remiel, as he descended from the ceiling, " CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE SUCCEEDED THIS FAR! WOO! Now…offer your prayers at the altar."  
" Yes!"  
Colette got on her knees, mumbled some stuff and Remiel announced, " Now go to the next seal, that tower thing over looking another thing with some other thing! Hurry…become a true angel…you've set us back because you keep doing frickin' side quests!"  
And he disappeared.

" Wow, the tower thing over looking another thing with some other thing!" exclaimed Lloyd, " I think I know where that is!"  
" Really?" asked Colette.  
" No…"  
So the group attempted to leave, when Sheena raced in.

" Oh! You're here too!" asked Colette, as if greeting a long lost friend rather than someone who was about to kill her in cold blood, " I'm so happy!"  
" What? I'm going to kill you! You…dumbass…" sighed Sheena, " Prepare yourselves!"  
The battle was short and chock full of paper cuts. Painful, tiny, pygmy paper cuts.

" OWW! I keep getting paper cuts!" screamed Genis, " It burnssss!"  
" Its like a whirl wind inside of my head! Its like I can't stop what I'm hearing within!" sang Lloyd, an unknown word triggering him again.

Sheena stopped, stared, and said, "…Do you always do this?"  
This gave Raine, the only one who wasn't whining about paper cuts or trying to be her new best friend; to smack her over the head with her staff to end the battle.

" ARGH! How the hell do I keep losing?" screamed Sheena, annoyed.

" Easy! You use paper cards and we use blunt objects!" said Lloyd.

" Plus, goodness and love will always win!" shouted Genis.

"…I should smack you."  
" Good!" hollered Sheena, " If your good, then I'm good too!"

" Wait…" said Colette, confused as ever, " If I regenerate the world, everyone will be saved! Right?"  
" Yeah, your world!" she cried, and ran off.

Kratos blinked.

"…That girl…is from another dimension…" He mumbled.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

" What?" asked Lloyd.

" Nothing…"  
They walked out as Colette was about to stumble. Lloyd managed to catch her, and cried, " Professor, Colette's sick again!"  
" I'm fine…" said Colette, while coughing up blood.

And, since Lloyd is a sissy that scared of blood; he accidentally dropped her on the floor; then tripped over her fallen feet.

" Lloyd, what are you doing!" asked Genis, watching his retarded friend on the floor, " Colette, are you okay?"  
" Yes…I'm sorry!" she cried, now profusely bleeding from the nose.

" Does it hurt?"  
" Um…Sure."  
So the group set up camp, and Lloyd approached Colette; whilst everyone else slept.

" Colette…I was thinking…Can we talk over there?" he asked, " Alone?"  
Colette automatically brightened. She thought that when a guy wanted to 'talk' alone, it automatically meant 'make-out like wild animals'.

" Sure!" she cried, practically waking everyone else up.

She sat on the grass some feet away, popped a Tic-Tac, and brushed on some fruity scented lip-gloss. _Yay! Finally we'll make out! Yayyyyyy! _she thought, shallowly.

Lloyd appeared with a mug of liquid, and said, " Here, I got you some hot coffee."  
" Okay…but usually kissing someone who drank coffee tastes…bad." she stated, grabbing it, " But thanks anyway!"  
Lloyd gave her a blank stare.

" What…?"  
" Nothing!"

Lloyd felt a bit more uncomfortable, but said, anyway, " Its hot, isn't it?"  
" Sure is!"  
" Actually…its iced coffee."  
Colette blinked. She thought this was an awfully odd way to sweep someone off their feet.

" Brr…Its cold!" she said, unsure of where he was going with this.

" I lied. Its steaming hot."  
Colette dropped it.

" Ouch! It is hot! It was so hot it was cold!" she cried, trying to justify herself.

" Your lying to me!" he cried, annoyed, " You can't feel anything, can you!"  
" Um…Well…" she said, stalling.

" When you kept bleeding, you didn't even flinch!" he continued, " How long has this been going on?"  
" I'm sorry…I didn't tell you cause I didn't want to worry you," said Colette, let down cause there was going to be no action of any sort tonight, " It started in the Fire Seal…I didn't want to eat anymore-"

" Anorexic!" he cried.

" And then…at the next seal I couldn't sleep anymore-"  
" Insomniac!"  
" And at this seal, I stopped feeling anything…"

" Is this what it means to become an angel? To lose…your humanity!" he asked, outraged, " I'm sorry, Colette; I didn't know anything…"

So Lloyd hugged her, as Colette figured she did get a little action; even if it was a ' friendship' hug.

" Just don't tell anyone," she said, " I don't want anyone to worry."

Actually, Colette was more scheming than she looked. She figured this would be 'their' secret, and give her and excuse to be with him alone. Yes, she is quite shallow. Like a kiddie pool.

The next day, the group returned to Luin for no apparent reason. Except Luin was in ruins.

" 10 bucks says the Desians did it," said Genis, a bit too used to the Desians destroying towns.

" Your on!" cried Lloyd.

Colette grimaced, " This is horrible…"  
They walked amongst the ruins until they got to Sheena, on the floor; panting.

" If you want to finish me off, now's your chance," she wheezed.

" Okay!" said Lloyd, drawing a sword.

Everyone glared.

" I was kidding…Sheesh."  
" Professor, she lost a lot of blood! Please, heal her!" cried Colette, worried.

Genis, on the other hand, saw no blood. Either it was invisible or 'Plot Hole Number 17.'

"…I will," replied Raine, " But first, I want to know what happened here. This could be a trap."  
" Wow, Professor is a pessimistic asshole…" said Lloyd, who was automatically slapped.

RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'PESSIMISTIC ASSHOLE!'

" Call me whatever," she said, " But I need to know."  
" The Desian's attacked…" said Sheena, simply.

" Alright! Lloyd owes me 10 bucks!" cried Genis.

" Shut up! That's not what it means!"  
" Yes it does! You bet against me!"  
That's when Clara attacked.

" Stop, you monster!" hollered Sheena.

She stepped up to fight it, and was knocked down in one hit.

" AHHH!"  
Colette flew up to her and said, firmly, " Clara! NO!"  
She too, fell beside Sheena.

" I can't imagine-" began Raine.

" Oh, well imagine, while I'm pacing the floor in a church corridor, I can't help but to hear, I can't help but to hear in exchanging of words-"  
He was socked in the stomach.

" Raine…heal Sheena!" cried Colette, " We're bbfls!"  
Sighing, she healed Sheena.

"…Why did you heal me?" asked Sheena, confused.

Lloyd shrugged.

" I don't know."  
After that intelligent response, Sheena said, shyly, " I have a favor to ask…"  
" Let me get this straight, we save your ass and now you want us to help you more after you tried to kill Colette?" asked Raine, the last with a brain.

" Okay! We'll do it!" cried Colette.

"…You don't even know what it is yet."

" Oh…yeah."

" Anyway, the people here…I owe them. I want to save them, and destroy the Human Ranch North West of here." she replied.

Everyone nodded, expect Raine, who thought they were all soft-hearted and stupid.

So, they left for the Ranch, when Genis pointed out, " Does anyone else see a pattern here?"  
" Huh? Pattern?" ask Lloyd.

" We release a seal, Desians do something stupid and then we blow up the Ranch."  
" What do you mean? Like…its predetermined or something?"  
"…Oh Go-Martel, maybe we're all being controlled by some higher power!" he screamed, suddenly, " Think about all that's happened! Its like we're in a videogame!"  
"…What's a videogame?"  
" I don't know."  
After that near brink of revelation, they continued onward as if it never happened.

Luna: I'll try harder to update quicker! AHHHH!


	14. OMGZ! MORE RANCHES! Part 1

Disclaimer: OWNS NOTHING.

Luna: Sorry if my chapter seemed a bit rushed before, but I want to extend a special thanks to everyone who suggested some songs, and **Symhonian Alchemist **for the 'Every Time We Touch' song. Personally, I hate that song, but it made a nice jibe for the last chapter. Thanks, guys! Also, I'm surprised to find another Nightwish fan, **Royal Fanatic**! Yay for Planet Hell! And please, don't take any character bashing personally…**AyakaShimuzi. **This may sound strange, but Colette is actually one of my favorite characters…(gasps all around) TOS is the one RPG in which I liked every single character. And I accidentally labeled the last chapter 14...OOPS! Also, to **Raya-san, **don't worry! I'll never give up this story!

Chapter 14: OMGZ! MORE RANCHS! Part 1...

So the gang arrived at the Asgard Ranch, only to find the security beefed up.

" Wow, this is insane…" stated Genis, " There's a lot more guards!"  
In the random grass area where they stood, there was a bright, pink boulder on the side of an entrance that did a rather poor job of blocking said entrance. Kratos, with his amazing ability to think; noticed this but said nothing. He didn't like making things easier for idiots.

" I have a plan," announced Raine.

" Me too! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Lloyd.

" Hmm?"  
" Okay, so we throw Genis in the middle of a bunch of them cause he's tiny," began Lloyd, " And then make him begin stripping-"  
" No…I wasn't thinking of that." said Raine, glaring, " Your such an idiot…"

"-So the Desians will be forced to gouge their eyes out-"  
" LLOYD!" roared Genis, clearly pissed off.

" Anyway, my plan is to strip some guards of their clothes so we can-" began Raine.

" So we can have kinky, leather outfits?" asked Colette.

Before everyone did the usual 'sigh' of 'Oh God, you're a moron'; they stopped in consideration. Why was all the Desian uniforms leathery, revealing and sometimes…with chains? Pushing such thoughts of Colette having a valid point aside; Raine continued, " No. So we can walk in with a disguise."  
" Oh…I see." said Lloyd, " I still say mine was more creative."

" But it was still stupid!" barked Genis.

Lloyd and his merry band hid behind some bushes that barely hid them and laid in wait for some unsuspecting Desians. And by 'lay in wait', I mean; stood around in plain sight. Except Kratos. Anyway, the Desians saw them 10 ft away, thanks to Lloyd's cherry red outfit; and it was less of an ambush then it was a free for all.

But they still kicked ass.

" We should head back to Luin," suggested Raine, after the battle.

" Why? That place is wasted," pointed out Lloyd.

He was ignored.

" I concur," decided Kratos, and no one had any objections; whilst the one victory of the Wind Seal that Lloyd had over him began to wear thin.

Anyway, they went back to 'Luin'. Except Luin wasn't in ruins, and there wasn't debris in sight. Instead, there was a caravan and a fire crackling; a camp. One may ask, 'Where exactly did that caravan come from? Is it a circus show?' And I would answer, 'I have no idea. At all.' That's why this little situation became 'Plot Hole Number 17,' for Genis.

Raine had dressed in the rather kinky uniform of a lance Desian, and said, " Okay, the rest of you have to be prisoners."  
" I want to be a Desian!" whined Lloyd.

" Lloyd, these are girl uniforms…"  
" So! I can cross-dress, dammnit!"  
" Thank God-Martel…" said Sheena, taking off the Desian uniform; revealing her usual purple kimono; " I hate this thing. Makes me feel slutty."

" Your…serious?" asked Raine, wide-eyed.

" Sure!"

Genis began hysterical laughing, and Colette watched, starry eyed; in hopes he would change in front of her.

" You drag queen!" cried Genis, smirking.

" Hey!" cried Colette, and slapped him, " Only real men have enough masculinity to cross-dress!"

Kratos, on the other hand; wanted to die. His son…was a puff? A fairy? A…CROSS-DRESSER!

" NO!" he screamed, the loudest anyone has ever heard him speak.

Everyone turned to stare.

" You will NOT cross dress, do you understand me!" cried Kratos, livid.

" Um…Why?" asked Lloyd, " Its not cause I like it, its because we have to-"  
" Well, your wanted, Lloyd! We need you as a prisoner!" he said, quickly covering himself, " Yeah…and Colette too!"  
" But I wanted to wear the-"  
" SHUTUP!" screamed Kratos, having a break down, " WE'LL DO THIS AS I SAY! OKAY? I'M BOSS MAN AROUND HERE!"

Everyone shrunk several feet away from him; pale as paper.

" So…what do we do?" asked Sheena, blinking.

" We go in, Raine and you pretending to be Desians. Case closed," said Kratos, quickly.

"…Wow, you just sounded like a chastising father then." said Genis, mildly scared.

" I DID NOT!" he cried, the vein in his temple threatening to burst.

So, the next day came; and they followed good old Kratos' plan.

" We got the wanted criminal, Lloyd Irving," stated Raine, when they approached the ranch.

" Wow! He bares a striking resemblance to the Wanted Poster!" cried the Desian guarding the door.

" I don't have a mustache! How the hell do I look like that drawing!" he cried, annoyed.

" Shutup, inferior being!" cried Raine, bitch slapping him.

He winced, she was just staying in character…right?

" Okay, go on in!" cried the Desian, and in they went.

They got to the control room, where Raine and Sheena changed to normal.

" Well, that was pretty boring…" commented Lloyd, on their situation.

Just then, Botta and his random friends that all look alike; rushed in.

" YOU!" he shouted.

" Hey, aren't those the Desians at the Triet Desert?" asked Genis.

" Wait…they still think we're Desians? How dense are they?" asked one of them.

" Very…" sighed Botta.

" Looking for a fight?" asked Lloyd, grinning.

" Well- No! Kratos, is with them; we should retreat!" cried Botta, noticing him.

"…You know each other…?" asked Lloyd.

" Well, if you consider being best friends with his commander for 400 years knowing each other; sure…"

" WHAT?" cried Genis, " Okay, bribe money won't stop this; I mean…EVERYONE HEARD IT!"

" That was joke…" he replied, sheepishly.

" Oh…"  
Gullible as usual, Botta and friends ran off.

" I hear voices in the other room…" said Colette, wide-eyed.

" Its just her schizophrenia, I don't hear anything," said Genis, blinking.

" Yeah, but let's be careful anyway. There's a fine line between insanity and brilliance." suggested Lloyd.

" Where the hell did that come from?"  
" I…don't know."  
Sure enough, Lloyd ran like a retard to the door; and Colette as well as Kratos went with him. And got hit by the fireballs the Emperor Desians were casting when the door opened.

" Save yourself…" wheezed Colette.

" Save yourself a penny for the ferryman!" sang Lloyd, " Save yourself and let them suffer!…No! Colette! Kratos!"  
" Wait…Oh! I'm fine!" she chirped, suddenly.

"…I concur."

Just then, a slit-eyed; Chinese looking Desian walked in.

" I am Kvar. And I'm surprised you survived an attack like that." he said.

" Oh, come on!" cried Genis, " Those were level 1 fire balls! They don't do ANY damage anymore! Their outdated! Killed! Dead! Just like Good Charlotte!"  
" Good…Charlotte?"  
" Honestly, Genis, Where do you get these things?" asked Raine , " I've never seen you pick up books or anything…its like your channeling the dead or something."  
" Is it a cry for help?" asked Genis, worried.

" Ahem!" shouted Kvar, " You infiltrated my ranch! Now you must pay!"  
Colette, for some reason, had grown an intellect. She threw her charkems at Kvar, who dodged it. The gang then rushed him and ran out the door he had came in.

" Nice job, Colette!" complemented Lloyd.

" Yay! Date me?" she asked.

" No."

After that subtle rejection, they kept moving. One would think that Kvar would be right behind them. I mean, they didn't gain that much of an advantage from hitting them. But he wasn't. Plot Hole Number 18.

They got as far to a conveyer belt sealed over with glass; and people behind it.

" What is that?" asked Lloyd, horrified.

" It's a conveyer belt," explained Genis.

" NO! I mean…what are they doing?"  
" Standing."  
" NO! I mean…what the hell is going on!"  
" You see…" came Kvar, coming out of nowhere, " Exspheres get nourishment and such from host bodies before consuming them. Human Ranches are Exsphere manufacturing plants."

" Exspheres…are made from people?" gasped Raine.

" SOIL AND GREEN IS MADE FROM PEOPLE!" screamed Lloyd.

" That's…horrible!" cried Genis.

" Now, hand over your Ex-sphere, Lloyd!" demanded Kvar.

" Again with my Ex-sphere? What's so special about it?"

" It was a prime work from my Angelus Project. Your filthy mother died protecting it!"  
"…What?…My…mother? YOU KILLED HER!" he cried.

" No…your father did. When her Ex-sphere was removed, she turned into a monster! What a pitiful end-"  
" SHUTUP! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" he screamed, " You killed my mother…Prepare to die!"  
" Don't speak ill on the dead!" cried Kratos, interjecting.

" We're sorta surrounded…" mentioned Genis.

Indeed they were. So Sheena moved forward and cried, " I'll handle this!" Then, to herself, " I'm going to use the last one, Grandpa…So any hopes of me kicking ass with this thing in their party is not gonna happen."  
She used a Spell Card, and a bird thing appeared as they disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Later, they appeared at the random Plot Hole camp site.

"…I can't believe it…" said Lloyd, " Ex-spheres are people's lives."

" This is Marble's life…" said Genis, staring at his.

Raine just stared at her Ex-sphere because it was part of history.

" Argh!" screamed Lloyd, and took off his Ex-sphere; about to shove it in the fire.

" I understand that your upset," said Colette, " But what good will that do? If it wasn't for Ex-spheres, we'd probably died awhile back."  
" Colette's right," said Kratos, " I can't believe I said that. Anyway, your mom would probably want you to live on, and not throw her away. If you were turned into an Ex-sphere, wouldn't of you wanted to be useful to someone who had the will to break such a tragic cycle?"  
"…Uh…Guys?" said Lloyd, perplexed, " The fire needed tending, so I thought the Ex-sphere would fuel it."  
" You idiot! Use fire wood!" cried Genis, annoyed.

And he did. And Kratos and Colette felt slightly irritated for consoling him when it didn't even seem to bother him as much as they thought.

The next morning, Lloyd announced, " I want to live on, for my Mother's sake as well!"  
" So that means you'll fight," stated Kratos.

" Sure!"  
" We should go to Hima," said Sheena, suddenly, " The guy who escaped, Pietro; is there. He may know a way in."  
" How do you know him?" asked Lloyd, " Was he…your boyfriend?"  
At the mention of anything at the opposite gender, Sheena blushed; embarrassed and denied it immediately. She was rather smooth. Like me. And that's sarcasm, folks.

They left for Hima. Which was impossible to find.

" Where the hell is this place, Sheena?" asked Lloyd, bored.

" Uh…it's a hill off a mountain…" she said, " Its like a random orange strip that's on a mountain."

" Wow, really, Sheena?" asked Colette, amazed, " I'm so glad we're bffls!"  
With that, she shoved a 'friendship bracelet' upon her wrist.

" IS she like this to everyone?" asked Sheena, sighing.

" Yeah, until someone else close to our age joins the party. Then she's like that to them," explained Lloyd.

Eventually, they arrived at Hima. Where Lloyd met the Wonder Chef.

" I am the Mysterious Gourmet, the Wonder Chef!" he cried.

Lloyd decided that he would let him live. This time.

" Wait! You're the bastard that's been murdering all my friends!" he screamed, suddenly.

Fork in stabbing position, Lloyd had to put him down.

ACQUIRED RECIPE FOR MEAT STEW BECAUSE YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP TO STOP NOW!

Luna: Music used: ' One Step Closer'-Linkin Park and ' Planet Hell' by Nightwish. And…I had to use those lines from the Venture Brothers : shifty eyes: I couldn't help it! Anyway, I'll take more requests ( Grins stupidly) THANKS FOR REVIEWS!


	15. OMGZ! MORE RANCHS! Part 2

Disclaimer: Owns natta.

Luna: YAY REVIEWSSSS! Er, since its been asked a lot; I'll tell you how I'm going to write Zelos. Zelos' character will basically be the same ( I need some normalcy to balance it out, if you notice Sheena isn't really all that…weird like everyone else. Some of them have to notice the others'…weirdness.) except 10 times more EMO and ANGST-FILLED. Anyway, only Genis will notice; as per usual. As for Regal…I'm not sure yet. And Presea will basically be robotic…

Chapter 15: OMGZ! MORE RANCHS! Again.

They reached Hima, and went into the Inn where Sheena talked to a lady NPC.

" Hello Sheena!" she greeted.

" Hey, is Pietro around?" she asked.

" He's dead…" she said, solemnly.

Collective gasps all around.

" Well, where's his grave?" asked Raine.

" Professor! You necrophilia psycho!" cried Lloyd, " And that was Sheena's boyfriend! That's sick!"  
" Lloyd…seriously. That's not funny," said Sheena, slowly, " Its gross. And if anyone is with anyone, its definitely you and Colette."

Colette was staring into the distance, drooling a bit. When she caught Lloyd looking at her, she winked. He shuddered.

" That's sick! We're FRIENDS! God, can't someone of opposite genders just be friends!"  
"…Not according to you." said Sheena, blandly.

Apparently, Kratos was no longer the only one who can tell off Lloyd.

SHEENA OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' NOT EXACTLY CONDESCENDING, BUT CAN STILL DISH IT OUT, TOO!'

Lloyd was also slapped.

" His grave is on the top of the cliff," said the NPC, " Please…don't dig up his grave…"  
" What ever gave you that idea?" asked Genis, confused, " What do we look like? Some sick people who dig up dead bodies and sell their parts on the black market?"  
The NPC immediately regretted saying anything.

So they went to the grave site.

" Let us pray," decided Colette, bowing her head.

And everyone prayed. Except Lloyd. He was too busy humming, " Now stay where I can see you douse the lights! We sure are in for a show tonight!" and stopped when he realized it was dead silent.

That's when a random NPC stumbled over to them, looking drunk.

" Pietro?" asked Sheena, shocked.

" Wait…I thought he was dead…" stated Genis.

" Then that leaves only one explanation…" said Lloyd, tone dark, " He's a…ZOMBIE!"

Lloyd charged at him, swords flashing, and Kratos pushed him down.

" He is not a zombie! There's no such things as monsters!" said Kratos, annoyed.

" How can you say that! We fight giant lady bugs, grasshoppers, the occasionally fat man with a lance and you say there's no such thing as monsters!"  
" Lloyd, that's just the forest animals! And those other things are simply bandits."

Lloyd considered this. So did I. Who was right? Who was wrong? All about perception, kids. Makes you think, huh?…No. Not really. Anyway…

" Chosen…Stupid…" muttered Pietro, " Ambiguous hot pink boulder…prunes…"

" You said he was dead!" cried Sheena.

" Please, go away! Leave us alone!"  
" Look, this man is the reason Luin is in ruins! And you can't even let us talk to him for a bit?"  
The NPC woman looked away and said, " He's been affected by the curse…here…"  
She handed the party the Desian Orb as Pietro muttered, "…Circa Survive…rocks…ambiguous hot pink boulder…"

" What's he talking about?" asked Lloyd, clueless as ever.

" A band we never heard of?" asked Colette, who was partially right.

" No! Are you all retarded or something?" asked Kratos, steamed, " He's talking about that boulder at the entrance that CLEARLY didn't belong there! Jesus!"

Everyone was once again convinced Kratos had anger management issues. But alongside these fools and Genis, who wouldn't get a sky rocketing blood pressure?

" Ahem…Please find the healing art in the Tower of Mana to heal him," she continued, suddenly.

She was ignored.

" Okay! To the ranch!" cried Lloyd.

And they were off to see Kvar. The wonderful Kvar of OZ.

Lloyd spotted the boulder immediately, and tried pushing it.

" Its too heavy!" he moaned.

" Maybe your just a pansy!" cried Genis, smiling.

" Shut up!"  
"…How about we use the Desian Orb?" asked Raine.

" Haha! Like that'll ever work!"

So Lloyd spent another 5 minutes trying to push the boulder until he fell back from exhaustion. Then Raine gained an edge to open the entrance, with the Desian Orb.

" Ha! Told you I could do it!" he cried, when he stood up; unaware that it was the Orb and not he that moved the ambiguously pink boulder.

They ended up at the control room, where Raine rushed to the computer mainframe.

" This magititechonly is astounding!" she concluded, tapping the buttons, " I bet it dated all the way back to the Ancient Khalran War!"

" Wow, its just a Mac," stated Sheena, unimpressed.

" Eh?" asked Lloyd.

" Nothing. Just talking to myself."

" You do that a lot…"  
" So do I!" volunteered Colette.

" Okay, so we have to disarm some switches-" began Raine.

Colette was too busy trying to grab the on screen map blocks and whining about how they disappeared when she touched them.

"…So we have to split into 2 groups. One to take on Kvar and one to help the captives." said Raine, " Normally I'd ask the Chosen to choose, but she seems a bit…preoccupied now."  
Colette was scowling at the blinking lights that signified the disarm switch. She continued swiping at it, though.

" And even though Kratos and I are adults, we don't want to get blamed for your deaths if we spilt you up wrong," continued Raine, " And Genis is my brother. So it's up to you, Lloyd."

" Me?"  
" Yes…"  
So Lloyd picked Genis and Colette for the team. Kratos seemed annoyed and said, "…You're too weak to defeat Kvar. You'll be severely outmatched."

So he choose Genis and Raine.

" Genis and Raine…still your too outmatched."

Lloyd realized this was Kratos' manipulation to put him the party. Well, Lloyd decided to hell with that; and put him in the other party.

" I wanted to go with Lloyd…" whined Colette, saddened.

" In more ways than one…" grumbled Sheena.

Colette nodded, like a retard.

Lloyd made his way swiftly to another area, where he found that the Sorcerer's Ring changed! Apparently, the fire had longer range. He remembered Colette and her pyromania, and was happy that he put her far away from him. Far enough so he won't become a crispy Lloyd.

He walked on the conveyor belt, shot the random light things and stopped the conveyor belt. Lloyd walked up it, entered a room with a Warp hole; and screamed, " This is it! I'm going to kick Kvar's ass!"

But…nothing happened.

" That's a let down…I guess we'll have to wait for the others…"

" Hey, who wants to play some checkers?" asked Genis, " It'll kill time!"  
" Your such a nerd…"

A checker was pelted at Lloyd.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' GLUTTON OF PUNISHMENT!'

Colette, meanwhile; announced, " Oh! We should get going!"  
She frolicked in the halls, and easily attracted the attention of all the guards thanks to 'Happy Happy Joy Joy.' Kratos was minorly, NO, majorly annoyed that he was put with the dumb Chosen and the assassin. After many battles, Sheena decided to have a 'victory line'.

" And don't come back!" she shouted, making her cards float in the air.

" I don't think they can come back," pointed out Colette.

" Your becoming more like Lloyd, aren't you?"

"…Technically you are. Their dead, so they can't come back."

COLETTE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' OMG! RARE STROKES OF BRILLIANCE!

So Colette ran around, fought Ray bits, and activated switches. Until the security was disarmed.

Meanwhile, Lloyd was still playing checkers against Genis, and failing miserably; while Raine managed to burn the omelet she was cooking. Genis stopped for a second, and realized they had no oven, mircowave ( The hell is that, anyway?) or any means to fry an Omelet. He made this 'Plot Hole Number 19'.

" I hear-" began Raine.

" I hear that its good t-to stick to what you know!" finished Lloyd.

"…Sure. Anyway, I think Colette and the others did it. We should go."

" Alright!" cried Lloyd, " Let's kick his ass!"

And he ran into the Warp Hole, guns ablazing.

" Stop avoiding my questions!" cried Kvar, in his office; talking to a scantly clad woman on the screen, " You DID sleep with Magnuis, didn't you?"  
" Kvar!" shouted Lloyd, " My name is Lloyd Irving. You killed my mother! Prepare to die!"  
" Oh…He does bear a resemblance…" Proyma commented.

" Stop it! You keep changing the subject!" he whined, and Lloyd suddenly felt a bit bad for him, " You've only been with me to steal the Angelus Project! Admit it!"

" I grow weary of your accusations, Kvar," she sighed, " No one likes a jealous boyfriend. And I heard that Rodyle has used you in another plan…"

" Look, Kvar, we're supposed to have an epic battle in which I avenge my mom," said Lloyd, seriously, " So stop talking to your girlfriend already, and fight."  
" Pussy whipped!" hissed Genis, laughing.

By this time, Colette and the merry band had arrived on the other side of the office thing. Why they didn't race over to join them in fight was beyond me; they weren't THAT far away.

" I AM NOT!" shouted Kvar, " Look, Lady Proynma! I'll get his Ex-sphere and I'll show you that I AM a man!"  
"…Wait, Lady Proynma? Isn't that the person that malnourished Desian screamed before she died?" asked Genis, " But…she said Lord…and that would mean she's a he…?"  
Plot Hole 20, ladies and gentlemen.

" YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT FROM ME!" shouted Lloyd.

And the fight commenced.

It would've been easy, too, if those damn Power Stones weren't around. The floating stones liked to surround Lloyd and spin around him. A lot. After much static electricity and messed up, frizzy hair ( along with some burns and such) Kvar was defeated.

" I did it Mom…I avenged you…" said Lloyd, as melodramatic music wafted into the air.

Kvar stumbled around and cried, " No…How could I lose…?"  
Lloyd went in for the kill, and struck him with his sword. So did Kratos.

" Hey! This is my melodramatic revenge scene!" he screamed, annoyed, " Why must you ALWAYS try to one-up me!"  
Kratos ignored him, and continued slicing him to ribbons; until Kvar cried, " Damn…inferior beings!"  
" Feel the pain of the those inferior beings," SLICE! " You so hate! As you BURN in hell."  
Lloyd grumbled about how he couldn't be half as good at murder lines and then proclaimed, as Kvar bleed heavily, " And I know what your thinking. Did he fire 5 shots, or 6? The question is, are you feeling lucky, punk? Are you?"  
Everyone gave him an odd look.

"…And you said I channel dead people," mumbled Genis.

Although Kvar was like, dying, he suddenly jumped up and attacked Lloyd again. Who just tried to shield himself, stupidly, as Colette jumped in the way.

" Colette!" he screamed.

" I…I'm okay," she said, blood dripping from every pore.

"…Ew…"

" We need to get her to an Inn," stated Raine, " But first, I must blow this ranch sky high to fill the void in my heart. BURN BABY BURN-"  
" Disco Inferno!" finished Lloyd, and held Colette close.

Who really enjoyed that.

" Colette, I can't keep it a secret any longer!" he shouted.

" Your gay, aren't you?" asked Sheena, looking slightly let down.

"…No…What? Anyway, Colette can't feel any longer! She's losing her humanity! If that's what it means to be an angel, it sucks real bad!"  
" That's horrible!" cried Genis.

So they ran off to the Asgard Inn, after briefly considering Plot Hole camp site, until realizing there were no beds. So off to the Inn!

The gang stood around Colette as she slept…Oh yeah! I forgot! She can't sleep!

" You should stop this crazy world regeneration thing!" cried Sheena, trying to manipulate Colette, " You can't eat your favorite foods, you can't feel…you can't do anything! Don't you miss all that?"

" Sheena!" she cried, hugging her, " Thank you for worrying! You really are a true friend!"  
…Yeah. Okay.

" If Colette's been losing all of this, I wonder what'll happen to at the final seal?" asked Genis.

" She'll die, obviously," stated Kratos.

Followed by bribe money.

Luna: Hope you liked it! Next chapter I'll do the song request…( is rushing)


	16. Unicorns!

Disclaimer: Owns nothing.

Luna: Woo! Last chapter's songs were 'I Am Fred Astaire' from Taking Back Sunday, ' I Constantly Thank God For Etseban'-Panic! At the Disco. If you have any ideas you want me to use in this story, just send me a message via fan fiction. And…Thanks for all the support! Here it is!  
Chapter 16: Unicorns!

Lloyd and the merry decided to make a pit stop at Lake Umacy. For no apparent reason. There, they witnessed a unicorn in the lake.

" Raine!" cried Genis, excited, " it's a unicorn! A unicorn!"  
" Alright! I heard you the first time!" snapped Raine.

" So there are still unicorns on this side…" said Sheena, to herself.

" Huh?" asked Lloyd.

" Uh…you know! This side! I represent the east side, yo! And your on the west coast…yo!"

They ignored Sheena's outburst, since the group was becoming immune to such things; it was as common as the common cold.

" Isn't there anything we can do to help it?" asked Colette, " Its so…shiny."

" We can use it for healing techniques," mused Raine, " So I can dissect it and study it. And, of course, heal Pietro and Clara."

" Can't we just swim to it?" asked Lloyd, impatient.

" You can't hold your breath that long."

"…I can't?"  
" No."

" Oh."  
Lloyd sighed, and looked around; feeling hopeless. That is, until Sheena piped up, " There is a way…"

" Really?"  
" If a summoner can form a pact with Undine, we can control the mana of the water," she explained.

" But we're not summoners…"  
" Well…er…I- I am." she managed.

" Wow! That's amazing!" cried Colette.

And maybe Sheena would've been flattered, if she didn't remember that if Lloyd were to tie his shoelace less shoes; Colette would've thought that was amazing too. She also thought the 'mystery' of air was amazing.

" If we can go to the Seal Of Water…I could form a pact. But you don't have to or anything…" she said, shyly.

" Alright! We'll do it!" cried Lloyd, ecstatic.

The children left, leaving Raine and Kratos alone.

" Do you smell what I smell?" she asked.

"…More side quests." he replied.

" Yeah. More side quests."

And they were off.

Backtracking to Thoda Geyser consisted of many battles that were long, drawn out, and pointless.

Luckily, this time, the washtubs cleverly dubbed as ' boats' were for free; since Colette was chosen and all.

Once again in the Seal of Water, Lloyd raced all the way back to the altar, where Colette and Genis began chanting, " PACT! PACT! WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!"

" Okay, we get it," said Lloyd, rolling his eyes, " What immaturity…"  
" Your one to talk…" mumbled Kratos.

" Stop it! I might fail, you know…" said Sheena, miserably.

" Way to have self-esteem," said Lloyd, " But I'm sure you can do it!"

Sheena stepped forward, and Undine appeared.

" I am Undine, I am bound to a pact to Mithos," she said.

" Mithos? The Hero from the Ancient-" began Lloyd, but Genis slapped his hand across his mouth.

" Kharlan War!" finished Raine, eyes sparkling a bit.

" I want to form a pact!" cried Sheena.

" As things are now, I can not. I can not be bound by 2 pacts…" she stated.

Sheena stared, then began panicking.

" What do I do!" she wailed, " They never taught me this at the Imperial Research Academy! AHHHH!"  
" Calm down…maybe you can make her break the old pact or something," suggested Lloyd.

" Or, you can annul the old pact," came Kratos, the sole voice of reason, " Perhaps the old summoner is dead, or broke his vow. You can annul it-"  
" Just like how celebrities annul their marriages that they had for one night in Vegas cause they were drunk!" interrupted Lloyd.

"…Right."

" Okay…I'll give it a try," said Sheena, calming down a bit, " I am a pact maker, Sheena! I request that thou annuls thou pact with Mithos and establish a new pact with me!"  
" Draw your weapons," replied Undine.

" What? We have to fight!" asked Lloyd, flabbergasted.

" Seriously now, did you just expect her to talk to her?" asked Kratos, " Now get ready!"  
" Why?" asked Sheena.

" I have to test your worth…It begins."

Undine was a piece of cake to fight. Chocolate cake. With vanilla frosting. You get the picture. The group successfully defeated her, thanks to Sheena's mystical cards and Lloyd's sword skills. As in he repeatedly poked her with the sword until she died.

" I…am impressed," said Undine, after the fight, " Now make your vow."  
" People are suffering…" said Sheena, " I vow to help those people."  
" Very well."  
And Undine disappeared into a scattered amount of blue energy.

So they backtracked ALL the way back to Lake Umacy, where Lloyd said, " Alright! Let's pet the pretty unicorn!"  
Kratos scoffed at Lloyd's unmanliness, and said, " That's not enough. Only a pure maiden can talk to a unicorn. So Lloyd, Genis and I are out."  
" Are you sure Lloyd can't talk to it?" asked Genis, snickering.

" Shut UP! I had to dress like that cause of the ranch!" he cried.

"…So, then its Colette," said Raine, " I'll stay here."  
" Why?" asked Genis.

Something clicked in Lloyd's head.

"…Pure means…OH MY GOD! RAINE ISN'T A VIR-" he began, but Genis slapped him; already fully aware of what he was about to say.

" Oh Martel! Lloyd was right about her and that lice haired dude in Asgard! AHHHH!" and began to vomit.

" Hey, am I not qualified?" asked Sheena, annoyed.

" Eh?" asked Lloyd, still trying to get bad mental images out of his head.

" I'm a pure maiden!" she cried, upset.

" Well, out of everyone your about the last I would've thought…" commented Lloyd, who was promptly bitch slapped.

Genis was too busy vomiting. Still.

" Then Sheena and Colette will see the unicorn," decided Kratos, taking charge; or they'd be here forever.

" Undine!" cried Sheena, " Take us to the unicorn!"

Undine nodded, and they were taken across the water, where the unicorn surfaced.

" Martel?" asked the unicorn.

" No, Colette," said Colette, " Can I pet you?"

" Your not Martel?" asked the unicorn, " But this mana…and this sickness…"

Colette began stroking the unicorn, grinning stupidly.

"…Martel wasn't an idiot, so your obviously not her…" sighed the unicorn.

" We need that unicorn horn," said Sheena, " To help cure Colette's illness!"  
Funny how Sheena was bent on killing her not too long ago and now she wants to save her…hmmm…

" I live to serve Martel…" he said, and the horn turned into a shiny light that went into Colette.

" Hey! Are you okay?" asked Colette, as the unicorn began fading.

" Do I LOOK okay!…The horn is our life force…Use it well…" said the unicorn, and died.

Sheena and Colette went back, solemnly.

" The unicorn died…" she said, miserable.

" Yes…that is to be expected," said Kratos, indifferent.

" You knew!" shouted Sheena, " Your sick!"  
" Although its dead, another one will be born in its place," said Raine, " That is why unicorns are the symbolism of death and rebirth."

"…Isn't that what phoenixes are?" asked Genis.

" No. Shut up."

Meet Plot Hole Number 20.

RAINE ACQUIRED RESURRECTION!

" Let's make good use of that horn," decided Lloyd, " The unicorn died for it."

So they were off to the Tower of Mana, where Raine latched herself to the door and began sobbing.

" Its LOCKED!" she cried, banging against it weakly, " NOOO!"  
" That's really too bad…" said Lloyd, bored.

" Then we shouldn't waste time here," said Kratos, " You've wasted enough of my time with your ' let's save everyone' bullshit. Time is money!"  
" But…" began Raine.

" Its magi technology, we're gonna need a key," said Sheena, " and the way things are going, the key will probably just randomly pop out of the air."

" Yeah…like its all pre-determined…" mused Genis, " Like a videogame!"

" Didn't we have this conversation before?" asked Lloyd.

" But what's a videogame?"  
And just like before, the revelation slipped away on that one question.

So they went all the way back to Hima, as Lloyd began complaining about back tracking. Entering Hima, they noticed something was going on in front of the Inn.

A bunch of random adventurers were surrounding Clara, and screamed, " Alright! Finish her!"  
" Stop-" began Raine.

" Stop, turn, take a look around! At all the sights and sounds! Let em bring you in!" sang Lloyd.

" No! Don't hurt her!" cried Colette.

As usual, Clara escaped by pushing Raine and her aside, and the adventurer's ran after her. That's when Genis noticed a key on the floor.

" Look! I found the key to the Tower that was locked!" he cried, "…Why would a brainless monster be carrying a key minutes after we find some place we need to go that's locked?"  
Plot Hole number 21 was born.

Once again, they run back to the Tower of Mana, where they use the key and end up inside.

" Hey, isn't that an oracle stone?" asked Colette.

" it's a seal!" cried Raine, " And my GOD-er, Martel, IT'S A LIBRARY!"

Raine raced at the book shelf, and began throwing books about in a frenzy.

" …Damn reading. Stupid English skills!" cried Lloyd, " Why does school plague me so!"

" Lloyd, Lloyd you should've used Hooked on Phonics!" sighed Genis, " It workz foo mee!"  
" Uh-Huh…"

Colette touched the orcale stone, and nothing happened.

" Um…is it broken?" she asked.

There was a blue apparatus up ahead, and Raine cried, " I have a plan! Genis, Lloyd, go step on those blue circles!"

" Does Raine have a split personality?" Asked Sheena.

" Yeah, but we like to keep that on the down low," confined Genis.  
They did. The door opened.

" We did it!" cried Lloyd, and stepped off.

The door closed.

" Wha!"  
He stepped back on.

The door opened.

He stepped off.

It closed again.

Lloyd glared and screamed, " What the hell is WRONG with this thing!"  
" Obviously, 3 of us have to stay behind to keep it open," said Kratos, bored, " A retarded monkey can figure that much out."

" So pick someone to come with you besides Colette," said Raine, " Which is obviously me, because I need to study the ruin. And if you don't let me, I will hurt you."  
Afraid of more physical abuse, he nodded. Remember kids, if you have friends who actually smack you around; sue them.

They raced up a spiral staircase, and fought new found horrors, like living teddy bears and evil swords. Oh…Scary.

Lloyd had to brave 'hard' puzzles, as in burning a curtain for light to appear and hit a glass block to connect to a light thing. Wow…

Lloyd kept moving until a warp hole thing projected Genis' image.

" AH!" he cried, and stabbed it.

Luckily, it was only an image; and not actually Genis.

" You could've stabbed me!" cried Genis, annoyed, " Whats your problem?"  
" Why aren't you dying!" cried Lloyd, in a state of panic, " Are you…A GHOST? YARGHH!"

" Idiot…" mumbled Raine, and pushed him out of the way, " it's a computer generated image, its not solid…"

Panting, Lloyd put away his swords and brightened.

" Really?"  
Really was becoming REALLY overused, really fast.

" Another door opened here," said Genis, " Should we go in?"  
" Of course," answered Raine.

Genis, Kratos and Sheena began their trek to meet the others. They journeyed on spiral staircases, and ended up in a room with several blocks and a light thing.

"…Why do we get the hard puzzle?" whined Genis.

And so, he got to work.

Meanwhile, our other heros were growing bored.

" Whats taking them so long?" asked Lloyd.

" Maybe they were attacked by rabid wolverines?" suggested Colette.

" Or maybe…their fighting an unspeakable evil," suggested Raine.

"…Oh. Who wants to play 'Name That Tune?'" he asked.

" I will show you the country and all its secrets, like why these lights burn out so quick!" he sang.

Colette and Raine gave him blank stares.

" I think I shall take this extra time to carbon date that wall," decided Raine.

" And I think I'll use it to better get to know Lloyd," said Colette, grinning.

" Huh? Like what? My favorite color is red!" he offered.

And Colette thought she was dumb.

Luna: DONE! Songs used ' Lights and Sounds' for ZeldaFan422 ( Yellow card), and 'These Lights'-by The Forecast. Yeah…I listen to odd bands…LATERS!


	17. Kratos is gasp! a traitor!

Disclaimer: Owns natta.

Luna: Thanks, fans! You guys rock! And…um…I'll gladly put in the Shakria song, but I don't listen to her and have no idea what the words to that song is…( turns away, ashamed) Damn my musical biased nature! Anyway, get ready for a long one…

Chapter 17: Kratos is (gasp!) A TRAITOR!

Genis finally finished the stupid puzzle, and ran up more spiral stairs. Until he reached a platform thing that projected images. Lloyd appeared, and screamed, " Genis! Are you trapped in there?"  
" No!…Idiot. We reached here, come and meet us before moving on," said Genis.

" No! You come here!"

" That doesn't make any sense!"  
" I know, I just felt like arguing."  
So Lloyd ran around, met Genis, blah, blah, warp pad.

Then, just like EVERY OTHER SEAL, they were attacked.

This time, by a horse (?) thing? Weird ass looking thing…anyway, after ruthlessly murdering it; they were good to go.

Remiel came down, spouted angel transformation nonsense, and then Colette obtained an attack of ' SACRIFICE'. If that's not foreshadowing of what's to come, I don't know what is.

And so, the gang moved all the way back to the library area, where Lloyd randomly found Boltzman's Book.

" Great, now we can save that mumbling guy!" declared Lloyd.

But they didn't get too far, because Colette collapsed outside again.

" Professor, it's the Angel Toxicous!" he cried, as she fell.

" I see…We should make camp again," said Raine.

"…" said Colette, then panicked, "…!"

" Colette, what's wrong?" asked Lloyd, eyes wide.  
" I would assume she lost her voice," came Kratos, " And my assumptions are always correct so I'm not assuming, I'm telling you. Colette lost her voice."

" Colette's…lost her voice?" asked Genis, " Alright! I mean…That's horrible!"

Gathered around the campfire, Sheena suddenly stood up.

" Everyone, I have an announcement to make," she said.

" Your pregnant, aren't you?" asked Lloyd.

" What? No!" she cried, blushing, " I wanted to tell everyone why I was trying to assassinate the Chosen."

" Go on…" Raine stated.

" The place where I come from, Tetealla, will decline if the regeneration is complete," said Sheena, " My world is parallel to yours, each both vying for the same amount of mana."

" Tetealla? The moon?" asked Genis, blinking.  
" Wait…so you're an alien? I thought you'd be green, and little and a man !" exclaimed Lloyd.

" No, silly. I already said it was a parallel dimension. Anyway…the people here are suffering too, and I can't abandon my home world, either," said a deeply troubled Sheena.

Colette grabbed Lloyd's hand and began making letters in it. This also gave her an excuse to touch him without him freaking.

" R-E-M-? REM? That depressing band that sings about sad, lonely people outside their windows and how their losing their religion?" asked Lloyd, " Oh…wait, I-E-L! I'll ask Remiel…"

" Really? Thanks Colette," said Sheena, then deadpanned, " But if it comes down to it, I may have to kill you."

Colette traced more letters on Lloyd's palm, and he said, " And…I will fight back because I love this…world. Hey, isn't there anyway for both worlds to be happy?"  
" And you seriously think something that convient exists in the real world?" asked Raine, a downer as always, " Please…you can't have your cake and eat it, too."

" But if I couldn't eat my cake, why would I want to have cake?" asked Lloyd, thoughtfully.

Ignoring him, Raine went on and said, " So world regeneration is just the competition for mana?"

" Yeah. Sort of like an hourglass. A really sucky one…" replied Sheena, " Colette…your really going to go through with this?"  
She nodded.

The next day, they ended up at Hima. Good, old, Hima. First, they went to the Inn to save Pietro. His sister/NPC girl asked, " The spell? He keeps incoherently mumbling…"

" I'm…sick…of these…mother(censored)ing…snakes…on…this…plane…Chosen…stupid…"mumbled Pietro.

" Resurrection!" cried Raine.

And Pietro was healed.

Genis didn't understand any of this, 'Resurrection' was used when someone was Ko'ed; not nuts. And he was certainly not Ko'ed.

Clearly, this was a Plot Hole 22.

" Wha…Where am I?" he asked, " I had the oddest dream. You were there, he was there, and there was an airport…and Samuel L. Jackson was there…"

Everyone gave blank stares.

" Who is Samuel L. Jackson, anyway?" he mused, " Wait! I made it to Hima! Thanks, Sheena!"  
" Uh…Thank Raine, she healed you," she said, modestly.

" Oh! I need a to tell the Chosen an important message!" he cried, " There's something evil with something called the Mana Cannon with the Desians and something called the Angelus Project!"  
" Relax, we whupped Kvar," said Genis, arrogantly.

" Well, we have time to worry about that later, and heal Clara when we have time," decided Kratos, always quick to rush everyone.

They went to view the tower of Salvation, when a throw back from the 70's with a large afro appeared.

" Want to get closer to the Tower?"  
" Yeah!" answered Lloyd.

" Then take my Dragon Tour! I'll give it to you for a cheap, low price of 6,000 Gald!"  
" Your KIDDING!" cried Genis, " That's not low!"

" We need it for world regeneration," said Raine, the magic words.

Disco Man was appalled, and said, " I can't possibly take money from the Chosen!"

Apparently, being the sacrificial lamb for a false religion gave you discounts on everything.

So they left, when Raine decided, " I suggest we split up for this evening, but don't leave the town."  
" Then how exactly is that splitting up?" asked Lloyd.

" Shutup!"

Anyway, they 'split' as in Lloyd had to talk to everyone to advance the plot.

First, he talked to Sheena.

" You know, I wonder what kind of Goddess would make a twisted world like this," she said, annoyed.

" Yeah, I'd like to give her a swift kick in the rear for this," agreed Lloyd.

" Hehe, Yeah…Seems like Colette's going to do it…"

" I know…"

After talking to her, he went over to Raine, and she said, " You should see Colette. Its her last night."  
" What!"  
" As a human."

" Oh, yeah. Hey, Professor, you have brains and stuff. Can't you figure out a way we can save both worlds and so Colette doesn't have to suffer?"  
"…Don't-"  
" Don't act like you don't see me, darling, coming. Don't act like you don't see me-"  
" Don't you see? Its because I'm a scholar that I'm letting this happen. I'm obtaining a lot of important research from observing Colette. I'll let all my friends suffer if it means important research data."

" Your one sick…sadistic creep!"  
And Lloyd walked off, disgusted. He bumped into her brother, Genis.

" Its times like these that I think of how stupid I've been," said Genis.

" Eh?"  
" Are we really doing the right thing, Lloyd?"  
" I don't know. And people who do are the real stupid ones; don't you think?"  
" Wow, you just basically said we're stupid and don't know what we're doing; candy-coated! Thanks, Lloyd!"  
" Sure!"

Next was Kratos.

" Lloyd…tomorrow, don't make a big mistake," he said.

" If I make a mistake, can't I just do it over?"  
" Ha, do it over," said Kratos, venomously, " This isn't some cheap Game cube game that you can just press the reset button and just fix whatever went wrong!"

" Okay…Don't bite my head off…"  
" Lloyd, don't die."

" Aw, come on! Don't get all soft on me now!"

Kratos shook his head and turned.

Shrugging, Lloyd went back to the Inn where Colette was waiting.

" Come on, let's go talk," he said.

Colette and Lloyd ended up at the cliff area, staring at the Tower of Salvation.

" Its weird, that I can't talk…" Lloyd said, as Colette wrote, " Aw, no! You could turn into an angel, you can turn into Marble, you can grow ugly scales and hell, even sprout a second head and I won't think your weird…Then again, I will think that if you sprout another head…meep."  
To everyone else, it seemed like Lloyd was having a conversation with himself. People kept their distance from the schizophrenic boy.

" I'm sorry I'm a lazy slacker that didn't make your present in time," he said, but then Colette wrote on his palm, " I'll wait…forever? Even when I'm an angel? Wow, that sounds cheesy! Well, its getting cold, so let's go! Wait…I forgot…you can't feel…"  
Way to kill a mood, Lloyd.

And Colette ran off, Lloyd blinking.

So they retired for bed. Where Kratos woke up suddenly, and went outside to talk to Noishe.

" I need you to look after Lloyd-" he began, but Lloyd jumped in and screamed, " Look out!"

Yuan was near him, about to strike, but Kratos gave him a nice mortal wound instead.

" Ahh! I'll get you, Kratos!" and teleported away.

" Thank you Lloyd," said Kratos, " And remember, don't die."

" What is UP with you?" he cried.

The next day, they boarded the dragons, and Kratos insisted on sitting with Colette to 'protect her'. Which, in turn, pissed her off.

" Who will you go with?" asked Genis.

" Sheena!"

In turn, watch the most awkward dragon riding ever…it just looked WEIRD to me, is all.

They got to the Tower, where Raine and Genis were.

" Hey, where's Kratos and Colette?" asked Lloyd.

" They must've went in already." decided Raine, " Let's go."

And went in they did, when Lloyd saw the floaty coffins; though; he freaked.

" Bodies?" asked Genis.

" Let the bodies hit the floor!" he sang, " I mean, what the hell!"  
" This must be the bodies of everyone who failed as the Chosen…" said Raine, " I wish I could go down there and carbon date some…"  
They went in, where Colette was knelt; praying.

Remiel came down, and said, " Yes…Offer your heart and memories to finally become a true angel!"

" What?" cried Lloyd.

" So Colette's going to forget about us!" asked Genis.

" Becoming an angel means dying…" said Raine, " I'm sorry, she made me promise…"  
" Well, you could've broke it like I did!" he snapped, " Colette! Colette, can you hear me?"  
" There's another world…Tetealla, surely Cruxis can help them, too," Raine said to Remiel.

" That is not for you to know."  
" Hey! Tetalla person right here!" cried Sheena.

"…Shutup." said Remiel, " If she becomes an angel and joins Cruxis, she can help us."  
"…I bet she can." said Lloyd, darkly, " Colette, don't!"

Genis grabbed him from behind, " Stop!"  
" What's wrong with you?" asked Lloyd.

" I don't want Colette to die, either, but everyone else is suffering too!" Genis managed, " Its not fair!"

" So you'd choose her stupid, worthless life over millions of others? How touching…" sneered Remiel.

" Wow, some one has MPD…" said Sheena.  
He ran; breaking Genis' grip, and grabbed her, " Don't do this! Remiel, she's your daughter, surely you don't want her to die!"

" Haha…DAUGHTER? Your all so…STUPID!" he laughed.  
Suddenly, he heard her.

" Lloyd…please don't be sad…I'm so happy you can hear me! And I always knew the Mr. Mom who watched soaps all day was my real Daddy," she cried, " Good bye…"

And she floated up, and Lloyd let go cause he had the grip of butter.

" NO! Colette!"  
COLETTE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' SOUL LESS COLETTE!'

" I have no more use for you, be gone!" screamed Remiel.

And then they had to fight Remiel. And almost got their asses handed to them; too. After a long battle, Kratos appeared.

" Kratos, you picked a perfect time to go take a dump some where!" cried Lloyd, " Where were you?"  
"…Is this not what you want? Colette wanted to save the world, did she not?" he asked.

And, low and behold, folks; HE SPREAD WINGS! Wow, that BLINDSIDED ME let me tell you!

" Who…are you?" asked Lloyd.

" I am Kratos Aurion, one of the 4 Seraphim." he said.

And the battle begun. Which was greatly unfair, since everyone was half dead from the last battle. Kratos owned them all, painfully.

" Why…You bastard…." breathed Lloyd, on the floor.

Then, a blonde haired girl floated down, the flattest girl Lloyd ever saw.

" What an unworthy opponent…" said the girl, and then he realized it was a DUDE, " Finish him!"

Kratos looked a bit hesitant…and then DUN DUN DUN! Botta rescues them!

Luna: Done! Later! I got to hurry, or…the power will go out! AHHHHH!


	18. Everyone's favorite angsty ladies man!

Disclaimer: Owns nothing

Luna: Sorry the last update seemed rushed, my computer was acting up and I was trying to do a chapter before it could die on me again…Heheh…Anyway, to **brandy Mallory, **I did beat Kratos; once. When I played for the 2nd time and chose to get more experience to beat the game on a high level…I R Loser!

Chapter 18: Everyone's favorite Angsty Ladies Man.  
Lloyd awoke with a start.

" Ah! Where are we!"  
" We're in the Triet Desert Base," answered Raine.

" Wait, with the Desians!"  
" No…They aren't Desians. And I'm pretty sure that the reason why they look and act like them has something to do with some…important thing."  
" Oh…Where's Colette?"  
Colette stood some feet away, staring vacantly into space. Since this was usual behavior for her; Lloyd never saw what was coming.

" Colette!" he cried, and tried to hug her; before being flung across the room and into Yuan who had just entered.

" Ow! What the hell!" he cried, getting up, " Normally she'd be overjoyed if I did that!"  
" And this proves, by Lloyd's stupidity; that the Chosen is now a lethal weapon only concerned with self-preservation." Yuan told the other Renegades.

" You! What are you doing here!" asked Lloyd.

" We brought you here, dumbass."  
" I figured that The Church of Martel and all of that are the same as the Desians," said Raine, suddenly, " So…who exactly are you all?"  
" We wanted to stop the resurrection of Martel," explained Yuan, " And the Mana Cannon. To do that, we need Lloyd's Exsphere."  
" What? What's so special about me?"  
Suddenly, the Renegades surrounded them, and Sheena cried, " Leave it to me!"  
" Corrine!"

With that, the odd, hamster thing appeared from out of thin air. It began running in circles, distracting the Renegades; who stared at it dumbly. Now why she didn't summon Undine, who could've easily drowned their asses instead of the dumb Chia Pet was beyond me.

" We need to get out of here," said Raine, " Sheena, how did you get here?"  
" Well, that came out of nowhere…" she answered, " I got here by a Rherid."  
" A…retard?" asked Lloyd, wide-eyed.

" Yes. A flying retarded person," said Genis, rolling his eyes, " The only retard around here is you!"  
Lloyd ignored him and mumbled, " What is up with those Renegades? Whose side are they on? I mean, what's so special about me?"

" You mean, besides Special Ed?" quipped Genis.

**NOTE: LUNA DOES NOT APPROVE OF THE MAKING FUN OF STUPID PEOPLE. GENIS IS A JERK, AND THEREFORE MAKES JOKES OF THOSE WHO ARE NOT SMART. REMEMBER, THIS IS A COMEDY; PLEASE DON'T GET OFFENDED. THANK YOU.**

Lloyd slapped him and said, " Shut up!"  
" What? Is this the Three Stooges or something? Focus, guys!" cried Sheena, " We still need to leave."  
" Sheena's right," agreed Lloyd, " There's still too much we don't know about. Which side the Renegades are on, how to turn Colette normal, how pop tarts work and how to stop the emending doom that is our lives. Let's go!"

So they went down some corridors, fought some battles, and ended up doing an exciting puzzle. The Sorcerer's Ring turned to electricity, and was used to power up computer thingys. Yes, Luna is so descriptive.

Colette just stood there, stoic as ever. Lloyd was visibly frightened by her expression, and put a plastic bag over her head.

" You know, she'll suffocate like that," stated Sheena.

Lloyd cut out a mouth hole.

Colette stood the same. Staring.

" She's creepy!" he hollered.

As they began the puzzle, Lloyd made an annoyed grunt.

" I can't believe Kratos…he betrayed us from the very beginning…" he said, annoyed.

" Are you stupid!" asked Genis, " He obviously wasn't just a mercenary! Why else do you think I'm loaded?"  
" Are you saying you knew!" exploded Lloyd, eyes flashing, " And you didn't tell us!"  
" Er…well…look, a distraction!" cried Genis, pointing.

" What? Where?"  
And it was forgotten.

They completed the puzzle, and went to the Rherid Hanger.

" Alright! We found them!" he said.

He got on a blue one, but 5 seconds later is was SUDDENLY red. Plot Hole 23.

" Awesome, we're flying!" cried Lloyd.

" …The fuel gauges are empty!" cried Raine, suddenly.

" Which means…? Asked Genis.

" WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" screamed Sheena, " Haha…kidding. We're just gonna crash!"  
" That's so much better…"

They crashed into the Fooji mountains, where everyone miraculously survived.  
" Sheena, where did you get your Ex-sphere?" asked Raine.

" What is this, an interrogation?" she asked, the added, " Oh yeah…I keep forgetting you guys are stupid and not from this world. The Imperial Research Academy-"

" Is!" screamed Lloyd, for some reason, which was ignored.

"-in Meltokio. Why?"  
" Perhaps the people there will share my love of science and want to dissect Colette so we can observe the Cruxis Crystal as it eats through her body like a cancer-"  
" Professor!"  
" And, of course, maybe they know a cure…" she said, sighing.

Genis stared at the Rheirds, and blinked.

" How do we get these things to work again?"  
" Is the fuel coal?" asked Lloyd, suddenly.

" Coal? Wow, you guys really are backwoods hicks," said Sheena, rolling her eyes.

" Then I'm assuming magic?"

" Yeah…"  
" So you'd have to make a pact with Volt-"  
" DON'T SAY THAT WORD!"

Sheena had turned at least 4 shades of whiter, and looked as if to have a nervous breakdown at any moment.

" …What's wrong with her?" asked Lloyd.

" Obviously, something tragic happened to her involving Volt-" began Genis.

" AHHHHH!" cried Sheena, and began hyperventilating in a corner; in fetal position, " I'll promise I'll be a good girl, mommy! Please, no!"

"…So we're basically screwed on getting these things to work again, huh?" asked Genis.

" Basically," answered Lloyd.

After Sheena's episode, they continued down the mountain where they fought meances of society such as evil bunnies, evil wolves and evil hawks. But were they really evil? I mean, Lloyd bumped into THEM, they never came up to them and started a fight; now did they?

Once they left the mountain, Lloyd asked, " Uh…where are we going?"  
" You just took off, I thought you knew where you were going!" cried Sheena, exasperated.

" But…uh…I sorta had to take over after you had that episode."

" Oh…that. Its north of here."  
They entered Meltokio, impressed by its large, citiness ( yes, I know that's not a word…) cause Lloyd and friends were deprived. Expect Colette, who was blankly staring forward, plastic bag upon head. She tugged it off, Lloyd flinching, expecting to be hit again.

" This is where we part ways," said Sheena.

" What? Why?" asked Genis, " Is it because of your episode before? I mean, Lloyd has episodes all the time; we're used to it."  
" No! That's not it…Its just, I was supposed to kill the Chosen, remember?" asked Sheena, " Now I have to go report failure to the Chief in Mizuho…again."  
" So…does that mean you'll commit seppku?" asked Raine, " Can I have permission to examine your body after you die?"

"…Your officially scaring me, Raine," she said, and turned her attention to Lloyd, " Take this letter to the King. It explains everything, so he won't kill Colette."  
" Thanks, Sheena!" cried Lloyd, and gave her a bear hug.

She turned a bright cherry color.

" Hey, are you blushing, Sheena?" asked Genis.

" No! Sh-shutup!"  
" Oh please no…please don't tell me that your in love with Lloyd, too!" he cried, horrified.

" What? NO! I have to go!" she cried, still red.

" Wait! Will we meet again?" asked Lloyd.

" Uh…Sure."  
" I'll come back to you!"  
" Right…Bye!"  
Somewhere, Sora sneezed.

The gang went into the Meltokio plaza, where they spotted a dog. The dog wagged its tail and bounced to Colette.

" So they have dogs on this side, too?" asked Genis.

" Well, duh! Its just a different state, not a different world!" said Lloyd, rolling his eyes.

Genis had a good mind to bash his head against a post.

Colette promptly drop kicked the dog.

" Colette! Stop!" cried Lloyd, horrified, " And she used to love dogs…"  
" The ASPCA is so gonna sue her…" stated Genis.

That's when a metro-sexual, red-haired man walked towards them, flanked by several groupies who were practically throwing themselves at him. Colette collided with on, head on.

" Hey! Watch where your going!" cried the groupie, annoyed.

" Yeah!" piped in another one.

Colette stared.

" Now, now, settle down," said the pimp, " There's enough of Zelos pie to go around. Hi there, my cool beauty. Are you hurt?"  
Colette stared.

" Master Zelos spoke to you and you have the audacity to ignore him!" asked one, hotly.

Lloyd watched, confused. Then he remembered someone in school talking about 'hos' and 'pimps' and decided this was who these people were.

" Yeah! What kind of stupid hag dresses like an angel, anyway?"  
" Hey!" cried Genis, " Only we can make fun of Colette for her stupidity!"  
" Relax, Genis," said Lloyd, cooly, " This girl has obviously never looked in a mirror."  
" WHAT?"  
" OH! Diss!" cried Genis, giving him a high five.

Colette stared.

" Stop it! Your all acting like children!" cried Raine, and this is what she got for hanging out with her little brother and his little friends.

" Settle down, hunnies!" cried Zelos, " Anyway, I bet your even cuter when you smile!"  
He approached Colette, obviously to grope her, and she threw him 10 ft.

" MASTER ZELOS!" cried one ho.

" WHOA!" he cried, landing on his feet, " You sure are strong, my sweet angel! I almost pissed myself!"  
" Who are you?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" Sorry, I don't have an interest in talking to guys," said Zelos, brushing him off.

"…This guy sucks already," mumbled Genis.

He eyed Raine like a tiger eyeing fresh meat.

" Ohh! Whats your name, beautiful?" he asked, flirting.

" Give me your name and I shall give you mine," snapped Raine.

" No! Its Give me my name and I'll give you yours!" corrected Lloyd.

" Oh…It seems like I have more work to do by screwing everything female with a pulse." said Zelos, sighing, " Well, me and my hunnies are off. Goodbye, my cool beauty and my cute angel! My name is Zelos. Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later."  
" What a manwhore…" said Genis, shaking his head.

" I wish Colette threw him a little harder…" added Raine.

" I mean, come on! Why do girls like him?" asked Genis, " HE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL!"

Lloyd shrugged, " Your just mad cause you can't get girls."  
" And you can?"  
" Well, Colette stalks me!"  
" And that's a good thing?"  
" SHUTUP!"  
" He had an Ex-sphere…" commented Raine.

" So even pimps get Ex-spheres to whip their hos into shape?" asked Lloyd, innocently.

" Lloyd! Where did you learn that word!" asked Raine, angrily.

And she bitch slapped him.

Luna: I WOULD'VE did this sooner if my computer didn't decide to have an error and delete half of this which I had to retype. I hope this isn't as rushed…reviews, please? And Zelos will get angst-filled later on, for now he's just a bigger perv.


	19. All your wood, ARE belong to US

Disclaimer: Owns natta.

Luna: Hi again! So…um….Here's the next chapter! And thanks, TrunksGirl 85; for the permission ( it'll be used a lot later on…probably one of Lloyd's oddly brilliant moments when they face Yggy for the first time).

Chapter 19: All your wood, Are belong to US.

After getting slapped a bit, Lloyd finally decided to go see the King.

" Who are you?" asked one of the guards.

" Give me my name and I shall give you yours," he said, grinning.

The Guard stared at him.

" Ignore him, we do," said Raine, covering, " We need to speak to the King."

" His Majesty isn't partial to wasting his time on idiots," he replied.

" Aw…come on! That's not what mister Abe Lincoln says…" said Lloyd, taking after his bribing father; and holding out a 5 dollar bill.

"…What the hell is that?" asked the guard, " Anyway, the King is not well, and we're praying for him at the Church of Martel."  
" Oh, that crock of sh-" began Lloyd, but Genis clapped a hand over his mouth.

Another guard relieved the guy of his shift, and Lloyd grumbled, " Off to the Church…"

And they went to the Church. The pastor welcomes them, but then is distracted by a pink-pig tailed girl dragged a rather large piece of wood. Now, that's just plain unrealistic. If it was a little boy, then yeah; I'd see him getting distracted.

" Presea," said the pastor, " The prayers are in the sacred chambers, please carry the sacred wood there; to the castle."  
" YES." she said, voice as flat as a pancake.

Apparently, monotous; bubble gum pink haired girls were a turn on to Genis. He turned as crimson as Zelo's hair and said, " Wow…she's cute."

" You jerk! What about Marble!" asked Lloyd, in horror, " You got some nerve! You should wait at least a year in respect for her death to date again!"

" She has an Ex-sphere…" said Raine.

" Wow! Its like Where's Waldo! Where's the Exsphere!" exclaimed Lloyd, " And it looks like The Professor is winning!"

" Yeah, I think I will ask her hand in marriage," said Genis, off on Cloud 9.

" Guys! I have an idea!" announced Lloyd.

" Well…this can't be good…" said Raine.

" Just listen! We can pretend to carry the sacred wood to go see the King!"

"…Wow, that actually makes sense."  
" And I'll name our first child Fitzgerald if it's a girl and Murphy if it's a boy-" said Genis, clearly not in his right mind.

Lloyd and company run on ahead to find Presea, when some random fat man tells her of her 'duties' and Presea replies with the enthusiasm of a dead gopher.

" Wait! Presea!" cried Genis, and ran to her.

It would've been a perfect love scene, too. If it was raining, if Presea had emotions and if they were maybe 20 something in New York City as one was bound to another state for career purposes and they only had this one chance to spill their hearts out to each other. Alas, this wasn't a cliched romantic movie.

"…Genis, you're coming on too strong," said Raine, shaking her head, " Anyway, may we speak to you, Presea?"  
" I'm Lloyd!" announced Lloyd, " This is Soulless Colette!" and he pointed to her.

" I love-uh, I'm Genis," said Genis, flushed.

" Genis…" chastened Lloyd, " I don't condone your actions!"

"…Would you let us carry the sacred wood?" he asked, heart fluttering.

Presea simply walked away.

" You got REJECT-ED!" cried Lloyd, revenge for that one time in Plot Hole Camp when Colette wanted to be left alone and Genis said that.

" Sh-shutup!" he cried, embarrassed.

" We need to give the King a letter," said Raine, " As well as examining the architecture of the palace and possibly dissecting our friend-"

" I…" began Genis, blushing.

"-Never made a scene! They came to me!" sang Lloyd, " And…oh yeah, we need to get in to save that person she wants to dissect!"  
Presea mumbled, " CTRL ALT DELETE."

"…Are you listening?"

" She has such a way with words…" said Genis, his IQ dropping with every word.

" Affirmative."  
She leaves the sacred wood on the ground, where Lloyd tries to pick it up. Genis tries, too.

" OH MAH GAWD!" screamed Lloyd, " What the HELL? I nearly threw out my back!"  
Presea walks over, and carries it. With one hand.

"…I think my testosterone level dropped to about 10," he said, miserably.

" Yeah…me too." agreed Genis.

"…You pansies." sighed Raine,

They rejoin Presea at the castle entrance, where the guards demand to know who they are.

" We're the new 'sacred wood' apprentices," said Raine, quickly.

" Apprentice? Just like that old guy with the weird hair?" asked Lloyd, " Who yells at everyone who's fired?"  
Presea spoke up, saving Lloyd from his own demise.

" TODAY IS SPECIAL." she stated, lifelessly.

The guards blinked, and figured since she barely talked and lifted 5 times her own body weight that they DID not want to screw with her.

They entered the castle, when Lloyd practically shouted, " SUCKERS!"

" So…duh, what do we do with the wood?" asked Genis, pratically tripping over his own hanging tongue.

" LEAVE IT." said Presea, apathic.

" Sending her alone will be suspicious…can she join our party?" asked Genis, begging; on his knees, " PLEASE!"

" Fine…"

They waltzed over to the King's Chambers, when a guard stopped them.

" Who gave you permission to come here?"

" Your mom!" cried Lloyd.

"…You seem to be getting more and more stupid with each chapter…" said Genis, sighing.

" I've never met my mom, you ass!" cried the Guards, and ran off crying.

" That worked out for once…" said Raine, surprised.

They went into the Royal Chambers with little difficulty, where the Pope was.

" Who are you?" he demanded.

" Hey…don't you ever wonder why all Popes are old, wrinkly and at least over 70?" asked Lloyd.

" Yeah, I've never seen one younger than maybe 75..." said Genis, thoughtfully.

Zelos was also there, looking bored.

" Hey, look! Its my sexy toys and the…little children who trail after them!" he announced.

" Chosen one, you know these people?" asked the Pope.

Genis stared in disbelief.

" YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE? WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED-"  
" So…you're the chosen of Tetealla…," said Raine, calmly.

But Genis wasn't done.

"-INSANE, HORRIBLE, BIZARREO WORLD-"

" Well, if know by meaning that I'd tap that except the 2 boys then…sure." said Zelos, shrugging.

" Zelos! What did I say about using that type of language?" chastened the Pope.

" Sorry old man, just cause you can't get any that doesn't mean-" began Zelos.  
" Ahem, so your from the declining world?" asked The Pope.

" How did you know?" asked Lloyd, wide-eyed.

" Your stupidity and fashion less taste was a dead give away."  
" HEY! I'm told I look sexy in red!"  
" TWISTED, DISGRACEFUL-" Genis was still going.

Suddenly, the Princess spoke up; fearful.

" These are the barbaric white trash from the declining world!" she shrieked, " Don't let them touch me! I MIGHT CONTRACT THEIR DESPERATION!"

" Don't worry, Princess. The 3 girls are clean of STDs-"  
Raine bitch slapped him.

" We didn't DO anything!"  
" Yeah, you already lost it to that lice guy back in Asgard anyway," said Lloyd, dumbly.

Who was also slapped.

" We have a letter from Sheena of Mizuho to you," Genis announced, and handed it to the Pope.

" This letter's sealed with a kiss and sent with a promise, of a better life-" sang Lloyd.

" Sheena? What's your relationship to Sheena!" asked Zelos, interrupting; with a hint of…jealously in his voice?

" Sheena!" asked the King.

" Sheena!" asked Hilda.

" Sheena!" asked Lloyd.

Everyone gave him an odd look.

" What? It seemed funny at the time…"

The King looked over the letter and then said, " Please wait in the other room."  
The waiting room was complete with elevator music, plush chairs and those 5 year old magazines that's a must have for ANY waiting room of any sort. Even one when your probably awaiting death.

" They sure are making us wait a long time…" stated Lloyd.

" Oh-" began Raine.

" Oh, you touch my trala. Oh, my Ding-Ding-Dong!" sang Lloyd.

" WHAT?"  
" I'm sorry! it's the threts again!"

" Anyway, I was going to say that's cause 'Oh, they may kill us. Colette is just an obstacle to them."  
Colette stared at them, numbly. Lloyd wanted to turn her to face the wall, but knew better than to touch her cause then she'll open a can of abuse on his ass.

" If that happens, what will happen to Presea?" asked Genis.

" Is that all you care about?" asked Lloyd, " All you say is 'Presea' this, 'Presea' that! What about me! What about my needs! Why is IT always about her?"

"…Right."

" Haha! Kidding! We'll just take her with us, even though she may be a robotic person controlled by a Cruixis Crystal that will later turn on us then join us again to repent."  
3 hours later…

" I swear, if I read Cosmo girl one more time and how to color coordinate your clothes to fit your complexion-" began Genis.

Just then, the Pope and Zelos arrived.

" Sorry for the wait," said the Pope.

" So you want to help my sweet little angel by using our technology, right?" asked Zelos, slightly serious.

" Colette's soulless," said Lloyd, dramatic music playing the background, " Her usual vacant happy smile is just vacant. She'll never laugh, never cry, never dance, never eat, never be dumb-"  
" Basically, she'll die," summed up Raine, " Unless we do something."  
" But as long as the Chosen lives, we're threatened." said the Pope.

2 guards surround Colette.

" Wow, Raine. Your cynical observation was right, again!" cried Genis.

RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' ALMOST AS ALWAYS RIGHT LIKE KRATOS!'

The guards attempt to seize her, but Colette kicks both their ass; Matrix style. Okay, so she just swung her charkems around a bit. Same thing.

" Damn! They can't even touch her!" cried the Pope.

" Now, now, what did I tell you about cursing when you're a pope?" teased Zelos, " And besides, they have Exspheres, their pretty strong."  
" Hmm…your not as hormonal, one-tracked minded and retarded as you look," said Genis, awed.

" Stupid brat…You don't know the pain I've felt," he said darkly.

This sort of angst-filled sentence was ignored, expect by Genis.

" What do you say about making a deal?" asked Raine.

Somewhere, an anonymous voice cried, " DEAL OR NO DEAL? WILL YOU TAKE THE MONEY FROM THE BANK OR-"

" That show's stupid, shut up!" cried Genis, " Wait…what show? What's a show? Whats a T.V?"  
And he had another near revelation of fear that he wasn't in total control of his life.

" A deal?" asked The Pope, like everyone else, turning a blind eye to what just happened.

" If you help us save Colette, she won't become an angel. Then she can't save Sylvanrant."

" I see…so Sylvanrant will go unsaved and Tethe'alla will be saved; too. Beauty and brains!"

" You'll be abandoning your own world," said the Pope.

" I don't care."

" WHAT!" asked Lloyd, puzzled, " But…can we really do that?"  
" Our priority is to save Colette now. I need something to study, dammnit!"  
" Alright…your right."  
" Is it really okay to decide something like that so quickly?" asked Genis.

" Sure! How can we save Colette?"  
" Say, Pope," said Zelos, suddenly, " Since I'm bored and honed in on fresh meat again; can I keep tabs on them? It doesn't matter if their dead or alive, they can't complete the ritual anyhow."  
" Sure, whatever," said the Pope.

" Then…you'll join our party!" asked Genis, fearful, " NOOOOOO!"  
" Hey, I'm only doing this cause I have a thing for blondes," he said, shrugged.

" More like a thing for anything female with a pulse…" said Raine, sighing.

" Is that…an insult?"  
" Anyway, you have permission to travel, aslong as Zelos is with you." continued the Pope.

" What? NUUUUUU!" screamed Genis, " HE IS JOINING THE PARTY!"

" Thanks for the warm welcome," said Zelos, sarcastic, " Anyway, I have about 3 different dates to fit into 3 hours; so can we meet up later?"  
" Sure!"  
" At the Martel Cathedral?"

" Uh…Okay."

So Zelos was off to his dates, as the rest of the gang went to kill time until he came back so their adventure could REALLY begin.

Luna: Done! I used the 'We all Return to Our Roots' by the Forecast and 'Ding-Dong Song' by Gutha. it's a techno song…don't ask. Thanks for the support! (grins idiotically)


	20. GASP! THEIR HALFELVES!

Disclaimer: Owns nothing.

Luna: Okay, I've been away for a bit cause I finally got DIRGE OF CERBERUS! IF YOU LIKE FF7 AND VINCENT, BUY IT! Anyway…to **Onore Baka Sama-** Yes, I am a girl. And I'm glad you've enjoyed my fic thus far. ( gives thumbs up). And the following first 2 songs I'm about to do I HATE, but have been stuck in my head thanks to CERTAIN friends with different song interests. Please don't hate me if you like those songs! ( cowers in corner) And the 3rd one is a request from **friend by note.** (grins like a retard) but I didn't really know what how to put it in to it…I hope you like it though!

Chapter 20: GASP! THEIR HALF-ELVES!

After wandering the town and wasting money on food and new weapons; Lloyd went to the Church to find Zelos.

" Yo! Lloyd, your finally here!" he exclaimed, upon seeing Lloyd.

" Yeah…uh…Zack? Zebbe?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" Zelos! But you can call me the 'Greatest-Babe-Magnet-this-side-of-Tethalla'!'" he proclaimed.

" Can I kill him now?" asked Genis, annoyed.

"…Jeez, I was just trying to be friendly…"

" By exploiting females?" asked Raine, dryly.

" Um…That's about right. And you can exploit me all you want," he added, winking.

Then, he turned his attention to the entire group, looking thoughtful. Thoughtful; a scary look for Zelos.

" Sound off! Who's who again?" asked Zelos, " I know the sexy professor is Raine, the angelic beauty is Colette, the other 2 are the nameless males and this pink haired chick…"  
" Presea." said Genis, defensively, " That's MISS Presea to you! Miss Presea Sage! Not any of your insulting pet names!"

" But…isn't Sage your last name?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

" Yeah…her…She's from your declining crappy world, too?" asked Zelos, completely disregarding Genis' outburst.

" Ozette." stated the pink haired girl with the personality of a post, the first word she spoke in a couple of hours.

" Ozette! That place in the backwoods-I mean, uh, how proud your parents must be…Anyway, I feel for you, cutie. Being used by these uncivilized barbicans."

" Us? Uncivilized? Who's the one who's sleeping around with 5 different woman?" spat Lloyd.

" Score!" said Genis and gave him a high five.  
" Actually…7. But that varies in the week," said Zelos, taking no offense, " Besides, I got the connections to the Imperial Research Academy."  
" That's great, but can we free Presea? She really doesn't have anything to do with us." said Raine.

Genis looked as if his heart was ripped violently out of his chest and stomped on several times with a steel boot.

" But…" he breathed, hyperventilating.

" The Imperial Research Academy and Ozette are on the same continent, so we can just drop her as we go," said Zelos.

Genis had a look on his face as if to hug Zelos.

But he didn't, to retain his dignity.

Or what was left of it.

" That's the most intelligent I've ever heard you spout," commented Genis, trying to hide his excitement.

" Is that okay with you, Presea?" asked Lloyd, the only one who seemed to care about her opinion.

Genis shot him the ever so annoyed glare of 'if-she-disagrees-I'll-kill-you-dead.'

" Yes." she replied, and Lloyd lived another day.

" We have to go to Sybak, at the other end of the Tethalla bridge," said Zelos, " Saddle up, kitties!"  
So they ran around the field, and put Zelos as one of the fighters. To Lloyd's surprise, his attacks were identical to that of Kratos.

" Kratos! Why do you mock us so!" he shouted to the sky, as Zelos gave him an odd look.

Somewhere, Kratos sneezed.

As it turned out, Zelos wasn't the ideal character to have in the party. Whenever hit in the face, he'd wail and scream, " NO! NOT THE ULTRA SEXY-"

And Lloyd would sing, " I'm bringing sexy back, these boys don't know how to act-"  
"-FACE OF ZELOS WILDER!" finished Zelos.

Either that, or he busied himself by combing and stroking his hair. A lot.

So Lloyd put Presea back in the party. Only to have his and Genis' male pride bruised a hell of a lot more. Since her attacks did twice the damage of Lloyd's strongest attacks.

They finally arrived at the Bridge when Genis cried, " Wow! What a big bridge-"  
" How come every time you come around its like London Bridge is falling-" began Lloyd.

" Wow, you music this chapter sucks." decided Genis.

" Yeah…I know."  
" Putting aside Lloyd's episodes, listen and be amazed, deprived simpletons!" said Zelos, grinning, " This Bridge has 3,000 Ex-spheres on it!"

" 3,000...human lives," said Lloyd, darkly.

" Eh?" asked oblivious Zelos.

Raine had wandered onto the bridge, a copy of ' An Archaeologist's guide to studying everything and anything,' and was busy examining its structure.

Genis sighed, and began to explain everything to Zelos.

After that, Zelos asked, " Are you pulling my leg? Is it true?"  
" You'd think we'd make that up!" snapped Lloyd, pissed off.

Presea gave them a meaningful stare. Raine stopped her oggling of the bridge to glare at Zelos.

" Oh well!" said Zelos, carefree, " Life sucks and then you die. Too bad."  
" I can't tell if he's a positive thinker or a heartless jackass…" mused Raine.

ZELOS OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' HEARTLESS JACKASS'.

" Since we're on the subject…Does everyone have Ex-spheres here?" asked Lloyd, " I mean, Sheena didn't seem to let that on…"  
" Naw…I got mine from the Renegades and some get it if they're Papal Knights," said Zelos, " So, Presea, how'd you get yours? You can get a Zelos hug if you tell me."

Presea just stared.

" Wow…shes so talkative," he said, sarcastic.

" Well, maybe she just doesn't want your greasy paws on her for a Zelos hug!" cried Genis, defensively.

They make it across the bridge, Zelos carefree, Genis pining over the fact that Presea may have to leave soon, Lloyd humming to himself, and Raine desperately savoring each moment of this great magitechonlgy. Cause it could've been used in the Ancient Kharlarn War.

Colette and Presea were like wallpaper. Quiet and soul less.

Finally, they arrived at Sybak, when Presea finally spoke again.

" I…hate this city," she said, dully, " Hurry…"  
" I-I'm sorry, Presea!" cried Genis, flustered.

" Wow, she has him whipped…" said Zelos.

" Sh-Shutup!"

They explored the city which was chock full of scientists, whom Raine fell right into the category with.

" Hey, I have a Cruxis Crystal victim!" she announced, " Who wants to dissect it with me?"  
Chorus' of ME! Were shouted across the plaza.

" I'll bring the beakers!" cried one.

" I'll bring the scissors!"

" I'll bring the potato chips!"  
Genis dragged her off and said, " Raine, we don't dissect friends!"  
" But…Shes technically just a soul less shell! She's not Colette, technically!" she cried, upset.

Genis just shook his head, slowly.

Putting a muzzle on Raine, they arrived at the Imperial Research Academy.

" Yo! There should be a word from Meltokio!" cried Zelos.

" Hey! Please come this way…" said the researcher, leading them in the office.

" Upon receiving the info of Colette's symptoms, we linked it to the Chosen's Cruxis Crystal-"  
" Well now, looks like my crystal came in handy," said Zelos, smiling, " I'll make sure Colette thanks me when she wakes up."  
" By doing you a special favor? Please, your sick," spat Raine.

" There's enough of Zelos pie to go around! Don't get mad!"

" Anyway…" interrupted the researcher, " Let's see…Cruxis Crystals and Ex-spheres are both lifeless beings."  
" Life less! What the hell?" asked Lloyd, eyes widened.

" Let me try to explain it," volunteered Raine, " Its beings without life."

" Wow…that clears things up," said Genis, rolling his eyes.

" Their parasites that fuse with other life forms, like friends who constantly take your money and never pay you back."  
" Oh, like moochers? So…Ex-spheres are like free-loaders?" asked Lloyd.

" Sort of. When the Key Crest is taken off…the mana goes out of control, turning into a monster. Colette is suffering from a Cruxis Crystal disease."  
Raine brighten, eyes sparkling, " So the ritual releases the seal to promote a fusion with the Cruxis Crystal! Simple amazing!"  
" Raine…don't be so excited about Colette's suffering."

" Oh…Sorry."  
Zelos flipped his very mero hair and said, " So all we need is a Key Crest, right?"  
" Duh." answered the researcher.

So they trekked in Sybak some more, until Lloyd saw something sparkly on the junk collector's table.

" Eww…Junk." said Zelos, turning up his nose.

And thus releasing psycho Raine.

" JUNK?" she bellowed, " JUNK? THIS IS ANCIENT MAGITECHNOLOGY! WHY, THIS FORK COULD'VE BEEN USED BY A NOBLE IN THE ANCIENT KHARLARN WAR! AND THIS SPECK OF DIRT DATES BACK TO CENTURIES! AND THIS BROKEN SPOON COULD'VE WELL BEEN WHAT SOMEONE USED TO STAB SOMEONE ELSE WHEN THE WAR RAGED ON! JUNK?-"  
Genis clapped his hand over his sister's mouth, looking tired.

Lloyd, however, found the Key Crest easily.

" I found it! The Key Crest!" he announced.

"…That's 10,000 Gald," said the Junk Seller.

" How nice of you to take advantage of people in need!" spat Lloyd.

" Now you'll accuse me of not feeding the hungry, clothing the poor and giving booze to bums. This is a business, not a charity."  
Zelos puffed out his chest and stared down the man accusingly.

" You-You-re!" he cried, " The amazing fem-male Chosen!"  
" Fem…Male!" asked Zelos, angrily.

" I mean, uh, its for free. Take it!" the junk collector cried, and chucked it at him.

" I told you guys he looked like a girl…" said Genis, bored.

" You little-" snarled Zelos, and lunged at him.

Lloyd went on ahead, ditching his retard friends, and borrowed a lab to fix the Key Crest. He attaches it to a necklace, and finds Colette.

" I didn't think I'd be giving you your birthday present like this…" said Lloyd, " In fact, I was hoping you'd forget so I wouldn't have to give it to you at all."

He puts it on her neck, and then says, " Colette? Can you hear me now?"  
Colette stares vacantly. But of course, this was normal behavior for her. So Lloyd assumed it worked.

" Hey! It worked!"  
"…Uh, Lloyd, its not working." said Genis.

" Oh. OH E YO YAY!"

" What about Dirk?" asked Raine.

" Um…He's in another dimension, Raine." pointed out Genis, taking his position back as 'the one who shoots down others stupid delusions.'

" Maybe the people here know a way?" asked Lloyd, hopeful.

" Wait a sec! I'm supposed to be babysitting you guys!" cried Zelos, " I can't just let you go back!"  
" Then come with us. You're kind to girls, right?" asked Raine, regretting saying it.

" More like kind so he can get in their pants…" mumbled Genis.

Zelos stopped, considered this, flicked his hair and said, " Psh, back me in a corner; why don't cha?"  
Mystically, 2 Papal Knights appeared.

" We just heard you act of treason! The Chosen one is a traitor!" said one.

" The hell? You have tracking devices on us or something?" asked Lloyd.

" As a matter of fact, yes," he said, and pointed to the glowing dot on Colette's head.

" I just thought that was acne…"

Although there was only TWO knights and about…let's see, I never was good in math; A LOT of Lloyd and his friends; they arrest them. And Genis and Raine get taken away.

" HALF ELVESS!" screeched a Papal Knight, as he grabbed them.

" What? The Professor and Genis are…half elves?" asked Lloyd, in disbelief.

Genis just sighed, and the cried, " Presea! I LOVE YOU! I'LL COME BACK TO YOU!"

"…" said Presea.

" Yes, we're half elves," said Raine, quietly, " The charade is up."

" These half-elves had engaged in caste system deception!" cried the other Papal Knight, who I still won't give a half witty name.

Lloyd clenched his fists and cried, " Who cares? Their much better people than you!"  
Instead of mouthing off, you think SOMEONE would attack SOMETHING. But No.

Genis mentally put this as Plot Hole Number 24...although it was mostly because everyone had the common sense of a dying cactus.

" I don't know what its like in your world, but here; half-elves are the bottom of the barrel." explained Zelos.

" Half elves guilty of crimes are punished by…DEATH!"

" WHAT?"

" DEATH!"  
"…I heard you the first time."

" Then why did you say 'what'."  
" I didn't mean it literally!"  
" Oh."  
And they took the half-elves away.

" NO! DON'T GO!" he cried.

Some where, Chris Redfield sneezed.

Luna: DONE! REVIEW! Songs were ' Bringing Sexy Back- Justin Timberlake ( vomit) and 'London Bridge'-Fergie ( vomits more.).


	21. Woops! I forgot the title name

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Luna: YAY reviews! I'll write reviewer responses as private messages, as not to take away from the chapter. Now, I need you guys to vote for me, whether you want Zelos to end up dying and having Kratos rejoining the party at the end; or to just keep Zelos non-angst filled. Either way is fine with me (gives thumbs up).

Chapter 21:

Lloyd and company were thrown into yet another spare lab by the knights they could of EASILY killed, and that's when they met Kate.

" Who's there!" she asked, startled.

" Your mom! Now get back to work!" cried the Papal Knight, and shoved Lloyd in, " And their criminals. Keep them here."  
" Oh, that's great. Put some cold blooded killers in here with us," spat Kate, " How safe."  
" We didn't do anything!" cried Lloyd.

" I guess being stupid can be considered a crime…" said Zelos, suddenly.

" Sh-Shutup!"  
Kate looks at each of them, and her gaze lingers on Presea. No, its not cause her hair is flamboyantly pink or that she's into little kids; its something MUCH deeper.

" Ah. No. Go away." said Presea, with as much emotional in her voice as wind-up doll that took several blows to the head.

" Presea?" asked Kate, shocked, " Why are you here?"  
" You know her?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" Well…"  
" A human friends with a half-elf…now that's not something you see every day…" commented Zelos, " Almost as uncommon as me not getting laid."  
" Why?" asked Lloyd.

" Because the chicks dig me."  
" No! I meant about your first statement!"  
" Oh…Well, half-elves are considered garbage here. And besides, they can't ever leave the lab."  
" So that explains the smell…"  
Kate glared at him.

" What? Still, that's insane…"  
" So, the question is," said Zelos, suddenly taking a lamp and shining it directly on Kate's head; like some cheesy interrogation, " The question is, how does a lab bound half-elf know a human child? Hm? Hm?"

" This child was my research sample…" said Kate, finally.

" Research?" asked Lloyd, confused.

" Research to manufacture Cruxis Crystals inside the human body."  
" You can do that?"  
" Yes, allowing it to feed on warm, innocent flesh it can-"  
" Ew! That's just like the Desians! And its real graphic!"  
" Huh?"  
" How can you treat people like that and play god!" asked Lloyd, clearly appalled, " Next thing you know, you're going to try to bring dead bodies back by creating the T-virus and have some rich nobles create bio-weapons for their own sick amusement! And then you'll start cloning Dolly the sheep!-"  
Only then did he notice the looks everyone was giving him.

"…I could ask you the same thing. it's the same-"  
" old lines you all used to know!" sang Lloyd.

"-same way you treat half-elves. How can you treat us like this?"  
" I don't! I treat everyone equal!"  
Suddenly, Sheena appeared and said, " He's not from around here, if you haven't guessed from his clothes and sheer innocent stupidity and musical theruts."

Corrine came over and nibbled on Lloyd's rope that bound his wrists; and…kept nibbling.

" Um…Sheena, its nice to see you and all but…this is sorta taking too long." he said, sheepishly.

" Oops…"  
Sheena pulled out a machete from God-er, Martel knows where and hacked the binds instead.

" Sheena! How did you find us?" he asked, blinking.

" I'll explain later, we got to save Genis and Raine!"

" Do you have a tracking device on us, too?" asked Lloyd, " Like the glowing pimple on Colette?"  
Sheena sighed.

" Do you want to save your friends or not!"  
" Are you going to run away?" asked Kate.

"-I'm gonna run away! Never say goodbye! I wanna know the truth, without ever asking why!" sang Lloyd, compulsively.

" Yeah, he's going to save his whipped friend and the sexy professor," explained Zelos, " Going to try and stop us?"  
Kate grumbled, then shook her head.

" You lie! A human would never save an half-elf! That's like…bizarro world! A world where up is down, left is right, magitechonly is non-existent, green bunny dog hybrids run wild and-"  
" Yeah, that about sums up Sylvarant…" said Sheena, suddenly.

" Look, we don't have time for this!" cried Lloyd, impatient, " If your going to get in our way, we'll fight you!"  
Although…I couldn't really imagine that being a fair fight. 4 on one…and besides, what was Kate's weapons? The beakers? Her whining about half-elf injustice? Or special attack, 'make people feel guilty cause your life sucks a lot'. Sorry…anyway…

" Fine…if its true, then come back later with your half elf friends. Then, I'll free Presea from her experiment."

" You promise? Pinky swear?"  
Kate looped her pinky with his and said, " Yes, pinky swear."  
And everyone knows better than to mess with a pinky swear.

Although…I never really understood that. Since your swearing on your pinky, does that mean you have to chop it off if you fail to pull through?  
Kate went to the other side of the room and pushed the wall. A hidden passage was revealed.

" This is a hidden passage, it'll bring you to the surface." she said.

" Thanks!" cried Lloyd, and went up the later.

Zelos, however, lagged behind.

" By whose order was Presea's experiment carried out?" he asked.

" I can't say…"  
" Then the Pope."  
"…"  
" Oh, and can I get your number?"  
" Zelos, come on!" Lloyd shouted from up the hole.

" I know…sheesh…catch ya later," he said, winking.

Kate looked as if to suppress vomit.

The gang raced through Sybak, and get to the bridge. Unfortunely, Raine and Genis are already on the other side; and the drawbridge is being pulled up.

" Dammnit! We'll have to jump!" cried Lloyd, and readied himself to run.

Zelos held him back.

" Wait, time out! Are you nuts? A fall from here will kill us instantly!"  
" And if we abandon them, they'll die too!"  
" So by getting yourself killed, that's going to help!"  
Lloyd grumbles, breaks free of Zelos; and races ahead.

" Man…he's either really brave, really stupid or really suicidal…"  
Everyone ignores this and keeps moving.

" But maybe…I'll jump…and finally get my rest…"  
No one heard Zelos' angst monologue. But that was OKAY.

Since everyone is a retard, they follow Lloyd as he attempts his jump across the bridge; giving new life to the phrase, 'if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?' Except Colette. She flies over.

" Who's idea was this!" cried Lloyd, as he fell.

" Yours!" screamed Zelos.

"Oh…"  
" Undine! HELP!" cried Sheena, panicking.

Undine appears, stares for a few seconds at their stupidity, then casts a water spell to propel them upwards. They land on the bridge, safely.

" Damage at zero percent," came Presea, " Unknown entity aided in lack of percentage in damage inflicted."

" Phew…my life flashed before my eyes…" said Zelos, looking as if to have a heart attack any minute.

" Thanks, Sheena!" cried Lloyd, " If it wasn't for your quick thinking, we all would've died because I'm impulsive and thoughtless!"

" I'm sure glad I'm a summoner…" she said.

" Genis and Raine detected 10 yards away. Imminent death will occur in 5 minutes point 7 seconds," said Presea, suddenly.

" Oh no! Damn my short attention span! Come on!" cried Lloyd.

They continue to run across the bridge, when 3 Papal Knights appear.

" Damn! They escaped!" exclaimed soon to be dead Papal Knight one.

" Give us back our friends!" cried Lloyd.

" Silence!" cried 'soon to be dead Papal Knight number 2'.

Lloyd and his friends manage to kick the ass of the Papal Knights. Sheena gave them many a paper cut, Presea leveled the entire ground, Lloyd stabbed stuff, and Zelos ran around screaming about how his perfect face was ruined. After murderizing the Papal Knights, Genis and Raine run over to them.

" Lloyd! Everyone else who I won't name cause there's too many of you!" he cried, happily.

" You came to rescue us…" stated Raine, puzzled.

" Duh! Your our friends!"  
" But we're half-elves!"  
" And?"  
" Lloyd, you're a moron!"

Lloyd blinked.

" So…I'm a moron for not hating you cause of your race?"

" What about the Tethe'alla part of our group?" asked Raine, " Do you mind if we join you?"  
" I'm from Mizuho, we're not really mainstream; either. So its cool." Sheena.

" I can't say I'm kosher with this, but since I know everyone else is gonna want you to come; I'm gonna look like the bad guy again so I'm just going to agree." Zelos.

" I just want to go home." said Presea, the most intelligent of all the responses.

" I see…" said Raine, " So…why are you here, Sheena?"  
" I have orders to keep tabs on you from the Chief," said Sheena, shrugging.

" Wow! Everyone's stalking us these days! First Zelos and now Sheena!" said Lloyd, sort of flattered, "So, shouldn't we get Sheena to make a pact with Volt to get those Rheriads working?"  
" VOLT!" cried Sheena.

Her face turned 9 shades of gray, her whole being seemed to go rigid. With that, she got a blank look on her face and said, "No…No…Volt…what the hell…are you speaking? Pig latin? Spanish? Egyptian?"

" What?" asked Lloyd.

" She's relapsing…" said Zelos, rolling his eyes.

" Relapse of past detected," announced Presea, " Sanity is down to 33 percent."  
" Well said."

" Sheena?" asked Lloyd.

With that, she snapped out of her trance and shook it off.

" Ah…its nothing."  
" Then shouldn't we get the Rheriads first?" asked Zelos, " It'll be easier to carry them to the temple!"  
"…Huh? But aren't they heavy and stuff?" asked Lloyd.

" Just leave to 'ULTRA-SEXY-SUPER-ZELOS!'" He cried, striking a pose, " To the Fooji mountains!"  
" Aw, come on! We gotta climb that thing again?" complained Lloyd.

" These monsters…why are they here?" asked Sheena, as they walked up the trail, " The ritual wasn't complete…"  
" Its probably that she-male Yggdrasil and Cruxis," accused Raine.

Meanwhile, Genis had plucked a daisy from the ground. He fingered it nervously, before saying, " H-Hey, Presea?"  
Presea turned around.

" I…uh…got this for you." he said, blushing.

" Plant life detected. 50 percent carbon and 50 percent unknown substance," said Presea, staring at it.

" I'm so glad you like it!" he cried, overjoyed.

Zelos watched this and shook his head.

" That kid's about as smooth as…as…not me." he said, finally.

Finally, they got to the top of the mountains.

" So how are we going to carry them?" asked Lloyd, " Are we gonna saddle up Presea?"  
Zelos walked over to the Rherids and said, " Come here, I'll show ya."  
The group goes to follow Zelos, and suddenly; a barrier traps them in.

" You've walked right into my trap; fools!" cried Yuan, appearing.

DUN DUN DUN!

Luna: Done! ' Suspending Disbelief' by Circa Survive and ' Run away' by Linkin Park were today's songs! Review?


	22. The return of COLETTE!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Luna: ( cries happy tears) You guys are amazing…so many reviews! So far, it seems as if Zelos is gonna die! OH YEAH! I mean…uh…ish sad…And here it is!

Chapter 22: The Return Of Colette!

" Hey Zelos, he called you a fool!" laughed Lloyd.

" Zelos is clumsy 50.2 percent of the time," announced Presea, which only made Lloyd laugh harder.

" I'm so sad now…" said Zelos, but then retorted, " Well, at least I'm not clumsy in bed!"  
Suddenly, everyone got silent, and stared at him.

" Zelos! There's children in the room!" cried Genis, " Like Lloyd! Would you stop with the blant innuendos! And Presea's pure, virgin ears!"

" HEY!" cried Lloyd.

With that, he covered her ears, and Presea just gave a vacant stare. Yuan motioned for one of his many lackeys to get the Rherids. Ah, what's a commander or boss dude without his fellow lackeys that all look identical and bear no difference?

" Yes sir!" they chorused, in basically the same voice; for TOS didn't spare voice actors on cronies of any sort.

The 2 soldiers leave and Yuan cries, " This time, your mine, Lloyd."  
" God-er, Martel! Stop hitting on me! Its scary…" Lloyd mumbled.

For no apparent reason, Pronyma appears.

" Oh, Lord Yuan, fancy meeting you here," she said, casually; as if she warped on random mountain tops everyday.

" Hey…I think I've seen that lady-"  
" Hey, hey! Dude looks like a lady!" sang Lloyd, at which Pronyma gave him a death glare.

" I should ask you the same thing Proynma!" cried Yuan, " It's over! And I won't take you back!…And aren't you supposed to be reeking havoc in the declining world?"  
" Wow, this chick is like the Zelos of Desians…first Kvar and now Yuan…" mused Genis.

" I have come here to collect Colette-"  
" Haha! Collect, Colette! That has a funny ring to it!" interrupted Lloyd.

Ignoring the child like SEVENTEEN year old, they continued;

" Fine. But in exchange for the Chosen; I get to keep Lloyd." said Yuan.

" You want that!" she asked, appalled, "…Sure. If you insist."  
" I love how they talk about us like we're trading cards or something…" mumbled Lloyd, slightly insulted.

Pronmya makes her way to the red-eyed, souless Colette and Lloyd screams, " NO! DON'T GO!"

Some where, Chris Redfield sneezes, and curses whoever KEEPS making references to him.

" Haha! A futile effort! Words cannot reach a soulless Chosen!" cried Proynma, " What's this…? What an ugly ass necklace! Who made such a crappy thing?"  
Lloyd whistled innocently, and Genis tried not to point.

" Never mind…I have to take it off."  
" N…No!" cried Colette.

Her first words in…a lot of chapters Her eyes reverted back to its usual robin's egg blue. There was collective gasps all around.

" This is a birthday present Lloyd gave me," she explained, " And I'm never taking it off!"

" Colette…spoke?" asked Genis, in disbelief.

" Colette! Are you back to normal?" asked Lloyd, unsure if he should cheer or scream in horror.

Colette blinked, and noticed that they were all in a shiny trap.

" Why's everyone in the shiny trap except me?" she asked, sadly.

" Impossible! How could something so crappy restraint the Cruxis Crystal?" asked Yuan, shocked.

" It was the power of love!" cried Colette.

" More like the power of being stingy," remarked Genis, referring to how Lloyd made a gift cause he was cheap.

" Wow…that really is a bad looking necklace, Lloyd." commented Zelos.

" Shut up!" cried Lloyd, " Colette likes it!"

" Now come with me!" cried Proyma.

" NO!" cried Colette, and took out her charkams.

Those who were expecting an epic fight scene between them was greatly disappointed; cause Colette fell on her face. But it did deactivate the trap.

" Oh no!" she cried, " I broke it!"

" And that's a bad thing why?" asked Genis.

" Oh, I think I'm falling in love!" cried Zelos.

" You'd fall in love with a house plant!" snapped Sheena.

" Jealous, jealous," he teased.

" Somethings never change…" Raine said, sighing.

" For everything else, there's Master Card!" cried Lloyd, suddenly channeling commercials as well as music.

Colette stood up and said, " Lloyd! I was so happy that you gave me that necklace! So…really…very.…happy! And I'm sorry-"  
" Aw, don't mention it…" he said, flushed for a reason he didn't even know.

" Behind you!" Cried Raine.

" You impudent fools!" cried Proynma, " Prepare to die!"

Enter battle mode. Proyma has a ghetto version of beast, the only thing that really injured any of them. After whipping her ass, in the figurative sense; Lloyd cries, " Alright, Yuan! Its time to pay the piper!"  
" Pay the piper? Who uses that line?" asked Genis, blinking.

" I do! Now shutup! You ruin everything!" he cried.

Just as he was about to attack him, Kratos appears in a flash of light and deflects his attack.

" Kratos!" cried Lloyd.

" Hmph. What are you doing here?" asked Yuan.

" Leave. Lord Yggdrsil has something he wishes to discuss with you. He's convinced that you were cheating on Proynma." he stated.

"…Wait…" said Genis, " Wasn't Kratos and Yuan enemies?"  
He marked this as Plot Hole number 27, cause he himself was losing track of the numbers.

" Grr…Are you taking the Chosen?" asked Yuan.

" No. Its her Toxicious." he said, simply.

Yuan reveals his angel wings and flies off into the horizon.

" He's an angel too!" asked Sheena, " I mean, next thing you know, Zelos will be an angel!"  
Zelos began whistling innocently at this.

" Dammnit! Yuan! Wait!" cried Lloyd, resisting the urge to say ' No! Don't go!'

" What are you doing?" asked Kratos.

" Screaming for Yuan cause I wanna fight him." said Lloyd, " Duh."  
" No! I mean, why have you come to Tethalla?"

" I'm here to save Colette!"  
" What good will that do? The 2 worlds will still vye for mana, this has not changed."  
" Wow, your such a downer…"  
" Has Tethalla begun to decline?" piped up Sheena, suddenly.

" No. But once Colette becomes Martel's vessel, yes."  
There was an awkward silence.

" Dammnit! Isn't there anything to be done? Yggdrisl made this twisted world!" he cried.

" Lord Yggy does not consider it twisted-"  
" Brown-noser!" cried Genis.

" - If you want to change it, try using your brain alittle."  
"…That's easier said than done…" said Genis.

But Lloyd got on his 'dumb determination' face and cried, " Yeah, I'll do it! I'll change the world! I may be just 17, but I'm gonna accomplish what adults should really try to do in half time because I have FRIENDS!"

" Heh…well, do your best." said Kratos, and flies off.

" I remember!" said Genis, suddenly, " She was that girl who Kvar was begging to get taken back to!"

" That means shes a Desian!" cried Sheena, " And a slutty one!"

" And now it looks like Cruxis and the Desians are the same organization…" said Genis.

" GAHH! This is more confusing than long division!" cried Lloyd.

" So basically...we have to be paranoid and careful of everyone." Raine decided.

" Colette, is everything else back to normal?" asked Genis.

Zelos put his hand on hers and said, " Wow, your so-"

"-cold, keep your hand in mine!" sang Lloyd, and then, " Hey what the hell?"  
"-cute when you smile!" he said.

" Um…your Zelos, right?" asked Colette, " Anyway, I'm hungry and thirsty and tired and happy and sad- and OH GOSH, SHINY!"

" I guess she is back to normal…" said Lloyd, smiling a bit.

Suddenly, Colette's wings pop out.

" Looks like I still have wings…" she said.

" And Colette, we Chosen have to stick together!" cried Zelos, " As in 'stick' I mean, tongue!"

Sheena hit him over the head with Corrnie and scowled.

" Now what should we do?" asked Raine.

" Save Colette and both worlds of course!" cried Lloyd, always aiming for the near impossible.

" I agree, I promised Sheena!" said Colette, who was only agreeing since she wanted to win Lloyd's heart.

" I want to go home." said Presea.

Genis panicked at this.

" But…but don't you want to hang out with us more?" he asked, nearly ready for a break down if the bubble gum pink girl were to leave his side.

" I agree, it isn't fair. We have to bring her to that Kate chick," said Zelos, " And besides, she owes me her number!"  
Everyone either ignored or sighed at this and Raine brought up a good point.

" I doubt we can get there by bridge anymore…"  
" I have contacts in Meltokio!" announced Sheena, " Let's go there!"

" But how can we get in?" asked Genis, " We're wanted criminals again, just like in Syvalrant…"

At the mention of 'wanted criminals', Lloyd got a bit gloomy. He always seemed to get them outlaw status, where ever he went. Like that one time they went to Burger King…

**Flashback**

" Lloyd, its so nice of you to get us lunch today!" chirped Colette, eating her Big Mac.

His friends had gone out of there way to order A LOT since they were under the delusion of him paying. He actually HAD offered, but he forgot; due to his short attention span.

" Yeah! These greasy fries will probably get me one step closer to being obese, but its your treat!" cried Genis, sipping a extra big soda.

" Paying? Who said anything about me paying?"  
" You mean…" said Genis, in shock.

With that, they ran out of the restaurant, fry cooks on their heels. They weren't allowed in any other fast food restaurants. Ever.

**In the Present**

" Leave this to me!" cried Zelos, " Since I sneak out all hours of the day OR night to meet my hunnies, I know ALL types of short cuts!"  
" OKay, Zelos, we're counting on you!" said Lloyd.

Lloyd stood staring at Colette for a bit, until Colette asked, " Whats wrong?"  
" Nothing…just…welcome back!" he cried.

" Thanks, Lloyd!"

And she hugged him.

After many a random encounter, they get to Meltokio, and the guards blocking there said, " We're sorry Chosen one…we can't let you through."

Now why they just couldn't KILL these guys and save us from going a whole LONG and pointless way into another area was beyond me and Genis. Plot Hole 28, people.

" Oh…That's okay…You didn't see anything." said Zelos, slipping him some Gald.

He leads them to the sewers.

" Whoa, what is this?" asked Genis.

" Don't tell me you never saw a sewer before…?" asked Zelos, staring, " Well, its were the waste of the city flows out of."

" Wow, that's a good place for sneaking in!" commented Lloyd.

" Why would you need to sneak in at night?" asked , remembering his prior comment.

" Want me to show you tonight?" he asked, grinning.

" Argh! Your such a jerk!" cried Sheena.

"Hey, it could be a threesome!" he said, smiling.

Colette blinks and then asks, " Whats a 3 some?"  
" You'll know when your older…" assured Raine.

Which is weird, cause shes SIXTEEN. I knew what most stuff was when I was half that age! What, was Colette brought up under a rock? Anyway…

"Enemy detected in the form of rats, snakes, and icky things. Proceed with caution." said Presea.

With that, they entered the sewers.

Luna: I'm sorry if this seems rushed and I miss pelt stuff…its just that my Word Program is all WEIRD. Like, I would try to erase one word and it'll erase an entire sentence. And when I'd try to correct a word, it would highlight stuff and n ERASE it. To DEADEDBOY- I too, like Breaking Benjamin, and I'll put 'Diary Of Jane' in the next chapter cause this one is near impossible to finish because WORD IS BEING RETARDED:: kicks it, hard: Anyway, thanks for the support, everyone!


	23. Honey, I shrunk the idiots

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Owns nothing.

Luna: Okay, since the Zelos deal has everyone conflicted…I promise that I'll write BOTH. Yes, BOTH sides. But since majority rules, I'll have to kill him off first, and then write an alternate deal at the end. Unless there are still some closet Zelos fans some where…Speak up for your red haired bishie! Or…( Zelos whimpers in a corner)  
Chapter 23: Honey, I shrunk the idiots.

They entered the sewers.

It was icky.

It was gross.

It smelt like 4 week old gym socks.

Lloyd threw up in his mouth a bit.

That's when he found the very conviently placed Sorcerer's Ring changer thing. Suddenly, questions rang through his mind. Where did this thing come from? Why was it here? What would happen if there wasn't anymore of them? Would they forever dwell in the sewer, making meager meals of roasted rats and snakes until they went cannibalistic on each other?

Soon as such introspective thoughts entered his head that normally only Genis would think of; they left.

Because he was too busy watching the shiny floating ball on the Sorcerer's Ring Changer thingy…well, change the function of the Sorcerer's Ring.

Over eager, he pressed it.

Suddenly, everyone shrunk.

" Hm? OH MARTEL! The path got wider!" she cried.

"…No." said Lloyd, suddenly, " Honey, I think I shrunk the kids."

Genis began to shudder at the thought of Lloyd's offspring, possibly birthed by Colette; running wild and free and spreading their stupidity like herpes.

" We got smaller!" said Genis, shaking away the cold fear that once encompassed him.

" Huh? I'm the same length, thanks," said Zelos.

Sheena turned a nice crimson, whilst Genis looked to barf with Lloyd, and Raine sighed as Colette was clueless as ever.

" What? His height?" she asked, dumbly.

No one wanted to answer.

" Correct. Decrease in size detected," came Presea's blank retort.

Which made an immature Lloyd burst into giggles, when she didn't even mean that. Ah…perverted fools.

" Really? You're right!" agreed Colette, obvious as ever, " But what can we do like this?"  
Zelos grinned.

" Well, if one of us turns back to normal-"

Sheena smacked him upside the head with her knuckles.

" Is that all you think about!"  
" That and the supreme joke that is my sad existence."

Genis was the only one who realized that wasn't a joke.

" But how do we get back to normal?" he asked, brushing off his emo episode.

Raine randomly stepped on a blue panel and turned to normal size. She had the insane urge to run amongst them, having them scream and scatter as she went on a power trip. Raine would be the feared 'Godzilla' and everyone who scream in badly dubbed English and flail around. This urge was crushed, due to the fact someone had to remain a bit mature.

" I see. It seems stepping on these panels will restore us to our normal size." She said.

" Really? How?" asked Genis.

Raine gave him a blank look.

" Yeah! You're a teacher! You should know!" cried Lloyd, triumphantly.

" Shutup!"  
Slaps were handed out like candy. Knuckle sandwich flavored. Yum.

They fought the hordes of horrors such as rats, snakes and jello. It was pretty easy, seeing as they were only a couple inches tall. Until…Lloyd shrunk them. And then…the rats were HUGE.

Suddenly, the battle didn't seem so pathetically easy.

So they ran like scared little girls.

But at least they were scared, little, _alive_ girls.

Lloyd returned the party to their natural size, and tried opening a door. It was locked. Just like every damn door in Silent Hill.

" Huh? The door is locked!" cried Lloyd, horrified.

" Zelos! Didn't you know the route?" asked Sheena.

" Huh? It was never closed when I would pass through…" he remarked.

" To uphold security measures when wanted felons are on the loose, one usually has a lock down," Presea informed the group.

" Oh…" replied Lloyd, " I get ya."

So they ended up wandering around until they found a trash compacter.

" Huh? Whats this?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" You're kidding me…" said Zelos, awed by his stupidity.

The machine made a multitude of machine like noises, and then a block of…stuff fell down. If you looked hard enough, you could see a sock sticking out of it.

" Wow!" cried Colette, " It makes magical sock cubes!"  
"…No. It compacts trash," said Zelos, slowly.

" What's a trash compacter?" asked Genis.

Zelos was still a bit shocked. He had figured the brat was the smartest out of all of them but now…

" It…uh…turns into cubes so it can be transported easier."  
" That's stupid."  
"…Now that I think about it, it sorta is stupid. Just like me not getting laid."  
Lloyd stopped for a moment, thought a bit, then said, " I bet we can use that for something!"  
" Yeah! Just like every other time!" said Genis.

The group eventually figured out that they had to push the garbage blocks into various areas and cross spider webs to get them where they wanted to be. After a long, long time, they completed of this. With some swearing and comments of boredom, but that was it.

Suddenly, 3 convicts appeared. All in ragged clothing. Except the blue haired man. Now, why these guys weren't in orange jumpsuits like everyone other convict was beyond me. And Genis.

" Hey…what's going on?" asked Zelos, blinking.

" I sense danger…" said Presea, Captain Obvious for today, " and lack…of personal hygiene."

" We've been waiting for you…travelers of Syvalrant," said Convict one.

" The Pope promised to lighten our sentences if we killed you, so nothing personal but you have to die!" cried the 2nd Convict.

The convicts attacked with deadly wooden swords. Ohh…scary. Lloyd and company finished them off without breaking a sweat.

That's when blue-haired convict man appeared from the shadows, and jumped on Zelos. He pinned him down with his foot.

" NO! NOT MY SMALL PORED FACE!" cried Zelos, as he came in contact with Mr. Concrete.

" YAY!" cried Genis, then, seeing the look on everyone's face, " I mean…uh…Zelos!"  
They only glared cause they wanted to say it first.

" Don't move. If you move, the Chosen dies." said the Blue-haired man.

"…We weren't moving," informed Lloyd, which was the truth.

" Oh."  
" Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! You think you can mess up my hair and put my face up against the icky ground like this!" he asked, appalled.

" One who plots the destruction of the world can no longer be deemed a Chosen." came the dry reply.

Still, Zelo's 'friends' hadn't even budged an inch to help him.

" Hey! Lloyd, if you abandon me here, my ghost will haunt you forever!" he cried.

" I just got the sudden, violent urge to abandon you," stated Lloyd.

Presea, the only one who was compassionate of Zelos; or just plan bored and wanted to move the action along; tried to strike Blue-Haired Man. He dodged, and the axe came down, inches from Zelo's hair. He squeaked in fear.

He got up and latches onto Lloyd, huffing and puffing.

For no apparent reason, the camera decides to zoom in on Presea's rather blank as a tree face, and Blue Haired Man cries, " You're!"  
Genis used a simple fire ball spell at him and the man evaded. Now, Genis has a very large stock of spells; all a lot more powerful than fireball. Then why, do I implore thee, does he ALWAYS use that attack no matter what? Genis stopped, thought about it, and decided to make it Plot Hole Number 29. The first one that directly involved him.

" No! The Level One spell from hell! Retreat!" cried one of the convicts that had mystically appeared.

The convicts, and blue haired man, run off into the wilderness. Okay…maybe not the wilderness…but you get my drift.

" Looks like its over for now…" said Lloyd, observation skills in check.

" I'm glad everyone's okay although no one lifted a finger to help Zelos!" chirped Colette.

"…Add some more salt to my wounds, why don't ya?" mumbled Zelos.

The group finally exit's the sewers, and Lloyd screamed, " OH YEAH! We made it!"  
" Yeah…now we can meet my friends," said Sheena, happily.

" Oh? Were are your friends?" asked Colette.

" In my head. They are with me always, but I always hear them in my head," she said, smiling.

Everyone backed up at least 3 feet.

" I was kidding! Wow, you guys sure can't take jokes anymore…Anyway, it's a Lab thing, we're Corrine was born-"  
" Corrine was a test tube baby?" asked Lloyd, horrified.

"…What? Anyway," continued Sheena, " Let's just go."

In no time, they found the lab. It was lab like. Grey and boring. For once, I'd like to see a lab painted multicolored…

A Red Ninja appeared in a puff of smoke and cried, " Sheena! It's you!"  
" Kuchinawa! Why are you here?" asked Sheena.

" Stalking you," he said, dead paned, " Waiting til-"  
" The upper hand is mine! Making your heart stop-" sang Lloyd.

" What was that?" asked Sheena.

" Uh…Nothing! I'm a top secret mission!" he cried.

This guy was so gonna betray them…thought Genis, and was amazed on how he and he alone noticed it.

" I'm in a bit of trouble, actually," confessed Sheena, timidly, " Me and my friends from out of town want to get across the bridge…but its sort of closed…"  
" Hey! I got an idea!" cried Lloyd, " Colette has wings, right? Can't she fly us each over, one by one? She's super strong and all-"  
" Yeah!" agreed Colette.

" No! Shut up!" cried Sheena.

Plot Hole number 30.

Sheena goes down the stairs, Ku follows, and like hell am I typing that guys whole name.

" Let's go along and eavesdrop!" cried Lloyd.

When they went down there, they got to the juicy part of it; too.

" That's insane!" cried Sheena.

" Huh?" asked Lloyd.

" Listen to this! They want us to go across in Elemental Cargo!"  
"…Huh?"  
Presea spoke up.

"Elemental Cargo, typically called EC. It's a compact transport vehicle controlled by Exspheres. Its maximum load weight is 1400kg and maximum speed is more than three times faster than an upgraded Exsphere-equipped carriage. They are currently used primarily by shipping companies for delivery."

" What are we, packages!" cried Zelos.

" Well…they do say good things come in small packages!" said Colette, smiling.

" No…no. Small packages suck," said Zelos, smugly, " You'll find out soon enough."

Points for anyone who can figure out his innuendo…though everything sort of is an innuendo with him.

" The Elemental Cargo absorbs mana from the atmosphere and ejects it into the air, producing a counter-reaction that propels it forward. So if we use Undine for that, we get an EC that can surf.," said one nameless Researcher who I deem Marty.

"…Surf?" asked Raine, " Like…in water?"  
" No, Raine, on air," said Genis, sarcastic.

" Isn't there any other way?" asked Lloyd.

"The bridge is closed. You don't have the necessary identification to use an ocean liner. And on top of that, there are two half-elves with you." said Marty, snotty.

" Not again…" mumbled Genis.

" That's the kind of world is place is. It sucks."

" Ah, well, there's no point in getting all gloomy," said Zelos, peppy, " Its much better to keep your sorrow inside, and your angst, and brood randomly so everyone thinks your nuts." ( I'm serious, I know some people who do that. One minute your talking to them happily, the next BOOM! They whine about something frivolous.)

" If you wait a day, we'll get the EC ready," offered Marty.

" Okay, let's go to my mansion for a sleep over!" cried Zelos, " Although…I doubt there'll be sleeping. Eh, Sheena?"  
Sheena blushed, and tried to ignore his implications.

" The Pope's minions are going to be waiting for us there, though," she pointed out.

" The Pope's minions are every where," countered Lloyd, " And besides, I wanna see a mansion!"

Sighing at his shallowness, they went to the Noble Square place where Zelos pointed out his house.

" Hello, Master Zelos!" cried the butler.

The butler greets them at the door, who's eyes…were closed. Now, how that man opened the door, or even knew it was Zelos and not a serial killer; made this Plot Hole 31.

" Yo, I'm back," said Zelos, casually, " Anything happen when I was gone?"  
" I was instructed to snitch on you," came the blunt reply.

" Oh. Just ignore that."  
" Okay."  
Since no one seemed to matter except Lloyd, the butler asked for his name and his only.

" Oh? Him? He's my bud," said Zelos, sliding an arm around Lloyd, making him feel slightly uncomfortable.

" If there's anything I can do for you, Master Bud, ask," said the butler, and left.

" Bud…? Like the beer?" asked Lloyd, " Hey! I'm not a beverage!"  
The group scatters in Zelo's house. Lloyd spots Sheena by the flowers and pokes her.

" Mmm…Smells nice," she comments, sniffing flowers, then seeing Lloyd; " Wha..? Is it weird for me to be looking at flowers?"  
Lloyd shrugs, and then walks over to Colette; entranced by the fire. Shuddering with the flash of memory of her pyro antics, she interrupts with, " Zelos says the fireplace ignites by 'one-touch'. What's 'one-touch'?"  
"…Um…I don't know," said Lloyd, confused as her.

Oh, there was a fireplace. But I doubt THAT was the type of fire place Zelos spoke of.

Raine was staring at a portrait of woman.

" Mylene Wilder? Guess its Zelos' mom…" said Raine.

Somewhere, Zelos was mumbling about how his mom never loved him. Which greatly explains why he chases girls so much…

Lloyd goes up the stairs to find Genis and Presea sitting in chairs. He nudged near her by a couple inches, visibly sweating.

" Presea…I…I…" he stumbled.

"…"  
"…I…I want you to bear my children!" he choked out, reddening.

"…B-bear children? What does that mean?" she asked, curious.

"…I'm complementing you!" he cried, tomato red.

" Oh. Then, I want you to bear my children, too." she said, smiling.

Lloyd had to run off to another side of the room, where he collapsed in a laughing fit. Finally, when he was composed, he went to Zelos' room.

He was lying on his bed, writing dark poetry:

_I'm tired of playing nice, you always were as cold as ice,_

_Here's my heart, bloody and broken,_

_thank you for making it become alive and then mutilating it,_

_I'm sick of you,_

_I'm sick of this numbness inside,_

_I'm sick of myself,_

_But most of all, I hope he fucking breaks your heart._

" Hey, Zelos is that a diary?" asked Lloyd.

" Uh, yeah, a diary-"  
" I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane-" he sang, " As I burn another page-"  
Zelos threw the angst book behind him, and jumped up to the gifts he had; unopened.

" Oh, its sure hard being popular! Look at all the stuff my hunnies get me!" he cried.

" Oh…Okay. Well, I'm off to bed," said Lloyd, " Bye, Zelos!"  
And he left.

Zelos grabbed the book again, and pondered how else he could describe his torment and that no one knew but him and the Angst Book.

Luna; Done! Songs were ' Diary of Jane' by Breaking Benjamin, and ' Hit the Floor' by Linkin Park. I was in an Emo mood…(shifty eyes) Anyway, thank you guys…You all rock! And I have another issue at hand. Lloyd usually gets someone that he 'bonds' with through in the game. Like Sheena or Colette…I'm giving you guys the choice of who that person is, but I want to narrow it down a bit, cause I rather not do a boy on boy pairing to respect the straight guys ( usually, my guy friends freak when that's done…) reading this; and I'm about as anti-yaoi writing as you can get. But I have nothing against gay people in general, I have a gay best friend, and I only dislike the yaoi that'll never HAPPEN. Like Lloyd and Kratos, THAT'S WRONG. Or Zelos and Lloyd! AHHH! But its fiction and your entitled to your own opinion and stuff, so don't get mad…( cowers in corner) So…Its either Sheena or Colette. Not Presea, cause theres just too much material for Genis harassment that I can't resist…and feel free for requests! Thanks again!


	24. The magical EC!

Disclaimer: Owns nothing!  
Luna: Here's the Rankings! **Pro Zelos:4, Death to Zelos:6**

**LloydX: Sheena: 5 Colette:2 Raine:1 Presea? 0.0: 1**

Okay, um, **Friend By Note**, you have said that you want Zelos and Sheena…so does that mean Colette? And some people want Raine and Presea ( blinks, confused) So…um…why the hell not? And looks like Zelos is gonna die…( Zelos cries in corner, writing more dark poems) But don't worry! I promised an alternate! And these scores aren't definite, they can change! Plus…I suck at math…So I'll keep recounting! And I apologize for all my grammar errors last chapter…THERE WAS A LOT. It won't happen again!

Chapter 24: The magical EC!

The next morning, Lloyd rose bright and early.

As in 2pm in the afternoon.

So did Zelos, but he was up all night. And no, it actually wasn't him trying to molest Sheena in her sleep or anything perverted; he was just struck by Emo-tastic song ideas!

" Let's go to the Elemental Research Lab!" he decided.

" About time you woke up…" grumbled Raine, impatient as usual.

That's when Colette staggered out. Her head was tilted to the right of her shoulder.

" Wow! Colette's head really is screwed on wrong!" cried Lloyd.

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' HANDICAPPED NECK/SHOULDER PERSON!

" I guess I slept wrong…" she said, fake giggling.

" Slept wrong? More like someone ripped off you head and glued it back on with ABC bubblegum…" mused Sheena, staring.

After the basically useless, Colette's 'head is all screwy' episode; the plot had to move along.

They went inside the still under decorated Lab, where Marty said, " Hey! Everything's ready!"  
" Where's the EC?" asked Sheena.

" Up my ass and around the corner," he informed.

" So Ku has it?"  
" Yes."

Lloyd blankly stared and then said, " What!"  
" Its code! Ninja Code!" replied Sheena.

Both he and Genis sighed in relief. Marty then shoves a tiny item upon them.

" Eh? What's this?" asked the ever curious Lloyd.

" Its an EC wing pack," said Zelos, " God…you guys are SUCH hicks."

Lloyd glared and him and said, " Gee! Sorry!"

Zelos seemed amused, and then said, " Come on, I'll show you how to use it later. But first, all the girls must strip-"

Sheena glared.

" Come out, Corrine!" she summoned.

Corrine popped out of some smoke, tiny and winged,

" We're going to leave soon," she explained, " Say goodbye to everyone."  
Corrine grumbled, " I hate you all."  
" Corrine! That's so negative!"  
" Ah, bite me!"  
Corrine disappears.

Marty sighed, and said, " I guess Corrine still hates us…"  
" Yeah, well, that's what happens after you shove wires in someone's head," said Sheena, sighing, " and then sticking needles in them. And then dying them different colors. And then seeing if they can withstand severe thrashing against walls-"  
" Okay, I get it!" he cried, " We feel guilty enough!"  
After that rather pointless and odd scene, the group trekked on to the Bridge. The fights were as fierce as a mongoose fighting a solider ant. As in, boring and pathetic. It was trouble for Zelos, though.

Panicking, since his hair had been frizzed from a Lighting Spell that Genis casted a bit too close to him, he attacked one of the monsters shouting, " DIE-"

" Romantic, romantic!" said Lloyd, " This is a nightmare we fall asleep-"

His singing was cut short, because the evil bunny had hippy-hopped all over his body.

The battle was as heated as snow cone. Then, they arrived at the bridge.

" Ku should be waiting for us at the bottom of the right staircase," said Sheena.

" Okay! Let's go!" cried Lloyd.

Only one problem. The door leading there was locked.

" Leave it to me," said Lloyd.

Lloyd suddenly became MacGyver! And he was able to unlock the door.

" Wow Lloyd!" cried Colette, " You managed to open that door with a tooth pick, a bobby pin, chewed gum and some lint! That's amazing!"  
" At least he's useful for certain things…" pointed out Genis.

" Oh? And me fighting and defending you in battle isn't useful so your spells don't get interrupted?" asked Lloyd, seething, " Next time, maybe I'll FORGET to protect you!"

"…I was kidding. Wow, Lloyd, your becoming serious…seriously stupider!"  
" His face looses out to mine, though," announced Zelos, " My face is as soft as a baby's bottom!"

" SO!" cried Lloyd, "Why would you want your face to feel like a butt, anyway?"

I know, right? Soft as a baby's bottom…why do people say that? Don't they like…poop a lot, anyway? Why would you want a _face_ like that?

Out of nowhere, Raine obtained the title of 'Captain Obvious' for this chapter and proclaimed, " You can see the bridge from here!"

" You can see my house from here!" cried Lloyd.

" Really?" asked Colette, forgetting they lived in ANOTHER world.

" No."  
The camera pans over to the Ex-spheres embedded in the bridge.

" Eww…Human lives compounded into tiny spheres…" came Colette, staring.

"…And they say I'm heartless!" cried Zelos.

Ku arrives, and says, " It took you long enough!"  
" I'm sorry, we just kept having all these pointless conversations," answered Sheena.

And pointless battles.

There was an odd boat at the dock. I have now decided I won't use the word 'odd' anymore in this chapter cause I have killed it. R.I.P, odd.

" Okay, use that Wing Pack you got," said Zelos, smiling.

Lloyd took it out, and the EC disappeared in it.

" Wow, that's incredible!" cried Colette.

Raine, meanwhile, was getting a bit fed up. _This _was the girl they so strived to save!

" Colette, its not that interesting!" she barked, " I've seen it before! You'd 'wow' if Lloyd were to poke something!"  
Then, realizing she may have implied some foreshadowing, she stopped. Reflected. And shrugged off the sudden nostalgia.

" Huh? I would-" began Colette, then noticed Lloyd scratching his head, " Wow, Lloyd! What an awesome scratching technique! You must be good with your hands!"

Zelos was the only one who caught that. Impressed, he whispered, " So am I."  
" Sorry, I love one and one only…"said Colette, " Lloyd!"  
And Lloyd was then spacing out, a dribble of drool down the corner of his lip.

Zelos just shook his head.

" See, it fits inside!" said Zelos, showing off the Wing Pack magic, " One size fits all. Just like-"  
" NO ZELOS! PRESEA'S VIRGIN EARS!" cried Genis, hands over her ears.

"-hugs," finished Zelos, enjoying the fact he had proved Genis wrong and the some what constipated look of confusion pasted on his features.

Lloyd used the Wing Pack again, and the EC came back out.

" Wow!" he cried.

" Wow!" cried Colette.

" Wow!" cried Genis.

" Not wow!" cried Ku, " Can we GO?"

" No! More! More!" cried Colette.

Overjoyed, Lloyd pressed it again, and the EC disappeared. Then, it reappeared.

Chrous of 'Ooohss' and 'Ahhhs' were heard.

Ku looked as if to strangle Lloyd and hang him up on a flag pole, when Sheena interfered, " We really should be going!"  
" Oh…Alright." said Lloyd, " I can't wait to make more use of this!"

" You'll be bored of it in 5 seconds," pointed out Genis.

" No I-" began Lloyd, then made it disappear, then reappear, "…Yeah. It is kinda old now."

" Yay, we're going to sea!" cried Colette.

"…We're going to sea," mumbled Raine, unenthusiastic, " Can't we ever ride in an actual, SAFE craft? First, some sleazy bath tubs and now a cargo ship…"

" We're going to sea." stated Presea, as if to confirm it.

" Sheena, wait!" cried Ku, stopping her, " I have a crappy protective charm to give you that won't benefit you in anyway, shape or form!"  
" Wow, you shouldn't have!" she cried.

Lloyd and friends board the mysterious EC. I call it 'mysterious' because we never ONCE see the interior of it. Was it boring and metal? Fur ladened and pimping, to suit Zelos' needs? Or filled with card board boxes? These are the type of questions that prevent me from going to sleep at night.

Sheena summons Undine to move the EC, and their on their way to Sybak. After a rather short drive, they get to shore. Lloyd goes into Sybak, only to see Kratos standing there, back to him.

" Okay…now what was it Lord Yggderisal needed?" he asked, to himself, " The list says 'eggs, peanut butter'…and…is that word 'killins' or 'muffins'?"  
Lloyd was shocked, and cried, " Kratos! Have you come to take Colette?"  
In honesty, Kratos had come to shop for Derris Kharlarn. Apparently, he had been demoted to 'errand boy' after his reluctantly to disposing of Lloyd. But explaining such things was…well…humiliating.

So, Kratos replied, rather smoothly, " I have no intention of fighting you inside the city."

Hell, he didn't have any intention of fighting, period. He just wanted some eggs, peanut butter and possibly muffins…or killins. To prove this, he hit Lloyd with a Demon Fang.

Look back at the prior sentences I wrote. Kratos _said_ he had no intention of fighting Lloyd in the city…but he had just _struck him._

Genis gasped and cried, " You contradicted yourself! Plot Hole 32!"  
" Ah!" cried Lloyd, falling to the floor.

Not to mention that maybe, his OTHER friends could've got the upper hand on Kratos while that happened…but nope. Genis decided that was…pure stupidity, and unworthy of a plot hole mention.

Kratos puts away his sword and says, rather condescendingly, " You still lack the skills to defeat me."  
" Don't insult me!" whined Lloyd.

" I merely speak the truth."

Genis thought it wasn't skills, but brains that Lloyd lacked to defeat Kratos. He causally struts off, and throws over his shoulder, " Chosen One-"

" Which?" interrupted Colette.

"…What?"  
" There's me and Zelos!" she explained.

Zelos flipped his hair, Herbal Essence style.

"…You." he said, sighing, " If you wish to live, take off the Key Crest."

" No," she said, firmly, " Lloyd gave it to me! And I'll never take it off! Even if it is ruining my body like a magliant cancer!"

" Psh…so sentimental," he crooned, and walked off; the muffins still not bought.

Or killins. Either or.

" He wasn't after Colette?" asked Genis, surprised.

" Man, what an arrogant SOB," said Zelos, annoyed, " Acting like he knows everything…"  
" Zelos! What language!" cried Sheena.

" Huh? I didn't even say the word!" he cried, " I said the letters!"  
Raine turned to Lloyd and said, " We have to see this Kate person."

" Yeah…"

They walk through Sybak, all the way to another mediocre lab where Kate is.

" Its you!" she cried.

" Yes, my baby, its me!" said Zelos, arms open wide.

He was ignored.

" We've saved our friends and brought Presea," said Lloyd.

Kate eyes Genis and Raine, then nods.

" They really are half-elves…" she breathed, " Your right…"  
" I've heard the story," said Raine, " Presea is creating a Cruxis Crystal in her body?"  
" Yes."  
" Want to study her together?" she asked, brightening, " New, best, scientist friend?"  
" No! We need to get her fixed!" cried Genis, " You can play study buddies later!"  
Raine looked a bit let down, then nodded.

" Its called the Angelus Project," Kate explained.

" Angelus Project! That's the project my mom was in!" cried Lloyd.

" The Exsphere itself is nothing special. It just has a special Key Crest placed on it. This Key Crest delays the Exsphere's parasitic process, which can take place over a few days or up to several decades. It seems this can cause Exspheres to mutate into Cruxis Crystals," said Kate.

Presea began twitching a little, and went to a corner; staring.

" Is that why Presea has the emotional response of a post?" asked Raine.

" So she's just like Colette…" said Genis, blinking.

" Huh?" asked Colette, " But I'm chipper and giggly! What will happen if we leave her like this?"  
" She'll die," answered Kate, simply.

" That's horrible!" cried Genis, appalled, " You have to do something! I love her, dammnit! Its true love! What did she ever do to you?"  
Everyone felt a bit awkward at this, except Zelos. He laughed. A lot.

" She matched the compatibly test."  
" We held up our end," said Lloyd, " Now you save her."  
" I know," answered Kate, " You don't discriminate against half-elves…so…go find a dwarf called Altessa. He's in Gaoracchia Forest."  
" There are dwarfs in this world, too!" asked Lloyd.

" Coming from the guy who was surprised to find dogs on this side…" commented Genis.

" Yes…he and the Pope participated in it," she answered.

" The Pope? That old, manipulative, child molestation cover up man?" asked Zelos.

" Don't say that!" cried Kate, a bit too defensive.

" Okay…"  
" So what are we waiting for?" asked Lloyd, " Let's go out of our way to help someone we barely know!"  
Everyone agreed.

Luna: Okay…Thanks for the poll count and reviews! I also realize today's date, and I'll pray for the victims and the families of the tragedy that was Sept. 11th…May God watch over all of you. ( is religious. But not the overbearing type of religious.)


	25. A Short ChapterI'M SORRY!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Luna: (amazed) IM A LEGEND! SCORE! I mean…uh…

**Pro Zelos: 7 Death to Zelos: 6**

**Lloyd X: Sheena: 7 Colette: 4**

Wow! Looks like Zelos made a comeback! And…looks like Colette will now have every girl's worse nightmare curse known as ' The Girl Who's Best Friends With Hot Guys Who Won't Date Her.' Anyway, thanks for voting! Next chapter will be the cut off for the votes and such.

Chapter 25: A Short Chapter

They traveled to Garocchia Forest. Where it was gloomy and filled with shade.

" Whoa! This place is pretty creepy," observed Lloyd, surveying the area.

" Wow! Its dark!" chirped Colette, cheerful as ever.

" Wow, Colette, your awfully cheery," said Zelos, smirking, " Do you like the dark? Lots of fun things can happen in the dark…"

" Or in a bathroom, or in a hallway, or an alley for you…" finished Genis.

" BLASPHEMY!" came a voice, " Too much sexual innuendoes that any living person should make!"

3 Papal Knights appeared, and glared at them.

" Whoops…My lustfulness has attracted the papal knights…" said Zelos, bored.

" Prepare to die! Your in the Pope's way!"  
The fight began.

The fight ended.

The fight wasn't all that interesting.

" We won, who saw that coming?" asked Genis, bored.

" What else? Make like a banana and spilt!" cried Lloyd.

The gang moved along to the Sorcerer's Ring changer thing. It changed the ring, and it gained the mystical power of sunlight.

" Hey, this time it emits light!" he cried.

" Like a lamp," said Genis, "…but not."

" What do we use it for?" asked Colette, " Tanning?…Wow…I have gotten pretty pasty pale, huh?"

" No." said Raine, abruptly.

" No? That I have a Hollywood Tan?"  
" NO! As in no, its not for tanning!" shouted Raine, " There's probably some plants here that react strongly to light."  
As the gang fought pumpkin trees and zombies, Lloyd screamed, " Itchy Tasty!" for reasons beyond his control.

That's when they came across a black treasure chest, that would later have something called a 'Devil's Arm,' in which they'd have to collect it all in order for Presea to gain the ever so happy title of ' Empty Soul' and have really bad weapons. Except for Raine. Because the 'Heart Of Chaos' just seemed to fit her well. ( Correct me if I'm wrong on that…I THINK it's the heart of Chaos)

" Whats with this thing?" asked Lloyd, " WHY WON'T IT OPEN?"

" My foreshadow senses tingle, and I'm guessing it has to do with a pointless side quest later on…" said Genis, " there fore we shouldn't mess with it until we've leveled enough that I can take out one monster with just my kendama."  
" Oh…Wow, I wish I knew random foresh…fore…shadowing like you!" decided Lloyd, struggling with the exotic word.

Near the exit of the forest, Colette abruptly stops.

" I hear footsteps from far away…" she trailed off.

" I don't hear anything," said Zelos, blinking, " Except the beating of hot-blooded chick's hearts all yearning for me!"

He was ignored.

" Colette's still schizophrenic," stated Raine.

" No, I'm not!" she pouted.

" It can't be good…whether it's a mental disease or actual reinforcements," said Lloyd, sighing.

" I'll send Corrine to go search the area, who does absolutely nothing and does basically no damage while I have Undine that can probably wipe the floor with whatever's coming," said Sheena, helpfully.

Corrine pops out of thin air, mumbles complaints, and then scuttles off.

That's when…DUN DUN DUN! The convict ( Regal) appeared!

" That's why it smelt like rotten eggs mixed with 3 year old sweaty grandpa socks!" cried Genis.

" Man, its just one problem after another!" whined Zelos, " First, noone really loves me and then everyone treats me like a joke and then girls use me for sex and then-"  
" Wow…Zelos, your pretty depressed." stated Genis.

" I AM NOT!" he screamed.

Everyone began to feel very uncomfortable just then.

"…I don't want to fight anyone," said Regal, "…Just let me speak to the girl."

" Over my dead body, pedophile!" cried Genis, readying his kendama to send an 'oh-so-deadly' fire ball at him.

" I never intended to kill anyone, my orders were to retrieve a girl who was apparently retarded," explained Regal.

" Me?" asked Colette.

" I will do you no harm…" said Regal, focusing on Presea, then noticing her Exsphere, " Your yet another victim?"  
Just as Regal approaches, Presea seemed to come out of a trance and attack him.

REGAL GAINED THE TITLE OF ' PEDOPHILE!'

" Oh no! Presea's in danger!" cried Genis.

"…Wait," said Lloyd, " it's the convict technically in danger? She attacked him-"  
" Shut up! I MUST BATTLE HIM TO DEFEND PRESEA'S HONOR!" he cried, too far down to help.

He jumped into battle.

The battle began.

The battle was easy.

The man had his hands cuffed in some sort of kinky bondage deal, so it was wasn't too hard to kick his ass.

"…Wow, what kinky hand cuffs!" remarked Zelos, stealing the prior lines.

" He seems to have reasons for his actions," said Raine, suddenly, " Perhaps we should take him prisoner? I'm sure he has much to tell us. We'll just hold-"

" Hold your head high, heavy heart!" sang Lloyd.

"-him hostage a bit…"

Of course Raine only said this because she was sick of being around people much younger than her. Besides, since Kratos was a traitor and all; she had lost all eye candy.

Finally, Corrine comes stumbling back, battered and bruised.

" Sheena! I just got kicked by several soldiers!" she/he cried, " RUN!"

" I really should've summoned Undine…" she mumbled, " Let's go!"  
" The foot steps…keep getting louder," announced Colette, then winced, " louder…louder…STOP IT! MAKE IT STOP! AHHHHHHHHH!"  
" Uh…Once the overly happy one has a break down, I think that's a sure fire reason to run," said Zelos, watching in horror and morbid fascination as Colette clapped her hands over her ears and screamed bloody murder.

" Yeah, and if they didn't know we were here before, they sure as hell do now," said Genis, pointedly.

" Looks like we have no choice…" said Sheena, " I'll take you to Mizuho."  
" Whoa there, Sheena!" cried Zelos, " Isn't Mizuho all secret and mysterious?"  
"…No. That just attracts the tourists."  
" I-"  
" I think we have an emergency! I think we have an emergency!" sang Lloyd, " If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong-"

" I think we should go now…" finished Raine.

" What? Someone soiled themselves?" asked Genis.

" No…it was just…my condition." said Lloyd, sheepishly.

" Hey, Zelos, carry the convict for us, eh?" asked Sheena, walking off.

" What? By myself? I may pull something!" he cried.

Colette picked him up with one hand, humming.

"…My ego has been bruised beyond repair." said Zelos, hurting.

So, they traveled to the Mizho Village. Where many a tourist were.

" And this," said a ninja, in front of eager tourists, " Is the mystical well!"  
Several people took snap shots of it.

" And this," he continued, moving onto the entrance, where Sheena had just entered, " Is where you can exit and get some gifts before you leave. Like the mystical smoke bombs to delight and cause a crowd at parties! Or the mystical cards that will do more than give you paper cuts-"  
Sheena tapped him on the shoulder, " Orochi…"  
Orochi turned around, then cried, " Sheena! Have you brought more tourists?"  
"…No. These are my friends from Syvalrent."

"…You mean the chick you were supposed to kill and…"  
Sheena nodded, scarlet with embarrassment.

" I see…Okay, you all wait in front of the Chiefs. I need to have a chat with Sheena…"

Sheena leaves with Orchi, leaving the tourists to get caught in tourists traps. In which water bottles cost 5 bucks and candy bars are 3.

Regal finally wakes up, and some how gets to his feet without using his hands. Plot Hole 33, anyone?  
" Where am I…?" he asked.

" Your our prisoner!" cried Lloyd, " don't try anything funny! Like juggling!"

" I'd like to think its impossible to juggle with my hands bound…" he said, slowly.

" Oh. Oh yeah!"  
" Excuse retardo," said Genis, " he means don't do anything to escape."  
Lloyd goes over to the hut thing where Orchi is, conning more tourists to buy 'mystical good luck charms' that were actually just plastic Mickey Mouse ones with the decals scrapped off.

" Oh…the Vice Chief is in to see you now." he said, dismissively.

Inside, they entered. And sat down. On some mats. Luna is so descriptive today.

" My name is Tiga," said the Vice Chief, " Our Chief is a vegetable-"  
Sheena coughed.

" And since someone didn't kill someone-"  
Sheena coughed harder.

" We now face persecution from the Church of Martel."

Sheena needed Ricola.

" Really?" asked Lloyd.

" Yes…Now, what do you plan to do here, in the land of your enemies?" asked Tiga.

Lloyd stopped to consider.

" I've been thinking about that for a long time. Someone asked me why I came all the way to Tethe'alla…what it is that I want to do. I want a world where everyone can have a normal life. I'm tired of people having to become sacrifices. I'm tired of discrimination. I'm tired of people becoming victims. I'm tired of it all." he said, " I'm sick of being tired and tired of being sick."  
"You are an idealist. The worlds of Tethe'alla and Sylvarant flourish only by victimizing the others. So long as that structure remains the same, anything you say is mere sophistry." said Tiga.

LLOYD OBTAINED TITLE OF ' UNREALISTIC IDEALIST!'

" Yeah! And now all we have to is kick this Yggdrisil guys ass cause violence solves everything!" cried Lloyd.

Tiga laughed.

" Your such a fool. You speak like Mithos, the hero. If he was a sick sadist…"  
" I am not Mithos! I'll use the power of violence and friendship to conquer the evil in the world!"  
" Think about what you said…" said Genis.

And with that, Tiga agreed to back Lloyd.

Simply because his ideas seemed so bad that they were good.

Luna: A short chapter, I know…the next will be longer. Songs: **Phrase that pays-The Academy Is, ' Emergency-Paramore, some Taking Back Sunday Song.**


	26. In which the words 'Sick Pedofile' are u

Disclaimer: Owns…nothing.

Luna: The moment of truth…( pauses for dramatic effect)…(keeps pausing)…(gets death threats)

**Pro Zelos: 8Death To Zelos: 12**

**Lloyd X: Sheena: 10 Colette: 7**

And with an amazing turn of events, Zelos will DIE! ( Zelos goes off to write stuff about the people who voted against him in his diary. And it won't be very nice.) And it seems Sheena and Lloyd will be together! ( Colette contemplates how to kill Sheena and make it look like an accident.) I'm impressed with the turn out…and his death actually works in my favor since I have more material when Kratos returns…But don't worry, Zelos fans! At the very end, I'll write an alternate chapter thing that he lives…but that's not for a long time…The public has spoken!  
Chapter 26: In which the words ' Sick Pedophile' are used. A lot.

With that little issue solved, Tiga said, " Our first order of business is to locate the Rhierads. Luckily, Sheena did something right for once-"

Sheena brightened, but then realized he sorta of insulted her as well.

" -and attached a guardian to it."  
" Guardian?" asked Lloyd.

" A tracking device," he explained.

" Wow…it seems everyone has tracking devices on everything…it seems like it would be pretty useful for locating car keys; too!" exclaimed Lloyd.

" What are…cars?" asked Tiga.

" I…don't know. Well, we'll go look for it, then!"  
The group leaves, except Zelos. He decides to have an inner monologue with himself. Okay, so not technically himself, because…well…Tiga was there. And that comatose man. But let's pretend their not there.

" Is he for real?" asked Zelos, in disbelief, " Is he that…stupid? He has to be fake. No one is that pure, or good. No one doesn't look out for themselves. No one is that…blindly self less. And no one will love me."  
"…You really have some issues, young man," said Tiga.

" …Shut up! My hair has more volume than yours!" cried Zelos, and immediately left.

Lloyd decided it was a perfect time for the 3rd degree with Regal.

" Whats your name?" he asked.

" Regal…"

" Regal?" asked Genis, staring, " You know your name means 'royal'? As in, royal pain in the ass?"  
" Oh! Diss!" cried Lloyd.

" Excuse them," said Raine, " But we're going to have to keep you prisoner a little longer."  
" Lloyd, how about we let Pops here fight?" asked Zelos.

" Me? Since when am I…like, the leader?" asked Lloyd.

" Since Colette is retarded, Genis is short, Raine is a pessimist and your…all hopeful and stuff," said Zelos, shrugging.

" NO! He can't join!" cried Genis, frantic, " He's a sick pedophile!"

" Genis, just because he wants to talk to a girl half his age doesn't mean…" began Raine, " Oh…wait, forget I said anything."  
" But I started off as your enemy and now I'm your ally," pointed out Sheena.

Genis looked as if to throw a tantrum.

" Who's side are you on?" he cried, getting in her face.

"…No ones…"

Lloyd considered this, and then said, " Well, will you fight alongside us?"  
" I swear upon my good name that I will not betray you," said Regal, seriously.

" But how do you have a 'good' name if you're a convict?" asked Genis, defensive.

"…Fine. I swear upon the fact that these shackles are a giant pain in the ass that I won't betray you."

" That's better," said Genis, " But If you try anything, on Presea…I'll give you a nice 3rd degree burn."

" Why would…I am NOT A PEDOPHILE!" cried Regal, using more emotion than anyone ever saw him express.

Colette, however, seemed ecstatic on the fact that they had just gained a new 'friend.' Even if that friend was a convicted felon who may or may not have the hots for 14 year old girls.

" Well then, welcome to our group, Regal!" she chirped, giving him a pin entitled, ' I helped the Chosen one save the world and all I got was this stupid pin', " Now you're a official member!"

Just as they had made their way past the thick crowds of tourists, Orchi stopped them.

" I have a great deal on some mysterious, sacred stones to get your true love to fall for you!" he cried, " A limited offer of 4,000 Gald! An ancient Mizhuoian secret!"  
" Oh! I want one!" cried Colette.

Sheena sighed, and said, " Colette, those aren't-"  
Orchi glared at her.

The 'sacred stone' was actually just a pebble he picked up moments before. Oh, so sacred.

After Colette was scammed, Orchi said, " Oh yeah, those Knight guys are gone. You should hurry to that place."  
Colette fingered the pebble, smiling. Raine felt as if she may die from stupidity overdose.

" Alright! Let's go to Altessa's Place!" cried Lloyd.

" I want to go home." stated Presea, the first words she said in a long, long, time.

Fearing for his life to disobey her since she was about 4'11 and wielded an axe that was about twice her size, and also since Genis threatened to tear the heads of whoever wasn't submissive to her; Lloyd said, " Okay. Ozette then."  
But it seemed Genis was a bit depressed at this, since it meant she may have to leave.

They trekked to the village, where Regal was put on the front lines. He was an okay fighter…he mostly just kicked the crap out of everything. And occasionally tripped and fell a bit due to the shackles and its weight. Ah, poor, klutzy Regal.

Once they entered the village, Presea streaked off. 'Streaked' as in ran…not anything else. Leaving everyone in the dust.

" Lloyd, we have to follow her!" cried Genis.

" huh? Okay. But first, we have to buy weapons, food, explore and-"  
Genis glared.

Lloyd sighed, and they went after her. After a couple of minutes in the village, they realized everyone around was a…racist.

" You can count on Presea to leave us in some back woods village with a bunch of half-elf racists…" said Zelos, shaking his head, " If she wasn't female, I might of actually insulted her more."  
Genis made an annoyed face at him, and they arrived at Presea's house.

She was outside with some man with purple hair and…a really weird sort of shirt thing. It was sorta like a long neck brace. I'm guessing the ' handicapped collar' look was all the rage there.

" Thank you," said the Collar Man, " Are these guests as well?"  
" Portors…"she said.

" Oh…I see."  
" Presea!" cried Genis, flustered, " We have to make a Key Crest for you!"  
Presea completely ignored this, and replied, " My job awaits. Good bye."  
She walks into her house, completely disregarding everyone.

" Only Presea can retrieve the sacred wood used in the ritual at the church. I'm quite pleased that she has finally returned. Hehehehe." said Collar Man, who then left.

" That man…hes a half elf," said Raine, " And obviously insane or evil. No one in their right mind laughs after sentences for no apparent reason."  
Apparently, Raine has never met the people who like to end each sentence after IMing you with 'lol'. Even if it's not funny. Like, ' watz upp? Lol'. You get my drift.

Colette giggled.

" I take it back. Only insane, evil, or stupid people laugh for no apparent reason."

" Wasn't he that guy at Meltokio?" asked Lloyd, " The one who was like, ' Ahaha! Violence is good!' "

"…No." said Genis.

In fact, he had been there. But you see, our fair author completely forgot him. So…this is Plot Hole 34, a plot hole in the story; more than the game.

" He's ugly," said Colette, suddenly.

" I agree," said Zelos, " but I have to say, I feel really bad for the guy. He has to compare with Martel's gift to woman."

" And who would that be?" asked Colette, dumbly, " Lloyd?"  
" No. Me."  
Genis, Lloyd, and Sheena busted into a fit of laughter, as Zelos just seemed rather pissed.

" At any rate, we should go have a talk with her." said Regal.

" A talk…? Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" cried Genis, annoyed.

"…Uh, sure?"  
Lloyd and friends barged into her house, without even knocking. How rude. Then again…they entered random people's houses all the time. Strangers' houses. My question to you, loyal fans, is why don't these guys LOCK THEIR DOORS! And then when a random, odd, teenager wielding swords comes into your house with about 6 of his friends, your not even at the least surprised or defensive? Is it perfect fully normal to have strangers walk into your unlocked house, roam around, strike up a conversation with you, take your treasure, and LEAVE! Plot Hole 35!

" Ew!" cried Zelos, " What's that smell!"

" I didn't do it! It was Genis!" cried Lloyd.

" Whoever smelt it, dealt it!" cried Genis.

" Whoever said the rhyme, commit the crime!" he retorted.

Raine went on ahead. She saw Presea mindlessly walking back and forth, and then stopping by a bed. A bed with a decayed body.

" Oh my…How horrible." said Raine, in disgust and pity.

" Ha! See! I didn't fart!" cried Lloyd.

Everyone glared at his lack of sensitivity.

" Oh…" he said, it sinking in, " That's screwed up…"  
" That is so not sexy!" cried Zelos.

" How could this happen?" questioned Sheena.

Presea continues to be unaware.

"Most likely the effect of Exspheres' parasitism. Presea has no idea what's become of the person in that bed." said Raine, " Either that, or she's just really oblivious."  
" Raine!" cried Genis, " That's mean!"  
" Presea, will you come with us?" asked Regal, gently.

" No. I…must do my job." she replied, emotionlessly.

" Let's leave her here." said Raine, turning.

" What?" cried Lloyd.

" If we leave her here, she'll just fight back. Let's go see Altessa."  
" No! I won't leave her!" cried Genis, " I'll chain myself to her ankle if I have to! You'll have to drag me, kicking and screaming to get me to leave Presea's side!"  
Raine heaves him up on one arm, as he kicks, claws, and howls all the way out.

On their way out, Colette trips.

" Colette! Are you alright?" asked Lloyd.

" Ahh…yeah. Hehe, I'm clumsy!" she said, almost overjoyed.

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' CLUMSY IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!'

" Er…okay."

With that down, and Genis throwing a fit all the way; Lloyd got to Altessa's house.

It was shack. It was pretty boring. Luna really has to start describing stuff…Maybe that'll be her new New Year's Resolution! Hopefully, this'll be done by then.

A girl approached when they entered the house, and she said, " WHO IS IT!"

" Wow, your voice is flat," said Lloyd.

" That's not all that's flat," said Zelos, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

" Shut up!" cried Genis, " Presea's life is on the line, and that's all you can think about!"

" Well…yeah."  
" We, uh, heard a dwarf lives here," said Lloyd, " And we need to see him."  
" YOU DESIRE A MEETING WITH ALTESSA? PLEASE, COME INSIDE." said the robotic girl, and led them in further.

Altessa was staring at his desk when they entered, and turned around and cried, " Who are you people!"  
" I'm Lloyd, and we're here from Kate in Sybak," he explained, " We came here about Presea."

Altessa gave him a stony look and bellowed, " Leave!"  
" What?"  
" You-"

" sleep with voodoo dolls and you won't give up the search-" sang Lloyd.

" I doubt those are the kinds of dolls this guy sleeps with," said Zelos, snidely, eyeing Tabatha.

"-heard me! I want nothing more to do with that girl! " screamed Altessa, also mildly confused.  
So they left Altessa's house, and were stopped by Tabatha, cause I'm sick of typing ' that robotic girl'.

" What was that all about?" asked Lloyd, a bit taken aback.

" I APOLOGIZE. THE MASTER DOES NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH PRESEA." she explained.

" What, so he doesn't care if she DIES!" cried Genis, ready to open a can of whup ass.

" NO. ITS BECAUSE THE MASTER REGRETS WHAT HE HAS DONE." She answered.

" Why are you like…shouting?" asked Lloyd.

" I AM?"  
" Well, your text is all in caps…Wait…what's 'text?'"

Everyone exchanged blank looks.

" I DON'T KNOW IF MAKING A KEY CREST WOULD BE IN HER BEST INTEREST."

" So its better that she vegates like a…vegetable?" shouted Genis, annoyed, " and just waits to die?"  
Tabatha blinked at this, then said, " IF YOU ARE SO COMMITTED, YOU SHOULD FIND INHIBITOR ORE."  
At this point, Altessa swooped in and cried, " What are you doing! Get rid of them!"  
" I AM SORRY. I WILL TRY TO PERSUADE HIM." she said, and was gone, too.

" My-" began Zelos.

" my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel its right!" cried Lloyd, suddenly.

" But…how CAN hips lie? I mean, hips are a body part…" said Genis, matter of factly.

"- hair is frizzing!" he whined, " Can we find the Inhibitor Ore, fast?"  
" But where…?" asked Colette.

" I know a way," said Regal, " I've heard it's mined in the mountain range that extends between Altamira and the Ymir Forest. I would like to help if you're going to create a Key Crest for Presea. I can lead you to the mine."  
" Just what is your relation to her?" asked Lloyd, suspicious.

" SEE! He IS a pedophile!" accused Genis.

" Eh? But, you had a pedophilic relationship with Marble and that was fine…" mentioned Lloyd.

Genis didn't even bother answering that.

"Inhibitor ore is found relatively near the surface of the Exsphere mine. The mine I know of is across the sea from here, on the southern continent." said Regal, swiftly.

" Altamira? Oh yeah!" cried Zelos, " That place rocks! It has a resort, and gambling, and lots of stuff that's illegal for me to do but I do anyway-"  
Sheena grumbled at him, " You want to hang out at a resort while Presea's life is on the line?"  
" Aw, come on! Its been on the line for a couple years now. A few more hours won't hurt."  
" YOU HEARTLESS SEX HOUND!"

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF HEARTLESS SEX HOUND!

And, following Regal's mysterious yet useful tip off, the gang was off. Again.

Luna: The Title is inspired and an idea from a fan called **Guile. ( Heartless Sex Hound) Full credit to you, for it was an awesome idea. **My updates may take awhile…please be patient. My life is getting hectic, but I WILL NEVER ABANDON THIS FIC! Expect an update once or twice a week…AHHHH! (Spasms) Songs: **Hips Don't Lie- Shakria( , Building A Mystery- By Sarah McLanclean ( Friend By Note)** Request some more, Mmkay?


	27. Presea, MD

Disclaimer: What do I own? Nothing!  
Luna:…Okay…Here it is! I realize it's a REALLY late update…I got side tracked so much recently, and not to mention hooked on an online game called ' Kingdom Of Loathing.' Its awesome. Go play it.

Chapter 27: Presea, MD

The gang enters the mine, in which Zelos exclaims, " Wow! So this is the sealed mine! Looks as if it'll hold a ghost or too. Hmm?"  
"…Zelos, what are you on?" cried Sheena, " There is no such things as ghosts!"  
" Hmph…whats your problem?" asked Zelos, brooding a bit.

Regal examines the entrance and sighs, " This isn't good…"  
" Huh?" asked Lloyd.

" The door's guard system is out of control. Someone must've tried to bust it open before," he explained.

" Then let's bust it up even more!" cried Lloyd, the prospect of destroying doors brightening his already bright as the sun mood.

" That's our Lloyd! With an easy, straight forward plan that involves violence!" commented Zelos.

Sheena shrugged.

" Fine with me."  
" If Lloyd says so, then it must be right!" cried Colette, who'd gladly drink Drain-O if Lloyd decided that was the new Hawaiian Punch.

" Are you sure?" asked Genis, the devil's advocate, " Don't blame me if the security is beefed up and filled with lasers and mechanical things that kill."

" Honestly!" added Raine, " You people think everything can be solved with violence and rushing face first!"

Lloyd considered this, and then asked, very deadpanned, " You mean…it can't?"  
Shrugging it off, he runs, face first; into the Defense System. And proceeds to slice it to ribbons as Raine backs him with healing, Genis with spells, and Sheena was there because Presea was gone.

" Okay!" cried Zelos, " Good work, everyone! Now let's go get that thing to give Presea a soul again!"  
" Inhibator Ore!" cried Genis.

" Yeah! That!"  
Lloyd and friends move on, and Regal stands back and muses, " Their all so violent."  
" Says the convicted felon!" cried Genis, who heard that.

Lloyd was about to walk straight ahead, when he noticed the fact there was a boulder in the way.

" Hey, can't we jump over it?" asked Lloyd.

" If Lloyd says we can, it must be right!" cried Colette, and prepared to jump.

" If you want to break your neck, sure!" cried Zelos, holding her back, but barely.

" I'm guessing we have to break it with the Sorcerer's Ring…" suggested Sheena.

" But can't Genis destroy it with a Fire Ball?" asked Lloyd.

Silence.

A cricket chirped.

No one said anything.

Then, one by one, they walked off. Except Colette. She'd stay with Lloyd as if she were attached to the hip. For reasons unknown to Lloyd, he sorta wished Sheena was the one who stood with him and didn't disregard his rare stroke of observation.

Shrugging, he found the Sorcerer's Ring changer and Genis asked, " I wonder what it does…"  
" I know! Let's try it on you!" cried Lloyd.

" Wait-" began Regal.

Too late.

Lloyd pressed the ring, and a bomb popped out.

" A bomb," said Lloyd, " I wonder what it does…"

" RUN!" cried Regal, already hi-tailing it.

He did, they all did, and Sheena had to drag Lloyd away; for curiosity would've killed him. The bomb exploded, leaving a bunch of sparkly mana residue behind.

" Wow, Shiny!" cried Colette, moving to touch it.

" Colette, that's-"  
Too late.

She touched it, and burnt her hand.

"…Owwies!"  
" Colette, are you okay?" asked Lloyd.

" NO! But a kiss from Lloyd will make it all better!" she chirped.

Sheena was mildly disgusted.

" I'll kiss it," offered Zelos, snidely.

Colette ignored this, and Sheena scowled. Raine was apathy incarnate.

" What I was trying to say…" continued Regal, looking very tired, " Was that we shouldn't use it carelessly. If we're next to it, we'll be caught in the explosion…"  
" Gotcha! Let's use it carefully and boldly!" said Lloyd.

" Well, you have the bold part down…I don't know about the careful…"

Lloyd explodes the boulder, whilst fighting stoned monsters. Aha…Stoned…Anyway, that's when he approaches a door.

" Damn! There's a gate here, too!" whined Zelos.

" Relax, the Inhibitor Ore is not this way…" said Regal.

" How do you know that?" asked Lloyd, " Its like you owned the mine or something…"  
" I DO NOT!" he cried, automatically.

"-deal the cards and I play a lousy hand," sang Lloyd, " I celebrate no victories and my promises are sand-"

"…Right." came Zelos.

They moved onto the next area, where another boulder blocked the area. Raine decided to have a little demolition fun, and blew it up; while everyone was slightly disturbed on how excited she got when it turned to dust. That's when a tiny person by passes them, tiny and…weird looking.

" What's that thing?" asked Lloyd.

" Hey, you losers," the thing greeted.

Lloyd stared.

" Can we blow it up?" he asked, " Like the boulders?"  
" Lloyd, killing is wrong!" cried Colette, for once, speaking against him.

" No, it isn't."  
"…Oh. If you say so," she said, completely agreeing.

" I'm on a journey to eat some potion," divulged the Gnomelette, as if the gang really gave a flying donkey about what his life goal was.

" Eat? Are you sure you mean potion?" asked Colette, dumbly, " Won't you cut your tongue wide open with the glass?"

This was ignored.

" Its something only used by adults and makes them feel good," he explained.

" Lots of thing are only used by adults to make them feel good," smirked Zelos, " Like drugs. Alcohol. And po-"

" Potions!" cried Sheena, clapping a hand over his mouth.

" It seems he really is intent on splitting his mouth open with glass," said Raine.

Lloyd begrudgingly handed him a Mizhuo Potion, in which the Gnomelette cried, " Wow! You losers did a good job!"  
" It still would've been easier to blow him up…" mumbled Lloyd.

The Gnomelette shoves the bottle in his mouth, glass and all; and chew. Swallowed. In reality, he should've silt his own throat with glass, or at least choked. But, dear children, this isn't reality. Its Tale Of Symhonia.

And Plot Hole 36.

" Whoa, he swallowed glass," said Genis, staring.

" This is it? This is potion?" asked it, " It takes like crap on toast."

With that, the tiny thing ran off.  
"…What the heck was that all about?" asked Lloyd.

They continued moving, when Lloyd accidentally triggered a boulder trap. Panicking, he ran, and got to a part of the path; and the boulder rolled past him.

" Whoa! That was close!" cried Zelos, " What was that?"  
" A boulder, duh…" said Genis.

" I'm sorry…I forgot there was a trap here," apologized Regal.

" Hey, its okay. You sound like your responsible and know the entire layout of the thing."

"…Just push the lever over there, it should stop it."  
Lloyd obeyed. They moved on, when he saw a spinning…piece of white wood? Lloyd cried, " What IS that thing? Spinning tofu?"  
" Actually…that's a Naploosa Bacura…" said Regal.

Raine brightened, " You can't mean…I must study it-"  
" Regular attacks can't harm it, it'll kill you-" cried Regal, and Raine stopped in mid-stride.

" So we can't get past!" cried Lloyd.

" I'm sorry…if only we had a powerful blast-"

" Say no more!"  
Lloyd raced up to the floating tofu, and used a bomb on it. Then, it promptly began bitch slapping him.

" AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he howled, before backing up and running away.

" I think we need a new plan. How about-" began Sheena.

" I know! 2 bombs instead of one!" he decided.

" No! Lead the Bacara to the boulder!"

"…Oh."

Lloyd taunts the floating tofu, which gives him a chase, and runs to trigger the trap. Raine is forced to watch as her lovely specimen is shattered into a multitude of fragments. She let out a blood curling screech as it landed somewhere off the cliff, out of reach.

" No…not another one. No!" she cried, on the verge of another mental breakdown.

" Come on Raine…" cajoled Genis, for the millionth time.

They went into the next area, which was covered in boxes.

" This is the Inhibitor ore mining area," Regal explained.

" Where is it?" asked Lloyd.

"…We have to check the boxes."

" Oh please! I am not going through all these boxes!" cried Zelos.

" Why? Your late for a date, or something?" asked Sheena, sarcastic.

" As a matter of fact…Dammnit! I am! Let's just blow them all up!"

Sheena just scowled. He'd probably get more girls in a week than she'd get guys in a life time. Which was zero, so far.  
" But won't that damage the ore?" asked Lloyd.

" Who cares!"  
And Zelos grabbed the ring and went buck wild.

After decimating every wooden box in sight, the gang found a treasure chest. Lo and behold, it had the Inhibitor Ore.

" This is it," said Regal, as if the large message screaming ' Inhibitor Ore' wasn't a dead give away.

" Gimme!" cried Genis, and snatched it, " Finally! PRESEA, I'M COMING!"

He ran like a bat out of hell.

"…He does know that only I can make a Key Crest, right?" asked Lloyd.

" Oh, I'd give him a couple seconds." said Zelos.

Sure enough, a few seconds later; he was back.

"…Make the Key Crest," he grumbled.

Lloyd carefully crafted the Key Crest with his mad crafting skills and said, " Okay! Done! After, we should get a real one made by Dad or someone else who actually knows what their doing!"  
" I understand, its unbearable to leave Presea in a house stenched with death," said Regal.

" Dude, why do you always sound like your quoting some Edgar Allen Poe stuff?" asked Zelos, blankly, " House Stenched with death? WHO SAYS THAT!"

Regal blinked, and kept walking. The gang soon followed, when they spotted a fat man sporting a Mohawk.

" It's no good, there's no Ex-sphere's around here, either…" announced the fat man.

" Vharley!" cried Regal.

" Nice, you blew our cover!" cried Genis, " We could've got the jump on him if you-"  
" So you're the one who destroyed the defense system!" exclaimed Vharley.

" Uh…Who is this guy, again?" asked Lloyd.

" He's an Ex-sphere broker," said Zelos, matter-of factly.

" Why are you here!" asked Regal, annoyed, " Why has the Pope let you stay free? That's not what I agreed to!"  
Vharley laughed, and said, " Hahaha! Did you think the Pope would really keep a promise to a murderer? And you forgotten your promise to bring us Colette! You joined with them instead!"  
" Silence!" cried Regal, " If the Pope doesn't keep his promise, I'll punish you myself!"  
"…Oh! Look! Time for lunch!" he replied, " Gotta go, or I'll miss that blue plate special!"  
And with that, he ran off. Fast.

"…He called you a murderer…" stated Genis, " And here I was, thinking you were a pedophile…"  
" I am a prisoner serving time for the crime of murder. I won't blame you if you look down on me." he said, quickly.

" What happened?" pried Lloyd.

Regal gave a deep sigh, and then said, " He ran into my knife. Why, he ran into my knife 10 times."  
Seeing the disturbed looks on everyone's face, he figured making jokes about killing people wasn't the smartest idea in the world.

" Wow, he must've been like…really klutzy," said Colette, retardation an understatement.

"My stupid actions have killed many people. …I don't know what you did, and your crime won't go away, but when you're suffering, it's all right at least say so." said Lloyd, just about the most serious he's ever been in the 17 years of his life.

" What?" cried Genis, " Lloyd, he's a murderer! He could've killed someone's grandma! Or…kittens! THINK OF THE INNOCENT KITTENS!"

" I gotta agree with brat here," said Zelos, " You really are lax."  
Lloyd shrugged.

" 80 bucks says he was framed," said Lloyd, " Just like every other adventure in which there's some redeeming soul. I mean, if he really was bad, we would've killed him dead by now."  
Regal sweated a bit at this and cried, " What about Presea?"

" Where-" began Raine,

" did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness  
and I would have stayed up with you all night," sang Lloyd.

"…You were with my sister ALL night?" asked Genis, ready to die.

" What? No! It was a song-"

He just walked off, too traumatized to care.  
Finally, they leave the mine, where they board the EC. After another ride in the EC, which is about as eventful and exciting as flossing your teeth, not that I don't practice good dental hygiene; I'm just saying its boring; they got to Ozette.

Where Lloyd made an idiotic comment about how 'Colette' rhymes with 'Ozette'.

When they entered, a random NPC who we'll never hear from again but who will get married twice, have 3 children and ultimately die of old age whilst on a toilet, pointed out, " There they are!"

The 3 Papal Knights appeared, and why they only and ALWAYS sent 3 was beyond me, seeing as they should at least _try_ to outnumber Lloyd and the band of retards, but hey; I'm not complaining.

Much.

Genis decided I had a point, and marked this as Plot Hole 37.

" Ah, crap! it's the Papal Knights again!" cried Zelos.

" Why are they constantly stalking us like paparazzi on movie stars?" cried Sheena, and it seemed she too was channeling references from a far-off world via a female writer who wasted her time writing and game playing.

The Papal Knight attempt to surround Lloyd and friends, but fail; since there is only 3 of them and 7 of Lloyd and co.

SO they just rush in an attack, and are easily defeated.

" We managed to win…" said Lloyd, as if the fight was an effort or something.

" Its my fault again…I'm so sorry…" said Colette, almost on the verge of a breakdown.

"Don't be silly. They're after my life, too. The Professor and Genis are wanted because they're half-elves. Sheena is from Mizuho, now considered a village of traitors. And Regal is considered a traitor as well." said Zelos.

" Wow…that sounded…sensitive?" asked Sheena, in disbelief.

" Of course…its not like I said that to weaken your defenses to get in your pants," said Zelos, winking.

" Your unbelievable!" cried Sheena, annoyed, " At least Lloyd isn't a perverted ass like you!"  
Lloyd was too busy trying to convince Colette that none of this was her fault, but in actuality…it was. If she completed the regeneration, they would've be in this mess, but…then the cycle would just continue…

" You don't need to apologize…"  
That's when Colette collapsed into a coughing fit.

" Colette?" asked Lloyd, wide eyed, " Professor, she's coughing like a 70 year old chain smoker!"  
Raine, who had no PHD, and didn't even touch Colette's forehead, said, " She's running a fever. But…why?"  
Presea suddenly appeared out of her house and said, " Please leave this to me."  
" Are you kidding?" asked Raine, " Your only 14, your no doctor, and your currently soul less…why would I let you handle anything?"

" Presea knows what shes doing!" attacked Genis.

Shrugging, the gang stepped away from Colette a bit, who was still doubled over on the floor. Presea approached them and swung her axe, and everyone managed to move out of the way, except some strands of Zelos' hair.

" What the!" cried Lloyd.

" We must've been too close for her to perform her healing techniques, yeah, that's it…" said Genis, in blind denial that his only love may gasp! Betray them.

Rodyle, the Desian with the spiffy collar shirt; appeared.

" Good work, Presea!" he said.

2 Dragons flanked Colette, and Sheena screamed, " Damn! Corrine!"  
The hamster, winged creature appeared, and she said, "…I should really start making pacts with bigger summons…"  
Completely forgetting Undine.

" Hey! I'm not useless!" cried Corrine, angered.

To prove how un-useless she was, she tackles Presea, knocking her out cold. Even though she's less than an ounce heavy.

Plot Hole 38, kids.

The group does the usual during Colette's abduction.

Watch, and occasionally comment on the situation.

"I am Rodyle! The most cunning of the Desian Grand Cardinals! I hope you don't mind me taking the Chosen One. Hehehehehe!" he announced, as he boards the Dragons with Colette; and leaves everyone in the dust.

" Colette…" said Lloyd, not really enthusiastic, cause this is possibly the 5th time she had been abducted.

" Will you help Presea?" asked Regal.

Before he could answer, Genis interfered.

" OF COURSE WE WILL!"

Lloyd took out the charm and put it on Presea, who wakes up, blinking.

" Presea, are you okay?" asked Genis, completely forgetting that she had just gotten his close friend taken away moments before.

" What am I doing?…What's going on?" asked Presea, seemingly confused.

**DOES PRESEA NOW HAVE A SOUL? WILL THEY SAVE COLETTE? DOES ZELOS REALLY USE HERBAL ESSENCE? IS RAINE PREGENANT WITH LLOYD'S CHILD! FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN: Days of our Tales Of Stupidity!**

Luna: Doneeee….REVIEWwwwwwwww.


	28. VoltPart 1

Disclaimer: Gah! Own nothing!

Luna: Yes, Its been AWHILE. I finally decided to tear myself away from my social life, IM SO SORRY GUYSSSS! SO…here it is…Special thanks to Kat for her crazy psychology talks at lunch. (grins) And I love you guys. Seriously, your all AWESOME. I know…I say that every chapter…but its TRUE.

Chapter 28: Volt…

" AHHH! What have I been doing?!" cried Presea.

" You've been wandering around soul less and just got our best friend kidnapped," filled in Lloyd.

Genis kicked him in the shin, and said, " Lloyd!"  
Presea rushed into her house, and started screaming.

The gang did the only thing they could do. Help her bury the rotting corpse.

Wow, that came out insensitive.

Colette's been kidnapped meter: 5 minutes

Still, Lloyd said, " Hey…not to sound mean, but what about Colette? That things been there for about a couple years, we can bury it anytime. Colette could be dead-"  
" LLOYD!" cried Genis, " That's so MEAN!"

" But…she-"

" Shut up!"

Even Zelos seemed to be shocked.

" Wow, Lloyd, usually I'm the all knowing asshole…you really take the cake."

LLOYD OBTAINED TITLE OF ' I R ASSHOLE!'

" Thank you for assisting with my daddy's burial."

" No thanks to Lloyd," Genis added, spitefully.

" I've been a great burden on you all…" she added, a tinge of emotion in her voice.

" So you remember?" asked Lloyd, confused.

" Yes…mostly."

" Why did you have an Ex-sphere like that, anyway?" asked Genis.

" I received it from a fat man who was eating a Big Mac. What was it, again? V…" she began.

" Vharley!" Regal cut off, in anger, " I knew he was behind this!"

"I wanted to save my sick daddy. I wanted to learn how to wield an axe, so I could work in my daddy's place. So Vharley introduced me to Rodyle, and I was taken to the Research Academy in Sybak." explained Presea.

"The experiments on you were carried out by order of the Pope, right?" asked Zelos, already knowing the answer, " First the pedophile cover-up, the manipulation of everyone's money and the crime of being old and now this!"

" Which means the Desians are in league with the Pope!" pointed out Lloyd, " Why are the churches always so corrupt? Even Martel, for Martel's sake!"

" Presea, do you have an older sister?" asked Regal.

Everyone stared at him.

" Well, that was out of the blue…" stated Sheena.

" He's hoping to hook up with her sister, duh!" cried Zelos, grinning.

" Guys, Colette's sorta-" began Lloyd.  
" She's been kidnapped 3 times already! Relax! What's the worse that can happen?" asked Sheena, casually.

" No." answered Presea, blankly.

Colette's been kidnapped meter: 20 minutes ago.

" Oh! Regal wants to hook up with your mom!" cried Zelos.

" Zelos…is that all you think anyone does for anything?!" shouted Sheena, " People don't just do things to get laid, you know!!"  
"…Actually…it's a Sigmund Freudian concept that every human incentive is to do something in order to have sex," said Zelos, dead serious.

Everyone gave him an odd look.

" I'd hate to say this, but he's 100 percent correct," said Raine, blinking.

There was a long pause.

Colette's been kidnapped meter: 30 minutes.

" I have a younger sister, but she left in service of a noble after mommy died," said Presea, " But that was back when I was a child."  
" Heh, your still a child now." said Zelos.

" Like that'll stop you," said Sheena, mumbling.

" Oh…"

" At any rate, we can't just leave you here, I mean, everyone here thinks you're a freak and stuff," said Sheena.

" I want to go with you…" she said.

" Why?" asked Lloyd.

" Why?! Who cares why!" cried Genis, " You can come!"  
Colette's been kidnapped meter: 35 minutes

" Can we hurry and save Colette for the millionth time or are we going to have another half hour conversation again?" asked Lloyd, annoyed, haha, that rhymes.

" Let's hurry and save Colette, even though hurrying really would've been if we left the second she was kidnapped," said Raine, thoughtfully, " Let's head east!"  
That's when none other than Kratos appeared.

" Kratos!" screamed Lloyd, " What have you done with Colette?"  
" What's this, not even an hello anymore? All these accusations…" said Kratos, hurt.

" Tell us!" he cried, drawing one sword.

" Okay, okay," he said, " Rodyle-"  
" Who?"  
" That Desian we've hired with the bad collar shirt-"  
" Oh-"  
"-he's acting of his own accord. We know nothing of it."  
" Internal strife? How pathetic…" sneered Raine.

" At least one of ours isn't constantly in peril," retorted Kratos, obviously referring to a certain dumb blonde," Say what you will. Either way, he'll have no choice but to abandon the Chosen."

" Huh?"  
" She's useless as she is now. You can let her be."  
" What!? We already know she's useless, but we need to save her anyway or its back to school for me!" argued Lloyd, " And…there's stuff we have to do to save the world!"  
" Seeing as she always seems to be getting into trouble, wouldn't it be easier if you all just tried to save the world yourself?" asked Kratos, " She just seems to be a hindrance, or even a filler that distracts you off the main plot, much like Naruto."

"…So?!" cried Lloyd, completely unsure of what to say.

" If your dead set on saving her, I suggest you head to Mizhuo and get the Rheirds to go to the eastern skies," said Kratos, " I'm sure they found it by now. And by 'suggest', I mean dropping a blunt hint."

With that, Kratos flew off into the distance.

"…What's he up to?"  
" Who cares?" asked Zelos, " He's being useful, so let's make use of him."  
" That sounds dirty…" commented Sheena, " AH! I've been hanging around you too long!"  
Zelos smirked and pointed into the distance, where Mizhuo was.

Colette's been Kidnapped Meter: 45 minutes.

You'd think they would've ran like bats out of hell to get the Rheirds and save Colette…but no. They simply walked. As they walked, Genis smiled and said, " Its official-"  
" Your pathetic!" cried Zelos.

"- Welcome to the group, Presea!" he said, ignoring Zelos.

" Don't worry, I'll protect you!" added Zelos, and smirked again.

Genis was steamed more than a vegetable in a chicken chow mein dish.

" Oh! I'll-"  
"- make plans to break plans and I've been planning something big!" sang Lloyd.

" Indeed…let's press on," said Presea, and she walked on ahead.

" I'll protect you too!…" he managed to get his tongue untwisted, "…Wait! Presea!…Stupid Lloyd! Singing songs that don't even exist here!"

He runs to catch up to them.

Colette's been Kidnapped Meter:…I've lost track of time. Aw, who cares?

At Mizho, Tiga declares, " We've found the Rhierds! What great timing, as if someone tipped you off whose loyalties are shrouded in mystery!"

" Uh…Well…that's about right, actually," said Lloyd, scratching his neck.

" Great!" said Tiga, " But before that, I must give Sheena a test!"  
" Test…?" she asked.

" One that involves much humiliation and low blows to the self-esteem! You have to form a pact with Volt."

And suddenly, it was as if the world came to a stop. You know that feeling you get when you walk into a room and everyone turns and stares and you just hear that needle get ripped off the record? That sounded nothing like this.

This sounded like a soul breaking.

" What!? VOLT?!" asked, no, screamed Sheena, " I can't handle him! YOU KNOW THAT!"

" I know its hard…but, wait, hey, I don't! Oh well!"  
" I CAN'T!" hollered Sheena, and ran faster than a Trekkie 4 minutes late to a Star Trek convention.

"…That was…interesting. I guess…" said Lloyd, dumbly, but honestly felt sorta bad, " Why'd she run off?"

" To put it simply, Sheena's a failure," said Tiga, shrugging, " She failed in making a pact with Volt."

SHEENA OBTAINED TITLE OF 'FAILS AT LIFE!'

With that information at hand, everyone scattered like dirty people threatened with water. Lloyd decided to find and seek Zelos. Zelos got really serious for once, and said, "It's a pretty famous incident. A quarter of Mizuho's population died. She puts on a strong face, but she's really alone in this village. Go cheer her up, man. She seems to have a thing for you."

"…F-For me?" asked Lloyd, flustered, " She has a thing for me?"  
" Do I stutter?" he asked, darkly, " Why she likes you, though is beyond me."  
Lloyd, for some odd reason, was happy. Real happy. Sure, Colette's kidnapped, but at least Sheena had a 'thing' for him. He didn't even detect Zelo's pissy tone. Or the fact he began scribbing in his diary.

Lloyd walks around the village, as Orchi tries to pawn off some 'Ancient Mizho Secret' rice to him; which he smartly refuses; and walks into Presea.

"Sheena looked like she was about to cry. But I believe…the deeper the wound, the more important it is to overcome it…" said Presea, sagely.

"…Like your lack of soul?"  
" Yes…"  
" Okay!"

Bored, he walked over to Genis.

" Lloyd, she looked real sad…we should try to cheer her up. And by 'we', I mean you. And just you."  
" Sure!"  
Lloyd rather do it alone, anyway.

He gets to Raine who said, " You know what its like to fail at life and have everyone deem you a failure. You should go to her."  
"…Wow, that's uplifting…you suck the air out of life," said Lloyd, and sadly, she was right.

Lloyd wanders around some more, until he spots Sheena kneeling alongside Corrine.

" Don't worry!" chirped Corrine, " If it comes down to it, I'll save you! Just like you saved me!"  
" I can't…"

She stands up and faces Lloyd.

" You heard, didn't you?" she asked, quietly, " I can't do it, because I failed to make a pact."

" We heard, what about it?"  
" So I may wind up killing you, too," she said, darkly.

" We won't die." said Lloyd, firmly.

" Why? This isn't some game that has a reset button! And then you can continue from your last save! We may die, you know!"  
Oh…How wrong Sheena was.

" We won't die cause your going to succeed," said Lloyd, stubbornly.

" How do you know?!" she cried, exasperated, " I already failed once! How do you know I won't do it again?"  
"…Psychic powers."

Sheena gave him a look of half annoyance and half humor.

" I'm kidding. Your not the old, failure, un wanted Sheena. You've made pacts with other Summon Spirits. You'll do fine. Besides, I'll protect you."  
" Yeah, me too!" offered Corrine.

"…And if Volt goes berserk again?"  
" I'll cut him down myself…and that'll be the end of that."

"…Okay," said Sheena, feeling slightly better.

Lloyd's group exits Mizhuo and proceeds to the Lightning Temple.

They enter, no problem.

Why? Because there was no oracle stone.

Genis found that odd, and even Lloyd announced, " Hey, there's no oracle stone!"

" That's probably because this is the flourishing world," said Raine, who already made her way to some pillars and was staring at it; for she deemed them 'sacred artifact number 45.'

Still, it seemed a bit coincidental. So…Plot Hole 39.

Lloyd walked over to a platform, and suddenly, was electrocuted.

" WHOA!" He cried, hair now frizzy beyond recognition.

" Looks like a lighting shock…are you okay?" asked Sheena, blinking.

" Nothing wounded but my dignity."  
"…Thank Martel that wasn't my hair…" said Zelos, to himself.

"It appears when you step on the switch, lightning strikes the rod." observed Raine, who was debating if she should try to study the electricity itself.

" Oh…Say, Sheena, you've been here before, what did you do last time?" asked Lloyd.

" I-I don't really know," she managed, " The others in Mizho did it for me."  
" Okay! Maybe we can ask them!" said Lloyd, dumbly.

" They are dead." came Presea, bluntly.

"…Oh…"

Everyone sighed, as Sheena's guilt shot up a couple points.

" Lloyd, don't you pay attention in any class?" asked Raine, sighing, " Lightning strikes higher ground! Don't you remember that lesson?"

"…Um…"

**Flash back**

" And that, children, is why you don't eat yellow snow, because that is how the Desians lost the Ancient Khlarn War-" came Raine's voice.

Lloyd was too busy staring at the wide, wide world of dust particles to care.

" And remember, if you're somehow caught in a lightning storm or in a quest to make a pact with a Summon Spirit, you need to stay away from trees; lighting strikes higher ground."

Lloyd was now observing Colette's hair color. Was it really that blonde? It was like…inhumanly blonde.

**Present**

"O-Of course!" came his quick reply.

He walked over to a pillar, pressed the button thing, and a rod stuck out of it. The Lighting began hitting that rod, allowing Lloyd to pass the otherwise impassable area. He manages to move on, and get the Sorcerer's Ring to change.

It does, into blue electricity.

" Wow! Its blue!" he cried, amazed.

"…Yes, yes it is." said Raine, unimpressed; but secretly wanting to study it.

He moves on to the next area. A really dark area with really narrow catwalks with really annoying lighting strikes. Really.

" Wow, I can't see my hand in front of my face…" he observed.

Lloyd, being Lloyd, ends up falling off the ledge. Taking everyone with him.

" NO! I DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN!" cried Genis, panicking.

" NO! I DON'T WANNA DIE A FAILURE!" cried Sheena.

" WE'RE FALLING!" cried Raine, trying to curl into a ball.

" Don't be alarmed, I fear we're falling down-" sang Lloyd.

" …Finally. I can rest." came Zelos' emo whisper.

Presea was tepid as ever, and Regal just seemed pretty bored.

But there was no light. No flash before anyone's eyes. Infact, they merely went through a garbage disposal shoot, that reminded Lloyd of a slide. A really FUN slide.

So he went back to that same area, and jumped off 3 times for kicks, until Raine threatened to bash him upside the head with her staff unless they moved it along.

This time, he moved ever so carefully through the really annoying area, and got to the next. Where he turns on-

Sorry guys, but this really IS the boringest part of the game. I know, 'boringest' isn't even a word.

So, while our heroes are off solving many a puzzle, let's go check on Colette.

**Meanwhile…**

Colette didn't have a watch, but she knew it was a couple hours since she'd been kidnapped. Normally, they'd come running in to save her…but now…  
" Oh come on!" cried Rodyle, " Where are they? I have better things to do then baby sit you!"  
" They should be here…but…what if they…abandoned me?" she squeaked, suddenly sad.

Rodyle gave her a horrified look.

" WHAT!? That means I get no show down? No big villain triumph as I reveal your secret of your skin being more scaly than an alligators?!" he cried, mortified.

" But…you were going to make Fluffle and Snuggy fight," said Colette, matter of factly.

'Fluffle' and 'Snuggy' were Rodyle's dragons. Although he insisted they were ' Intestine Eater' and ' Throat Biter', they responded well to Colette's names for them. Which just took Rodlye down a couple notches.

" Whatever! I'm sure they wouldn't abandon you," he assured, only because he REALLY wanted his moment in the spotlight.

" Really?"

" Ah…Sure."

Luna: DONE…Review? Song requests next chapter…?…I was pretty rushed for this.


	29. Volt! Part 2

Disclaimer: Owns nothing.

Luna: Hello, fellow friends and fans. Love the support, and this has a special bonus! I know it has nothing to do with TOS in anyway, shape or form; but I decided to put a short story known as the 'Magic Death Bus' at the end. If anyone watched The Magic School Bus when they were kids, you'd get it. Also, this Chapter is sort short…only because I have so MUCH to do now that I can't promise they'll be as long as they were. But updates will be quicker with the chapter's shorted. Here it is!

Chapter 30: VOLT! Part 2

When we last left our heroes, I was desperately trying to distract you from the Volt thing with side stories; cause let's face it; it was pretty boring.

Long story short, Lloyd had finally completed all the puzzles, with nothing but his dignity and hair's volume in shambles; due to the static ness of electricity.

" Its finally time…" said Lloyd, " You can do it, Sheena! Go, Sheena, go!"

" Here I go…" said Sheena, a little less enthusiastic.

She approaches Volt, which is nothing more than a large ball of electricity. Wow, Namco got really creative on this guy's design.

Volt begins talking in tongues.

And, if you notice, in the game; his 'language' isn't even specified. Once again, Namco's creativity has blown my mind like a gun shot to the temple. So, to make thing's more interesting, Volt is going to talk.

In ghetto.

**Note: Luna by no means condones stereotyping of any sort. This is simply a harmless fanfic, so please don't get offended by any of the ghetto speak. And if you do, don't kill me. Its just a story. Good night, folks, drive safe. I'll be here til next Tuesday.**

" Yo, ho!" he cried, " Why you all up in mah grill?"  
" Its just like before!" panicked Sheena, " What the hell is he saying?"  
Raine, fortunely, was fluent in the language of English homicide.

" Relax, Sheena, I'll translate," offered Raine, since noone was capable of doing anything themselves, " ' I am one who is bound to Mithos, who are you?'"

" Mithos again?" asked Lloyd, " How can he make pacts in both Tetehalla and Sylvarant?"  
" Hmm…Yeah…maybe he went back and forth with a Rheird…" mused Genis, un sure as well.

"I am Sheena! I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos and establish a new pact with me." said Sheena, as if recited from a text book.

" Homie don't play that!" cried Volt.

" He says that his pact with Mithos is broken, but he no longer desires a pact," said Raine.

" What!? Why!?" cried Sheena, clearly taken aback.

" Yo, dawg; I be mad chill; but I'd prefer if you keep it on the down low." replied Volt.

" I will have no more dealings with people, therefore, I don't want another pact," translated Raine.

Sheena draws her cards and cries, " But we need your help."

Annoyed, Volt replied, " Oh, I ain't playing wit' you! Its goin' down!"  
" Sheena! Watch out!" cried Lloyd.

And it went down.

A flash of lightning, and Lloyd and friends were down for the count.

" We're-" began Genis, first to panic.

" -Gonna die like this you know! Miserable and old! I really gotta hand it to ya-" sang Lloyd, that pessimistic bastard.

Sheena, like the Little Engine that Could, got back up, but instead of ' I-think-I-can-I-think-I-can' she thought, 'OMFG WE'RE GONNA FKING DIE!' So, you see, my prior lines didn't really make sense. Oh well.

" Everyone, watch out! This is just like before!" she moaned.

Volt launches another lighting bolt upon Sheena, who stands there like a deer in the head lights. For once, our hamster friend is useful. He/She jumps in front of the blast, it ultimately proving fatal.

" Corrine! Corrine?! WHY!?" cried Sheena, aghast.

But Volt was a straight up G, and he wasn't about to show any mercy. After all, she just got all up in his 'grillz.' So Sheena asked for it. The second lighting bolt was fired.

You think Sheena would've got the hint to move this time.

She didn't.

This time, Lloyd jumped in front and slashed the lighting bolt. Which should've electrocuted him, since its metal and that was electricity…

Genis marked this Plot Hole 40.

" Sheena, get a hold of yourself!" cried Lloyd, in fighting stance.

Corrine, who was crisper than a French frie that's been left in the oil too long at Mickey D's; wheezed, " Volt's…just lost his faith in people. Make your vow and try forming a pact one more time. You can do it, Sheena!"

" Corrine!" cried Sheena, unable to say anything else; the shock and horror was causing her brain to shut down.

" I'm sorry I couldn't of been more help…" he said, gasping his last.

And then, Corrine disappeared.

Which qualifies this sentimental moment as Plot Holt 41. We're on a roll, kids. Like a hot dog.

" No! Corrine, don't die!" Sheena shouted, a bit too late.

Volt attacks yet again, and Sheena still stands there; totally devastated. If it wasn't for Lloyd and the magic plot hole, she would've joined Corrine.

" Sheena! Subdue Volt by force!" cried Lloyd, " Don't let Corrine's death be in vain! Or you'll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror again!"  
Sheena stands up, shakily.

But a grim determination was set in her eyes.

" For the sake of everyone who risked their lives to protect me, Volt, I demand your power!" cried Sheena, a new tone of deadly agitation lacing her words.

It was going down.

Then, it was going away.

Volt was finally defeated.

Yes, my descriptions know no bounds.

Thanks.

" Your mad skills defeated mine, that shit is whacked!" said Volt, clearly impressed…I think.

" Volt says, 'Make your vow.'" interpreted Raine.

"Just like I said, for the sake of everyone that risked their lives to protect me, and for Corrine's sake as well, I want to save both worlds…" said Sheena, voice strong but eyes betraying her inner turmoil.

Corrine's ghost appeared for a split second, then vanished.

" Word." said Volt.

"The vow has been made. I entrust my power to the pact-maker, Sheena!" announced Raine.

Volt turned into a stone just then, small, compact and portable. Yay, portable.

" Its over…" breathed Sheena, in relief.

But, when anyone EVER says its over; its really not.

To prove this theory, there was a flash of light.

" What's happening?!" cried Lloyd.

That's when Undine formed, followed by Volt.

" There's something up in here, up in here!" cried Volt.

"Wait. I'll translate. The two opposing forces of mana were…severed just now?" translated Raine, confused.

"…What?" asked Regal.

" Mana flows from the world in which the Summon Spirits sleep to the world in which the Summon Spirits are awake. This is the first time the Summon Spirits have been awakened in both worlds at the same time. Because of this, the mana connecting the two worlds has been eliminated." said Undine, launching into a full out explanation.

" Does that mean that Tethalla and Svylarent have stopped competing for each other's mana?" asked Lloyd.

" No doubt, dawg," explained Volt.

"I do not know. The only thing certain is that the flow of mana between the worlds has been severed." said Raine, simply.

" Yes, eventually the worlds will separate." added Undine.

" You mean the worlds will split apart?" asked Genis, confused.

" Uh…She just said that." said Zelos, mockingly.

" Shut up!"  
" That's perfect!" continued Zelos, " Then they'll stop competing for each other's mana!"  
"So if we awaken Tethe'alla's Summon Spirits, we'll save Sylvarant without having Tethe'alla go into decline, right?" asked Lloyd, his somewhat intelligence thoroughly shocking everyone.

"At the least, the mana connecting the worlds will disappear and the two worlds will separate." Undine said, shrugging.

Undine and Volt vanish.

Just like Corrine's corpse.

I'm sorry, that came out insensitive.

"I see. So the seals serve as a link between the two worlds…" said Regal, suddenly.

"We owe it all to you, Sheena…and Corrine as well." said Presea, softly.

" Huh?" asked Sheena, snapping out of her daze.

" Because the two of you risked your lives to form the pact with Volt, we now know what the seals do." said Presea.

"That's right. It's thanks to both of you." chimed in Lloyd.

Sheena waited until noone was around. And then, to herself, " Corrine…thank you."  
She grabs Corrine's Bell, and leaves.

That's where Orchi was waiting.

" I guess you succeeded in forming the pact with Volt," he said, sounding…slightly annoyed, " Congrats, Sheena."  
She didn't notice this odd tone, since she was Sheena; after all. Oh yeah, and Corrine just died and stuff.

" Orchi…thank you…" she said, obliviously.

"Now, the whereabouts of the Rheairds. Take a look at this map. (shows the map) The signal from Sheena's guardian was detected under the sea, southeast of here. A fjord-like area covered in ice is located there. That must be the entrance to the Renegade base." he said, laying the cards on the table.

" If its underwater…doesn't that mean…" began Raine, and that dawn of horror that she was about to become in contact with H2O spread on her features like peanut butter on white bread.

Yum.

" Don't worry about that, I got it covered," said Orchi, " Just focus on saving your dumb friend."

" Sure!" said Lloyd.

They ride off into the sunset.

…Not really.

Anyway, the enter the Tetalla base.

" Over here!" said Orchi, waving over; alongside a Renegade.

" OH NO!" screamed Lloyd, " A RENEGADE!"

And before anyone could stop him, Lloyd impaled him; screaming, " Take that, vaguely sided character scum!"

" NO! You idiot! He's one of us! He was a double agent!" screamed Orchi.

" Hey, your name sounds like Orchimaru!" stated Lloyd, " That creepy, probably pedophile guy from Naruto who has everyone whipped!"

" What does that have to do with anything?"  
"…Nothing. Sorry…about the dead guy."

Orchi had to restrain himself from exacting long awaited revenge on Sheena by killing the dual-dumbass, and boy; was it hard to do.

" Wow, Lloyd. You just killed someone else. First the Wonder Chef and now that Renegade guy!" cried Genis.

" Oh…Woops!"

LLOYD OBTAINED TITLE OF 'SOCIOPATH KILLINZ ISH FUN!'

**The Magic Death Bus!**

The class sat expectly in the school bus. Deep down, they knew it would happen one day.  
Just not today.  
They were in space, yes, space. And you may think that 'OMG SPACE I WISH I HAD THAT BACK WHEN I WAS A KID AND ALL WE GOT QWAS FKING TEXT BOOKS!"  
But this was bad. The teacher that had constantly put children's lives in danger had come on the screen, faithful replite at her side.  
" Children, we only have oxygen for 10 more minutes"

And now," the homely woman began again, smiling an eerily warm smile, "we must see who shall live." she nodded, and the lizard did so too. Every child looked perplexed.

The timid, obligatory chinese girl raised her hand, "How do we do that, Miss Frizzle?"

"We take..."

Everyone leaned forward, the silence loomed.

"...An..."

Everyone leaned forward a little more.

"...EXAM!"  
"I knew I should've stayed home from school today!" whined that whiny bastard that said that in every single episode.  
" Shutup! Your gonna waste all the air whining!" cried one kid.  
" I lied. Only one student will live. Live for extra 20 minutes until they are thrown into the sun because we're spiraling too close to it." added Ms. Frizz, the calm smile coming off as...sort of insance.  
" HOLY SHIT! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" cried one kid.  
" And the questions are...Whats 986896986+ 8796987698?!"  
"-At a 6.0 ratio!"  
Everyone began to sweat. Alot. You could smell the terror just floating about in the air. Miss Frizzle suddenly beamed again, and said in a clipped tone-

"Since, class, you all failed to answer the question...I guess the oxygen tank is for me, then! Oh well, I'll just compact your corpses once they've suffocated into more space food! Which astronauts such as neil armstrong and buzz aldrin have used to sustain themselves while on long, arduous space missions!"  
...Then, the panic arose.  
Kids started to cry. Some stared blankly outside the window.  
That pissy kid kept shotuing, " I KNEW I SHOULD'VE STAYED THE FUCK HOME TODay!!!"  
And that, children, is why you don't get on Magic School buses. Ever.

Luna: I'm horrid…So bite me! Anyway, I'm really sorry…Blahhh…Review!


	30. Killinz

Disclaimer: Owns nothing.

Luna: Yay! 324, whoa…this is the first I've gotten over 200...Wow…Thanks guys!  
Chapter 30: Killinz

So, after Orchi barely quelled his urge to rip Lloyd's face off; Zelos came in.

" Sorry to keep you waiting, my cute hunnies!" He gushed.

"…You left?" asked Lloyd, perplexed.

Zelos resisted the urge to scream, in an emo-tastic way, " I knew you wouldn't notice! I knew noone would care!"  
Instead, he stretched an even faker smile and said, " So let's start the adventure of ZELOS and his cute hunnies!…and those random dudes!…Say, who's that bleeding guy?"  
" Lloyd got a little sword happy," explained Genis, shaking his head.

" Oh…"

" By the way, what were you doing, Zelos?" asked Sheena.

" Ah, you know. Marking my territory," he smirked.

Despite what you may or may not infer from this, he used a large, black Sharpie that screamed, 'Zelos is hawt!' all over the walls in bold writing. It was also a code word to alert who he really worked for that he had gotten up to this particular point. And no, I don't mean the Chipndales. And no, I don't mean those loveable cartoon rodents. It's a strip club. A male strip club. Moving along…

"I'll explain the infiltration procedure. Please come this way," offered Orchi, quite impatient.

The gang followed, and he continued, " There's no time-"  
" If there was no time, why'd you make us go all the way to another room?" asked Genis, inquisitively.

" Ah! Just listen! The Rheaird Hangar is in the deepest part of this facility. There's only one passage to the hangar," he said, quickly.

" Sounds easy. Like any girl I've ever dated," said Zelos.

" Whore," coughed Sheena.

" I know!" he said, cheery, and thought, _At least I'm not the 18 year old prude. Damn you, love me. Love ME._

"I'm not done. Even if you get to the hangar, the door will be shut." stated Orchi.

" So it'll be locked," mentioned Raine.

" When doors shut, yeah they do tend to lock." said Genis, rolling his eyes.

Bitch. Slap.

"Yes. In order to open that lock, you must enter a pass code."

" What's the password?" asked Lloyd, simply.

" We tried our hardest but…I'm not a main part of the plot, so I sort of stopped caring." admitted Orchi, and to himself: _You also killed my best friend, jackass. So I'm not telling._

" In other words, we have to do all the work again?" asked Lloyd, sighing.

Important lesson kids, never EVER depend on others. People only hurt you in the end. And let you down. Especially if your in an epic adventure. If their not one of the 8 in your party, they'll most likely let you down. Or you'll end up like Lloyd here, hopes and dreams shattered.

" So we've-"

"-got a long way to go but a short time to get there-" sang Lloyd.

"-been screwed, huh?" asked Zelos.

" Interrogate some Desians, I'm sure they'll tell you," said Orchi, shrugging, " And I'll stay here."  
" Why?"

" To pop open a Corona-er…support you. And stuff. And you probably won't be able to go to Sylvarent. And die."

" Why…?"  
" The Rheaird dimensional transfer system functions by procuring energy from the Renegade bases in the two worlds. Flying is not a problem as long as you have Volt, but without the energy charge from the base…" said Orchi, the bearer of bad news.

"Then the reason we were able to go from Sylvarant to Tethe'alla was…" Sheena trailed off.

" -was blind luck and random circumstances…or just another Plot Hole. Plot Hole 42," said Genis, briefly wondering what chapter it would be when he'd reach 100, then asked himself what a chapter was.

" Isn't Colette in grave danger?" asked Regal, suddenly.

" Oh yeah. We should really get going."  
Anyway, the interrogation went something like this. They'd find themselves a Renegade/Desian/they all look the same, who the hell cares, guy, and tie em up. Lloyd suggested questioning. Zelos suggested torture in the form of bamboo under the fingernails, and Genis decided that eating Raine's cooking would be less messy and more painful.

" Where were you on the night of September 5th!?" asked Lloyd, shining a lamp over his head, " Huh? Where?! TELL US!"

Genis sighed, " Your having too much fun playing bad cop/good cop."  
"…I still say we should whip him," said Zelos, darkly.

" What do you want?!" whined the Desian.

" To know-" began Lloyd.

" Just tell us the flipping password!" interrupted Genis, " Or I'll let you eat Raine's surprise stew! It's a surprise cause it sucks!"

" Wouldn't it be a surprise if it didn't suck…?" asked Sheena.

Raine glared.

" Oh. That. Its…Yuan is much sexier than Kratos!" he answered.

" Whoa…that's weird…" stated Lloyd.

" Yeah…"  
" Alright, your free to go," said Genis, and let him run free, until Zelos cut him down.

Everyone looked at him funny.

" What!? We kill stuff all the time!" he cried.

" But…we talked to that one…spoke to it. Speaking words of wisdom. Let it be."

" So?!"

So the gang kept moving, on and on. Until they reached the door. Where Lloyd put in the code, uncomfortably.

And did a puzzle.

A puzzle that made me personally, want to kill myself.

" Wow! The Rheirds!" cried Lloyd, as the entered the hangar, " Too easy!"  
Just then, Yuan raced in.

" So you've come, like moths to a flame!" cried Yuan.

Yuan and Botta, plus cronies, surround them.

" Wow…that's a cheesy line," stated Lloyd.

" How about…'like cats to a bowl of cream?'"

" That's even worse!"  
" Or 'hippies to an endangered forest of pot?"

"…Are we going to fight?"  
" Or ' Fat people to cake?'"

" JUST FIGHT ME, DAMMNIT!"

So they did.

Lloyd's group won.

Why would they lose?  
Unless it was a god-mod fight against a famous she-male…Yggy. But, eh.

" Whats this? Lloyd's Ex-sphere is evolving?" asked Yuan, collapsed, " Impossible!"  
"…My Ex-sphere?" asked Lloyd, staring at his hand, " What are you talking about? Its looks the same…"

And then, the place shook like a slut on the dance floor's ass whose begging for attention.

" Lloyd! Now's our chance! Let's go!" cried Regal.

"…Sure?"  
And they left.

"Sir! This earthquake! Could a mana link have been broken?" asked Renegade.

"…Probably. Unless…dammnit, Botta! I told you to fix that toilet flusher!"  
" I'm sorry, sir! But the Rheirds-"  
" Let them go. Besides, our little friend can tell us where they are at anytime."  
For once, the gang doesn't procrastinate. They head straight to the Dragon's Nest.

Colette nearly wets herself in excitement, because they HADN'T forgotten her, just got side-tracked. A lot.  
" Colette!" cried Lloyd.

" Lloyd! Wait, no! it's a tra-" well, too late.

Rodlye appears, and Presea bears her axe.

" You will pay for using me in blood!" she cried, using more emotion than anyone's ever heard before; " Let Colette go!"  
Presea, the only one with half a brain, unlike everyone else who usually sits around for conversations before a fight instead of gaining the upper handed; sliced at him. And went through him. But no blood or guts.

" An illusion?" asked Raine.

Rodlye reappeared and began laughing. Like an idiot.

" AHAHAH! No wonder Lord Yggdrasil didn't care! This Chosen is useless!" he cried.

" Useless?" asked Lloyd, " Well, we know that! But that's okay! We've come for you, Colette!"

Colette beamed, and said, " You always say the sweetest things!"  
" She can't merge with Martel, power my Mana Cannon, cook me dinner, do the laundry, she's

useless!" he cackled.

" Don't blame Colette for things she didn't do!" cried Presea.

" I am the epitome of sin, bad enough I have to bear such a burden alone, I'll drag you down to hell with me!" cried Regal.

" Wow that's some Edgar Allen Poe shit right there," commented Zelos.

Colette then realized how much in danger everyone was in, as the dragons surrounded them.

" No! Run! Don't fight Snuggles and Muffins!" cried Colette, and by danger, she meant danger for her dragon friends.

" Don't worry, Colette, we'll protect you!" cried Lloyd, unaware of what she meant.

And the battle begun.

" Dragons. Carnivorous beasts, chances of surviving this battle at this type of terrian is 3.2 percent." announced Presea, ever optimistic.

" Can't you just say we're screwed?" sighed Zelos.

" You? You don't even have to fight!" barked Lloyd, as Fluffy came in for the kill, " Your in reserve!"

" Oh yeah."  
So Zelos did what everyone else did when they were on the side lines.

Drink cappuccino and read the newspaper. And write angst poems.

_See spot run._

_Spot run far._

_Spot got killed by a passing car._

Hardcore, man.

He was on his 3rd one when Lloyd had slayed the dragons. Slew. Whatever.

" No! My precious dragons!" cried Rodyle, " Ah, whatever. I'll go breed some more til I get a gold one…"

And he ran off. Flew. Zoomed. And yes, before was a rather distant FF7 chocobo breeding reference.

Colette was nearly drowning in tears.

" This is place is going to collapse!" cried Genis, as it shook.

" Colette! Hurry!" cried Lloyd, and raced to her.

" I can't move! Go without me!" she cried, and sobbed, because the dragons were dead as door nails.

" Sure! Let's!" cried Genis.

" No! Colette, stop being so damn suicidal! You have to live!" yelled Lloyd, because if I type the word 'cried' one more time; I might just kill myself.

"…I…"  
Presea moved forward and began hacking and slashing. She managed to break the barrier with her awesome, 14 year old on steroids strength.

With that, they grabbed the 'failed' Chosen and flew off into the sunset.

And landed on some random land.

" Colette…are you okay?" asked Presea, soberly.

" Yup, yup! All thanks to Lloyd!" she chirped.

And just then, Presea smiled.

And I swear, time collapsed on itself.

" Wow, I was right!" cried Zelos, " Presea is cute when she smiles-"

" In her sleep!" screamed Lloyd, suddenly.

"…Right. So what do we do now?" asked Sheena.

"…-"

**To be continued, because I'm a bad person.**

Luna: Short, yeah…My computer is ridiculous, I've been having major issues with it, that's why its so short. Forgive me (cries) when it stops being a jerk, hopefully I can produce bigger chapters…Songs: East Bound and Down by Jerry Reed, Let It Be-The Beatles, Smile in Your Sleep- Silverstein.

To Blaze 909: My current lyric site is down, and the one I'm using only has 2 songs off Rise Against…and neither are the ones you want…so…AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


	31. EARTH SHRINE

Disclaimer: See last chapter.

Luna: You guys…are AMAZING. Your support…BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYES. I don't know why…I'M WRITING LIKE THIS! I promise, this chapter will be longer! And…um…I've currently been OBSESSED w/ .hack//SIGN again cause I haven't watched the whole series and that's been eating up all my time…I've seen up to 18! WoO! And I'd like to extend applause to **Guile** for the Title idea for Zelos! YOUR AWESOME!  
Chapter 31: Earth Seal time!

**Last time, on Tales of Stupidity Of Our Lives…**

" Lloyd…I'm pregnant. And its your baby," said Raine, dramatically.

" What? But I'm a virgin! I've never even kissed a girl!" cried Lloyd.

**Oops, wrong story line…Anyway…**

"-Yeah, so we got Colette back, what now?" asked Genis.

" We separate the 2 worlds, duh!" cried Lloyd, " because I have the right to do that without asking anyone's consent in either world!"  
" So we're going to form the pacts with summons of both worlds?" asked Zelos.

" Yup! And we're going to rush just into it, and without doing any background research!" decided Lloyd, because that was the clever idea.

" So if we're going to mindlessly rush into something instead of thinking it through, I suggest we go to the Temple of Earth," added Sheena, " It should be around here."  
Suddenly, Lloyd felt as if he needed Raine's permission. Perhaps it was cause she was a teacher, she had that whole teacher affect on people. Like you had to ask her if you could go to the bathroom.

" Is that okay with you, Professor?" asked Lloyd, which made him wonder what he would've done if she said no.

" What? Um…yes. Sure," she said, distant, which was odd cause the prospect of ruins usually excited her.

" Is something wrong…?"  
" Huh? Its nothing…"  
So they continued to the temple and got to the Sorcerer's Ring changer.

And so he asked, " What does it do now?"

He poked it, and the either place began to shake like a maraca in the hands of a person with…really fidgety hands.

" Whoa!" he cried, as they fell over each other.

And Zelos' hand just fell on someone's ass.

Fell.

" AH! ZELOS!" cried Sheena.

" An earthquake like this should be big enough to change the shape of the dungeon…" Raine mused.

So Lloyd and company moved on a bit and fought stoned monsters.

Ahaha…stoned.

Like…with minerals. Not…with drugs.

That's when they came face to face with a Gnomelette.

Lloyd sighed.

" Hey you losers, you can't just barge in here," he snapped.

" It as a free country!" cried Genis.

"…Not really…we're being manipulated by a secret organization that claims to be a religion…so we're not really free…" pointed out Sheena.

" Are you calling me out? YOU WANNA FIGHT?" it cried, getting itself ready.

" Are you kidding?" asked Lloyd, " I could punt you across the room if I wanted to."

He had a sudden urge to use senseless violence to get his way, but someone interfered. And that was Raine.

Which was weird, cause she had the title of ' DOMESTIC ABUSE' for some time now.

" We have business further ahead. Will you please let us through?" asked Raine, sweetly.

" Well…Big Bro came back so…okay!" he said, suddenly amicable.

" Thank you!" cried Colette, always appreciative.

" Aw, honey, don't thank me, your making me blush…" he said, grinning.

" Bi-polar much?" asked Genis, rolling his eyes, " and that sounds like someone we know."  
" Me?" asked Lloyd.

" No, dumbass! Zelos!"  
Zelos blinked, innocently.

" I'm more tactiful than that!"  
"…Not really."

" Isn't anyone gonna say something?" asked Zelos, shocked.

" Zelos, I think you and the small child are different," offered Presea, " He seems less internally conflicted and uses less hair gel than you."  
"…Presea, not every answer requires a response." mumbled Regal.

"Oh…"  
Can you say xanga material?

Angry, hateful xanga material.  
So the group continued along, and there they met another Gnomlette.

Who's appearance and personality mirrored that of the last one.

Wow, Namco, you've out done yourselves.

At least give them different colored hats, or something.

" What?! You losers wanna fight?" he asked, puffing his chest out.

Lloyd gave Raine a helpless look.

" Please! Let me kick it! Just once-"  
" They must've had poor upbringing…or an Napoleon complex," said Zelos, wistfully.

" Wow, Zelos spouted something intelligent!" cried Sheena.

" Ouch…"

" What're ya babbling about?!" it cried, " Put yer dukes up!"  
" We would like to go further in, can you let us through?" asked Regal, nicely.

" Pah! For free? Nothing in life is free-"  
"- you can leave it to the birds and the bees. I want money, that's what I want!" sang Lloyd.

" What is 'spicy'?" he asked, suddenly.

" Okayyyy…someone has ADD," said Genis, sighing.

" Oh come on! Regal's a murderer! Can't we just kick him and leave?!" asked Lloyd, exasperated.

" Lloyd! Your suggesting violence again?!" cried Colette, " You should spread love, not war!"

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' POT SMOKING HIPPIE!'

"…STDs…" murmured Zelos.

" Say…" said Genis, " Curry is spicy. And I think Raine should make it."

" But we don't have that recipe…" pointed out Sheena.

" Let me get this straight…we're gonna go to Go-Martel knows where and get this damn recipe while we could just step over the thing?!" cried Lloyd.

" Yup!" said Colette, ever chipper.

So, they backtracked. And oh, they back tracked a lot.

Lloyd scourged the area for 'fresh meat' ( Wonder Chefs) but found none. So, for no particular reason, they went to Altessa's house.

" Hey, Tabatha," said Lloyd, " You wouldn't happen to have the recipe to Curry, right?"  
" AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO." she said, blinking.

" Wow…What are the odds of that?"  
The odds of a plot hole, thought Genis.

Plot Hole number 43...

Anyway, back with the midgety troll that demanded food, Lloyd pointed to Raine.  
" What? Me!" she cried.

" Yeah…" said Lloyd, smirking.

Ah, Lloyd, you sadist; you.

" Ah! I get it, your gonna see if the Gnomlettes can really taste or not-" began Genis.

SLAP!

She prepares it, and the thing eats it.

" So…would you like a taste, Lloyd?" she asked.

Genis, knowing the bind his friend was in, kicked over the pot while she wasn't looking.

" Oh, I would, but he seemed to have eaten it all," said Lloyd, hastily, while secretly thanking Genis.

Raine looked slightly dejected.

Slightly.

" Spicy! Spicy!" cried the Gnomeltee.

" 5 bucks says he doesn't even know what that word means…" said Genis, sighing.

Just as soon as the group thought they would be safe from anymore annoying lawn gnome creatures…Lloyd bumped into another one.

" What!? You losers got a problem? Wanna fight?" he cried.

Lloyd withdrew a sword, grinning, but Colette gave him a look and he sadly put it away.

" Your eyes say ' killing' but you face says ' I'm really confused," mused the lawn gnome.

"…What kind of face is that?"  
" I bet its like constipation face!" declared Colette, and everyone's IQ dropped a couple points.

" Want me to help you…?" it asked, suddenly.

" Huh!?"

" What do you want this time?" asked Genis, " Money? A car? OUR SOULS?!"

"…No…not really." he said, blinking, " Wow, you guys are so negative. I'll met you in the passage up ahead."  
" Negative? That stung…" said Lloyd, sighing.

" See? Aren't you glad you didn't fight that one?" asked Colette, as cheery as a chipmunk on crack cocaine; it's a hellva drug.

"…One out of 4, Colette. One."

And then…

Then Luna-Starr decided, hey! This is REALLY BORING.

No, seriously, it is.

So she took that invisible remote control and FAST FORWARDED IT.

All the way to the point where Lloyd had to defend one of the lawn gnomes against monsters.

" We really should be getting paid for this body guarding stuff…" said Genis, passive aggressive to THE MAX.

" But…why does he have to walk around?" asked Lloyd, " Can't we just put him in one of our pockets and…be done with it? Then no monsters will touch him!"  
" Dude," said Zelos, " Do you really want THAT in your pocket?"  
"…Guess not."  
They manage to cause a blood bath and such, and encounter what they could've avoided for Mr. High and Mighty Lawn Gnome; and proceeded to the next area.

" Okay, now we're gonna cause an earthquake at the same time so this rock falls and we can go below," explained the lawn gnome.

" Wait, back up!" cried Genis, " Are we supposed to believe that you're jumping combined with our Ring will…make it fall? You're too light and tiny-"  
Genis was suddenly kicked in the only place the lawn gnome could reach.

Ouch.

Everyone ignored this, seeing as if all 8 people in the party JUMPED TOGETHER they'd be enough to make the rock fall.

Nothing's ever easy, kids.

" Like I was saying, we're gonna jump on the count of 3. 1..."

" You're like a dream come true! 4, repeat steps 1-3-" sang Lloyd.

"2..."

" What do you say? We say what we feel and stop ourselves, and just walk away!" sang Lloyd, although there was really no trigger word; seems as if he was getting worse; or Luna was getting lazy.

"3!"

" 4!" screamed Lloyd, proud that he knew what was after 3.

Except, he didn't jump.

" Argh! Are you stupid or something?!" he cried.

" Gimme that!" cried Zelos, and took the ring, " I'll show you how the Master super hot Zelos does it!"  
" Oh…We're really screwed now," said Sheena, staring.

Zelos' suicide meter shot up by 4.

Anyway, he did the tremor successfully; and the path fell. And instead of praise from his adoring friends, they cried, " Holy shit! We could've DIED!"

" Yeah! If it wasn't for the Ex-Spheres!" cried Lloyd, heart pounding.

"…Well, Sheena, isn't my use of rocking the place hot? And rocking…the bed?" asked Zelos, smirking.

"…No." came the frank reply.

_Argh! Why do I LIVE!? LOVE ME, YOU DAMN PRUDE!_ he mentally screamed, _WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE?! STAB MY HEART CAUSE I LOVE YOUUUUU!_

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF 'DO IT, ANGST MAN!'

" Well, I almost killed you all, oops!" said the lawn gnome, and scuttled off.

Wow, true remorse is something of the past; eh?

" Jerk." spat Genis.

Finally, they got to the damn Seal.

And a large Gopher with a bow on its head appears.

" I see, so this is Gnome!" cried Lloyd.

" Since Volt is Undine's opposite, Gnome's is-" began Genis.

"- I know this one! Efreet!"

" NO! Its Sylph!" cried Raine, " Honestly, what were you doing when I was teaching this?!"

**Flashback!  
**" And remember, Sylph is Gnome's elemental polar," said Raine, as she scribbled on the board.

Lloyd was busy throwing paper balls at the squirrels outside while her back was turned.

Ah, such easy targets.

**Present…**

" I see that the level of education in Sylvarant matches the status of the world." said Regal, a tad snotty.

" I know, right?" asked Lloyd, grinning.

" Lloyd…he just insulted you tactfully," informed Presea, " Lloyd's ego meter has a 59 percent change to perceiving insults as compliments."  
" really? Now I just thought that was his stupidity…" mused Genis.

Sheena approached Gnome and declared, " I am a summoner!"  
"Hmm…so, you're a summoner, huh? Well, look, sorry, but I've already got a pact with Mithos, 'k?" said Gnome, brightly.

" Wait…your…a dude?!" asked Lloyd, blinking, " But your wearing A RED BOW ON YOUR HEAD!"

" OMG! IT'S A TRANSVESTITE!-" cried Genis.

" -from planet transsexual Transylvania!" finished Lloyd.

"…A cross dressing Summon Spirit," said Raine, blinking, " How odd…I must study it and learn its gender confused ways!"  
"…Guys…I think your reading into stuff too much here," said Sheena, blinking.

" There's Mithos' name again! He must've been amazing!" cried Colette, starry eyed.

"…Or a sick over achiever," said Lloyd.

" Well, anyway, I got a nail appointment at 6, so can we finish this now?" asked Gnome, sighing.

Everyone stared.

" Uh…Sure." said Sheena.

Lloyd's party fights Gnome.

Lloyd's party defeats Gnome.

Lloyd's party is confused about Gnome's gender.

"You guys fight dirty, you know that? I mean, what's up with that four-on-one garbage?! Mithos…well, he did it by himself!" cried Gnome.

"…Wow…I think I'm falling in love…" said Colette, grinning, as Lloyd secretly prayed that she was.

" With Gnome?" he asked, dumbly.

" NO! With Mithosss…." she drawled.

" Whatever! Juts make your vow!" cried Gnome, annoyed.

"Augh! This guy is hard to deal with… For the sake of creating a place in which the two worlds no longer must sacrifice one another, gimme your power!" said Sheena, fed up.

"Ummm…Why not?"  
That's when 3 fairies appeared.

"Whoa, Sylph! Hehe, it's been, like, what, uh, four thousand years? How's it goin'? Lookin' good!" said Gnome, " Say, where'd ya get that top? It's a cute top…Let me borrow that top…"

"It has been a long time, hasn't it? It seems that the mana flow between us has been severed," said one of them.

" Well…DUH!"

" Oh…" said the other one, " Well, we basically came here for no reason so…bye now!"  
" BYE!"  
And Gnome turned into a shiny stone.

" All right, mission accomplished!" decided Lloyd.

" But I was thinking…once we separated the worlds, we wont be able to see each other again." said Zelos, emotastic.

"…That's…a downer," said Sheena.

"Why not? We can just go back and forth with the Rheairds?" asked Lloyd.

" But the mana flow will be all weird and stuff so probably not…" said Genis.

" Yes, its quite unpredictable, like this entire plan…" mumbled Raine.

" Well, no use being EMO about it, right?" asked Lloyd, " Let's go head first into ANOTHER seal!"  
Noone objected.

As usual.

Luna: DONE! Cookies for people who saw my references to pop culture and such! Love you all! And…nect time I will update sooner! I PROMISEEE!


	32. The Ice Shrineerseal?

Disclaimer: Owner of nothing.

Luna: Short Chapter, but I've decided shorter chapters MAKE QUICKER UPDATES!…So I won't bore you with my usual excuses for lateness ( shifty eyes) Damn Seth…

Seth:…Its your fault for making 2 active fics at once.

Luna: Shutup!

Seth:…And you do really think your TOS fans care about a FF-12 fic in which you've thrown me in?  
Luna:…No. Now shutup! God! I've become one of those sick people that has whole conversations with their OCs! NO!  
Seth:…Whatever. We've wasted enough time. Review. You know the drill.

Chapter 32: The Ice Seal

" Where shall we go next?" asked Presea, " Theres a 99.9 percent chance that it will revolve around Lloyd's decision."

" I suggest we go to Flanoir, Celesuis is said to linger there," said Regal.

Everyone turned to Lloyd.

" Sure, why not?" he said.

All agreed.

_They'd probably jump off a bridge if he said it was okay. Wait, that already happened. _thought Zelos ( Remember the chapter when Genis and Raine were dragged away and they ran to get them? Yeah…)

The group attempts to exit the very annoying, midget filled temple when the ground shook.

" The ground's shaking-" began Genis.

"-Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen!" sang Lloyd, " Swear to shake it up!"

" Just like the gender confused Summon Spirit said…" said Sheena, " We're disturbing everything…is this really a good idea?"

She was ignored, with a capital I.

"It's the proof that the flow of mana has been severed. The earthquake at the Renegade base may have been caused by it as well." said Raine, taking notes on the seismic waves, because that was sexy and what sexy teachers do.

" Splitting the worlds is a treachous task, one would expect such things," said Regal, intellently.

"…Not if you've never done it before," said Genis, blandly.

So they rode off into the sunset.

Okay, not into a sunset, but into the vast sky.

To Flanoir.

When they arrived, it was all snowy…and the weather felt like the inside of a Popsicle.

In other words, really, really, EXTREMELY cold. How Genis didn't die of hypothermia is a mystery even to him, I mean; the kid was wearing _shorts. _And Presea was wearing a sleeveless shirt, and Regal's shackles must've got sub-zero-tastic; seeing as it was metal and all. Techinally, they should've died of pneumonia, or at least gotten a cold. At least.

Plot Hole 44.

Anyway, Lloyd got into the city, and nearly squealed.

Snow was everywhere.

And Lloyd loved snow.

" Last one to throw their body on the snow and make snow angels is a rotten egg!" cried Lloyd, and was about to race forward as Genis sighed, when a man with a back pack stopped them.

" Excuse me, do you have a Celuis Tear?" he asked.

" What? No-" said Lloyd, already leaving the man in the dust.

"…Your immaturity is endless." stated Zelos, shaking his head.

" Your one to talk!" retorted Sheena, and ran after Lloyd, grinning.

Zelos' need for a razor blade suddenly increased.

" I'm sorry, my friend has the maturity and self control of a 2 year old in a candy store," apologized Genis,

"Celsius' Tear is a famous ice flower in Flanoir. It has the mysterious power to freeze anything," said the man, even though no one really cared.

" Freeze anything…maybe we can freeze Zelo's mouth to a pole-" began Genis.

" Or Sheena's mouth!" Zelos cried.

But the ninja was too busy frolicking with Lloyd to even get insulted.

Ow, poor Zelos…Nah…I should stop pretending I care.

Zelos walked over to the happy…friends…and said, " Hey, Lloyd! I dare you to put your tongue on that lamp pole!"

" Your on!" cried Lloyd.

" WAIT!" came the late warning.

Too late.

His tongue was pressed up against the metal, a look of what would be short-lived triumph in his eyes.

" But you need Penguinist Gloves to touch it, or it'll burn the flesh right off your bone," said the man, in the same, deadpan, pretty unnerving drone.

" Where can we get it?" asked Genis, ignoring the little spectacle that was occurring with a pole.

" Theres an old man that can make it for you."  
"…Its always OLD people that can make stuff…psh."  
Meanwhile, Lloyd was trying to pull away from the pole.

And anyone who's ever seen a Christmas Story knows what happens now.

" Stuckkk?" he asked, tongue hindering all speech, " St-uck! STUCCKKK!"

" Oh no…Zelos, you jerk!" cried Sheena, socking him in the arm.

" Tsk-tsk. It isn't my fault hes a dumbass," said Zelos, smirking.

Lloyd was panicking now.

" STUCKKKK!"

" Lloyd, stop it! Panicking won't help!" cried Raine, and slapped him.

With that slap, he shifted a bit.

Idea…

The gang, totally devoid of any originality or ideas; decided that Raine would have to slap him off.

Zelos felt guilty.

Not…really.

And the beating commenced, until she slapped him so hard that he was flung from the pole.

And Raine rushed to him, and began a healing spell as Lloyd started to go into shock.

Luckily, she repaired his face and his tongue, and in the end, he was totally healed.

RAINE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' TOUGH LOVE SAVIOR'!

But Zelos wasn't as lucky.

Kicked in the pants, he was.

And there's no repair for that, kids.

Anyway, they went to go see the old man, and he said that they needed 'Penquist Feathers' to make the gloves.

So they went to the Ice Temple, where, outside, was penguins.

Deadly penguins.

Creepy thing was, if you looked them directly in the face, it was like a _person's face _was there.

That image would later cause Genis to soil the bed in the near future.

It was almost as horrifying as Mike Myers as ' The Cat In the Hat'.

Anyway, they back tracked, got the gloves; and got to the Sorcerer's Ring.

" Wow, the Ring got really cold!" cried Lloyd.

" I bet it can freeze anything!" said Genis.

" Yeah! Let's try it on the Professor's cold heart and see if it gets any colder!" cried Lloyd.

" Lloyd…" said Genis, in a warning tone, "…You shouldn't really say that. Raine's gonna hit-"

SLAP.

"…My jaw…" he mumbled.

" Want me to kiss it and make it all better?" asked Colette, grinning.

" NO!"  
" that's like something Zelos would say…" trailed off Sheena.

Zelos slipped an arm around her and said, " Yeah, guess us Chosen are meant to be."

" Ew. Man slut." said Colette, and shrugged him off.

Zelos' suicide meter shot up.

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' YOU BEING EMO IS GETTING REALLY OLD!'

Anyway, Lloyd got to the area with the damnable flower. And he grabbed it and said, " I assume we can use this to freeze the lake!"  
" But couldn't we of done that with one of my Ice spells?" asked Genis.

Everyone blinked.

And so did Plot Hole 45.

So, they decided to freeze the lake and skate across; skateless.

Remember kids, safety last!  
But…since Luna HATED this part of the game, IT TOOK HER 2 HOURS TO GET ACROSS, she will fast forward it.

Anyway, they got to the totem poles.

And were confused.

" The door says the answer lies in a place with a view," said Raine, blinking.

" Eh? Where's that?" asked Lloyd.

" Any place that I can see down Sheena's-" began Zelos.

This time, Lloyd was pissed.

" Zelos, shut up! First you trick me and now your making more gross comments about Sheena!? Just shut up!" he cried.

For once, Zelos did.

Sheena beamed.

Everyone stared.

Deciding not to chance trying to make it across the lake, they did the only logical thing.

GUESS.

Took an hour, but hey! It was worth it.

They entered the seal, and Celsius said the usual, " I am bound to Mithos."  
" Again? Talk about repetitive!" cried Genis, " Why isn't anyone bound to Bob? Or Neil? Or someone else!?"  
" Bob and Neil failed." she stated.

"…Oh."  
"I seek a pact with Celsius. I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos, and establish a new pact with me." recitied Sheena.

" You seek a pact with me? How amusing. Let's see if you can handle me!"

And the fight began.

And as usual, Luna will reveal NO details of it.

And leave it to your imagination.

Or it could be her chronic laziness to type more than she needs to.

"Excellent. It would appear that my freezing chill is but a summer's breeze to you. Now, speak your vow. A vow worthy of my power!" cried Celsius.

Sheena wondered what would happen if she said the vow was for the sake of making Popsicles icy.

Instead, she said, " For the sake of creating a place in which the two worlds no longer must sacrifice one another, I ask that thou grant me thy power!"

" Sure. Why not?"  
That's when Efreet appeared.

"Celsius…it has been a long time." he said.

" Psh, never thought I'd see your face again," she said, snotty.

"While we may be opposing forces, must you avoid me so earnestly?"

" What choice do we have?" she cried, " We're harmful to each other!"  
" Does anyone else feel the sexual tension in the air?" asked Zelos.

"Then perhaps we should be joyous that our mana has been severed."

"Who knows. What is clear, though, is that this situation will affect the entire world."

"Indeed."

"All we can do now is trust in the pact-maker!"  
Efreet disappears and Celsius becomes a shiny stone. YAY!  
" Just one more…" mumbled Lloyd.

"Do you really think Sylvarant and Tethe'alla will be cut off from each other forever?" asked Colette, dumbly.

" Does it matter? We're gonna do it, right?" asked Zelos.

" I suggest we research the matter before we break anymore seals," said Raine.

" Now? We're in too deep for that now!" cried Genis.

Intelligent, research it AFTER you're half-way through.

Welcome to Tales, people; where logic doesn't exist.

Ever.

Luna: Done! I just needed to get this out cause I won't be able to update for a couple days now so…year. Next chapter: AN X-MAS BONUS STORY! ( at the end of the regular)

Seth:…I bet that'll make them care.

Luna: SHUT UP! YOU!


	33. In which Luna doesn't bash Zelos As muc

Disclaimer: Dur.

Luna: WAHHH! LATE, I KNOW! I wanted to get this out before X-mas…but as you can see… that didn't work out. I'm gonna make it up to all of you, by MAKING IT SUPER LONG! And a special shout out to **Trunks Girl 85** for the idea with Martel possibly coming back as a…man. THANKS! YOU ROCK!  
Chapter 34( or 33? Ugh, I dunno anymore) : In which Luna no longer bashes Zelos. As much.  
The group leaves, new summon in tow; when lightning strikes Ozette.

"What's going on?" asked Zelos, confused.

" it's the wrath of God!" cried Lloyd, pointing, " Bow downnnn!"  
" That's…the direction of Ozette…" said Presea, staring.

" Yes." answered Regal, dumbly.

REGAL OBTAINED TITLE OF CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

" What could it be? There's a staggering amount of mana coming from it," said Genis, worried.

" It's the wrath of our Lord!" cried Lloyd, " Do you know why? Because when there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the-"  
" Ah, can the balloon juice!" cried Zelos.

" Alright, alright; let's go…" said Lloyd, sighing; his comic timing failing like me at a Chem test on a good day.

So they jumped on the Rheirds and headed to Ozette.

Which was in flames.

" No!" cried Colette.

" Am I the only one who thinks a long, sliver haired, metro sexual male is somewhere here; bruting?" asked Lloyd, referring to FF 7.

Genis put his arm awkwardly around Presea's shoulders, for moral support.

" This is…horrible…" said Presea, unaware of Genis' sweaty palm as he inched closer to her.

" Wow, even I don't make a move on girls when stuff like this happens," said Zelos, surprised.

" What!? I was not!" cried Genis, flustered; and retracted his arm.

A single boy was laying on the floor; knocked out. Oddly enough, he wasn't burnt, bruised, and his clothes looked like they had just been ironed and pressed clean.

Plot Hole 46 goes 'Meh!'

" Lloyd, look!" cried Colette, pointing to the boy.

" Yeah! Look!" cried Genis, also pointing.

Some logs fall near him. God forbid that any of them try to help this kid, Lloyd has to do it.

" Are you okay?" asked Lloyd.

Everyone crowds around the fallen boy, staring.

Like posts.

No, no one try to get him out of the way.

Stupid posts.

" We have to get out of here!" decided Lloyd, taking him 3 minutes to realize this.

He very casually picked up the boy and put him over his shoulder, like baggage. Hateful, emotional baggage.

So they took him to only safe place they knew.

Presea's house.

Which still reeked of dead people.

And feet.

Luckily, our heroes weren't stupid enough to go in there. So they loitered on the outside, where Genis casted a water spell on the kid's face to wake him up.

" What the hell happened here?" demanded Lloyd.

" What the hell happened to my hair?!" cried the boy, " Its all wet and soggy!"  
" Well…you didn't wake up so…" said Genis, sheepishly.

" Ugh…Whatever. Some angels attacked and stuff." he said, desperately trying to fluff out his hair.

Metrosexual hair obsessed men, UNITE!

" Angels?" asked Raine, suspicious, " How'd you know that?"

" Well…uh…" he said, sweating a little, " They have wings! So, duh!"  
" But fairies and pixies have wings, yet you didn't call them that…"  
" Raine, stop being so paranoid," said Genis, finally, " It has to be Cruxis. Who else would go and destroy stuff and have wings?"

" You mean, besides the people of Baiton Kaitos?" asked Sheena.

"…What the hell are you talking about?"

"…I don't know. I think I blacked out for a second."  
" Cruxis…" said Presea, quietly, " So they did it…"  
" Presea, are you alright?" asked Regal, concerned.

" Back off, old man!" barked Genis, glaring, " This is MY vulnerable/ comforting moment with Presea, NOT yours!"

"…And you said I was bad," said Zelos, to no one in particular.

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' HEY, AT LEAST HE ISN'T LIKE GENIS!'

" Like I was saying," said Genis, elbowing in front of Regal, " Presea, are you okay?"  
" I'm fine…but this unsettling irritation…" she said, slowly, " Is this…anger?"

" Or a really bad rash," offered Colette, helpfully.

Zelos looked back to the 'boy' who was most certainly not over 4,000 years old who he was in cahoots with and asked, innocently, " I'm impressed. Are you the only survivor?"  
" Hold your tongue your inferior-" he began, then stopped abruptly, if he was going to keep insulting them for being retarded, then he better make up a believable excuse besides the fact he was better than them. Without blowing his cover.

" I mean…y-yeah. My name is Mithos. I live on the other side of the town. I'm really sorry, what you heard just now was my spilt personality, Sohtim."

"…You have Multiple Personality Disorder?" asked Raine, skeptic, as per usual, " Then you'd have no idea of the fluctuation-"

" I was told!" he cried, then added, " You stupid ho!"  
"…What?!"  
" Uh, nothing."  
" Aww…that's gotta be rough. You have another person in you?" asked Colette, sympathetic, " Just like the green, small man who lives in my head…"

Everyone took 3 steps away from Colette.

" You have the same name as Mithos, the hero!" cried Lloyd, " Ain't that a cowindydink?"

"…No."  
" Wait, you're a half-elf!" screamed Genis, suddenly.

" Shutup! You ruin-I mean, uh…No!" said Mithos, quickly.

Mithos stepped back a bit, as Zelos gave him the thumbs up for his acting 'skills' and Raine said, " Are you that dense? We're half-elves too."  
" And half-assed," mumbled Mithos.

" What?"  
" Nothing…But your with humans!"  
" And I'm with stupid!" said Lloyd, pointing to Colette who had dosed off…day dreaming.

" Ignore him. We're all friends," said Genis.

" You're a liar-"  
" Liar! Liar! If we're keeping score!" sang Lloyd.

"- humans and half elves can't be friends-"

"-Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends-" Lloyd lapsed into another song.

"-Why is this moron singing-"  
"-singing 'Oh Oh, Oh Oh…Oh…oh…' what's the deal with my brain-" He continued.

" Lloyd!" shouted Genis.

" What?"  
" Shut up!"

" Okay…"

" Anyway, its true. My sister and I are part of this group, as much as it kills me to admit it," said Genis, sighing.

" Relax-" began Raine.

"-don't do it. When you wanna come to it. Relax, don't do it-" sang Lloyd.

Wow…it seemed as if all the chapters with barely any Lloyd singing ADD has taken its toll and exploded into a musical in this chapter. Just like repressed emotions.

" Well, I can understand-" began Regal.

" Regal, who said that you could talk?" asked Genis, annoyed, " Your whole developing back story isn't for awhile, so shut up til then!"  
Regal gave him an injured puppy look.

That's when Altessa and Tabatha appeared. Zelos briefly wondered why he created a doll…so life like and…wow…I think I'm going to stop the thought flow now.

" What happened here?" asked Altessa.

" What are you doing here?" asked Lloyd.

" There was a commercial break in Days of Our Lives and then I saw the lighting of judgment fall upon the land and…"

" It was Cruxis angels," came Presea's monotonous voice.

" Presea? You've regained your true self in which you're only slightly less indifferent? Was this some sort of punishment?"

" Punishment?" asked Sheena.

" Nothing! Its nothing!" cried Altessa, and ran to high hell.

"…What just happened?" asked Lloyd.

Tabatha flung herself in the way, as if anyone really cared enough to stop him; and said, " THE MASTER FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF OZETTE."

" Altessa is connected to Ozette…?" asked Colette, " Haha! My name rhymes with Ozette!"

Tabatha nodded and ran off.

"…Does anyone else think that was pointless?" asked Lloyd.

" I agree. But I am going to follow him, anyway," decided Presea.

" Alright. Mithos, you should come with us."

" Hell yeah-er, but…I'm…a half elf…" said Mithos, mocking misery.

" So? Colette's a dumbass who's 'secretly' in love with me, Sheena's a ninja failure, Zelos is a emo womanizer, Raine is cold and angry, Presea is basically a blender with pig-tails, I fail at life, Genis someone who thinks he knows it all but doesn't, Regal has some serious past/bondage issues, and…I think I got everyone. So, come on." said Lloyd, dumbly.

Everyone glared at him, suddenly pissed off that someone that stupid could make so accurate statements about them.

" In any case, Lloyd's right. About you joining us, anyway," said Raine, twitching a bit from trying not to rip his throat out, " Come on."  
Mithos nodded, timidly.

It was all going according to his plan.

So the gang went to Altessa's house, Lloyd in the lead, as everyone else glowered behind him. Oblivion, thy name is Lloyd.

When he got to the run down shack that is Altessa's house, he began to spill his heart out.

" I was a craftsman who worked for Cruxis," he admitted.

" Then your on the side of the angels! And that metro guy who looks like a flat chested chick!" cried Lloyd.

" Like Colette?" asked Genis.

Colette flushed, and Zelos emitted a low whistle. Apparently, he was successful in polluting him.  
" You know Lord Yggdrasil?" asked Altessa.

Mithos bit back his tongue from blurting ' What?'.

" Know him? Got my ass handed to me on a silver platter by him is more like it!" proclaimed Lloyd.

Altessa ignores this and glances over to Colette.

" Wow, she really does bear a strange resemblance to him…anyway, that's a Cruxis Crystal! You're the chosen of the declining world!" decided Altessa.

" How'd you know?" she asked, blinking.

"…The Cruxis Crystal, duh." said Genis.

" Actually…I knew because of that blank look on her face and that weird shirt dress thing she's wearing. No one in this world has worn that since 4 years ago."

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' FASHION SENSE OF A DYING ANIMAL!'

" Anyway," said Altessa, going back to bruting, " What happened to Ozette is my fault."

" What…do you mean?" asked Presea, confused.

" I came to hate the work I did, for it was indirectly taking people's lives. I ran from Cruxis and had myself in Ozette. But I was found by a Desian named Rodyle. He ordered me to create a Cruxis Crystal in exchange for my life." he explained.

" So that means that the research on Presea was organized by Rodyle and the Pope, who then had you and Kate carry it out?" said Zelos, quickly.

Collective gasps all around.

Okay…maybe not.

I mean, who hasn't used the whole ' religion is a crock for getting money and controlling the universe' plan?

" Right. Rodyle, while a Desian in service of Cruxis, was also planning to revolt against Cruxis. Because I supported him it that…Lord Yggdrasill grew angry and he… He destroyed the town of Ozette, which had protected me!" cried Altessa.

"So this is how Presea…this girl who reflects my distant memories…This is how she was caught up in this…This is terrible beyond words." said Regal, quietly.

Lloyd was the only one who caught on to his foreshadowing, surprisingly, but wasn't smart enough to realize it was foreshadowing. So he didn't say anything.

" I'm sorry," said Altessa, somberly, " That's all I can do now…apologize."

Presea turned away from him and said, " I can't forgive you now. Theres a 57 percent chance I'll never be able to forgive you. My time won't come back, or Daddy, and theres a 99.9 percent chance of that."

Altessa walked back to the house, dejected. Tabatha tried to help, though. But failed. So she left, too.

" I think…I can understand Presea's pain a little," said Mithos, " Some things you just can't forgive, and never come back. You can't control those feelings, so you hold a 4,000 year old grudge against it."

"…What?" asked Genis, eyes wide.

Mithos slipped him some Gald, pulling a Kratos.

" Not being forgiven, that is punishment," saod Regal, but as usual, no one answered him.

"I don't think that's right. Forgiving or not forgiving isn't a punishment…I can't really explain it well, but…" said Lloyd, his head throbbing from thinking so deep.

" Oh, Lloyd's a philosopher now!" cried Zelos, but then got serious, " It doesn't matter. We shouldn't force Presea to do anything she doesn't want to right now. Let's just think about what we can do now."

Sheena blinked, and stared at him.

"…That sounded sensitive…wow…" she said.

" Falling for me, eh?" he asked, grinning.

" Pfft." she answered, although impressed that he wasn't always an asshole.

"Yes, you're right. As for me, I think we should take this opportunity to ask Altessa all he knows about Cruxis. We currently don't have enough information. Wouldn't you agree?" said Raine, suddenly, " I think we should give him the 3rd degree."

" Burns?" asked Lloyd.

" No! Interrogation!"

" Ah…"

" Yeah, Presea, would you rather wait here?" asked Genis, " I'll…wait with you."

" No, I'll…listen too." said Presea, and walked ahead.

" Oh, burn," said Zelos, grinning.

" Shutup! What would you know about girls?!"  
" Lots…If your willing to learn."

Genis blinked. He was pretty desperate…

" What's in it for you?"

Zelos shrugged.

" Just helping out a buddy is a reward in itself."

Lloyd, meanwhile, was having a little too much fun with the whole interrogation idea. He kicked down the door, and ran in, screaming some ancient war cry.

" Tell us all you know about Cruxis, old man!" he shouted, all up in his grill-er, face.

" What?! it's a long story," he said, rather lenient against a guy who just broke and entered in his house.

" I like stories!" cried Colette.

" Okay, just let me get some popcorn…"

So they gathered around for a wondrous tale. A tale of…stuff.

" Here's the abridged version. And save all questions til the end." said Altessa, impatiently, " Once upon a time, there was an organization made completely of half elves. They wanted to start the Era of Half elves and revive Martel. And then to do that, they have to fuse the Chosen with the vessel."  
" Wait a second…" said Genis, suddenly, " Zelos is a Chosen. Didn't Mithos care that his revived sister could be…a _boy?" _

Everyone stared.

So did Plot Hole 47.

" Tell us another one!" encouraged Colette.

Luna: Done here. I've also been playing Xenosaga 3, which totally makes up for how much the 2nd one sucked. ( Is obsessed) I hope you guys had an awesome holiday and an even better new year. Words can't express how great you all are.


	34. Raine has a complex, tear jerking back s

Disclaimer: See the other chapters, for all that's holy!

Luna: As you have seen on my profile, I've been majorly stressed with midterms and my failing Chem…which has delayed this chapter massively. My sincerest apologies! Here it is!

Chapter 3-…something: Raine has a complex and tear jerking back story! Part 1

The gang was still sitting in for story time with Altessa and Barbie Doll wannabe, as Altessa announced, " Once upon a time, there was a very ugly, lonely short man who created a beautiful-"  
" uh…What does this have to do with the whole master plan of Cruxis?" asked Genis, suddenly.

"…Oh. Well, Colette wanted to hear another story-" he began.

" Do what we do, ignore her…" said Genis, sighing.

" Rodyle…what is he planning?" asked Regal, thoughtfully.

" Rodyle is scheming to use the Mana Cannon, another totally useless sub plot that will detour your actual mission," explained Altessa.

" Ah, damn…" said Lloyd, wistfully.

" How can he make everyone suffer and waste more time for such a thing…?" asked Presea, dumbly.

" And then there was something with a Great Seed…"

" A water melon seed?" interrupted Colette.

" No!" screamed Mithos, " How dare you defile the name of the Great Seed by demeaning it to a seed of a fruit! The Great Seed came up in stories of the glorious, amazing, hero Mithos! Where he died in the ground of the Ancient Khalran War-"  
Raine's ears perked up at the mention of said war.

" Oh…Mithos…that over achieving hero dude…" said Lloyd, bored.

" Wait a minute…" said Genis, " There's something I've been wondering about this Mithos guy…"  
Mithos began to sweat, inwardly panicking.

" How come there's legends of him on both sides?"

He sighed in relief.

" Yeah! Just like I've been wondering about how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck-" began Lloyd.

" And Tower's of Salvation?" asked Genis.

" And Wonder Chefs!" added Colette.

Wow…she sorta had a point there.

" It seems it's possible to travel between the two worlds at their poles. I don't know how I just derived that from the conversation that's completely unrelated, but perhaps that person we know as Mithos used that to travel between the worlds?" asked Altessa, dumbly.

" Bi-polar…yes...that's it…" said Raine, to herself.

" Yeah, you really are," said Lloyd, agreeing.

" No! it's a theory…" said Raine.

" A theory of how some people experience highs one day and lows the next?" asked Colette, conversation interrupted Number 2.

" NO! Perhaps the Ancient War was in fact a war between Tethe'alla and Sylvarant, and the hero Mithos arranged the truce that ended the war; that's my theory!"  
" And that has to do with bipolarity…how?" asked Lloyd. ( No, she really does say 'Bipolar' out of nowhere in the game, too.)

Raine began to bash her head against the wall, realizing the futility of even talking to people like them. Regal was the only other person who's intellect was higher than that of a water rats'; so he said " Yes, that makes sense. I've heard many ideas regarding the bipolar structure of the worlds, but yours works from a logical standpoint."

Raine was happy enough to kiss the convict man, because someone in the room had half a brain.

They then launched into a heated conversation about The Other Worldly Gate, space time continuums, life after death, EMc squared and Pi.

Everyone else stared, unable to understand Geek Speak.

Finally, Colette broke their intellectual conversation for a question, a question that brought them back to the harsh reality of the stupidity of today's youth.

" So what is the Great Seed?"

Even Lloyd was appalled by this.

" It's obviously a Seed that's Great!" cried Genis, " Jes-Martel!…Wait, I can't say that anymore…Oh Fake Idol Worship!"

" I can't wrap my head around all this at once…" whined Lloyd, " Thinking makes my brain hurtttt!"

" You couldn't wrap your head around a chocolate bar-" began Genis.

" I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BARRR!" sang Lloyd, suddenly.

Genis took 10 steps away from him.

" What? No! Damn my singing ADD!" cried Lloyd, " I'm not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that!"  
" You must be all tired now," said Altessa, suddenly, " Your welcome to rest here for tonight-"

" Wow! You really have 9 spare beds?!" asked Lloyd.

" Haha…No."

So where DID they all sleep? The man lived in basically a hut, and when they do show you the room, it didn't have 9 beds…at least, I didn't think it did. And who really lets complete strangers and a girl you helped make into a soulless android sleep over?

I'd call this Plot Hole 48.

"…Oh."  
" And you, Mithos; was it?" asked Altessa, " Your welcome to stay here if you like, since your homeless an all…"  
" Are you sure?" asked Mithos, " I mean, I'm like…a moocher."  
Altessa shrugged.

" Its just me and my doll."  
" Doll?" asked Lloyd.

" Tabatha. I made her."  
Suddenly, the story of the lonely ugly guy made sense.

" I just thought she talked funny…" said Lloyd, blinking.

" THEN I SHALL COOK DINNER!" cried Tabatha, and ran off.

" Presea…are you okay with this?" asked Genis.

"…I will be fine."  
" You know, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on-"

Suddenly, Zelos dragged him aside.

" Hey! What are you doing?!" asked Genis, annoyed.

" What are you doing? I should be asking you the same thing, dude!" cried Zelos, " You said you wanted my help, didn't you?"  
Genis bristled.

" Well?"  
" Y-yeah…"

" Well, what you were doing now is not gonna help!" he cried, " Girls only like it if your cold and distant. They only like hot assholes who treat them like shit."  
"…Really?"  
" Yeah, really! How else do you think I get laid? Now get back in there and stop caring!"

" O-Okay…"

Genis went back to Presea, putting on his best indifferent face. Zelos grinned, and said to himself, " And another one bites the dust…"  
Presea didn't seem to notice, and Genis just sorta stood there, feeling like an idiot. Finally, he got tired of it and went over to Mithos.

" Mithos, let's play together!" he cried.

" Play!?" asked Mithos, staring, " What are you, 5?"  
Genis stared, and he quickly covered up, " You'll…be my friend?"  
" Of course!"  
" Thank you!" Mithos said, but thought, _may the false idol damn me if I were to make a friend as stupid as this one…_

Everyone retired to bed. Where they slept, I don't know. But if they indeed had beds, I imagine people had to double up. I imagine Zelos sneaking into Sheena's bed near the morning, so when she woke up she'd think things that involved her being drunk and being a hooker. I also imagine Colette trying to pair with Lloyd who would end up being in the same bed as Genis, who'd fear him because of his song; a request from a fan. And then Raine wouldn't share with anyone, and scream and hit anyone who got too close; cause she was prissy and need all the space. I'm not entirely sure if Presea slept…and Regal was probably too busy being haunted by his 'tragic past' to sleep.

But we don't know anything for sure. So I imagine that I'll leave it to you, the reader, to imagine.

Anyway, Lloyd was woken up by a piercing scream of, " Lloyd! The Professors gone!"

" And that's a bad thing?" he asked, yawning.

Outside, everyone was crowded around Genis, when Lloyd and Colette joined them.

" Is that the Professor's suicide note? Did she leave us anything good in the will?" asked Lloyd.

" Lloyd! That's Genis' sister!" cried Colette, " You jerk!"  
" It seems she wanted to investigate something and she left," said Genis, unnaturally calm.

" Wow, your taking this well…" said Zelos.

" SHORTLY BEFORE DAWN, I SAW A RHERID HEADING SOUTH." announced Tabatha.

" What!? And you didn't stop her?!" asked Genis, pissed off, " What were you doing at dawn, anyway!?"

" I take that back…" said Zelos, blinking.

" South…that's in direction of Altamaia…" said Regal.

" What should we do, Lloyd?" asked Presea.

" Yeah, Lloyd."  
" What do we do?"  
" AH! STOP IT! STOP THE QUESTIONS!" he screamed, " We go after her, duh!"  
" Great plan!" cried Colette.

Yeah, that must've took a lot of thought. ( rolls eyes)

"Ah…um…will you take me with you?" asked Mithos, he was sick and thought she was kinda hot; anyway.

" No way! Its dangerous!" protested Lloyd.

" Lloyd, please!" cried Genis.

" I won't get in the way! I just want her to be okay!"  
"…Fine…" said Lloyd, sighing.

And they were off.

Luna: Short, I know. Thought I'd do it to tide everyone over til I can really focus on writing again…review?


	35. Raine has aAh, you know it, Part 2

Disclaimer: no.

Luna: OMG ALMOST 400! YAYYY!

**Arathine**: Then I must be super EMO ( Slipnot scares me, though) cause I know all those songs and like most of them ( Shifty eyes) I'll add 2 this chapter and more next (grins like an idiot) thanks for the song ideas!

Your all amazing…have I mentioned that already?

Chapter 35: Raine's…not typing all this out, part 2!

" Wait!" cried Altessa, stopping them.

" Old man, if this is more 'stories', we seriously don't wanna hear it," said Zelos, a bit freaked out.

" No! Its for Presea!" he said, putting his hand in his pocket, and gives her a Key Crest.

" it's a Key Crest!" said Lloyd, extending the pointless convo whilst Raine could be dead in a ditch somewhere. Or worse, feeding someone her cooking.

" I know its not much of an apology, I did sorta make you stay in the body of a 14 year old-" began Altessa.

" Let's accept it!" said Lloyd.

"- Make the towns people think you were a freak-"

" Um-" began Presea.

" Had you keep working several months after your Dad decayed-"

" Old man, shutup!" cried Genis, as Presea began to twitch beside him.

" Ah…Well…yeah. Bye!" cried Altessa, running into his house.

So the gang left in their Rhierds, and they go to a seaside resort. Simply because Genis knew if Raine were to run anywhere alone on her own, it wouldn't be somewhere dangerous, duh. It would be a resort, filled with bathing suit action and fruity girly drinks!

Everyone was overjoyed to enter such a place, except Regal. Because he was the foreboding, depressing reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe, of course!

" I'm sorry, but I'm going to wait here." he said, stiffly.

" What's up?" asked Lloyd, " Had a bad experience with a beach ball or something?"  
"…More like…a jelly fish."

" What?"  
" Well, we can't force him." said Zelos, " Unless we poke his pressure points and-, anyway, we should really go and let him do what he wants."

Genis rushed ahead, looking for Raine. He stopped a noble.

" Hey, have you seen a really annoyed looking lady with a 5 ft stick up her ass that likes studying everything that she comes in contact with and abuses little children!?" he cried.

The noble gave him a blank look.

So he stopped the next person.

"Hey, have you seen a really annoyed looking lady with a 5 ft stick up her ass that likes studying everything that she comes in contact with and abuses little children!?"  
But they had about as much luck as a jock passing a spelling bee. ( No offense…My jokes aren't meant to be stereotyping…but...eh…) Finally, they got to a grave stone, where a guy who was obviously someone's butler and deemed Jeeves. Okay, George, whatever.

He saw Presea and screamed, " Alicia!"  
But…when you do in fact see Alicia, Presea looks NOTHING like her. At all…So…Plot Hole 49!

" You know Alicia?" asked Presea, shocked.

" Wait…your not…" he began.

" Alicia…is my sister…" said Presea, quietly.

" Oh, I see…Alicia is dead, anyway," said George, " My bad."

" She passed always?" asked Presea, horrified.

" She was in the service of the Bryant family-"  
" Isn't that Regal's last name?" asked Lloyd.

Everyone ignored, because everyone likes a build up.

" How did she die?" asked Colette, cause that's what you ask; for all the grisly details.

" It was an accident-" he began.

"-so we were an accident!" sang Lloyd, " With accidents you never know, what could happen! So we were an accident, you'll always be my favorite one!"

" You should go to the Sky Terrance and pay your respects," he said, and ran off.

Notice how all the NPCs run off, like they have something better to do.

" Younger sister…I thought Presea was the younger one…" mused Genis.

" That's strange…she did say she had a younger sister...and unless that noble was into some sick child labor thing…" said Zelos.

" I know! Maybe there's 3 sisters!" cried the clever Colette.

" And maybe my ass will jump over the moon!" cried Genis.

So the gang left, wondering if Genis' ass ever would jump over that moon. They got to the grave thingy. My descriptions make my heart bleed out.

Presea raced to the tombstone, and cried, " Alicia, what happened to you!?"  
" She's sorta dead, I doubt she'll-" began Lloyd, but Genis smacked his mouth shut.

" Isn't that a soul sucking Ex-sphere?" asked Mithos, pointing.

" Why is there-" she began.

That's when a ghostly, magical voice cried, " Presea, sis, is that you?"

" Alicia?!" cried Presea.

" Presea…I'm so happy I get to say good bye before I disappear…" said Alicia.

" What's going on? Your alive?" asked Presea, eyes widening.

Colette had an urge to poke the ball containing her sister's life force, but didn't.

" I…I exist only in the Exsphere. Soon, even my consciousness will be gone. The Ex-sphere killed my body and absorbed my consciousness." she said, sadly.

" Is it…pain-" began Presea.

" Pain! Without love! Pain! Can't get enough!" sang Lloyd, " Pain, I like it rough! Cause I rather feel pain than nothing at all!"  
" Presea, please grant me my request. Before I disappear…please find my master. Please find Master Bryant!" cried Alicia.

" The noble you were working for?" she asked.

" Yes, by killing me-"  
After that revealing tid-bit, she disappeared.

" Lloyd, please help me find Alicia's killer," said Presea, stoically.

" Oh! Just like Clue! Was it Colonel Mustard with the candle stick in the dining room-" began Colette.

" Of course! We'll beat him to a pulp and drag him here!" cried Lloyd.

" Yeah! I won't let him get away with killing your sister!" cried Genis.

" Yeah! We'll bleed his ass dry!" cried Zelos.

Everyone took 3 steps back.

Mithos stared at the Ex-sphere as they prepared to leave.

" Ex-spheres suck, don't they?" he stated.

" Well…Dur."

With that common knowledge dragged out into the open, the gang progressed downstairs. Down the elevator.

Where a random couple of NPC's divulged some clues to Raine's whereabouts. Wow…the convience is amazing…

" Hey! Obvious clue to someone's whereabouts! The Other Worldly Gate is opening tonight!" cried NPC 1.

" Yeah! I hear that you can get sucked into Sylvarent with it!" the other one practically shouted.

" Hey, I just heard your obvious information and wanted to know where the Gate is, exactly," said Lloyd.

" She has to be there! Studying it!" cried Genis.

" Who are you?" asked the NPC.

" I was the reason you guys were screaming!"  
" Look, if you guys don't tell me where my overbearing, abusive sister is-" began Genis.

" Okay, okay…" said the guy, " Its northwest of the thing with the thingy across from that other thing."  
" Really? Thanks!" chirped Colette.

Surprisingly, she knew exactly where it was.

Instead of soaking up some rays and sipping martinis and doing some side questy stuff like main characters normally do when someone else could be dead in a ditch ( Like Cloud after Aeris died, but I'm sure snowboarding helped him get through it), they left.

Regal, who'd been waiting all this time, noticed them and said, " Are you leaving?"  
" Nope! We're just taunting you," said Lloyd, " We'll be back in 2 hours."

"…"

" Kidding, kidding!"  
They left the area to go to the 'Other Worldly Gate.' It was a small island with black rocks, like those head rocks in India…Yeah, I don't really know what I'm talking about, either.

Magically, it was night on the island. Wasn't it daylight 3 seconds ago, asks Plot Hole 50!

" Raineee!" screamed Genis, upon seeing her.

" Genis…everyone…why are you here?" asked Raine.

" Genis made us," said Lloyd, sighing, his dreams of home work, learning, and reading no more were crushed instantly.

" You stupid head! We came cause we were worried!" cried Genis.

" You mean cause you were worried," added Lloyd, eyes narrowed.

" Its dangerous to wander off alone." said Mithos, " And as someone masquerading as your new best friend, I can't let you do that."  
" Why did you come here, Professor?" asked Colette.

" To study the rocks, of course," said Raine, and then, " Its also where Genis and I were abandoned."  
Lloyd blinked.

" Did you drink too many martinis? You guys are from Sylvarent…"

" Yeah, from the deprived decling world!" cried Genis, "…Right?"

Raine drew in a labored breath, and said, " No. I happened to catch sight of this place when we rescued Colette and it's been on my mind ever since. Then, when I heard the story about the two poles which connect the two worlds, I became certain. The images in my memory…the ruin I've been searching for all this time is this place."

" So you were born here?" asked Sheena, " That explains why you guys aren't as stupid as everyone else from there…"  
" It can't be!" cried Genis, in denial, " All my memories are of the poor world! I don't know this corrupt world run by the church at all!"

"We were born and raised in the village of the elves, from which we were eventually ostracized. We were abandoned here because this place was said to be the path to the legendary Sylvarant," explained Raine.

" The legendary elf place that's elves only?" asked Mithos.

"Yes. I don't know the details of what happened, but I'm positive that I was left here along with Genis when he was just a newborn. And we eventually ended up in Sylvarant." she continued.

Wait…let me get this straight. Raine seems about 20 something in the game, right? And Genis was a newborn…and I'm not the best person in math, but she was probably around 10 and he was a baby…so how'd they even survive?! Wasn't Sylvarant chock full of monsters? How the hell did they survive?! Hmmm…Plot Hole 51 and a half, because its vague.

That's when Kuchinawa cried, " This time, let me send you to hell instead!"  
" Who's there?!" asked Lloyd, panicking.

" Aw, its just Kuchinawa," said Sheena, oblivious, " He always does that. Hey! Kuchi!"

" Shutup, wench!" he cried, " My chance to avenge my family has come!"  
Sheena laughed, and shook her head.

" Good one! You almost had me going there-"  
That's when the Papal Knights surrounded them.

" Uh…Sheena…I don't think he's kidding…" said Zelos, flatly.

" Avenge your parents?" asked Lloyd.

" Yes, finally…Sheena, you will die for killing countless others when you let Volt go wild."

" Haha…uhh…your kinda freaking me out now…" said Sheena, lightly, realization dawning on her.

"Accident?! I could have accepted things if she just failed to make a pact with a Summon Spirit. But then, she failed to assassinate the Chosen of Sylvarant, thereby placing Mizuho in danger. Yet look at her now. She's made pacts with Summon Spirits just like that, she was useless until-" shouted Ku, cause I hate typing long names.

" Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for youuu!" sang Lloyd, loudly, " Until the day I DIEEE!"

" You have it all wrong!" shouted Colette, coming to her defense, " She only did that cause she was useless without us helping her!"

Did I say coming to her defense? I meant…sorta coming to her defense.

" Do I?! I think she wasn't really trying during the first pact-making! Because of that, she killed my parents and our people!" he hollered, red in the face.

" Enough!"  
And the Papal Knights attacked, 3, and got their asses handed to them on silver platters.

3 more ran in.

" Damn! Theres too many of them!" cried Lloyd.

Whoa, 3?! Man, how will EIGHT PEOPLE TAKE THAT ON!? Either Lloyd was as bad in math as I am, or it's a Plot Hole 51; for SURE.

" Kuchinawa! Please! Don't drag them into this! I'm the one you despise right? Then I'm the only one you need to kill!" screamed Sheena.

" Sheena, don't talk like that! You sound like Zelos and Colette!" cried Lloyd.

" Hey!" they cried in unison.

" Its okay, my life kinda sucks anyway," said Sheena, shrugging, " Kuchinawa…"  
" Fine…" he said, not too enthusiastic as he was before about killing her.

That's when the moon hit the rocks, the otherworldly gate was opened.

" Enough of this martyrdom-" Zelos cried.

" -is suicide with press coverage!" cried Lloyd.

Zelos grabbed Sheena's arm and ran into the light. The rest of the gang followed suit, warping away like Spock on Star Trek.

Luna: Good news! Regular updates cause today is the last day of my midterms! (dances) REVIEwww


	36. More Fillers Than Naruto

Disclaimer: Woo! No! Owning!  
Luna: YAY! 405! Awesome, awesome! And…I'm sorry, **kratostheangel**, but awhile back I had people vote and they wanted **Shelloyd, not Shelos**. Though, I admit, I like SheenaxZelos more than anything else, the dynamics of it are great. DON'T KILL MEEEE! And also, not everyone says what they said in the game, obviously; for the purposes of the story. If something isn't accurate, its most likely on purpose; not out of my neglectance. But I'll do my best to not dirft entirely from the actual plot. And on a more personal note, I PASSED CHEM:: hugs self::

Chapter 36: Um…What should I name it…?

" AHHH!" screamed Lloyd, hitting the ground with a thud.

"…Where are we?" asked Regal, blinking.

" Probably on the outskirts of Palmacoasta…" mumbled Raine.

" We're back in our world?" asked Colette, standing up, " Nothing's-"  
"-real, to me! Nothing's real…but you!" sang Lloyd.

"-seemed to change…"  
" That shows how much you know," said Genis, rolling his eyes, " The mana level has raised, but its still the backwards, narrow minded, desperate world we came from."

Zelos flicked his hair back, and wondered if gel existed on this side.

" Phew…I never expected to come to this side like that…" he mused.

Sheena stomped over to him like a banshee on the kill floor.

" Zelos, why did you butt in?!" she shouted, annoyed.

" Because it's a waste to see a fine piece of ass like yours be wasted," said Zelos, shrugging.

" You jerk!" she slapped him.

" Sheena, that's really cold," said Lloyd, surprised, " I mean, he did save your life."

" Yeah! But only because he wants to DO me!"  
"…So?"

Sheena stared.

Lloyd stared.

Awkardddd…

" Yeah! So what if Lloyd's right?" asked Zelos, pissed off, " We would've been killed after you, anyway! Pope's orders and all! "

Sheena just kept staring.

" Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?" sang Lloyd, suddenly.

" There wasn't even a trigger word for that one…" pointed out Genis.

" I know…but I felt some sick urge to sing it, anyway." said Lloyd, blinking.

"…Are you saying Kuchi is working for the Pope?" asked Sheena, ignoring the sorta love confession.

" Well…the Church is corrupt, so why not?" said Regal.

And then Colette came forth with a heart warming speech.

" Sheena, please don't do something like that again. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Nothing good will come of you sacrificing your life," she said.

" Like your one to talk…" mumbled Genis.

" Dear God! Colette's absolutely right!" cried Lloyd, " Its scary! My heart, I think it may have stopped-"

" You should thank Zelos," chirped Colette, grinning.

" In the form of hot, sweaty-" began Zelos.

" Zelos, you're a sick pervert," said Presea.

Sheena just gagged a bit.

" But what are we gonna do now?" asked Mithos.

" Videotape them, of course!" cried Lloyd.

" What!? Lloyd!" screamed Sheena, pissed off.

" I was kidding…"

But Sheena didn't think it was too funny. She's a very touchy girl.

" Since we're back here, let's-" began Raine, taking charge.

"-start a riot, a riot! Let's start a riot!" sang Lloyd.

" Just wait a sec, I need to spike my hair, don chains and get mad at my parents!" cried Genis.

"- find out what the Desians are up to," finished Raine.

" What about Mithos? I mean, he is a liability and all," said Lloyd.

" Let's dump him off at the Palmacosta government! I'm sure they won't care!" cried Colette.

" I wanna fight too!" pouted Mithos.

" And do what? Cast Fireball on everything, oh that's useful," said Genis, sarcastic, " Besides, you don't even have an Ex-sphere."  
" But, I'm Mithos! Destroyer of Worlds! You puny humans can't even begin to fathom my power!" he cried.

This was ignored.

"Pff, fine, whatever," he said, defeated.

Finally, they get to Palmcosta.

Neil is overjoyed to see them and says, " Chosen one! How is the jounary to release the seals going?"  
" Its all a lie-" began Colette, but Genis shut her up by distracting her with a shiny object.

" Uh, great! Its going great! Its not a scam!" covered up Lloyd, " Anyway, we were wondering if you can take care of him."

He nudged Mithos forward. Mithos glared.

" Why? Is he not house trained, or something?"  
Mithos began to fantasize about multiple ways to disembowel him.

" No! He's just useless!" said Lloyd.

" Oh, why didn't you say so? Sure he can stay here and breathe our air and eat our food and take up our space," said Neil, grinning, " Are you guys going to the Palmacosta Ranch?"  
" What are you talking about? Raine blew it up for her own sick enjoyment," said Genis.

" But we've seen some lingering there, some blue haired guy and a spikey-" began Neil.

" Whoa! That's the Renegades!" cried Lloyd.

" Who?"  
" Your mom! Let's go!"  
They were just about to leave, when Mithos was feeling very uncharacteristically generous and two faced.

" Here, Genis," he said, " Please take this with you."  
" Huh? What is it?"  
" it's a flute, dumbass!"

" Uh…Why are you giving it to me, again?"  
" it's a memento of my sister who died!"  
" I can't take that!" Genis exclaimed.

" If you find yourself in danger, play it. I don't know what it'll do, but maybe it'll save you."  
" If you don't know what it does, why are you giving it to us?" asked Lloyd.

" Shutup! Your ruining the moment!" cried Mithos.

Genis blinked.

" The…moment?"  
" Ahem. Just take it."  
" O-Okay…"  
So they left Mithos there like the baggage that he is.

Blond, effeminate, baggage.

When they arrived, Botta, who was standing there idly for God knows how long, said, " We've been waiting for you."

" Are you saying you were expecting us to come here?" asked Regal, like the moron that he is.

Yuan stepped up at that point, eyes narrowed.

" Well, he did say he was expecting you all, so what do you think?!" he scowled, " Besides, we need to get the plot moving along. Like us joining forces."

" What? No!" cried Lloyd, " I never saw that coming!"  
Yeah. Neither did I.

" The circumstances have changed," said Yuan, as if that was an explanation.

" Like we'd trust you after all you've done to Colette," said Raine, acidly.

"…Actually…we saved her before. When she was all empty and vessely." said Yuan, " Anyway, do you know of the Ancient Khlaran Tree?"  
" The legendary Giant Tree said to have existed in the Holy Ground of Kharlan, right? It's the tree of life, which produces infinite mana," said Zelos, " Well, dur I do."

"…But that's just a fairy tale," said Lloyd.

" No! No its not!" cried Colette, " Its real! Like Santa! And elves! And true love!"  
Lloyd laughed.

At the true love part, anyway.

Yes, I am bitter.

" The Giant Kharlan Tree indeed existed. But the Kharlan War exhausted its mana supply and the tree wilted away. And now all that remains is its seed left in the Holy Ground of Kharlan," added Yuan.

" Oh? Its at the final seal? Will it be…shiny? Like that light?" she asked, simple as ever.

" Its known as the Great Seed."  
"Are you talking about the soul of Mithos?" asked Genis.

" No, you idiot," said Botta, " it's a SEED."

"The Great Seed is absolutely vital in order to reunite the two worlds." stated Yuan, still explaining stuff.

" Reuniting the worlds?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

" I believe I told you before, Yggdrasill is the creator of the two worlds. Originally, the world was one, but Yggdrasill ripped it asunder."

" How's that possible?!"

" It was possible for Yggdrasill. The two worlds have managed to survive by vying for the small amount of mana seeping from the Great Seed."

Colette had long fallen asleep at this explanation.

Regal and Raine seemed very interested by intellectual speak.

In fact, I fell asleep, too.

When I woke up, the characters were done with their entire 'explanation' deal, and I'm sorry but I'm assuming you've played and understood this part. Seriously, the dialogue lags for this…

" Wow, I can't believe Yuan and the Renegades are double agents and we gotta stop a mana cannon at Rodyle's ranch!" said Lloyd, quickly, incase anyone else wanted a summary of all the lines of dialogue I slept through, " Hey, Botta!"

" Are you ready-"

"- for this?! Dun Dun duna duna duna!" sang Lloyd, an old song.

Anyway, they got to the Remote Island Human Ranch.

"Ah, one more thing. It seems you've destroyed every ranch you've been to, but we need the mana reactor in order to sprout the Great Seed. Don't destroy this one," said Botta, as they were about to part ways.

" Hear that, Raine?" asked Sheena, " No more Ka-boom for you."  
" Aww…" said Raine, feeling dejected.

"In order to disable the Mana Cannon, we need to go to the control room," said Regal.

" My gut says it's the furthest room in," said Lloyd, " So the top floor."

And since no one questions and main character, everyone followed.

Luna: Okay, Short, I know. But I have a surprise, based on something stupid me and my friend did today…But with Tos.

**WARNING: IF YOU LIKE VALENTINES DAY, THE CHAPTER HAS ENDED FOR YOU ALREADY. BE WARNED. Flame me about being a grinch, and I'll laugh at you with my indifference.**

**ANTI-VALENTINES DAY FRIENDS WELCOME.**

**Bonus: Anti-Valentines Day!**

" Damn, why am I stuck with this…?" asked Lloyd, annoyed.

" Because Martel hates us." said Genis.

The 2 best friends were stuck in a room, with roses and chocolates. Roses of every color, well; yellow (friendship) pink ( In between?) and red ( OMG LOVE.). Lloyd and Genis had been assigned to put together the Valentines Day stuff and then deliver it. As in, Lloyd was asleep in class and Raine forced him to do it as a punishment, and threw Genis in for her own sadist needs.

Genis normally hated V-day, but wanted it this year to be when he revealed how he felt to Presea. Aww…

Lloyd, however, hadn't gone to the sappy, dark side yet and still loathed it. Since, well, Colette always revealed her sick obsession for him in various ways.

He rustled through one of the orders and got one that said:

**Genis:**

**YOU ROCK!! MORE THAN AN INFERIOR BEING- I mean…um…YAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!**

**-Mithos.**

Lloyd stared, making sure so Genis wouldn't see it, and went for the yellow rose. Then stopped. What if he were to shake it up…

Grinning to himself, he took a red rose. Ouch.

Genis was grumbling incoherently, unaware.

Next, was:

**Sheena:**

**I think I'm in love with you. Love me, for the love of the bounce of my hair!  
-your sugar Daddy,**

**Zelos**

Lloyd casually put a yellow flower in for this one.

Lastly, of the ones Lloyd screwed with, anyway, was Regal.

**Dear Raine,**

**Thank you for having a brain.**

**-Regal**

He put pink. Cause no one really knows what the hell it means, anyway.

**Later…**

Genis was surprised to see a delivery at his door. Seeing the red rose, he nearly had a heart attack.

_Presea! She does love me!_

Then he read the message.

And swallowed, hard.

Looks like Mithos looked like an effeminate chick and acted like one cause he was…well…

Genis had a good mind to jump off a cliff.

Sheena, meanwhile, had her heart on the floor with Zelo's message. Then saw the yellow rose.

" You stupid Chosen!" she shouted, to the air, " You get my hopes up and give me…me…AHHH!"

She found him and slapped him.

Hard.

Lastly, was Raine.

When she saw the rose and the message, she was just as confused as I am with simple math problems.

And what the hell was the meaning of a pink rose, anyway?  
Lloyd slinked off.

He was the Grinch who ruined V-day.

Luna: Hoped you liked it! Have a great Valentines, for all you who like it. And as for me, and anyone else who HATES IT remember, be your own Valentine. LOVE YOURSELF! FORGET V-DAY! DOWN WITH COMMERCIALISM!!!


	37. More delays than anything by Square

Disclaimer: No! I OWNZ NOTHING!  
Luna: AH! I'm so late…(panicks) to make up for this, this chapter is going to be so long that my fingers are going to bleed. BLEED. Thanks if your even still reading this!  
Chapter I don't know anymore: More delays than any game by Square Enix.

The gang got to an elevator. And a Sorcerer's Ring changer.

Lloyd skipped to it, excited by what it would be.

Would it shoot fire this time and incite the pyromaniac dormant in everyone's soul? Would it shrink them to midget size so Zelos could jump down Sheena's shirt? Would it have hair shaving abilities so Lloyd may sport a hair cut like Brittany Spears? Yes, I had to make a cheap joke at her.

But it did neither.

" There's a strange sound," he said, when he pressed it, " Dammnit! That's all it does? Bo-ring!"  
" Maybe it's a low frequency dog whistle?" suggested Colette.

" Yeah, to call a pack of dogs to help us advance, OKAY." said Genis, sardonic.

" If it was low frequency, there's a 99.9 percent chance Lloyd wouldn't of heard it, anyway." came Presea, blinking.

" He's part dog?" came Colette's sad response.

" If Colette only had a brain…" said Genis, eyes about to roll out of his sockets from rolling so much.

" Dun dun dun da!" sang Lloyd, cause Luna sucks at making noise words.

Raine stared at the shiny platform before them. It changed colors.

" Or, perhaps, the sound resonates with machine." suggested Raine, trying to be patient.

" I see. So it's a key for this place," Genis announced.

" Yeah, that's what I figured, too." cried Lloyd.

" Yeah, sure."

Open season on Lloyd's stupidity starts now.

There was a puzzle.

They solved it.

They really wanted Luna to be descriptive.

They were let down.

They got to another elevator. One that looked identical to the other one. Twilight Zone…or just really bad interior decorators? I'll let you be the judge.

" Can't we go any higher?" asked Lloyd.

" Not unless you wanna smoke a blunt," said Zelos, bluntly.

**Zelos' secretly getting stoned: My Anti-Drug**

"Hmm…As far as I can tell, this is the only elevator in this ranch. In other words, the Desians use this elevator to go higher than this. Which means the solution is simple," decided Raine.

" What do we do?" asked Lloyd.

**Lloyd's ability to ask the obvious and rely on others constantly even though he's the main character: My Anti-Drug.**

" We just have the Desians move it for us. In other words, we create a situation in which they have to move it," She said, simply.

" Right, so what do we do?"

**Repeat above bold lettering.**

" Lloyd, your as thick as a brick-"  
" -on the small of my back, so let's end this call and end this conversation!" sang Lloyd.

" Let's start-" began Raine.

" A riot! A riot! Let's start a riot!" Lloyd sang, again, man, I'm on a roll.

" Well…yes. Sort of. A…disturbance. For instance, let's start a…riot." said Raine, blinking, " And get those captives to-"

" Stand up! Stand up! When I move you move!"

" Sure…"

" And then we wait for the Desians to move the elevator!" cried Colette, " Yay! I get it!"  
" No…you don't." said Genis.

Open season on Colette, why not?  
" That's a sinister plan," commented Sheena.

"…We're in no position to play fair, Miss Goody Two Shoes. Go home to your curfew at 10!" cried Raine.

SHEENA OBTAINED TITLE OF ' PRISSY 2 SHOES!'

" I do feel a bit bad…wait…no I don't!" cried Lloyd, " Let's free those monkeys from the zoo!"  
So they went to the cell tower. And began to press random buttons. One prisoner ran out, looked to the ceiling and screamed, " FREEDOM! No more lumpy oats for me! I SWEAR IT WAS MADE FROM PEOPLE!"

" Uh…sure." said Lloyd.

The Desians, predictable as pie, got out of the elevator.

You may ask how pie is predictable. My question is, how isn't it predictable? I mean, its pie. Its just gonna sit there til you eat it…Anyway…

" So you lead the escape!" cried the first to die.

Lloyd and Colette double teamed the Desians…by jumping on them. Yes, jumping on them. And knocking them out.

And you thought there was gonna be an actual fight…

" Our ability to jump on people worked, Lloyd!" chirped Colette.

And Genis thought to himself, that if merely jumping on people could knock them out, why bother with battles?! PLOT HOLE 52!  
They got to the top floor.

And then, there was the ring's ability to change colors. Oh…Shiny.

After changing the colors from green, to blue, to white, to red, to Colette staring like an idiot at it; the gang finally got the right combination. After many a tear shed, hair ripping and stress.

Oh, the stress.

Seriously, think about it.

If you were really in this scenario and you couldn't turn back and had to do a senseless puzzle, I think you'd begin to get claustrophobic, uncomfortable and then panic.

God knows I would.

So they get to the control room, where Rodlye is; sporting his very fashionable neck brace.

Sexy.

" Well, I see the failed Chosen and her traveling band of fools are still alive. You're as stubborn as cockroaches," he greeted, as if comparing people to insects were somehow original.

" You and Vharley deceived me!" cried Presea, " There's a 100 percent chance you're an asshole!"  
" Yeah! You jerk-" began Genis, eager to defend his 'love.'

This was ignored.

" Presea…I'd have treated you so much better had you made me a Cruxis Crystal in that little body of yours," he retorted.

" What!? Presea isn't a-"  
" Die!" came Presea's blunt and direct come back.

There was a pause.

Crickets chirped.

" Ahahah!" laughed Rodlye, cause, you know, death is just what tickles the funny bone these days, " Now, now, settle down. Have a look at the projector. I've got a special underwater show for you."

" Is it the Little Mermaid?" asked Colette, eyes lighting up.

But it wasn't. No. It was the prisoners who they freed. They were in a tunnel. About to drown.

Dead.

" How could you! They'll all die!" cried Genis.

" No! I'll get you out of the monitor!" screamed Colette.

With a guttural animal noise, she chucked a charkem into the screen, shattering it.

" You fool! My 200 gald computer equipment from E-bay!" cried Rodyle, " Now your really gonna die!"

" Your gonna kill all those people just to stop us?!" cried Lloyd.

" But…but…I killed them?! But I shattered the monitor!" panicked Colette.

" Who cares about the lives of pathetic inferior beings?! The Mana Cannon will be completed once I get the Cruxis Crystal. With Thor's Hammer in my possession, Yggdrasill and Cruxis will beg for my mercy! Even that eye-sore of a tower will fall before my cannon!" cried Rodyle.

" What do you hope to accomplish by destroying the Tower Of Salvation?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" Cause its frickin ugly!" he replied.

That's when things got hairy.

Like a chimpanzee.

Rodlye put on the Cruxis Crystal, and transformed into a steroid pumped monster.

Presea attacked him with extreme prejudice.

Rodlye attacked.

Lloyd's group attacked.

Lloyd's group won.

" Ugh…what's happening?… My…my body…my body is disintegrating! Pronyma, you tricked me!" he screamed.

Or, hm, maybe his body was disintegrating because Lloyd and company just whipped your ass and broke all your bones and now you're a bloody pulp?!  
Rodyle hobbled over to the control room.

Note this 'hobbled.'

Seriously, the man was SURROUNDED. Did anyone think to run in there and say, jump on him? It worked on those Desians, didn't it?

" But I won't die alone! I'm taking you all with me!" he continued, flipping a switch.

They had a whole 3 minutes to intercept a hobbling dying guy and no one interfered.

Wow. Just…wow.

Plot Hole? No.

Laziness? Yes.

Rodyle activated the self-destruct system, just as he died. He lived as he died. Screwing over everyone in a 10 mile radius.

" No! He's activated the self-destruct system while we had ample time to thwart him!" cried Raine.

" Botta warned us not to destroy this place!" Colette cried, everyone looking at Raine.

" Dammnit! We have to stop it!" cried Lloyd, " Let's randomly bash buttons until we're saved!"  
" Impossible. The only one among us who can handle this machinery is Raine…" Presea stated.

" But then isn't it not impossible?" asked Genis, " I mean…if she can do it-"

He bit his tongue.

How dare he show a slight difference in opinion that goes against his crush?!

" Most Tethe'allans don't really study the details of magitechnology very much," decided Zelos, " We're too busy partying and getting laid."  
With that useless information, Lloyd stared at Raine and said, " Well, what the hell are you doing?!"  
" I know! But I can't do it alone!" she replied, panicky.

Great. In the one area Raine proved useful in, she was now proving to be totally useless in.

Dun dun a dun!  
Botta and 2 expendable Renegades swooped in to save the day!

" We'll take over from here. The rest of you go and escape through the hatch over there," said Botta.

" Botta! Your not dead!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"There'll be plenty of time for chit-chat later. Leave, now. You'll only get in our way!" he said, using the old 'tough love' technique.

No one had any objections to leaving.

Except, maybe, Genis.

" But how are you-" he began.

" You think too much!" Lloyd said, tugging him away.

Botta and friends begin to hack into the computer to shut it down, as a steady flood of water enters the control room.

" Oh no!" cried Lloyd, " We've got to open that door!"  
Lloyd and Genis use all their manly strength to open the hatch.

They fail.

How emasculating.

" Move!" cried Regal.

He goes for a flying Matrix kick into the glass, only to scream and yelp like a wounded puppy as his foot bounces off; his ass on the floor.

" Botta did this on purpose. They knew the water was coming and locked it from the inside," Raine decided.

" Why would he do that?! Is he suicidal or something?" Colette asked, wide-eyed.

" If we open it, this whole area would flood." she explained.

" They…did it to save us?" asked Presea, delayed reactions R Us.

" No! We have to do something! Everyone's sacrificing themselves like a bunch of stupid martyrs!"  
" Sounds familiar, doesn't it?" asked Genis, dryly.

But this was no time for sarcastic remarks.

" Dammnit! isn't there anything we can do?!" asked Lloyd, getting to the window.

" We've stopped the self-destruct system," said Botta, blandly.

" Botta! Open this door! If we destroy the dome-" he began.

" Our goal was to modify each ranch's mana reactor in order to fire mana at the Great Seed. Now that we've finished reprogramming this control room, our mission is complete. We need you to get the message to Yuan that we have succeeded," he said, not the least bit concerned about the fact of, well, he's gonna die.

" Tell him yourself! I'm nobody's messenger boy!" cried Lloyd.

He tries to hit the window, stepping over Regal who really wished his hands weren't shackled so he could rub his ass to alleviate the pain; and fails.

The shutter drops down, as Botta and friends drown.

" No!" cried Colette.

" Man…" commented Zelos.

Everyone was depressed…really depressed. Like more depressed than that time I lost that smiley face key chain when I was a kid. And that was depressing. I should really stop the cold jokes about death now.

" Everyone, behind you!" cried Presea, breaking the depressing silence.

That's when the dragons appeared.

" Wh-what are they?" asked Lloyd, staring.

" They're dragons, you idiot!" cried Genis, " How short is your attention span? We fought them not too long ago!"  
They swoop down on them.

The fight begins.

The fight ends.

Huffing and puffing, Lloyd sees even more dragons appear.

" Dammnit, there's too many of them!" he cried.

" If we lose, we'll like, die!" Colette moaned.

" Mithos!" cried Genis.

He pulls out the unreliable flute and blows in it.

That's when a shiny bird that greatly resembles Ho-ho from Poke'mon appeared, sent some shiny lights to kill everything on screen; and left.

" Wh-what was that?!" cried Lloyd.

" it's a bird!" cried Genis.

" it's a plane!" cried Colette.

" Its Superman?" asked Lloyd.

" Lloyd! Genis! Those other inferior beings!" cried Mithos.

" That's Mithos!" cried Genis.

" No shit!"  
" Definitely him…" said Lloyd, " But why's he here? Stalker…"

" I saved your ass and you wanna play 21 questions?! Shut up and get on a Rheird!" screamed Mithos.

So everyone went on the Rheirds, totally ignoring what a cowindy dink everything was with Mithos here; and so, yeah.

" Mithos! It's really you! But what was that attack just now? Its a lot better than your usual crappy fire balls! And how did you get a Rheaird?" asked Genis, air borne.

" I hot wired it, duh." he explained, " And I was bored. When Altessa isn't whining about his regrets, Tabatha is making weird machine noises."

" But that attack-" said Colette.

" Was from a shiny bird-"

" Shiny!? REALLY?"

" Could it be…Aska?" gasped Sheena.

" It can't be! Why would a Summon Spirit whose indifferent to everything care?" asked Raine, astounded.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

Luna: Er…yeah…I've been preoccupied with life and…I'll try to update by next week. Thanks for reading!


	38. More excuses thanwellme

Disclaimer: Owns natta. 52

Luna: I can make as many excuses as I want, but this is what happened. 1. Regents. They're gay and take up all your time. 2. I've finally gotten a job and 3. I've been working on an original story for a while now…So that's why this is perhaps the most delayed thing since Kingdom Hearts 3.I love everyone, love you guys so much ::grins:: and I promise since its summer now, I won't neglect anymore!

Chapter 38: More excuses than…well, me.

" We need to get that summon spirit and examine it til it dies!" cried Raine, foaming slightly at the mouth.

" Uh…Well, shouldn't we go back to Palmacosta to rest?" asked Mithos, blinking.

" All right. Random character deaths does a lot out of me, so yeah! Let's head back." said Lloyd, dumbly.

Genis was strangely grateful. He turned and said, " Wow, Mithos! I never realized that you weren't completely useless until now! I'm so happy we're friends!"

If that wasn't the biggest guilt trip ever, I don't know what is.

" Er…yeah, me too…" he said, looking away.

Our band of heroic rag-tag friends goes back to Palmacosta and finds Neil, whose doing the usually. Getting stoned.

" Everyone…whats up…?" he asked, mellow.

" Is that a smoke cloud of…pot?" asked Genis, staring.

" Pot? Cooking pot smoke?" asked Colette, deadly serious.

" No, honey. Blunt smoke." Zelos said, sighing.

Of course, Zelos would know all about that.

" Neil, I would say I'm sorry, but your too baked to care." Mithos said.

" Uh…okay."

" You can relax, the Palmacosta ranch is no longer operational." Raine stated.

" Sweet…" he said, but they could tell he was too stoned to really listen.

" And now we're gonna go on a pretend quest of world regeneration that's really a conspiracy, like Area 51." Lloyd added quickly.

"…I'm hungry." said Neil, and left them there in his office so he could scavenger for food. Ah, munchies.

As you can plainly see, Palmacosta was on a sure, one way track to government success right here.

" Does anyone else feel like they were sorta just undermined a bit?" asked Lloyd, suddenly.

" All the damn time," Zelos muttered, to no one but himself; and everyone was too thick headed to hear.

Genis decided now it was a great time to give Mithos back his crappy flute. Without even bothering to check its condition first, he reached in the deepest depths of his pockets...wait…Genis doesn't have pants pockets; does he? So…where exactly…

Plot Hole 53, for everyone who has no pockets but manages to carry a million things; anyway. Seriously, where does it go!?

So Genis shoved his hand SOMEWHERE and produced the flute. Which was currently a hand full of splinters and woodchips.

Genis' short life flashed before his eyes.

" I don't wanna die a virgin!" he cried.

" Ha ha! Genis' a virgin!" cried Lloyd.

" So are you!"  
Zelos stared at them as if they were aliens.

" Lloyd, you're a virgin? Your 17, for God's sake! What are you waiting for, loser?" he cried, because apparently, once your 15 and haven't had sex you're considered abnormal.

If your Zelos and a manwhore, that is.

Mithos, meanwhile, was shaking like a leaf. Red in the face, and trying to suppress the urge to kill, kill, KILL.

" I know! Duct tape!" cried Lloyd, " I mean, I am an expert craftsman!"  
"…And he made Ex sphere crests how again?" asked Sheena, confused.

Raine showed them her hand. It was a duct taped with the stone embedded in it. Looks like she got her answer.

" No! haven't you done enough already!?" Mithos screamed, and then; composed, " Its fine, it was old and ratty, anyway."

" Are you sure?" asked Genis, heart beat returning to normal.

" Yes." his teeth were clenched.

" Was the flute made of something special?" asked Raine, continuing to prod the bleeding wound that was Mithos' loss of his flute.

" I don't know. But maybe if someone didn't break it, I wouldn't of been asked it and you could've figured it out yourself." he glared.

" Wow, grudge much? It was just a flute," said Colette, who had a death wish.

" You'll be the first to die." he muttered.

" Huh?"  
"…It was made from an extinct nut."

At this Zelos started to laugh. Because he's that mature.

" That knowledge may be useful later on." Raine decided, taking notes, " I would ask you all to remember it for later, but I know Regal and I are the only ones with half a brain."  
"…That hurts." Genis mumbled.

" What now?" asked Zelos, because everyone had to be constantly doing something.

But they knew, they all knew what was coming. Colette was the most oblivious of all to actually say it, though. She drew a breath and said, " We need to tell Yuan about Botta."

And, as if it was the 5th grade again, and they were all standing in a playground and half their age and size; everyone screamed " Not it!" in unison. Except Lloyd.

" Aw! I don't want to break the news about him dying and us failing to kick open a 6 inch thick steel door!" Lloyd whined, " Can't we draw straws?"  
" I'll do it!" offered Colette, slyly.

" Really? Thanks Colette!"  
" Okay!"

" Your-"

"-(1) hair is everywhere! Screaming infidelities!" sang Lloyd.

Colette just sighed, and whispered something in his ear. Needless to say, his face turned the color of sour milk, Sheena looked like she wanted to wring Colette's neck, and Zelos was having more fun than that time he cut himself and almost hit a vein.

I'll let you decide what she demanded.

Long story short, they went to Yuan's base, and Lloyd decided to tell Yuan the news. Mithos stood outside, to build a sandy grave for his flute splinters. Genis offered to stay, and Mithos offered to tear out his tongue from his ass.

" So, uh, Yuan…" said Lloyd, awkwardly, " BOTTASDEADKTHANXBYE!"

Yuan blinked at him.

" Our fearless leader here means your buddy Botta kicked the bucket." Zelos explained, as sympathy-filled as a sociopath.

" Oh." said Yuan, unfazed.

" Well, that wasn't so bad…" Lloyd said, to himself; though slightly surprised.

" Dude, didn't you like, work with him awhile?" asked Zelos.  
" So?"

Seriously folks, Yuan didn't really seem to give a damn when he died. I'm not making this up.

Sheena, on the other hand; was kinda jealous and annoyed at Colette.

" What did you say to Lloyd?" she asked, trying to sound less annoyed and more curious.

" Nothing…" she said, mischievously.

And as she walked away, Sheena mumbled to herself, " She's-"

"-(2) got a body like an hourglass and its ticking like a clock!" sang Lloyd, he had amazing hearing.

"-such a whore."  
" Then we'll activate the dimensional transfer system. You may go between the worlds as you like," Yuan said, as if his friend didn't just die a watery death.

" And while we're totally not caring about Botta being dead, here's the Rherid Mithos borrowed," said Raine.

" Borrowed one of our Rherids? What…" he asked, bewildered.

" What's wrong?" asked Presea, the only one who caught that.

" No, it's nothing. We'll take care of it. Ask the control room staff about procuring energy for the dimensional transfer system," he continued.

" There's a 78 percent chance that could be used as later foreshadowing." she announced, suspicious.

" yeah! I agree, completely," said Genis, clueless but wanting her to pay attention to him like a starving man to Mc Donalds.

" Yuan…I'm sorry." said Lloyd, and scratched the back of his head.

And, when everyone left, as if to confirm Presea's prediction; Yuan said, " We have all our Rheirds…what is he talking about?"

Wow, everyone really likes thinking out loud nowadays; huh?  
Lloyd and friends returned to Mithos, who was holding a candle vigil for the flute.

" Welcome back. Can we go now?"  
" Yeah, sure." said Lloyd.

And the went to Altessa's house. Because, you know, dumping off metro sexual baggage on everyone is OKAY. Its not like Mithos is eating all his food, using the bathroom constantly, breathing their air or taking up space. No…

" Well, you have fun at Altessa's house, Mithos!" Lloyd cried, as he left him there.

" Fun? Don't leave me with that smelly old man and that creepy doll that he has constant-" he began.

" Okay! I'll visit you later!" Genis cried, and flew off, too.

" Fine, whatever. Good luck catching the bastard who killed your sister," said Mithos, to Presea.

" Thank you." she said.

And they left.

Mithos sighed. Time to check his Myspace and upload pictures of himself looking depressed, introspective and or mysterious. After all, what else was there to life but to upload pictures?

" Someone killed Presea's sister?" asked Regal, wiping the sudden nervous sweat off his brow.

" Oh, that's right. We forgot to tell you about Presea's sister. She got murderized." Lloyd explained, in his most descriptive terms.

" Ahh, hey you guys wanna randomly change the subject? Isn't my hair more bouncy and voluminous than Colette's?" asked Zelos, quickly.

" What!? Is not!" she protested.

" Zelos! How could you compare your hair against the subject of someone being murdered at a time like this?!" cried Genis, appalled, " She was killed!"  
" Killed?" asked ever so innocent Regal.

" Just like Colette's split ends."

" HEY!"  
" She was killed by her master-" Sheena tried explaining.

"-cause she was a sex slave-" Zelos offered.

" Shut up you! Making jokes at a time like this!"  
" Sister! It can't be…" Regal said, totally blowing his cover…for me, anyway; everyone else is a bit slow, remember, " What was her name?"  
" Alicia…" she replied.

" I see…I think I know the murderer."

" Seriously?! Score, let's burn his ass!" cried Lloyd.

" Take me to-" began Regal.

"-(3) Funky Town! I want you to take me to-" sang Lloyd, man; I'm on a roll today.

So they went to Altamira, where Regal asked, " How did you hear about Alicia?"  
" At her grave at the oil company at the sky."

" I see…let's go there, then."

And when they got there and when you just KNOW that Regal is going to confess…something happens. Cause they need to prolong it and make it suspenseful. Oh. Yeah.

Regal got to the scene as the guard was dying.

" Whoa! What's going on?" asked Lloyd, wide eyed.

" Vharley…cheap…fat joke…killing…" he mumbled, and fell dead.

Leaving the dead NPC, the gang goes up the elevator where Vharly is harassing everyone's favorite butler looking dude.

" Tell me the password to the Mine, now!" cried Vharley, trying to intimate George.

" Twinkies." George replied.

" What? Where!"  
" How about I tell you instead?" came Regal, approaching.

" So the president himself is hoarding the Twinkies!" He accused, pointing.

" President?" asked Lloyd, blinking.

" The route to the Toize Valley Mine opens by my voice print and cornea scan. Forcing it open would undoubtedly cause the Exsphere mine area to collapse." explained Regal, " And I have no Twinkies."

" Too bad! Looks like you'll have to come along, then!"

" I think not. Besides, Rodyle is dead. You don't have anyone to unload huge numbers of Exspheres on."

Oh, this truly was a war of wits right here. I about fell asleep at my controller.

" Are you stupid? I don't need Rodyle. I've got the Pope himself on my side! And there's plenty of people around who'd love to get their hands on some Exspheres!"

"…Can we like-" began Colette.

"-(4) sometimes I wish I could be like a boy!" sang Lloyd.

"- just fight him…?"

Everyone stared at him. Lloyd shrugged, he couldn't control his lyrical diarrhea of the mouth. Ew…that's a really gross analogy…

" That's enough!" cried Presea, ignoring the outburst, " There's a 99.9 percent chance I will slice your head off for being a murderer and an 80 percent chance you'll die a premature death of obesity and high blood sugar!"

Before she could slice his head off, or all those Big Macs would catch up to his sad self; Kuch- whatever that ninja dude appeared. His new name is K, because his name is long and pointless. Like my life.

" K! Why!" cried Sheena, surprised.

He shrugged, and ran over to Vharley. Together, they disappeared.

" Are you alright, George?" asked Regal, going to the butler.

He nodded.

" My name is Regal Bryant. I was granted the title of Duke by His Highness, and also the president of Lezareno Company. Although, it would seem that the Chosen already knows me." Regal announced to Lloyd's party.

Whoa.

Just whoa.

PLOT POINT!!! Dun dun DUN!  
Luna: This was lagging to write, so I'm gonna end the chapter here. Songs are: 1. The Quiet Screaming-Legion Of Doom, 2. Misery Business-Paramore 3. Funky Town- some old band and 4. Like a Boy-Ciara.


	39. MoreWow, I can't remember the name

Disclaimer: A cookie for one who can guess it.

Luna: YAY! I'm so happy everyone's still reading this, thanks guys! You've been great fans, and I won't let you down! Also, feel free to make any song requests of any songs you want (grins). Here it goes…

Chapter 39: More use of the word 'more' than…the rest isn't gonna fit in the chapter thingy so why bother writing it out?

" My G-Martel!" cried Raine, " I never saw that coming!"  
Whether she was serious or sarcastic remains a mystery.

" Then the killer is…"

" General Custard, with the candle stick in the parlor." Lloyd announced.

" it's the butler!" Colette chimed in, " Its always the bulter!"  
" Wait…" said Genis, confused, " Isn't Lloyd's ADD always channeling songs? Now its just random stuff?"

Apparently, Lloyd was going downhill. We could say the same about Colette, but her stupidity was rooted in her blond hair that's stereotyped by society, and her need to get her cherry popped by Lloyd; in which she agrees with every retarded thing he says.

" That means…Regal is Alicia's murderer." stated Raine, whom had gotten an immunity to stupid people and merely heard 'dur dur DUR!' than actual words when they spoke.

" What? It can't be!" cried Colette, cause, you know, when someone's in jail and SHACKLED its probably just because they illegally downloaded that new Linkin Park CD or jaywalked.

Presea began twitching. Why she didn't just axe his ass right then and there is beyond me. Like the concept of relationships. I mean, I'm not saying it would be right, but if you found out some dude killed your SISTER would've you of kicked ass and asked questions later?

Regal looked at her grave stone, and no one really even stopped to think about how they slept in the same room as a MURDERER AND COULD'VE DIED. I'm sorry, I would just be slightly freaked out.

Luckily, Alicia's ghost appeared.

" Master! I'm so happy to see you!" she cried.

" Master…told you she was a sex slave…" Zelos said, smirking.

" I'm sorry," he said, choked up, " Even after death you still suffer…"  
" Its alright, its not your fault…"  
" Not…what do you mean?" asked Presea.

Wow…I'm gonna give her lack of caring a Plot Hole. 54, right here. I mean, I know she's supposed to be emotionally repressed and I'm pretty reserved myself but COME ON NOW. She's taking this a bit too calmly…

" Alicia and I were in love." explained Regal.

" And she slept with another man, and you went crazy and killed her with a spork!" cried Lloyd.

Genis was the only one really disturbed. He was a pedophile murderer. He shuddered.

"…No, Lloyd."

" Then I, his servant, forced them apart." said George, as if it was okay and wasn't implying that he wanted Regal for himself.

" Alicia was handed over to Vharley. He performed experiments on her." he said.

" Wait a second…handed over? Didn't you try to stop him?" asked Genis, appalled.

He was right. He could've used a better choice of words like…I don't know…_taken. Kidnapped!?  
_But Regal wasn't paying attention. Because it was Flash back time!  
**Flashback!**

A much less scruffy, cleaner, and no longer bondage cuffed Regal was sizing up the still morbidly obese Vharley.

" I've handed over the mine! Now give back Alicia!" he whined.

" Sure thing, bub. You can have her. I don't have any use for a failed piece of work like that, anyway." he replied, shrugging.

And the exact same freaky thing that Marble transformed into appeared. All…gross and icky looking.

" Why Alicia, you've gotten…big." he said, staring.

" She wasn't compatible with the experiment. Boo-hoo."

" Master…kill me, please!" she cried.

She then bitch slaps him.

" I can't! I could never kill you with my own hands!"  
" Then kill me with your feet!" she yelled, annoyed, " Its because I love you that I want to die! Romantic and tragically!"  
But Regal killed her with his hands, cause if he DID use his feet…he would've had shackled feet. And he would've been tripping all over the place now. …You gotta admit, that would've been pretty hysterical.

****

End.

" Master Regal killed me to save me. Tragically and romantically." Alicia said, nodding.

" Just like Marble. Without the romance." Genis said, blinking.

" Aw, you know it was romantic!" chirped Colette, " Dying-"

" (1) Die romantic, romantic! This is a nightmare we fall asleep!" sang Lloyd.

"-by your lover's hand is every girl's dream!"

Sheena stared.

"…Or maybe just yours. Freak."

COLETTE OBTAINED TITLE OF ' I HAVE WEIRD FETISHES INVOLVING DEATH AND MORBID STUFF!'

" I'm so glad I got to see you again in the end. I have no regrets, now. So please, Regal, stop punishing yourself." she said, mellow.

" But…I…"

" I will disappear very soon. So please, don't leave me anything to worry about. You don't need those shackles. You've suffered enough."

The mellow drama was enough to make me vomit. And Plot Hole 55, just because Presea isn't even trying to communicate with her sister.

"…I took the life of the one I love. These are the symbol of my crime, as well as my punishment."

"You don't need that punishment anymore. Please, Regal…This is-"

" (2) Why I'm hot. I'm fly cause you not! This is why, this is why-" sang Lloyd.

"…" Regal said.

And, it was time. For Lloyd to say something increabliy intellectual and compassionate. Be careful, if you blink you may miss it. Like Haley's Comet.

" Genis and I once experienced the same thing you did. And I also imagined what it must have been like…for my dad. When my mom turned into a monster, and he struck her down, he must have suffered as well." came Lloyd's support.

"…Your father did the same thing?"  
Yeah, apparently, getting one's spouse/lover turned into a monster and putting them out of their misery was a trend. Like scene kids.

" That's what I heard. I don't know if the decisions you or my dad made were correct, but I don't think my mom would have wanted my dad to punish himself and live the way you have." My God, Lloyd did it again! He's gonna have to be stupid for another 7 chapters to live this down!

" Really?" asked Regal.

" Yes. It's just as he says. At least, I don't want you to live like that." Alicia explained.

…Can we fast forward the mushy? Please? So, let's skip to something Presea says, because, face it; no one seriously cares about Regal. He's not breaking any barriers or having to beat off fan girls with sticks…like Lloyd.

" Genis, what is…making out?" asked Presea, as Genis inched closer.

Oh, wait, too far…

" Why? Can't you stay where you are now?" she asked.

That's better.

" If I stay like this, I will live on forever. An isolated consciousness, unable to even speak, existing for eternity… It would be true hell…" explained Alicia, so yeah, let's keep her there.

" Presea, Regal, what do we do?" asked Lloyd, my God, he was asking for others advice; maybe pigs will fly.

" Please set her free…"

"…Yes. Goodbye, Alicia."

" Thank you…Presea, please forgive Master Regal…" she begged, and disappeared.

And Lloyd sliced the Ex-sphere down.

" I'm sorry I never said anything about this until now. I'm a criminal." said Regal, as if the fact that his handcuffs and such weren't a DEAD GIVE AWAY that he had done something illegal.

" Master Regal confessed to killing Alicia and went to prison on his own will." offered George, as if it made it better.

" Dude, why would you do that?" asked Zelos, eyes wide, " If you'd drop the soap-"

" While I was in prison, the Pope promised to arrest Vharley in exchange for kidnapping Colette. I believed him and agreed to do it." he said, ignoring him.

" So that's why you were after us." said Colette.

"Yes… Please, I ask you to postpone my final judgment until we defeat Cruxis…and stop them from using Exspheres to toy with people's lives." he continued.

Lloyd looked at Presea, although he didn't do it out of cold blood; she was still murdered by him.

" If that's okay with Presea…"

" Vharley was responsible for Alicia's death as well. Okay. I'll…try not to think of you as my enemy. I'm not sure I can change right away, but…" she said, awkwardly.

" I'm sorry…"  
" So! Who wants to go to the Dark Temple!" cried Lloyd, because that won't make it worse.

Zelos would enjoy it, since he bleeds black and all.

Of course, no one objected. Dark Temple…sounds fun, doesn't it?

Luna: Short, yeah…but I did update faster! Anyway, I did this because I'm going away for about a week so I did this to tide you guys over. At risk of being repetitive I won't ask for reviews…I'll only cry about them… . Later!  
Songs:

1. 'Die Romantic'-Aiden

2. This is Why I'm Hot-By some rapper whose name escapes me.


	40. Daddy Angst!

Disclaimer: See before.

Luna: I am back! Woo! Thanks for the support, as per usual ( thumbs up) Now its time for…Chapter 40. ( dramatic music ensuses)

Chapter 40: Everyone loves Daddy angst!

The gang enters the Temple of Darkness, where Colette, who's skills of observation have been surpassed by no one, says, " Wow! Its pitch black!"  
" I can't imagine how, seeing how the temple's name is the Temple of Darkness," Genis said, sarcastic.

" Man! Its so dark, whoa!" cried Lloyd, bumping into a wall; then tripping on Zelo's foot.

" My precious foot!" he screeched, clutching it.

" We can't proceed like this." said Raine, " Unless…I keep casting photon and use the light from there to see where we are!"  
" Sounds like a fool proof plan to me!" cried Lloyd.

And it did work…for a couple minutes. But, eventually, Raine ran out of TP and they got wiped out of gels, and they only made it as far as the other entrance way to where the jello-er, parts of the Summon Spirit were. And the girls started to whine about someone touching their butt. And Zelos' kept whining about how Lloyd was bumping into him, how he stepped on his foot, and how he felt someone pinch his ass; whose hand was big.

"…Let's try the Elemental Research Lab," suggested Sheena, "…It'll be easier."

And she would've suggested it sooner, but Lloyd brought out the sadist in her. Who else wouldn't wanna them fail just a little? I mean, come on, he's so adorably stupid…

" Yes, that sounds like a good idea…" Raine said, winded from the constant screaming of 'Photon!'

" M…My foot…and my dignity…" Zelos mumbled.

So they go to Meltokio, where 2 Papal Knights decided to block the way.

" Let's go to the Elemental Research Factory!" Lloyd said, in case anyone forgot in those 5 minutes it took them to go there.

" Lloyd, you mustn't forget that we're wanted as criminals. Don't approach areas that are under heavy guard. Do you understand?" she said, as if explaining to a child that Santa Clause was really a myth that parents used to get their children to behave.

" Oh, yeah, I know."

But what I don't get is this. The Papal Knights aren't blind, last I checked. And they must've saw Lloyd and Raine just standing there, a couple feet away. So…why didn't they DO anything?  
Plot Hole 56, kittens.

So, they go to the sewer…ew…and quick jump. Thank God for that, I would've ripped my hair outta my head if I were to go through it again.

On the way to the Lab, they find Kratos.

" Kratos!" cried Lloyd, dramatically, like every time he sees him.

" I heard that sacred wood only grows in the area near Ozette. Is that correct?" asked Kratos, completely ignoring Lloyd.

" Oh, burn!" cried Zelos.

" Y-yes," said Presea, taken aback.

" Then, does that mean that sacred wood no longer exists?" he asked.

" The wood I cut is stored in the church."

Everyone stared.

" Wait! Why do you care about wood?" asked Lloyd.

" Who doesn't care about getting wood?" asked Zelos, cause he's a perverted jerk.

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' SENT PEVERTNESS TO NEXT LEVEL!'

"Because it is necessary. …What other reason could there be?"

" Necessary for what?" asked Lloyd, " Building a bonfire and cooking smores?"  
" I like smores…" Colette said, oblivious.

" Yeah! I get it! Cruxis is plan is to make a bonfire of sacred smores, and cause its from sacred wood it grants SACRED powers!" cried Lloyd, triumphant.

I said that he'd have to be extra retarded to compensate for his intellect in the last chapter. I wasn't kidding.

Kratos thought for a second. Instead of being the usual condescending individual that we all know he is, he decided to not do it. He decided to agree.

" I can't get anything past you, Lloyd." he said, dully.

" I knew it!" exclaimed Lloyd.

Kratos rolled his eyes and walked off.

" Don't you walk away from me!" he yelled, which was ignored.

Anyway, they went to the lab. Where nameless scientist screamed, " Sheena!…And, uh, those other guys!"

Everyone gave him an odd look. He was a bit over excited, huh?

" Uh…We have a problem…" said Sheena, and began explaining about the Darkness Temple.

" Oh! So…just take some flashlights, dur!" he cried.

Everyone stared.

" That's actually not a bad idea…" said Lloyd.

" Or you could take this Holy Candle, its like a really bright flashlight."

"…I'll take the candle…"

That's when another scientist came out of the woodwork-er…lab…work.

" We can't help them!" she exclaimed, " They're the reason Kate got arrested!"  
" Kate…what about Kate?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

" She got arrested and is gonna get executed for helping captives escape!"  
" Cause of us?! Dammnit!"  
" Lloyd!" cried Colette, " We have to save her, please!"  
Which is one of the most stupidest things I've ever heard. What was Lloyd gonna be like, 'Hellz no! I don't wanna save anyone?'

" Lloyd…I want to save her as well, but theres a 50 percent chance I'm only saying this because of learned behavior." Presea said, reassuring as usual.

" Yeah, but how?" asked Lloyd, eyes wide.

" Well, we can do it the Lloyd way, and go in, guns a blazing, kicking ass and taking names," said Zelos, shrugging.

" I like that idea," Colette said, "Cause it has Lloyd's name in it!"  
" Me too!" cried Lloyd.

" Or…we can do it in a way that isn't a quick suicide," said Regal, sternly, " As in entering the Coliseum."  
" Great plan, old man. But shouldn't we be saving half-elf chick?" asked Zelos.

" It was originally constructed to watch fights between prisoners and wild beasts. There is a passage inside the prison which allows prisoners to be taken into the Coliseum." Regal explained.

" Oh, right…you became someone's bitch in there."

Regal glared.

" Then hurry up and save her!" the scientist cried.

" Alright! Sheesh…" Zelos muttered.

So, they got to the Coliseum. And who will be the one to go, you ask?

Colette.

Yes, Colette. She figured this was the best time to impress Lloyd with her mad fighting skills, yo.

" I'm going to go," she said, grinning.

" Whoa, whoa, whoa! Lloyd, you're going to let a girl do it? What kind of pansy ass guy are you?"  
Before Lloyd could answer, Colette said, " I want to do it. Lloyd, just watch me."

She winked.

Sheena was more steamed than a vegetable.

The Receptionist gave them an odd look. " Aren't you guys like…wanted?"  
Raine slipped her 10,000 Gald.

" Think of it as a tip."

" Ahh…"  
" So this is how money is used…" Presea noted.

" N-No…only if your into bribing…" Genis said, sighing.

Anyway, Colette wasn't that half as bad as a fighter. The music of 'Happy Happy Joy Joy' distracted her enemies so they were like "Where the hell is that music coming from?"

Which gave her the edge she needed to kick their asses.

Sadly, for her, Lloyd wasn't paying much attention. He had gotten into a heated conversation with Sheena about Summon Spirits, whether it was because he was interested in her or the subject alone was to be questioned. And Zelos' urge to blog suddenly rose.

Colette got to the prison cell, and she managed to find Kate locked in her cell.

" Why are you here?" she snapped.

" To impress my future husband." Colette said, automatically, " And because its our fault that you're here."

" Thank you…but its alright."  
" You must not sacrifice yourself! Like Lloyd once said, ' The Once Difference Between Martydom and Suicide is Press Coverage.'

"…Alright."  
Colette meets the gang with Kate in tow, outside the Coliseum.

" Hey!" she said, " Lloyd, did you see how bad I whupped them?"

" Huh…? Yeah…" he said, lying, so obviously.

" Now that we've rescued her, what is Kate going to do?" asked Regal.

" Not die, maybe?" asked Genis, sarcastic.

" Do you have any family?" asked Lloyd.

"…My mom is dead. And my Dad…is no."

" Your Dad is no?" asked Genis, blinking.

" I have a favor to ask you. Please take me to Ozzete." Kate decided.

" But that place is in ruins." Lloyd pointed out.

" Yes, please. That's where I was born."

" Thank you for saving me even though I was the one that experimented on Presea…" Kate said, after they got to Ozette.

" Well, I just wanted to show off to Lloyd and you were there cause of us, anyway!" Colette cried, still grinning.

" Even if you know who I really am…?"

I can feel a plot twist right now.

" My mother was an elf…my father was a human. He got piss drunk, and…well…he realized what he did, got freaked out; and became the Pope."

Dun dun DUN.

" Your father is the Pope?" asked Sheena, eyes wide.

" Aren't they not allowed to have sex?" asked Lloyd, dumbly.

" No, but that's why they get 'em so old. When your 70, I doubt you wanna do it anymore." said Zelos, sadly.

" I…is that all you can say?! He tried to have his own daughter executed! That's awful!" screamed Genis, throughly pissed off.

" But it was the Pope who ruled that all half-elves who commit crimes are to be punished by death."

" What!? And his own daughter is a half-elf why…"

Zelos shrugged, " Don't get pissy at me."

" He'll pay…"

" Wait! Don't hurt my father!" Kate cried, suddenly.

" Are you crazy-"

" I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell! (1)!" sang Lloyd.

"-after everything he's done to you?!"  
" But…he's still my father… When my father ordered me to perform experiments to turn Exspheres into Cruxis Crystals. I was very happy. My father finally needed me…" she said, a dreamily, slightly deluded look in her eyes.

Needless to say, Genis freaked out.

" I don't understand this! I can't!" he cried.

" Genis…calm down." said Raine, level headed.

" But!"  
" I think I understand a little," admitted Colette, " When I thought Remiel was my father, I was more than happy to complete a suicidal-"

"(2)-suicidal, suicidal! You're too beautiful and you got me suicidal-" sang Lloyd.

"-pointless mission."

" …I'm going to think by myself for a while about my father and half-elves… Thank you so much for saving me. And…Presea…" Kate said, somberly.

" Yes?"

" I'm sorry."

And she ran off.

" Talk about depressing as hell," said Zelos, shaking his head.

" Almost as depressing as you," said Genis, flatly.

" Me!? The great ladies man Prince-"

"…Why do things end up like this?" asked Colette.

" Because life sucks and then you die." said Regal, and you expected him to say something smart, didn't you?

"- so…fuck school and let's get high!" finished Lloyd.

"…Half-elves, The Great Seed and Chosen…they're all sacrificed…" Raine mumbled.

" Sacrifice is like suicide! A temporary solution to a permanent problem!" Lloyd declared, though…he sorta got it backwards.

" But anytime there are two people one will be sacrificed by the establishment of superiority. It's the same way with countries and worlds. Equality…is an illusion." Zelos said, darkly.

" Birth, status, appearance, race…you're engulfed by these things." Sheena added.

Ah, the serious talk is making my head spin. Stop the politics…

" But…everyone has the same heart. Everyone hurts when they're rejected," said Lloyd, " Everyone's heart is a bloody, pulsating muscle that accelerates when you run or when you're scared. People tend to forget that."  
" The same…heart." said Genis, touching himself, his CHEST; mind you.

Does anyone remember where this conversation was going? Cause I sure as hell don't…

" Yes. If only everyone could live thinking about each other like that…" Colette said.

The corniness will be the death of me.

" Little by little…people can change." Presea said, " Though it's a high improbability."  
" The only thing we can do is to believe in that and start doing what we can." Lloyd said.

" Yes, like releasing the mana links…" Raine said.  
" Even if we don't really know what exactly that's doing!"  
After that corny discussion was over and done with, like my attention span, the gang ran off to the lab. Long story short, they got the candle.

And it was time for the Temple of Darkness. AKA the Temple of Zelos' bleeding, dark soul.

Luna: Not too funny, I know. (looks ashamed) Review me…? And (1)- Unwell by Matchbox 20, as requested by **Royal Fanatic **and (2) Suicidal-by that…dude whose name I don't really know cause I don't really listen to R&B and I sorta hate the song, anyway…( is really weird)


	41. IM ALIVE

Disclaimer: Don't own!

Luna: Oh my God. I have been gone for a very, very long time and that's thanks to my fail computer and how I've had absolutely no time for anything lately. I apologize! From now on my updates will be more regular, but first, I wanna see if anyone's still looking forward to my dead fic. Sit back relax and enjoy.

Chapter 41: The Temple of Zelos' bleeding black heart?

With the blue candle in hand, Lloyd and his buddies went to the Temple of Darkness.

" Alright! Now let's use this candle!" cried Lloyd, excited, for he has never seen a blue candle.

Zelos scowled at that. He liked the darkness. For reasons that may or may not be obvious.

" I almost-" began Regal

"-told you that I loved you! Thank God I didn't because that would've been a lie! I say the dam nest things when you're on top-(1)"

Everyone stopped dead.

"…Fell." finished Regal, and the candle lit up the entire cave.

Which might've been slightly funny because he can't get back up because his hands are shackled. Haha…yes, I'm still a sadist.

" This should do. Now we can explore the place," Lloyd decided.

" But…its kinda…" Sheena began.

" Yeah…the feeling that this mana here…is unstable compared to the previous links…" Genis said, sighing, " Kinda like Raine when she's off her medication."

Raine twitched at this.

" What kind of meds?" Sheena asked, eyes wide.

" Happy pills. Now shut up before I ram my staff in your mouth." Raine said, annoyed.

After re reading that sentence I realized how immature I really am. Anyway…

" We'll find out what's going on when we go inside! Let's go gang!" Lloyd said, our fearless leader and adorable idealist.

In the next area, Lloyd spots a small Jello like creature chilling out.

"Wh…What the? Is that a monster?" asked Lloyd.

" An epic fail monster." Genis said, staring at it, " Really, what can that thing do? Its…like Jello."

"Oh…I like Jello." Colette offered.

" My senses are tingling! This a Summon Spirit!" Sheena proclaimed.

" Oh? What senses are tingling-" Zelos was promptly kicked in the shin.

" I like Jello. This one looks like grape…" Colette was talking to herself at this point, or might as well be. No one was paying attention to her.

" It feels weaker than the others…" Genis mumbled, " If this is supposed to be the badass Darkness Summon Spirit then this is really an epic fail. I expected like…I don't know, Satan himself to fight us or something! What a let down…"

"…What's Satan?" asked Lloyd.

Genis stared.

"…I don't know. But it sounds evil. And dark."

" Maybe if there was Cool Whip…or if we could find a recipe…" Colette chattered mindlessly.

Raine walks up to it and proceeds to reach out her hand, but Colette freaks out.

" You didn't wash your hands and you're gonna touch my Jello?!" she cried, appalled.

Raine gave her ' I want to kill you right now' look, but sighed and said, " Its not Jello. Its Alive."

" But Jello IS Alive!"

Genis ignored them both and poked it.

" NOOOO!!! Its contaminated! Now I might get some disease from it that involves pigs!" Colette whined, in horror.

" What?" asked Lloyd.

"…Flying…pigs!"

Assuming she was insane, she was ignored.

" Genis, it seems your hand went right through it," Raine wanted to touch it, too, and basically punched it to spite Colette, " Could it be that the power of the Summon Spirit has leaked out and taken a physical form? Does this mean if we don't take it back with the other fragments we can't get it?"

Shadow jellos-gotta catch em all!

It was just then that Raine noticed something that struck her inner nerd fancy and screamed like a little girl.

" Look at this wondrous crystal! Is it magi technology!?"

The crystal was bright, and pretty. Colette's attention was now focused on it for it was bright.

" Let's-"

"-play a love game play a love game play a love game do you want love do you want fame are you in the game? Called the love game."(2) Lloyd finished, as Colette raised her hand that she really wanted to play.

"-leave her in here. She'll have enough ancient artifacts to keep her happy forever." Genis grumbled.

The Jello creature was freaked out by the light and stood in the darkness, looking delicious and scared. I mean…just scared.

" It looks like this Jello hates the light." Colette stated.

" Ah-hah! It's the summon spirit of light so it doesn't like darkness!" cried Lloyd, as if he expected a cookie, " Like how fire and water don't mix, and how water and electrify, and politics and the truth."

" So we basically have to corral them and bring them down. With a lasso!"

"…Sure Colette. Uh…Professor? We should go."

" But I'm not done studying!"

Lloyd and friends decided to leave, anyway. He ventures on alone to into an area with the Sorcerer's Ring.

" I wonder what it does…" Lloyd mused, to himself, and went back to see everyone else.

" I'm gonna try it out!" Lloyd announced.

Genis's heart skipped a beat. Someone may die. Did anyone ever consider that perhaps one of the Sorcerer Ring's powers would be DEATH!?

GENIS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' DEBBIE ULTIMATE DOWNER!'

"Ha!" cried Lloyd, and used it, and Zelos was standing a few feet from him, contemplating life, death and his bleeding heart.

"…Did anything change?" asked Genis, almost ready to pee himself.

" OH MY GAWD I'VE GONE BLIND!" screamed Zelos, " I CAN'T SEE! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, MASULINE FACE EVER AGAIN!!"

" So…the Sorcerer's Ring has the power to blind?" asked Colette, wide eyed.

Zelos rubbed his eyes and shook his head, " Oh thank me! I can see!"

Because, you know, he has God status.

" Uh…" Lloyd pointed the ring in a direction that wasn't near someone's face, as Genis let out a girl scream.

A plume of darkness erupted from it.

" Okay…that's…not very useful." Lloyd said, blinking.

" Of course it is, when its dark lots of fun things happen." Zelos smirked.

" Like…shadow puppets?" asked Colette.

" No…like…being with a girl."

" Pervert!" shrieked Sheena.

" In fact, you could use that Ring to blind a girl and then-"

Sheena smacked him upside the head, angry.

ZELOS OBTAINED THE TITLE OF 'SEX OFFENDER!'

Anyway, Lloyd went through the laborious task of collecting the Jellos, and trying to swat away Colette from eating it. The puzzle was long and hard and annoying. Finally, Lloyd brought all the Jellos down the stairs into what seemed to be the final area. Finally.

The Jellos all merged into one. And so, a conversation ensued.

" Since Shadow's the Summon Spirit of Darkness, the opposite of that would be Aska, the Summon Spirit of Light, right?" asked Lloyd, his short attention span kicking in again due to the fact that he had made this connection not too long ago.

" Yeah! Lloyd, you're so smart…" said Colette, amazed at his 'intellect.'

" Well…I just felt like wasting time and bringing up irrelevant information."

" We should save that for last. Because we always save the best for last." Regal said, and, after, " Did someone touch my…butt again?"

Zelos cursed the darkness, again.

" I wonder why Aska left the Tower of Mana…" mused Genis.

" He's probably chasing chicks." Zelos replied.

" You're confusing him with you, Zelos. I doubt he's a whore!" Sheena replied.

Shadow, which was now a lot bigger at a little less of a pushover looking, approaches them.

" Mithos…and I pact…" he slurred.

" Mithos…we're doing the same thing as he is!" Lloyd exclaimed.

" Mithos our blonde friend?" asked Genis.

" No! The hero! Wow Genis, who'd ever think of something that crazy!"

Hahaha…

Sheena said her usual line of old English and pactness.

"…Fight."

" Wait, wait, we helped you become yourself again and now you're gonna fight us?!" asked Genis.

Apparently, no good deed goes unpunished.

" He's coming." Presea stated.

It was a dark battle. And as they say its always darkest before the dawn. As usual, Lloyd and his merry group of men beat Shadow, that ungrateful fool.

" Vow…" Shadow slurred.

"…Are you drunk? I mean, uh, for the sake of the 2 worlds not to sacrifice each other anymore, I ask that you lend me your power!" Sheena said.

"… Agreed."

" Awesome! Now lets go dominate that Light Spirit!" Lloyd cried, excited.

Luna: Really, I know its short but I wanted to run this as a test to see if anyone still wants this continued. Any feed back is greatly appreciated! Songs:1 I almost told you that I loved you-Papa Roach and Lovegame-Lady Gaga. Once again you can request songs!


	42. Aska fun and pointless Exsphere sideplot

Disclaimer: The usual w/ an order of no owning!

Luna: Yay! I still has fans even though I fail at updates! Score!! Anyway…here it is!

Chapter 42: Light Seal!

Lloyd's group exited the Temple of Darkness, and decided to go to the Linkite Tree.

" It seems this is the Linkite Tree that Professor Nova's family talked about…" Raine stated.

One look at the shriveled, dejected tree made Lloyd have the urge to state the obvious, as always.

" Its dead."

" Lloyd, its clearly dead. Let's go back to the Nova's and report this." Raine decided.

" Yeah…we should report back what we know. I've forgotten a lot already."

" That's not surprising…" Zelos smirked.

" I wonder where he is…" Lloyd continued.

" All we can do is gather information in the cities and search for him."

" Yay! Wild goose chase!" Colette screamed.

After 2 hours of asking 'are we there yet', musings about life, and being gung ho about heroes, our heroes arrived at Nova's Caravan.

Nova was doing the usual things NPC's do when PC's aren't around. Standing around and contemplating the meaning of life, and playing Uno with other NPC's.

" Nova! Where've you been?" asked Lloyd, running off the Rheird.

" Uh…well-"

" We've been looking everywhere for you! Seriously, where did you go-"

Nova sighed.

" Just because I'm an NPC, doesn't mean I don't have a life. You can't just expect me to stand around and do nothing and wait for you guys! As if its my only purpose to do so in my life-"

"…Okay! We get it!" Genis interjected, " Anyway, we found the dead tree. Lloyd just can't remember the information about it."

" Hey! Neither can you!" Lloyd whined.

" I see. Here's the memo." was all Nova said. Geez, you'd think he'd be a little more excited about seeing this Light bird, huh?

The memo says:

To find the Linkite Tree. The Linkite Tree is thought to be somewhere that cannot be reached by foot. If the Linkite is dead, we must strengthen the healing arts, call forth the tree's will to live, and nourish the ground.

Damn. If only it were this easy, we could save the entire Rainforest and then some.

" Just as we remembered…it. Then, to sum it up, looking at our current status…" Raine began.

Genis stared. Everyone forgot this. Was Raine just trying to cover her ass, or was this Plot Hole number 57? Yes, yes it was.

" We need to revive the Linkite Tree and carry the sound of the wind! As for the wind to carry sound…"

" We can break wind!" Zelos announced, trying to be funny.

He was ignored, and his urge to blog became almost inevitable, like a emo kid getting the shit kicked out of them at a Slipknot concert.

" Leave it to me! We have Sylph, the Tinkerbell rip offs of the wind to help us!" Sheena cried.

" But how're we gonna revive the tree?" asked Genis.

"…Apparently, our time away from the class room has impaired your listening abilities and memory like binge drinking." Raine sighed, " We have the Linkite Nut we received from that child, if we accelerate its growth with an Exsphere, and strengthen my healing arts with the Unicorn Horn, then maybe we can manage something…We may need the power of the Summon Spirit of Earth as well, since we need to nourish the ground."

" Or Miracle Grow. Or fertilizer." Lloyd chimed in.

" That's…er…okay Lloyd. I have the Summon Spirit of Earth, but what about the Exsphere?" asked Sheena.

" No problem! We've got one!"

" Then the only thing left is the melody. I wonder if it will make a pretty sound…" Genis sighed.

" I do not understand why 'pretty' makes a difference in this situation." Presea said, dully, " What is…pretty?"

" Uh…um…" Genis stammered, blushing, he desperately wanted to say 'you' but Zelos saw this and beat him to it.

" You!" Zelos cried.

" So the melody must make a sound like me." Presea said, blinking.

Well that went right over the girl's head.

" Okay, so the melody has to be monotone…" Lloyd nodded, " This might be harder to pull off than I thought…"

" No! Ugh…Lloyd…" Raine was fed up, " It needs to sound pretty…"

" Ohhh…" a light bulb went off in Lloyd's pea sized brain, " No problem! I can't do anything with this little nut, but as long as the revived Linkite Tree has big nuts on it, I can make a flute. We need one like Mithos, right?"

Zelos snickered at this, momentarily out of his emoness, because of his twisted mind.

" Make a skin flute?" he blurted, my God, its like he has pervy Torettes.

" Lloyd, you can make that?" asked Genis, surprised.

" Uh…sure. I don't really wanna skin anything, though…"

" If I only had a mute button on Zelos…" Sheena muttered, glaring at Zelos.

" Anyway, I'll show you the skills my Dad taught me! Dwarven Vow 234: Know how to be good with your hands to show off to your friends!"

Both Sheena and Colette blushed slightly at this. Zelos, who was hurt by Sheena's remark, still felt the urge to say something. But, instead, decided to put that energy into live journal.

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' LIVEJOURNAL FTW!'

" And we have Presea, too!"

" Yes…I will help." she replied, unblinking.

" Okay, lets go get that dead tree!" Lloyd announced.

" Fascinating…" Nova said, suddenly, the only thing he had to really contribute.

" Whoa!"

" I see now…that's impressive the way you've found the rules of how it works. Would you mind taking me along when you find Aska?"

" But…you won't fit on all the Rhierds…" Lloyd mumbled.

" Its okay! They can ride on hand rails and dangle! It'll be awesome." Colette suggested.

" Uh…"

" Er…or when I make a pact with Aska, I can just call him anytime. I can bring the party to you." Sheena said, quickly.

Relief flooded the expressionless NPC face of Nova.

" I see. Haha, that's great! Please show me him sometime."

" Okay! Let's go!"

Lloyd and friends went on another epic journey back to the tree. Sadly, due to a conflict of trying to figure out where it was, they got lost for two hours.

" Professor, Sheena, are you ready?" asked Lloyd, when they arrived at the site.

Raine picked off a piece of bark and put it a plastic baggy.

" Now I'm ready."

" Yeah…anytime…" said Sheena.

Lloyd places the nut near the tree, and steps back.

" Now go for it!" which kinda didn't make sense. Why ask if everyone was ready if they still had to wait for you?

" Here I go! I call upon the servant of Mother Earth!" cried Sheena, striking a pose, perhaps the summon spirit power was going to her head.

Gnome appears on the stage, sporting lipstick.

" Is that…lipstick?" was the first thing Sheena said.

" Maybe he's just born like that…" Lloyd said.

" Or maybe it's a lip shade and or color from a lip gloss company that implies that as a catch phrase." Presea said.

" What? Why are you interrupting my day of beauty?" sighed Gnome.

" Um…Please make this earth healthy again!" Sheena said.

" Hmm…okay…"

Gnome pulls out a bag of Miracle Grow and proceeds to water it-how he got all those things I couldn't tell you.

" See?! I told you we could've just done that…" Lloyd said, triumphant that he was right.

Raine moved forward and took out the Unicorn Horn, which she also preserved in a plastic baggy. She raised her staff and said, " Unicorn Horn, lend me your power! Resurrection!"

In that flash of light, the grass got greener and the tree grew. Yay, tree. Yay, grass.

" Wow…the Linkite Tree has been revived!" Colette gasped.

" Finally! Now I can climb it! I really missed climbing trees and building tree houses ever since we started this journey." Lloyd declared, and made a move to go over there.

" No!! We need it alive! Lloyd!" Genis moaned.

"Oops…well, anyway…I'll take these," Lloyd plucked off some nuts, " It'll take about one night, so we should wait for a little bit."

An entire night is a little bit? Last I checked, that's a long span of time.

LLOYD OBTAINED TITLE OF ' I'LL BE THERE IN 5, 10, 15 HOURS!'

The gang decided to pass the time by making a campfire and creating smores, just like the one that Lloyd was convinced Kratos needed sacred wood to make. Presea, on the other hand, was hard at work at making the flute. Finally, the next day, she gave it to Genis, whose heart skipped a beat.

" Presea, its…perfect." he said, running his fingers along it.

" Okay! Time to rock out, Genis!" Lloyd got out his spoons, the ones that they sometimes used to cook with, and began to click them together.

Genis started to play his flute, and Sheena used the Exsphere. It was then that Aska appeared, a beautiful golden bird that resembled Ho-ho from Pokemon Gold. Yes, I know I'm old school.

" So this is…Aska." Colette said.

" Who calls me?" asked Aska, haha, look at the play on words.

" Aska! We need your power! Please, form a pact with us!" Sheena cried.

" You just totally dodged his question…" Genis mumbled.

" Pact…Where is Luna?"

" We haven't made a pact with your mistress yet, but we need you." said Zelos.

" I do not want to form a pact unless…Luna is with me." Aska decided.

Zelos made a whipping motion, " Someone's whipped!"

" For once, I agree with you." Genis said.

" Then, let's form a pact with Luna." Sheena caved.

" Then I shall go to Luna. Farewell…"

" Seriously? We did all that so he can leave and we can go back track?" asked Genis, the only one who was seriously getting fed up with this adventure, " Couldn't she of came here?"

" Yeah! What kind of man goes after a woman anyway?" came Zelos.

" According to my memory, you do." Presea said, " You have chased after women in Meltkio 45 and a half times."

" A half? What do you mean a half?"

" She ran from you half way."

"…Oh."

" Don't listen to them. It's fine." Sheena glared at Zelos, " Its love. Not that you'd know or anything."

" A blow to the heart, ice queen." Zelos snapped.

"…Then…until that time…you should get your tension in check." Aska stated, and took off.

Zelos stared. Stupid glowing bird.

" Tension? What? Stupid glowing bird…" Sheena muttered.

" Uh…Sheena, was that okay?" asked Lloyd, " And…are you okay?"

" He said he'll do it. There's no reason for us to force him to make a pact now, right?" she said, dismissively.

" Indeed," said Regal, finally speaking for, oh, I don't know how long of time of keeping silent, " Luna and Aska are both Summon Spirits of Light. If Luna is performing the role of wearing the pants-"

" Wait a minute. Does anyone else realize how weird this is? She's clearly a human being and he's a bird! A bird!" cried Genis, suddenly in realization of the interspecies relationship.

" Their Summon Spirits. They can do whatever they like." said Sheena, unfazed.

" But the children! What will the children look like?!"

" I think they'll just have wings." Lloyd rationalized it.

" But its not right!" Genis wailed, " Its just not-"

" Genis, I think we should more be focusing on the fact we'll be fighting them both at the same time. That's more important than…er…what they do in their spare time." Raine mumbled.

" Uh anyway…Let's go!" Lloyd ended the conversation.

But first, Lloyd decided to go to Altessa's house to get Presea to have one step closer to having layers and character development.

Tabatha comes out, and Lloyd and friends start examining an Exsphere. Presea looked puzzled. Then again, she had the same face for just about everything. Kinda like Kristin Stewart as she played Bella. Oh God. Sorry Twilight fans. Please don't flame me!! It was a joke! Forgive me!! Anyway…

" WHAT IS IT, PRESEA?" Tabatha asked, who also had the same expression for everything.

" This Exsphere is…" she continued her blank look that could be determined as anything.

" YES. THIS CHILD IS SICK."

" Does it have Swine flu? Oh my God! Even Exsphere's can get it?! No one is safe! Ahhh!" panicked Colette. ( I actually got this idea because I was listening to the radio and there was a first documented case of swine flu in a cat. Poor kitty…)

" What's…that?" asked Genis.

" Huh? What was I doing…?"

" Sick? Exsphere's can get sick?" asked Presea.

" Yeah, I mean, they just kinda look like pretty fashion accessories. Necklaces can't get sick." Lloyd pointed out.

" But they can make you sick!" Colette added, pointing to her Cruxis Crystal.

" YES. IN TETHE'ALLA EVERYONE ATTACHES EXSPHERES TO MACHINES. SOMETIMES ABNORMALITY OCCURS. AND EVERYONE THROWS THEM AWAY WHEN THAT HAPPENS."

" Abnormality…like…Colette's attraction to shiny things."

" YES…THE POOR THINGS."

" I see. They're alive, too. Like plants! And rocks! I always feel like people forget that…" Lloyd mused.

"…Lloyd…Rocks are dead." Genis said.

" See what I mean?"

" Poor things…?" mumbled Presea, " Its because of these small stones that everyone is suffering. Countless lives have been lost in order to wake them. And yet you still feel…"

" -I was feeling fine, you'll be coming clean tonight!" (1) sang Lloyd.

"…Well…" Genis said.

" PRESEA…WOULD YOU COME WITH ME TO THE TOIZE VALLEY MINE?" said Tabatha.

" To the mine?"

Genis twitched slightly, feeling as if she had asked Presea subtly on a date. Stupid, but it pissed him off nonetheless.

" It's alright with me. If you have business there, I'll give you permission to enter." Regal offered.

" But what are we gonna do with Tabatha? Unlike Mithos, she's not small enough to ride in a Rhierd." Lloyd pointed out.

" ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I AM FAT?" asked Tabatha, her eyes suddenly hardened in anger.

"N-No!"

" Oh! Burn!" Zelos chimed in, " But I'll stay behind, anyway. Like they say, more cushion for the pushing."

" Zelos!" cried Sheena, eyes wide.

ZELOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' I DON'T DISCRIMATE!'

Tabatha gave Lloyd the stink eye and boarded a Rhierd next to his. He gulped. He feared anyone that spoke in CAPS LOCK MONOTONE.

So, they ventured into the Toize Valley Mine yet again.

" What are we…going to do in here?" asked Presea.

" PLEASE GO FURTHER IN…TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE VOICES OF THE EX-SPHERES."

" What? Schizophrenia?" asked Genis.

" All right. Let's go, Presea."

Meanwhile…

Zelos was bored as hell, and was kind of regretting not going to the Toize Vally mine. He resorted to watching Days of Our Lives with Altessa and Mithos.

Finally, he followed Mithos outside, to talk about their evil…plan. Yeah, that's it.

" So how's life in the fast lane, buddy?" asked Zelos.

" Terrible. I swear if I watch another soap opera I will order some Desians to kill 50 more humans and enjoy it!" Mithos twitched, "How much long do I have to keep up this front?"

" Not too long. But damn…I'm bored as hell."

" Worst of all, there isn't any Bed head! How am I supposed to style my hair to get it to the exact right volume with generic store brand volumizer?!"

"…Altessa barely even has hair. And Tabatha…is a robot."

"…Ugh…"

Back to Lloyd and friends…

They arrived at an area with waterfalls…pretty waterfalls.

" Here?" asked Presea.

" YES. YOU CAN HEAR THE WHISPERS OF THE EXSPHERES."

There was a brief pause.

" Shh girl. Shush yo lips. Do the Helen-oops. (2) Sorry." Lloyd apologized.

"…I can't hear anything."

" BE QUIET. PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY."

If she had emotion in her voice, I'd say that she sounded demanding.

The Exsphere's run down the waterfall, looking like pretty blue drops of…blue.

" EXSPHERES AND I ARE THE SAME. WE ARE BOTH LIFELESS."

" You're the same as an Exsphere?" asked Presea.

" But you're not round and shiny." Colette pointed at her, " I'd know if you were shiny.

" EXSPHERES HAVE FEELINGS TOO. THEY GET LONELY, EASILY. SO THEY ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO BE WITH SOMEONE. THEIR LONELINESS ABSORBS PEOPLE'S LIVES."

" Damn…that's…symbolic." said Sheena, surprised, " Like…really…symbolic."

" Lonely…Exspheres are lonely, just like me…"

Genis looked at Presea, wishing he could say what he felt. That she wasn't alone. And that he wanted to hold her hand. He briefly touched her hand, and withdrew.

GENIS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' WHY CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE A MOVE?!'

" YES. AND THEY SEEK COMPANIONS, JUST AS YOU DO NOW."

" Yeah, we humans are the ones digging them up from the ground." Lloyd said, " Where we use them for our own purposes!"

"…I agree…" Presea said.

" I KNOW THEY ARE MAKING YOU SUFFER, BUT PLEASE DO NOT HATE THEM. EXSPHERES ARE ALIVE, TOO."

Raine started taking notes. This was very educational.

" Yes…I will think about this. About being lonely…and about hate…"

" Yeah. Just smashing up one hate against each other doesn't solve anything." Lloyd chimed in, " However, blending hatred in a fine powder-"

" YES," she cut him off, " I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER."

" Thank you…Tabatha." Presea said, finally.

" NOT AT ALL, PRESEA. THEY ARE HAPPY YOU UNDERSTAND THEM AS WELL."

Well now that we diverted enough away from the main plot, the group decided to go back to see Altessa to kill MORE time. Its not like it can be the end of the world soon or anything.

Luna: Done for now! Reviews are appreciated it! To Tos Fanatic- I'm glad I made you guys' day! And to all my fans, thank you so much! I really missed updating this…I'll try to post before Thanksgiving if not I will after with a Thanksgiving special. Woo! 1) Bury your head-Saosin (2) Don't Trust Me-3oh3!


	43. Wait this one was supposed to be Light S

Disclaimer: Own nothing…? Yeahhh.

Luna: Hope everyone has an awesome Thanksgiving! These last couple days my creative muse has come back with a vengeance and I've even written a new fanfic. Thanks for everything, guys!

Chapter 43: Oh man…this chapter was supposed to be the Light Seal. My bad.

Back at Altessa's…

" Hey, sorry to keep you waiting. Tabatha's fat ass kept the Rherids running slower than usual." Lloyd explained.

Tabatha looked as if to kill Lloyd. Regal, who hadn't done much in the previous chapter, wondered why he was hanging out with kids half his age. Except Raine. And also wondered why no one was in any rush to save the world and make a pact with Aska. It seems everyone was preoccupied with small talk.

" I should've gone along, I was…so bored." Zelos said.

" I heard the voice of Exspheres." Presea offered.

" I always knew you had a few screws loose, babe." Zelos said.

" Yeah…" Lloyd added, which ensued on being another awkward and somewhat pointless conversation.

" I…have learned yet another thing."

" What?"

" Hatred gives birth to nothing. And girls do not like being called fat. Or told they will not fit somewhere."

" I know! Girls are so confusing!"

" Yes."

"…Yeah."

I don't know about you, but the whole way that was approached was just plain weird. Never before have I noticed Lloyd randomly saying Yeah. I guess it was his way of avoiding the situation. Genis suddenly felt the need to be apart of it. He looked Presea dead in the eye and said, " Yeah."

" Yes." Presea replied.

Just then, Mithos decided to grace the inferior beings with his metro presence. He strutted out of the house as if he was a model on a catwalk, and strikes a pose. Like hell was he going to let the lack of hair styling products get him down.

" Oh, its you guys. Welcome back." he said, disinterested.

" Mithos…here." said Genis, and got the flute out from the bottomless back pocket he had that was invisible.

" What's this?" asked Mithos, appalled by its poor craftsmanship.

" A flute! From a Linkite nut. " Lloyd cried.

" We'd like you to have it." Genis smiled.

" But…" it sucks, thought Mithos.

" It was our fault your sister's memento flute was broken…" Lloyd said, sadly.

"…Thank you. I…guess."

" It might not be the same as your sister's flute…" Genis said, sadly.

Damn right it isn't, but Mithos bit those words back.

" No, don't worry about that. Your feelings are enough. I'm so happy. I mean, the Linkite tree is supposed to be extinct." he lied.

" You sure know a lot of stuff, Mithos. You even know about the Linkite Tree. I wonder if you know about algebra, too? That stuff is hard…" Lloyd went off on a tangent, as usual.

" Yeah, really. I wish you'd come with us instead of Lloyd." Genis said, " With your experience that seems to transcend your years."

" Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" asked Lloyd, staring.

" That he knows a lot more than his age. Like that someone whose been around for a hundred something years might know."

" No! I meant-"

" Hahaha!" came the nervous laugh of Mithos, " You guys are funny. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know."

" You got it!" Lloyd gave him thumbs up.

" Thanks!" Genis said.

Finally, after a couple hours worth of wasting time, the gang goes to the Tower of Mana. The whole time, Colette decided to sing ' 99 bottles of Apple Gel' on the wall, until Sheena threatened to kill everyone she knew and loved if she didn't shut up. It seems stupidity cause the rise of violence in anyone…Anyway…

" Okay, so this is gonna be the usual. We do a dumb puzzle, have random encounters, have Lloyd mess stuff up with the Ring, and then have Sheena talk in Old English and we fight some Summon Spirits. Man, this stuff has gotten predictable." said Genis, as they got off the Rherids.

" Actually, Genis, we just need to take the transporter." Presea said.

" Oh…"

And just as they were going to get on said transporter…Kratos appeared.

" Stop!" he cried.

" And Kratos appears. I am so totally off my game…" Genis sighed. Like this fanfic.

GENIS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' NICE TRY TRYING TO PREDICT LIFE!'

" Kratos, don't get in our way." Lloyd spat.

" Hear me out! The Derris Khalran System has finished calculating its answer. If you form the pact with the Summon Spirit, the protection around the Great Seed will be completely gone!" Kratos explained.

" Well it is Derris Kharlan magi technology, my favorite thing, so maybe we should listen-" began Raine, then thought better of it, " Shut up, soul less ginger."

" And that's exactly what we desire!" came the voice of Yuan.

" Tuxedo Mask?! Where's your rose?!" asked Colette, looking around, wildly.

"…Sometimes, I wonder if you're on an eternal acid trip." Genis mumbled.

Yuna used ELECTRIC SHOCK! Its SUPER EFFECTIVE at pissing off Enemy Kratos!

" Don't you understand?" asked Kratos, angrily, " Every single one of you is a moron!"

" Silence! You should be seen and not heard!"

Fangirls around the world agreed with this statement. Like all hot men, Kratos should be seen and put on mute.

Yuan began to charge up another ball of electricity, and looked at Lloyd, " Lloyd! Leave him to me! Now form a pact with the Summon Spirit of Light!"

Lloyd nodded at this, and used the transporter.

" This is it! The Great Seed will finally be ours for the picking!" Lloyd cried.

" We're counting on you, Sheena!" Colette said, " If we fail here, its like everything we've done this far has absolutely no meaning! And then the worlds will forever be vying for mana! And more young, impressionable girls will be basically killing themselves for nothing! And then that screen with the sad music will pop up and be like ' And they were never heard from again' and Luna-Starr will bash the T.V in with her foot because she forgot to save yet again because a lot of this bad attention span stuff is actually based off her brain."

" Check my brain!" sang Lloyd, " California's alright, somebody check my brain!" (1)

Sheena looked as if to crack from pressure. She swallowed, hard.

" No pressure though!" came Colette's cheery voice.

" Don't worry, Sheena…I believe in you." Lloyd said, smiling.

" You got it!" she smiled back.

Sheena approaches the seal and Luna appears. No, not me, Luna, she who condones having a relationship with a sparkly bird.

" I am Sheena!" Sheena says, which I wonder why she bothers because Luna and her already met, " I'm going to repeat the same things I said to you last time because I'm old fashioned! I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos and form a new one with me!"

" Where is Aska?" she asked.

" He'll come. He promised. He probably hit traffic or something."

" He better." Luna grumbled, " He stood me up two days for seeing New Moon! I mean, I know its not a guy flick and there's a lot of really hot guys in it and sure, sure its corny but if he loved me would it matter to sit through a two hour long movie of shirtless men, bad acting, really good CGI and Robert Patterison's face that is either really hot or really ugly? Isn't love about suffering, too?! I mean, I did see March of the Penguins with him, and I didn't have any interest in penguins but I did-"

" Okay, enough! I think we've all had enough pointless conversations to last an entire chapter or two!" cried Regal, finally taking a stand, " Are we going to battle or not?"

Raine clapped.

" Hey, character development isn't pointless!" Colette argued, " Everyone's special, unique snowflakes-"

Just then, Aska appeared on the scene. Thank God.

" About time!" Luna snapped.

" I hit traffic…here's your…Team Edward shirt. Now let's get this over with."

" Please." Sheena said.

After a long and treacherous battle, our gang faces a happier Luna.

" Tee-hee, Edward. Uh, anyway, thou art powerful," she said, lapsing into a more serious, professional tone, " Now state thy vow."

" I vow to germinate the Great Seed and stuff. For the sake of two worlds. And…team Edward," Sheena added, for good measure, even though she wasn't really sure what that meant.

" We accept thy vow. Our power is yours." said Luna, as Captain Planet sneezed somewhere.

" Talk about someone wearing the pants in that relationship…" observed Zelos.

" Well…birds don't wear pants." said Lloyd, completely not understanding as usual.

Sheena received a topaz! She half wondered if she could put it all on a crown like the Pretty Pretty Princess game and wear it. Like a Princess. But thought better of it.

That's when our party crashers, Kratos and Yuan, appeared.

" So much for him taking care of Kratos…" Genis sighed, again.

" You did it!" Yuan said, surprised.

" Too bad you didn't." Genis said, but Yuan was too surprised to notice or care.

" No! You'll all be kicking yours shortly…" promised Kratos.

Suddenly, the seals start reacting and the Giant Kharlan Tree grows. All hell breaks loose and Palmacosta is destroyed. Seriously, that town has absolutely no luck. First, their mayor is corrupt, then his monster wife runs around town in a frenzy, and the humans are being corralled into a human ranch. Like Farmville. But with human slaves. I wonder what you get from them to sell…blood? Hair? Or something completely off the wall, like circus peanuts. From elephants. Anyway….there's a woman encased in the tree. That's important. Yeah.

" What's happening?!" cried Lloyd, bug eyed.

" You kicking yourself." came Kratos' dry reply.

" That person…I feel like we've met before…maybe on a cruise?!" Colette said.

" …Martel!" Yuan cried.

" Martel? That woman about to be consumed by the tree is Martel?" asked Raine.

" Why would Martel reappear with that gross tree?" Yuan asked, to no one.

" I told you guys, I completely told you all." Kratos said, shaking his head.

" Told us what?!" Lloyd was more frustrated that a shopper on Black Friday that had gotten their plasma T.V taken out of their cart when their back was turned.

" That it was a bad idea. Having lost the stability offered by the protection of the Summon Spirits, the Great seed has gone out of control."

" No! The purpose was to keep the Great Seed from germinating! So it wouldn't grow!" whined Yuan.

" Clearly, that is not what is happening," came Kratos' smug reply.

" Okay, we don't need to know the details, answer this, on a scale of 1- 10, how screwed are we?" asked Lloyd.

" 40. 42, maybe. The Seed is the mana of all and now its unstable and growing into a monster that has even taken Martel. All because you provided it with mana."

" Who cares how this happened!" Lloyd was in hysterics now, never before did he ever question that his actions might not me right and just-that he might be wrong, " I wanna know what's going happen if we can't stop that thing!"

" If what Kratos says is true…and it probably is," Yuan glared, " Then both worlds will be destroyed. The end of days."

" Then…everyone will die." Presea, said, blankly.

" Yes, usually…that's what happens at the end of days, everyone dies." Yuan stated.

" Everyone except the angels on Derris Khalran. And me. Because I am God."

KRATOS OBTAINED TITLE OF ' AN EGO WITH NO REGARD TO TIME OR PLACE!'

" We have to do something!" Genis cried, suddenly stricken with panic.

" But what can we do?" asked Sheena.

" Turn back time! That's it! I got it, if we can make a time machine-" Raine was panicking, too, " Or get a Delorean and a rain storm, and…or if I could make a genetic that made one of us randomly go to the past or future and disappear during inconvenient times like the Time traveler's Wife or…"

" Yuan. How do you plan on solving this? Because quite frankly, everyone's panicking." Regal stated.

Zelos had gotten into fetal position, Genis was too scared to realize that Presea had her hand on his to calm him down, and Raine was scribbling equations on the walls like a mad scientist on cocaine.

" We can cut off the mana flow. And stop the seed from receiving any more mana." Yuan said.

" Wrong!" Kratos said, enjoying this a little too much, " The process has already begun."

" You're really reveling in the fact we're screwed, aren't you?" Zelos accused.

" No, I just like being right. Anyway, I'm going to lecture you all before we all become dust in the wind. The Summon Spirits are yin-yang to each other, and-"

" Neutralize! Couldn't we neutralize it with the opposing Summon Spirit?" the rare stroke of genius coming out in Lloyd's stress.

" Whoa! Lloyd, you actually understood that?" asked Genis.

" Shut it, Genis! Professor once said that negative and positive magnets neutralize each other, right? This is kinda the same thing, right?"

" Uh…well seeing as your comparing magnets to MANA and SUMMON SPIRITS with a crazy ass tree wreaking havoc on both worlds, no, it most certainly isn't." said Raine, stopping her writings, " But it is intelligent coming from you, anyway."

You know what its time for? A cliffhanger. Oh yeah!!

Luna: Done for now! Reviews…? 1. Check my brain-Alice in Chains, my absolute favorite band.


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